#but i know ppl like it so i will keep it but ugh

[not-those-kids]

happy pride month to the uncharted gays

had to send off pride month correctly w my bi and lesbian girlies, not by constantly thirsting after sam 🫡

—

commissions still open :,)

#chlodine #chloe x nadine #uncharted the lost legacy #uncharted tll #pride month #my art #i wanna delete this now bc i hate the poses #but i know ppl like it so i will keep it but ugh

[sluckythewizard]

THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)

#THE SUCKENING IS S O COOOOL GUYS VIV N VEX ARE SO FUCKING COOL AND FUNNY... CHARLIES FLAVOR OF DERANGED IS JUST #SO PERFECT FOR THIS CAMPAIGN.. I LOVE HOW HE DOES HORROR AND EVIL AND SCARY AND AAUAUUUGHGHGUUHGHG #their teeht arnt spiked like normal vampires but theyre sharp n smooth like a Beak. in my beautiful heart #ALSO UGHGHGH BIG SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7 BUT #THAT THING WITH THE MAP. WITH THE DEMONS N VAMPS. THEYRE KEEPING TRACK OF THEM. #'so viv. was that one of mine or one of yours?' IS THIS A PET PROJECT OF THEIRS OR SOMETHING. ARE THEY PULLING MORE STRINGS THAN WE THINK #IS ONE TUGGING AT THE DEMONS AND THE OTHER TUGGING AT THE FANGS? PITTING THEM AGAINST EACHOTHER SO THEY KILL EACHOTHER? #AND THEN ITS EASIER TO TAKE THE BODIES FOR THEIR FUNNY CREATIONS?? IT PROLLY WASNT EASY TO GET SUPPLIES B4 EDWARD CAME INTO POWER #BUT OH MY GOD.. POOR EMIZEL.. THE MEMORY OF HIS CREW WAS TAKEN AND THEN HE WATCHES A BUNCHA THEM GET HORRIBLY DISMATNLED N DISTORTED #HE KNOWS HE CARED FOR THEM AT SOMEPOINT N HE KNOWS THE MEMORIES WERE TAKEN BUT HE JUST. CANT. AUAUUGGUAHGUAHGUAHGUHG #THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HIMMM EMIZEEEELL EMIZEL CMERE BABY BOY ILL SMOKE U OUT BOY. GET AWAY FROM THOSE EVIL GUYS I AM BETTER N CAN BE TRUSTE #viv n vex are so cool...theyre fuckin CRAAZYY N SCARYYY BUT ALSO. SO FUNNY... I LOVE A PUNNY JACKASS... 'LOOKS LIKE YOUVE BEEN: DISARMED!' #'IVE MADE THAT JOKE 6 TIMES AND ITS STILL FUNNY EVERYTIME' i gotta draw more of their bullshit... #im already doodling up the 'YOU CAN CALL ME MOMMY!!' bit. i gotta draw more o the monstors n the horrors too... especially emizels sire UGH #I LOVE VILLIAINS THAT ARE SO GENUINELY SCARY BUT SO FUNNY... charlie just does evil ppl like no one else idk what it ISSSS #okayokayoka y im normal im. relistening to the ep n im at the edward part. oh my god. i actually love him. he actually makes my skin crawl #IM DONEthats my rambles for tha day. back into my hole i go. also i have comms open. cmere pspspss i need moneyyy heyyyy cmereeeee #check out my main artblog. GO!!!

[skunkes]

#talkys #delete later #(this is a meme redraw) #ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before #and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party #because whatever! normal human experience! #the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth #from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened #i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok! #like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time... #<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result #ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way #and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else.... #but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending. #doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know? #i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.

[tricksterlatte]

Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?

#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind #fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once #god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit #oughhhhh #even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio #which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed #now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable #and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame #features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral #and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP #even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh #not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk #if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me #and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired #unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more #why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers #there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place #and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things. #maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either #I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time #but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy #it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care. #I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[andthen-light]

okay girls im going to be a little hashtag critical here but i have been ruminating LONG ENOUGH and i really really do not like that scene in the graphic novel murder on the rockport limited where lucretia recognized the umbrastaff. i understand what they were trying to do and i understand you have to change things for the medium but its kind of a disservice to both lucretia and taakos characters imo. lucretia works so hard to keep the boys from questioning things like why would she have a reaction like that. like they couldve alluded to her recognizing it but a scene like that is so in your face and it takes power away from the scene in crystal kingdom where red robe barry recognizes it. and wrt taakos character like. hes never Particularly trustful of lucretia like on a personal level but overall he trusts the bureau and lucretia until reunion tour. adding in a scene like that at that point in the story makes no sense like u cannot convince me taako would not start questioning what the directors really up to and why she had such a personal reaction.

#taz balance #main tags for this 1 coz im curious if anyone else has similar thoughts. any of the other girls really freaking autistic abt this show lol #and again i get tht its partially the medium just. i dunnooooo like #the foreshadowing in balance already feels good feels organic. and i get they gotta allude to the bigger behind the scenes plot for new #readers but they do that already with the scenes w the red robeeeee likecjdknf #does this make any sense. do i sound nutz #ugh god girls once we get the animated series (🙏) i am going to. explode i hope they make some different decisions kfjfjdnf #creatively speaking #i rlly do think the medium has a lot to deal with it tho like i just dont think balance works in a graphic novel #like the plot is overall tje same but it doesnt have the same story feel. does that make sense #UGH AND ANOTHER THING. i get tht by showing her reaction adds to the freaking angst or whatever but part of why her character is so tragic #is that we dont see that! she keeps her emotions in check the girl does not let ppl in bcoz she feels she cant! and like #when we as like the readers the audience or whatever see her react like that so strongly and so angrily its like. shes no longer mysterious #and finding out who lucretia really is by the end of stolen century doesnt have the same impact. bcoz we already Know shes hiding something #its not just hinted at #ugh WHATEVER im normal about this show im so normal

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

assigned he/him at work now 😔

#i will be wearing a hijab and ppl will still be like ‘he’ #i don’t mind being called he/him when it’s someone who knows about my complicated gender relationship #but honestly irl i wish I could come across as cis sometimes just to keep things easy #i know I have the deepest voice on the call but can’t yall even like. ask for my pronouns #my manager called me he and then i literally heard my coworker hesitate before using he for me #bcuz we had met a couple times visually and i think he would have gone she/her #ugh im just in a constant battle #because i like looking masc and having a deep voice but i like being fem in other ways #so like. the only options are for people to think I’m a man dressing like a woman or a woman who’s manly #and every time people go for man dressed like woman but that just puts me into lots of bad situations

[tinylittlebab]

when i see people with the same ugw as me but theyre taller i feel so bad about myself

#idk i just. a bmi of under 15 is considered where its far more dangerous #and im already very unhealthy so im just not sure i wanna go below that. i guess 5 more pounds would be that big a deal #ugh. my ugw was less than that before when i was younger bc i was shorter. ive been doing this so long ack #i used to wanna be 70 but i was shorter then and alwo didnt understand the danger as much and also didnt care as much #but at this moment i dont wanna die and u less i suddenly lose all my free time to do what i 3njoy i dont think thats gonna change #ugh. 80 wouldnt be that bad would it. ill see how i look once im 85 and then ill put effort into gaining muscle wnd losing fat before i #go qnd lower my ugw. previously when i weighed 105 my ugw was 90 #part of me wants to lower it way more into the dangerous zone bc i know im never gonna look like a lot of the insanly thin ppl in thinspo #unless im very dangerously underweight but also.i will be so tired if i do that. and ill be too tired to do my favorite thing. and as much #as being skinny is important to its not the most important thing. simply being skinny usnt gonna make me happy and fix my problems #i wont be able to just look in the mirror and feel ok. but my fav thing does do that. and its always my top priority to keep that available

[kuiinncedes]

fngfdjngjdfkng

#bro fucking stupid like why did i just not look at applying to masters until now #i'm so dumb like ig it was bc i ws just like i'm not gonna do masters im just gonna try to get a job #which like how the fuck am i supposed to do that lmao but #now i dont think i can even apply for masters at my school at least #bc i need fucking letters of rec and the deadline is the 15th #and i Barely have 2 ppl i would ask for letter of rec idek if the second one counts lmfao if she's not at my school #jfc im so why do i have to think about the future :c i just wanna do glowstick club things that's why i haven't been thinkign abt this lmfa #yeah so now i dont think i can do masters here :c which also means i dont have that as a reason to hang around and stay in glowstick clublo #i could still do that but #ugh whatever im trying to write a fucking cover letter rn for a job i hate this already i've barely done anything lmfao #i dont super understand the job description which is maybe a sign i shouldnt apply lmfao but it's like #data science w my year and i feel like i meet some of the qualifications so #just gotta somehow bullshit another paragraph of this cover letter together #i also dont even know if i actualy wanna fucking do a data analyst job like #i kinda wanna work for like a non profit or smaller org kinda thing all this shit sounds hella boring that i keep seeing for bigger #companies lmao which im not saying would no be the case for smaller but #idk i jsigsdfhjlbgpidwurhgbipwdhgfudjshlk why did i start this so late LMAO #i had a job opening that i was gonna apply for that looked pretty good and i felt pretty qualified for just based on the listing #and the deadline was the 15th but it fucking disappeared the job isnt there anymore ig im so sad lmfao #as;lkfngbjifbgqipurgipqhrgfipuaf i hate this :DDDDDD #jeanne talks

[daz4i]

suicide and general negativity ig

i hate that english doesn't have a good word for מיואש (filled with despair. hopeless? ig) bc this is how i'm feeling fr

there is just. nothing good. and there is so much bad - both BAD bad bc of the war but also mundane bad bc yknow, Life - that i'm getting so overwhelmed i can't handle anything

my whole month is filled with medical shit and there's probably gonna be even more bc i need more tests and they're all just. such a pain to do (it sounds whiny but genuinely i can't handle them. just thinking abt them makes me so anxious bc they all require lots of painful preparation, sometimes for a few days, and they're so gross and require being poked with needles which my medical trauma certainly isn't helping with. and even tho i did so many already they can't find shit and i'm so tired i'm so done with this body

and like. it'd be one thing if i wanted to live. if i wanted to make my life better or thought it was possible. but by now i know it's not and i know i won't so it just becomes infinitely harder. like if i compare life to being in prison, it feels like the warden decided to torture me just for fun to make it even worse

but there is nothing good there is nothing to look forward to bc everything is shit and nothing's worth it and i hate when ppl tell me to enjoy the little things bc there is nothing to enjoy about them either. i can't have most of them anyway. i wish i could. but this shitty ass body and fucked up brain won't let me

there is no future for me i know i'm never gonna amount to anything when i can't even do the most basic shit about being human, literally how am i gonna be able to fulfill my """"potential"""" when i can't even do stuff like eat or sleep normally. when i can't go outside. when i can't handle being around people. when my body crashes and burns after standing for a few minutes or walking for more than a couple hundred meters. what even IS there for me to achieve in such a state. the only win i can have is getting out of bed and it doesn't feel like a win because i don't. want. to live. i have fucking professionals, people getting paid to help me do at least some of these things, and i can't bring myself to even take the first step bc just thinking about it makes me clam up so bad i can't move or talk and everything starts hurting so much more

there's not even. mundane fun. or joy. bc no one i know has time or energy for that. bc that's just what being an adult is ig. not that there's much to do in order to have fun anyway. like i said nothing to look forward to everything is so shit and nothing actually brings me joy anyway and it's not like i can handle being around people enough to help with that

i was not meant to be alive i am not designed to exist and like at this point I'd assume my who knows how many near death experiences may have been the universe trying to correct the mistake that is my existence and for some reason not managing to pull through the final stretch

i'm so tired i'm so done with this i wish i could be killed in some certain quick way bc i can't. i can't handle any of this. this is too much

#vent #a very long one. because. i am doing very bad rn 👍 #i am in the trenches as they say. #suicide // #what if i take a bunch of pills. ik i'm just more likely to throw up then get hospitalized but man :/ #my body is so fragile yet so resilient at the same time. it can't handle anything but it survives through everything #man i'd ask for help rn but idk what even could help me rn. other than being killed i mean #already took a clonex and i can feel it fighting for its life to calm me down but unfortunately. my shitty brain's shittiness is stronger #anyway sorry for all the negative bullshit it's been a bad week and it's gonna be a bad month #january usually is honestly. #i mean last year i met [redacted] and they did make me want to live but! that lasted a month. so. no more will to live for me 👍 #sorry for the even more negativity #trying to keep it contained to one post at least to spare your dashboard more bullshit later tonight #...i want to know ppl don't want me gone tho. maybe. idk if that'll help. but. ugh idk how to ask for things sorry

[starlit-roses-ships]

i just want my f/os to wrap me up and give me a hug and tell me everything's gonna be okay. is that so much to ask ;_;

#vent tag #hi things are ✨not great✨ currently #I cannot handle this stress from college rn I just fucking can’t #and on top of all that I’m getting fucked over in other ways from the ppl around me and it’s just like…ffs can you not? #can you not add to the immense amount of stress I’m already under right now?? #I’m getting majorly screwed by some of my professors rn and you have to make my life even harder??? for real??? #so uh anyway fuck everyone bc everyone sucks and is extremely incompetent actually. #this turned into a full on rant in the tags but idgaf. if someone has a problem with it they can go fuck themselves. #I’m not in the mood to play nice or play games with anyone and this is my blog and I can do whatever I damn well please #god my f/os are like the only thing keeping me afloat rn. everything sucks ass #and I know I should be sleeping but I have a stress headache and I’m just… ugh

[skunkes]

finally found a better way to word my issues with art improvement and thats that obviously art with no ref is/can be a little incorrect and misguided, there are Mistakes when you're just going off of memory.

But when i do studies my art becomes too Rigid because my brain remembers the studies and yells at me if i dont proportion things "correctly" (+ also ends up Bad due to overworking to "Fix" it)...

Its hawrd to find that balance, + have it be the Loose and Fun art that comes before reminding self what something is "supposed to look like". I feel my stuff only exists between extreme ends of sloppy and rigid bc i cant find the balance

Ive seen a few very old drawings from before I started using refs more often and they almost look Better. They dont look 100% Right but they look Good. Now I overwork everything bc it doesnt look Right and it still ends up not looking Right or Good.

#i also mentioned before the whole ''it doesnt matter if it looks Right if it looks Good'' and how some people have uninformed stylization... #and i feel caught between those too...i feel like my stuff just looks like uninformed stylization... #actually scratch that‚ IT IS. bc i look at old art and its exactly what it looks like #i dont know how ppl stylize correctly. i know the rules but even when you break them it turns out that theres correct ways to break them #and i cannot do that... #i also cant tell if it looks good despite not looking right...as in my brain it just looks Wrong and (therefore) Bad #talkys #also ugh im now fully realizing the truth of youll never like your art because its Yours and you hate yourself. so discouraging. #i rlly am never going to like it. every day i wish i cld see it thru someone else's eyes bc this is so miserable. idk how to keep #going if im never going to like it or make anything im proud of #but i will bc i have to 🫶 alas #delete later

[waybrightgender]

google how to get someone to stop reading about crypto and using degenerate

#jesus christ. i tried to move them over to tumblr to get them off reddit but they just go back to the tumblr subreddit every time. #if i tell them to do something they do it but then they put a new and fascinating /neg spin on it #like i told them to follow more ppl on here and they followed about 50 ppl that seemingly never post and i told them to make their cute #little project a sideblog so they can rb stuff but they made it their main and cant rb anything now #i tell them to be vague about the details of homestuck so that their mom doesnt stop trusting me and they decide its a better idea to keep #calling it a cringey bad old webcomic that i really love because i have bad taste #i tell them to stop using degenarate because its a nazi dogwhistle but they decide thats just stupid i guess and keep using it #i think theyre gonna become a crypto bro they have like 5 books about it #they've been on reddit since they were like 10 i dont think i can get them out of there but they should at least go on better subreddits #instead of r/iam14andthisisdeep and r/tumblr and r/whitepeopletwitter and r/nonpoliticaltwitter and who knows what else #its especially the r/tumblr part that i dont get. because they literally have a tumblr account #if theres a specific user that you see making posts you like on the subreddit go follow them! scroll thru tags of things you like and follo #all the blogs! be annoying and put out a post asking for mutuals tagged with fandoms you like! #oh and they rlly like r/nosleep i wish i could get them to go on the creepypasta wiki instead because at least thatll give them some shared #references with the wider internet and ppl their age. their mom has literally no pop culture references whatsoever so im trying to help the #but its honestly really hard when they dont do what i tell them to do. jesus i sound awful dont i #real sasha waybright moment. “you are going to follow 100 more blogs and turn off algorithm stuff now. end of discussion.” #it's not like they have a community and friends on reddit they dont even have an account theyve been lurking for years #they dont even have the app they use the mobile website. ugh im being so bitchy rn ill just shut up #maybw if yall see that this is how i think then youll realize that im not exactly worth interacting with #sorry for spiraling on ya. im pmsing. #and i have a whole disorder about that so

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes u just gotta have a cringe fail weekend. is what i tell myself bc i let the fact that i forgot to check my new #email completely obliterate me. also i haven't been sleeping enough. also just the normal thoughts in my head #by which i mean the part of my brain that demands consequences for inattention by means of suffering. devine punishment. #which is irrational and annoying but knowing that doesnt seem to help. so ive just been laying here in the hopes i come unspooled and start #to disintegrate. which is annoying bc ive got stuff to do #specifically bc i am supposed to b a TA this semester. which is what i figured but also feared #so. thats gonna b a lot. tho not as much as my old school bc they dont make TAs do literally everything here apparently #but. itll b a lot. and also i have to finish signing up for classes. bc i didnt do that back in April by my brain was melting. also i have #to keep doing my job and dealing with my data. ugh. well. being a TA isnt so bad. i do like to help ppl learn even if im not very good at it #like. i struggle with thr talking to ppl part. like the transition of ny thoughts to something thst makes sense #oh well. hope i end up teaching something im not too unqualified for. i could do soils. Ecology. uhhh. maybe intro bio but i never even took #university level biology. i just skipped upper level courses. that's probably it. anything else would b a lotta faking it #ugh. im tired. i should go to sleep at 9pm. thr sun hasbt even set and i should sleep #tomorrow i have to get my shit together. but also i wanna email my new professor like hey bro like what do u want me to do??? #like how do i start in this lab? when do we start talking. like just not to b pushy but whats thr procedure? #i like Structure but also its like weeks until the semester starts so we got time. im just a lil nuts #jesus. its gonna b an interesting semester. hopefully fun but uh it is sorta like taking a boat out when u can see big ominous clouds #like im sure ill b fine but also i might get dumped over into a watery grave. i just. i have a lot of papers to write #and its gonna b hard to b a student on top of that. partly bc what im gonna b doing now is almost completely unrelated #which is probably y ppl stick to the same track they stsrt on. that awkward moment when ppl ask u if ur gonna keep working with bi0crust #and ur like uhhhh no fuck that actually the work ive done in the past 4 years makes me hate myself✌️ #so we r back at square 1. well not 1 bc its sorta related but its a pretty big reset #itll b fine once things start. its just thr anticipation that kills me #unrelated

[yuribalisms]

And like !!!! The thing is with the gender stuff…. If I’m this wary about ever medically transitioning, even if I did come to the conclusion I’m a guy, I’m not sure I’d ever do it. It makes life hard, and if I’m not a hundred percent like “yes I want this it will make me happy” then I’m probably not gonna do it. It would also mean cutting off my mom’s side of the family for good (and while I don’t rlly mind never talking to my mom specifically again, there are quite a few ppl it would upset me to lose that way, all things considered). So Like…. What would be the point in “being out” as a trans guy? Sure my friends would listen but like the world in general? No!!! I might as well just keep saying I’m a lesbian and like ugh. Ugh. I like being a lesbian and I just don’t understand any of this but also am I just clinging so hard to lesbianism because it’s “safer” to me? Like what is the point in any of this my thoughts are just going in circles

#and like the thing is I don’t think it should really matter #I think I SHOULD just be able to say “’I’m a lesbian with a fucked up and complicated relationship with gender’ #but so many ppl don’t like that and I don’t wanna fight to be taken seriously #and maybe I am just gender-fluid but then I have to accept there are ALWAYS gonna be times I am viscerally uncomfortable with my gender no #matter what I do which also just fucking sucks #and I just…. ugh. I don’t know what to do. #and like ik a lot of the ppl would not care if every few days I was like hey they/them pls #and then ‘oh he/him today pls :)’ #or ‘hey feminine stuff today pls but also they/them’ #like they would listen and they would not care but *I* care I want to *know* #and I just…. don’t…. and I’m so tired of it…. and just saying I’m a lesbian is the easiest option so why don’t I just keep doing that….. #kaz rambles

[4giorno]

THE MINECART SECTION

#IDK IF PPL LOVE IT OR HATE IT BUT THAT WAS SO FUNNNNNNN #i also have my fan on so THE IMMERSION its like i was in the cart myself aaaaaaaa #if you dont know I LOVE ROLLECOASTERS its been years since ive gone on one ugh i miss it so much </333 #omg that part was so much fun and also luis and leon are suchhh a fun duo #hfbjdbdbdbf ashley is like dying somewhere and im like wheeeee rollercoaster tiiime ✨ #this part of the game has been really fun like the liquid nitrogen (??) place with the creature was rlly interesting #the two giants was super fun and now the minecart part........ lets see if it keeps up! #i also think ive just finally (11h into the game 💀) gotten comfortable with the controls so im able to go with the flow more