#but if you're down to feel Weird about motherhood then go for it ig

[yandere-daydreams]

I'm also obsessed with the medicine seller from mononoke he's so weird and his lack of clear motivations for anything makes me want to choke him in a curious and enthralled way. I also am a dorohedoro enjoyer.... orz

I AM NOT IMMUNE TO THE WHITE-HAIRED ANIME MAN WITH UNCLEAR INTENTIONS AND POINTY EARS!!!! i initially started the show because the art style looked cool and i love a plot that's pure Vibes, but as soon as he came on screen i was just,,, consumed with lust. i would like to put him in a jar and shake him around a little. perhaps be a cute maid or attendant at a mansion or inn he's exorcising and be slowly convinced that the only way i'll ever be safe from restless spirits is if i stay by his side unconditionally. the medical kink is once again rearing it's ugly head i'm afraid.

#just to be clear i would not recommend the show to anyone just looking for #idk a hot guy to oogle or something #it's got Themes #Poinent Themes at that #but if you're down to feel Weird about motherhood then go for it ig #luckily i'm into that but y'know air on the side of caution #personal #anon ask

[breesays]

Just Play

“It is a happy talent to know how to play.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of the amorphous but wonderful toddler things I've wanted to write about is how they find their own joy. It cannot be directed. Cannot be engineered. It isn't algebra, it's discovery and magic.

Des loves bubbles. He can't blow them, his mouth is always too close. Sometimes he can produce a few by force and enthusiasm - fubbles, specifically, as he slashes his tiny arm through the air. What he has discovered is that he's pretty adept at capturing them, though. We both have the tools. Waving the wands to and fro. I blow blow blow. And he run run runs to catch them, lining up his wand just so. Listen, look, learn - this is a moment that is hard to capture in a pin or a blog and yet I'm trying.

There are hacks and tools and lists but a toddler will do as a toddler will do. Last weekend at the Huntington he just wanted to chill next to a low palm. Draw in the dirt a bit. Drink water in the thick grass. And we just followed his lead.

It's such a weird time to be a toddler parent. They so desperately want to make connections while you're just so wary of germs and spittle. They want to hug and hold hands and communicate in their garbled way and you're like "ahhhh, space bubble?" He has a best friend at preschool. It is melting my entire being. They hold hands. I just die. I'm dead. He's a whole miracle and now I can cease to exist.

We get daily reports from the preschool and they have a private IG for the parents that I check religiously on the days Desmond is there. Tim usually picks him up while I'm wrapping up work stuff but usually by the time they pull in the driveway I'm outside like hi hello did you miss me can I read your report wanna play?

One time when I was just starting my hosting duties at LN, I asked a much more successful host friend if she ever got nervous on the job. "Oh no," she said, "I was born for this." Sometimes when I'm playing with Desmond - or reading about parents who have a hard time "playing" with their kids, that's when *I* think "I was born for this." Not necessarily motherhood as an all-encompassing job - but the "get down on their level get into it get your hands/clothes/life dirty" aspect of it, absolutely.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” -George Bernard Shaw

When you're 20-something and people compliment you by saying, "you're going to be a great mom" it's a little paralyzing, especially for someone who isn't in the habit of casually planning more than, oh, 2-3 years ahead. One of the comments I remember most (oh man, I feel like I've told this story before) is when I worked babysitting at 24-Hour Fitness. (I think at the same time I taught TurboKick - the LIVES I'VE LIVED) They had this elaborate, multi-story play structure. Slides, tubes, ball pit - the works. As you might gather, 24-Hr gym goers are not the most regimented types. I didn't have regulars, just a smattering of kids here and there. Sometimes there was only one kid. So on this one day, that was the case. I forget the specifics of our game, but it involved racing through the structure. I don't think it was tag, I think we were timing ourselves. Anyway. After a few rounds I hear a parent bally-hooing. Oops, no one at the desk. I roll up all sweaty, thinking I am going to get in trouble. But her kid follows, all smiles. I said, "Sorry, we were playing." She just beams at me, "You're going to be a great mom."

Alas, that's a compliment you keep quiet in your unattached years.

But I did, and I do, still like to play.

#play #parenting #breesays