#but also from the number of people i've known listening to wfttwtaf for the first time too just absolutely freaking out

[faithfromanewperspective]

coming to the realisation that we generally don't know what to do as a society when artists share hard experiences in their songs. the fans being a little parasocial and dramatic about it? that's how fandom works when you see yourself in it like. a lot a lot. the pity? ends up coming usually from new fans who see the fans' reaction from the outside, know nothing about the artist to be able to place it in their life and what they've been through (and are thus caught off guard) and react to their first encounter with said art. no one actually wants to be pitied, they just want to be honest. and we're so used to a society of faking being fine that honesty, even about completely normal (and yet stigmatised) things sounds dramatic. feels uncomfortable. does this sound familiar? parents when their child tells them what they're going through either going 'it's not that bad everyone experiences that' or I Must Fix It And Fix It ASAP.

like I know it feels uncomfortable at first. but you can just sit there and be like 'cool, this person went through something that vaguely inspired them to make this emotional art. something that surely less talented and creative people go through every day.' and then you can see the reaction of some fans and be like 'they either relate or they care about this artist really dramatically' and decide if this is something you want to get in on or just let it by and go find the kind of entertainment you enjoy. go through the world being kind to others and yourself because there are people out there going through things you don't need to know about and sometimes the best thing you can do is care for yourself so you don't get bitter.

and i'm not here to tell you there isn't a place and time for criticisms, but when you get close to policing how dramatically someone expresses their emotions and how publicly they share the processing of their experience? that's when it's time to look at yourself. go 'is it really harming anyone or might it possibly be helping?' and when you do, remember, there's no 'taking away from real victims' if it's art made for real victims or whoever wants to to insert their own story into it. which most art is!! and 99% of the time when people make it about something in the artist's life? that's the fandom. fans get a bit parasocial! they get an attachment to the artist and end up knowing a lot of their personal details. which no one else has to.

but invalidating people's experience doesn't actually help anyone. you probably had it happen to you before. it probably helped you put together a framework in your head of what you are and aren't allowed to feel upset over. and i ask you: does this framework help you? or does it just leave you frustrated? you can throw it away you know. of course you don't have to be emotional publicly but you can validate what actually hurts you for yourself. you'll feel freer and more equipped to deal with trauma and handle other people's emotions when you do.

and as for whatever someone else might be going through or not? you don't need to validate it either, to take the authority to do either of those things. it's likely you'll never know all the details unless it's someone you're very close with. in fact, sometimes when you hear things there is misunderstanding of information!! such as if it is something someone said once and then changed their mind about later, but you only hear the first statement that went viral and another thing they did years and years later with everything in between missing that frankly, doesn't make sense with the previous thing. I feel like I've noticed people treating anyone we don't personally interact with (yet because of culture end up hearing about anyway) a similar way that it's still acceptable to treat children. and neither is helpful. the person who probably needs to heal is you, and that's okay! we're pretty much all in that boat, and it's a pretty good boat to be in.

#yes i am talking about taylor swift btw #and the interesting reactions i've seen to ttpd #which are like. not completely invalid but also built on assumptions that we get certain social rules around things we don't #and a quote taken from literally 13 years ago with all the growth in the time in between missing #but also from the number of people i've known listening to wfttwtaf for the first time too just absolutely freaking out #and it's like. reactions of any kind only really become bad when they reach the artist and they are not nice to them #otherwise they're pretty much just neutral and it's good to acknowledge that and understand why your brain goes there #silver bridges #the tortured poets department #unpacking this also helps with-> #neurodivergent liberation