#brain thats not a reason to start having romantic daydreams about him jdjfkhgksjdf

[soggypotatoes]

why am i flipping so quickly between ‘this person is EVIL and NOT to be trusted they long to HURT me and i must STAY away’ and *literally falling in love with them* djksjfhgjksdfhgk and it’s many people too, like multiple nurses, caught myself gazing at the PSYCHIATRIST today thinking wow he is a fun teddy bear i want to sleep next to him TF??? the other day u were going insane over how much u hate this psychiatrist and want to move hospitals just to get away from him jdfhkgjdsf i know it’s because my trauma activated brain’s going nuts but PLS.......

#n theres 2 nurses im in love with and a bunch that im attached to and all of them i am also scared of #one of the ones i love so much asked me today why i jump every time she comes up to me #and was like 'most people only do that when theyre doing something wrong you know' #the truth is i equally think you might kill me in my sleep or otherwise try to attack me but also. i do think abt marrying you sometimes #ITS COMPLICATED #guys dont even read this post im just being mentally ill #ed mumbles #my brains doing weird things #psychiatrist is fine btw #i think he doesnt quite know what to do with me #but hes talked with my therapist now which has given him some insight so its a bit better #and hes including me more in my care #brain thats not a reason to start having romantic daydreams about him jdjfkhgksjdf #youre a whole lesbian and also currently extremely asexual and greyromantic #why am i doing this #gonna try to psych myself up to admit this to my psych she will have. insights for sure #ive told her the most embarrassing personal shit you can think of and i cant tell her this lmao #ive told her about my weird dodgy kinks/attractions (that i dont experience atm cause my sexuality's switched off but still) #told her abt my fanfiction i wrote as a teen #i can tell her im randomly falling in love with everyone and also hating them its fine #at least its not happening with her #ive seen her mostly over zoom anyway #and i specifically avoid looking at the screen too much cause i dont want my brain to develop anything weird around her haha #it's just ATTACHMENT/?? ATTACHMENT HERE???? HERE??? THIS PERSON??? NO THIS PERSON??? ATTACHMENT WHERE #CALM DOWN AND ATTACH TO THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO ATTACH WITH YOU #STOP AVOIDING THEM ALL AND NOT RESPONDING TO ANYONE SO YOU CAN INSTEAD DO THIS #DJFHLGSDHFG;KSDJHFGLKSUJRHDGFLIUSDHFJLGIUSDHGLISUDHGLIUSDG #the psychiatrist + those two nurses are so cute tho 🥰