#bro this is my 4000th post

[lunatic-pudge]

Heavy SFW Alphabet

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Didn't mean to take a month break on these, but oh well. Am slowly working on some requests I got, I'm a super bad procrastinator, so plz bear with me. Now I gotta figure out if I wanna do Spy or Soldier next. I'll figure it out in a few days when my brain let's me.

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A: Affection (How do they show affection? And how affectionate are they?)

Now with Heavy, I'd say he's the least affectionate of all the mercs. Like, yeah, he's gonna love on his S/O, but he tends to be a more reserved person. He's definitely a no PDA type of guy, a simple hug is fine, BUT IF YOU DARE TO TRY TO GIVE HIM A SMOOCH he'd be so flustered. He likes to keep the lovins behind closed doors

B: Best Friend (What would they be like a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Definitely a loyal bestie. Can see him wearing friendship bracelets with Medic tbh. Befriending him takes a while though cause he just prefers to stick to himself. He's like Sniper where you two could sit in silence and just vibe together. He's a very good friend to have. Ready to protect and he there for you

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Big man do be loving a good cuddle, but only when it's you two. He'd let you lay on top of him, nuzzling up against his S/O, enjoying each other's presence. I'm sure with enough convincing, he'll let you be the big spoon, but for a price ;)

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking & cleaning?)

Another fellow house husband. Makes some of the best food ever and will take care of the house and let you relax. He won't hesitate to tightly wrap you up in a blanket burrito, unable to escape, just to get you to relax

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He quick and to the point. Doesn't like having to dance around the topic. Why prolong it and make things worse? He's pretty good at handling breakups, he knows that sometimes things don't work out and you gotta learn to move on

F: Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Loves the idea of getting married to his S/O but would wanna wait until his days are over. He doesn't wanna rush things though, preferring to take his time.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Tries to be gentle but it's hard to be gentle when you're a big guy like Heavy. He's better at being gentle emotionally, rather than physically. He's had a rough childhood, so he understands the struggle. He will let you cry it all out if you need to

H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Likes a good hug when it's from someone he's comfortable with (family, Medic, S/O). Hugs from anyone else makes him SUPER uncomfortable. Def has the best hugs and I will fight anyone who disagrees. He's big, comfy, and WARM

I: I Love You (How fast do they say the L-Word?)

I feel like he'd be too shy to say I love you first. While he tries to be upfront with everything, saying I love you is such deep, intimate thing to say. He doesn't wanna rush it, but you bet your ass he'll be so happy to hear you say it first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Heavy? Jealous? Absolutely, not. This man has nothing to be jealous about. When he's with his S/O, he trusts them 110%. He knows he has nothing to worry about. And even then, why would you want someone else? Heavy is a big, burly man with cuddles for days! Why would you EVER wanna settle for less?

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Homie's got them lil' gentle and delicate kisses. He tries to be as gentle as he can with kisses and I'm here for it. Loves giving his S/O forhead kisses.

L: Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

He loves kids, but he's worried about hurting them by accident. He's a big guy, and kids are small, fraglie, and crazy. Kids are feral with him, constanly trying to climb him and asking if he's a giant. He would absolutely make a great dad though. First, picture him cuddling with a baby. Got it? Good now picture him having a daughter and having a tea party with her. He'd be sitting at a tiny table, wearing a tiara and pink tutu as his daughter serves him tea, telling him some juicy "drama". I love it. Make it a real thing plz

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Man's got a strict morning and night schedule, and would like if you followed it as well. He gets up early, one of the first to get up probably. Showers, eats, prepares for the day, standard stuff. Rarely does he allow himself to sleep in or have a lazy day. There's always something to do

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Tries to go to sleep at a reasonable time. He ain't a night owl. He likes to read before going to bed, helps him to relax. Likes to be snuggled up with his S/O as well. Probably owns a C-PAP

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait awhile to reveal things slowly?)

I'd say it takes him some time. He does love talking about his Mother and sisters though. He's got some funny stories about his sisters. But he doesn't like talking about his dad and certain past events. He did have a rough upbringing after all. And it can be hard to talk about so just give him time, he'll slowly come around

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Man's got hella lots of patience. It takes so much to make him angry. The only thing that can get on his nerves quicker than most is dealing with certain (Scout) mercs. But to be fair, Scout knows how to get on everyone's nerves

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

I'd say he's got a pretty good memory on him, he's just gotta remember the right words to say. He might forget some little, slightly random details though but it's hard to be mad at him

R: Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

You, him, a good book, and a giant blanket wrapped around you both. You both are snuggled up together, soaking up each other's warmth. He reads the book to you, his deep voice lulling you to sleep. Heavy loves these moments between you two. Where he gets to be snuggled up with you, holding you in his arms, keeping you safe.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Definitely a protective bear. Will do WHATEVER he can to keep you safe. If he can't be there to keep you safe, he will have Medic there in his place. And then he'll have Medic give constant updates on you. Poor thing just wants to keep you safe. Sometimes he can be a little too overprotective at times

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, and everyday tasks?)

He tries in his own special ways. He likes having dates at home. He sees it as a more intimate setting. He'd write you cute little poems expressing how much he loves you. He would have everything taken care of and won't let you even lift a finger to help out

U: Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

The only bad habit I can think of is his habit of being cold and distant. He tends to keep things to himself. Poor baby isn't use to having someone there to talk to and just vent to. But it's a bad habit that can be fixed over time

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Honestly, I don't think he's too worried about his looks. I'm sure he does have some small image issues cause he's always getting called fat by other mercs. He's moreso built like a hippo. They look like they're these fat, lazy creatures but they're actually pure muscle and will tear anyone and anything to shreds

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Meh, he'd be fine if he has to go without you for a while or the relationship ends. He's an independent man who's been through hell and back. He can handle being away from his S/O for whatever reason

X: Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

God, you know there's so much more to this man. He just doesn't show it. Well, you can kinda see it out on the battlefield and I bet it can be seen when he's drunk too. But he's also not much of an alcohol guy. He'll drink every now and then but it's just not something he cares about. Also, Medic's the unoffical third wheel and your guys' relationship. He's just kinda there. Think of him as your child. Now imagine the three of you in a cuddle pile, fighting for who gets to lay on Heavy. Heavy ends up having to decide and obviously he chooses you, sorry Medic

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn't like loud, cocky people. He needs someone who's more on the chill side. Yeah, those types of people and be fun to watch and hang out with every now and then, but it can get tiring to deal with. So someone who's more introverted is the type of person for him

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Again, he tries to maintain a strict sleep schedule. Go to bed early and wake up early. Definitely a fellow sleep apnea buddy so sleeping sucks sometimes. Cuddles are a must during bedtime though, or else >:(

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#team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 heavy #tf2 heavy x reader #i'm watching a video about daniel larson and it hurts my soul #i also gotta sneeze #i have some extra surprises after i finish soldier and spy #so plz stay tuned #also i'm sorry i'm taking so long with requests #you're allowed to yell at me #bro this is my 4000th post #i've had this tumblr is freshman year of high school #if i'm correct

[keyofjetwolf]

GIFTENING Bonus Rounds

For each category, I included a “bonus round” question. YOU GUYS KILLED IT. I loved all the answers, but listed below are some of my particular favourites.

Haruka Tenoh is trapped in the wrong anime! Which would you have her visit next?

I want her to earth shake Kyubey out of existence, please and thank you

My bride is a mermaid. She can relate. :P

i think she would THRIVE in bodacious space pirates. gay teenage space pirates whose job is to dress up, be Dramatic, and rob the wealthy??? that shit is RIGHT up her alley

Hamtaro

Princess Tutu - where the world is finally as dramatic as her

PGSM (and Michiru is trapped with her, for REASONS)

Pokemon because everyone deserves to be happy

Any moe-style series so hijinks can ensue at her being baffled by everyone's ages

1960's Speed Racer

is is this a captcha or something i missed oh god

Free! so she can be indifferent to all the hot men and slightly uncomfortable because she still can't swim. 

Stick Haruka in a Gundam!

Dump her in Pretear or one of the Precures! It would be hilarious! She's never in the genre she wants to be!

Revolutionary Girl Utena, so she can be offended by misuse of roses.

Initial D, she will out-drive and out-drift all those guys and steal all their girls.

Evangelion. I would feel bad to watch her suffer, but it would be so, so funny for her to be the comparatively most normal person around.

Yakitake Japan! SO SHE CAN HAVE A SNACK OF DELICIOUS RIDICULOUS BREAD BEFORE THE NEXT INTERDIMENSIONAL ANIME STORM WHISKS HER AWAY.

The Holograms or the Misfits? DISCUSS

Holograms

both? both. BOTH IS GOOD

misfits bc Evil Ladies Hot

Steven and the stevens

Misfits.  How dare you make us try to think about anything in our lives.

Both, you mad fool. Those combined songs were the best.

The Misfits, their songs are better

The Misgrams: A group of girls who form a singing telegram start up company, but constantly deliver the telegrams to the wrong people.

kimber & stormer

Neither. Limp Lizards all the way. BROKEN GLASS.

I do not know what these things are

Misfits because guitar motorcycle

The Isle of Misfit Holograms

Holograms is just arguably better

I mean, I’m told the Misfits’ songs are better, but my true answer is the band Kimber and Stormer made in that big gay episode you liveblogged (checks) almost four years ago.

I've no idea what these words mean and I hope this does not make me TOO uncool.

this is about jem, right? right?? im hip i swear

Misfits, because Jasper is a member apparently

I don't know from Jem, but I mean...I certainly prefer holographic material to Glenn Danzig? So I guess there's your answer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Stingers

LIMP LIZARDS FOREVER

Senshi Band

You can make me liveblog a full series of any show you want! You also hate me. What do you have me watch?

Pick a GoT rip-off, any GoT rip-off

The Bachelor?

The Bachelor :(

depends on how much i hate you, but....probably the bachelor. quantity AND lack of quality

Critical role, it would take forever

If I were a horrible person who sought only malice?  Big Bang Theory.  Entire series.

Toddlers and Tiaras

The Mandalorian - Disney would come after you and kill keyofjetwolf just as dead as keyofnik.  We would all be very sad, you would have to go through a second round of restoring things to a new tumblr account, and your organizational heart would weep over adding yet another hosting site out of chronological order.

You are liveblogging Eva, and must discuss in full detail Shinji's emotional state at all times.

Hannity & Colmes

The Kardashians. And all of their spin offs. *kisses*

The price is right

the bachelor

Probably something with lots of romance and no friendships. Soap operas are like that, right? My college roommate used to watch General Young Light Restless Hospital of Our Lives (which one had Like and Laura?) And it was torture.

One Piece, because it's over 900 episodes so you could maybe do 10% before you die, also you will hate how the women are treated most of the time.

Fushigi Yuugi. Not only do you hate it but it also comes with you squirming when you admit to watching the whole thing. ;) 

Plus belle la vie. It's an ongoing French soap opera that has been airing five days a week since 2004, they're nearing their 4000th episode and there's no end in sight. Imagine all those hours upon hours submerged in French drama, mwahahaha!!

The Bachelor.  Or the Bachelorette, maybe - more straight dudes in that.

The Young and the Restless - IT IS THE LIVEBLOG THAT NEVER ENDS. IT WOULD OUTLAST THE INTERNET.

The entirety of the Bachelor franchise.

You can only play one game for the rest of your life. Which game would it be and why?

Kingdom Hearts Complete Collection. A) I love them. B) I beat the system and get like 10 games instead of one.

Gemcraft. This game actually takes a lifetime to finish.

Hatoful Boyfriend. It is the best game ever created. Feel it in your heart.

that's a mean question and you can't make me answer it

Pathfinder, which you could play for the rest of your life and still never finish.

Civ VI , so I can rule the world without leaving my house.

I am legitimately perturbed by this question and refuse to answer it.

Pokemon Go. I would have nothing else, but I would catch them all.

The Elder Scrolls Skyrim: I'll never run out of side-quests.

Mass Effect--it's the only way I'll get full completion. 

The dinosaur game on Chrome when the internet doesn't connect because my life is monotonous and it's a welcome relief. 

Stardew Valley. Peaceful farmer life and turning my children into doves when I'm bored with them.

Crabs Adjust Humidity

Oh my! A number of things come to mind, not one of them fit for print. Just, you know...*gestures vaguely* sex shit. 

I can't even stick to the ones I play now.

This is the worst of all possible things and I refuse to answer. 

Monopoly, I hate myself :(

Probably Minecraft! I haven't gotten into it because I know if I start I will NEVER STOP. Who would do things like build a hundred foot tall statue of Mako-chan? A-THAT'D BE ME.

the game. Of LIFE! *shrug emoji*

I don't believe I'll tell you, because I AM a salty little fish and it was HARD to cut that 11th choice off my vote.

Holligay and I are going to be the leads in a new buddy film. What's the premise? How does it end?

Be gay do crimes. Thelma and Louise. Duh. :P

I have no idea but only just surviving disaster is how it ends.

You break down in a small town during a roadtrip- your stay is full of hijinks and ends with you teaching the townsfolk the true meaning of friendship.

Doctor Holligay, Esquire, PhD, renowned Jewish femme of many talents, is assigned one Operative Jet Wolf as her bodyguard on a foreign diplomatic mission/vacation/culinary tour of the world ("same difference, shut up, narrator"). One problem: Operative Wolf needs a bodyguard herself, as the good doctor discovers when in one night her toilet is destroyed ("IT WAS A SECURITY THREAT") and Operative Wolf nearly breaks a leg falling down a small set of stairs ("THEY PUT A CLIFF OUTSIDE THE DOOR"). Worldwide shenanigans ensue as Holligay and Operative Wolf learn the true meaning of friendship, and also how to take care of themselves... by taking care of each other.

I’m not sure about the premise, but DEFINITELY it ends in murder.

Someone posted a major spoiler during one of your liveblogs. The two of you track them down seeking revenge. It turns out it was the original creator of the series trying to stop you. For some reason Holligay is a CGI badger.

It's clearly a buddy cop movie, and like all good buddy cop movies, it ends with Doc almost dying, and you saving her, and slapping her wound in the hospital as the credits roll.

It ends as it began: with Holligay roasting you.

A straight detective and her lesbian partner have to solve the case of the missing cinnamon buns.  It ends with nobody getting the guy OR the girl and you drive off into the sunset together, perps behind bars sans cinnamon buns.

I don't know what it's about but I know it will be the only movie that ever existed. 

Holligay is the lesbian chief of staff to you somehow being elected President and she's basically running the country while you're the charming face of the administration

Nerd and cowgirl meet at a bar, justifyingly murder some gross dude, go on the run from the law and have a life-changing road trip, on the way Nazis are punched

carrying a delicate object through a forest after your helicopter goes down

Thelma and Louise, but instead of dying, your deaths are clearly faked and you live on a ranch in Montana with your respective spouses and animals. One time a cop comes by the restaurant/bar you joint own with Doc and says, "You look familiar." Doc, in perfect lesbian, answers, "Jet's just got that criminal look, on account of how much she'd love to steal my cheesecake recipe. More pie?"

Queer Eye with a Straight Goy. The two of you do the show but in your own special ways.

Doc Holligay is the wild-west no-nonsense sheriff. Jet Wolf is the all-fun cyberpunk cop from the future. They punch nazis and argue about food. It ends as a tv series ala B99.

Your lives are already a buddy film, don’t get greedy.

Hands and socks.  You know how it ends.

See Grumpy Old Men for details.  How does it end?  Badly.

I can't imagine the premise, but I'm pretty sure the planet explodes.

A Coen Bros film. It ends poorly.

Wait? You're not already living this now? 

REI HINO

REI HINO

Sure. Why not?

HINO REI

<3<3<3<3

REI HINO!

Rei who? ;)

REI HINOOOOOOOOO

Plush Is being hugged by Zoisite in your banner.

MINAKO AINO

MAKOTO KINO

The best

SOCKS

MICHIRU KAIOH

It's time tooo.... REI! THAT! HINO!

sponsored by Here! curry

LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI [THIS REPEATS A LOT A LOT AND IS GLORIOUS] [...] LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES JETWOLF

(THE REAL ONE)

Isn't how you spell Makoto Kino!

THE REAL ONE™

obviously

IS NOT A RHINO

In conclusion: Rei Hino

Rei Hino is giving this Giftening finger guns

BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING, SHOW-STOPPING, TALENTED, AMAZING, WONDERFUL

Hot stuff, lights my fire, blazes it regularly. I am out of fire jokes.

PASSION FLAME, SAILOR MARS

These hot feelings are C'EEEEEST LAAAAA VIIIIIIE c'mon rei-chan why aren't you singing along

IS THE BEST (I know who I'm talking to)

Ara!

DID DOCTOR HOLLIGAY PHD NOMINATE THE OPTION OF TALKING ABOUT MICHIRU KAIOH FOR 6 HOURS!!

If Hot Pocket were to plan One Last Heist, what do you think would be his objective? What would be Mina's role in his master plan?

Master Hot Pocket seeks BREAD. His friend and loyal companion, Mina-pup, acts as a distraction, as he has learned the humans are easily distracted by cute. While she does her sworn duty as Best Friend and Cutest Goodest Girl, probably with lolling tongue and glee at all the pets she receives, he picks the locks on the newly childproofed pantry, and Master Howard H. Pocket FEASTS AS NO CAT HAS BEFORE.

Every bag of flour in Montana; Mina runs distraction with her adorable puppy eyes

Open every container, leave none unmarked. Mina is the lookout who greets whoever comes and is completely ineffective at her job.

TAKE ALL THE FLOUR. Do it straight from the source: FlourCo Inc. What does a 10-pound cat do with eighty thousand tons of flour? If you can't figure that out, there's a reason he's the brains of this outfit. Mina would obviously be the bumbling lovable distraction to security or other people.

Bread.  Mina is The Face who provides distraction to the Keepers of the Bread by walking up to them and being herself.  Mina has absolutely no idea that Hot Pocket is using her in this manner because Hot Pocket is that Machiavellian, but Mina is a pocket full of sunshine in canine form and probably would just be happy to help out.

Hot Pocket knows that no mammal of the floor believes in flour anymore. It went away a long time ago. It doesn't exist. But what he also knows is that they're wrong. A lack of opposable thumbs won't hide the truth from him. He'll find the stash, and when he does, he'll stick his paw in it. Mina, with her limited climbing skills, will lick its remains from his claw and prove his discovery. As well as provide a warm place to curl up on for the aftermath of their adventure.

His goal is to sample every edible thing he can get his teeth on. Mina pulls triple duty as step stool, distraction, and scape goat

The Silver Crystal. Mina would play the role of Sailor V.

He is getting ALL THE FLOUR. Mina is a lovable distraction.

Looting all the carbs in the pantry. mina is distraction.

mina's role would be the "dopey" but talented best friend who it looks like HP is going to betray for the sake of the plan but then it all comes together when HP mounts a dramatic rescue. i dunno i'm still in film mode from that last one.

The Holy Bread Locked Within the Cupboard.  Mina would be the distraction, but she'd forget what she was supposed to be distracting from and end up leading you to him.

I am the Void. I am the Night. I am the Darkness with no hope of dawn. The Flour trembles before me in it's bleached fluffiness. It shall not escape my chaos, which will descend upon it like the Terrors of the Deep, claws and teeth and gnashing. It will howl at my claws. It will scream for my teeth, sharp and white, stars in the night of my fur. I shall tend and tear and -- Dammit, Dog-thing! How am I supposed to be terrible and terrifying with you wagging your tail and panting at me!? Oh, you found a good warm sunbeam? I guess I can stalk stuff later. I am the Void. I shall absorb the Sun's light and warmth and bring it into my Darkness where it cannot escape...

I'm new here and don't know all the complex lore of Jetwolf(fairly sure Mina is dog), so I'm going to assume that Hot Pocket is an actual hot pocket and his heist is robbing Fort Knox using Mina as his loyal stead/get away car. Then he explodes a microwave or something.

i lik the bred

Mina as the distraction while he takes one last tastes of EVERYTHING 

objective--stealing more chips; Mina--surprise betrayal 

The scene: Mama Jet's pantry The Objective: the bag of cake flour Aunt Doc made Mama Jet buy but she's never used Mina: confused but excited escape vehicle and/or scapegoat

RAIDING THE KING ARTHUR FLOUR FACTORY. Mina is of course adorable and keeps everyone's attention while Hot Pocket swan dives into the flour like Uncle Scrooge

Hot Pocket would definitely try to steal a monument, Carmen SanDiego style. Mina, of course, is the multi-talented and super cute face of the operation.

I have no idea who Hot Pocket is

HP would try to scale the tallest building in the world. Not to steal anything, just to be up there. Mina would be the adorable diversion.

It would be to get whatever food you've left on the counter. Preferably bread. He would tell Mina that he'll give her some of she acts as a distraction. She's a good dog so she does. He's a cat so she gets no food.

Truly, truly, THE GIFTENING winner is us all.

#THE GIFTENING 2019 #THE GIFTENING 2019 admin stuff #long post for ts