#but now that we're in the last 48hrs before the movers come i'm just.... it feels like nothing is even remotely ready

[slippery-minghus]

it just occurred to me to wonder... how much of how shitty i've felt this past week and a half is being compounded by having to fuck with my adderall dosing to tide me until i can see my doctor and get a refill.

i've been staggering taking a leftover xr one day, skipping a day, then taking a higher dose of the ir, and so on. it's enough that i'm not crashing but... my dopamine is probably all over the place right now. and i gotta say. talking shit to myself feels almost rewarding.

#i'm just so mad at myself for not somehow... doing more? as if i wasn't doing my fucking best??? #as if i literally didn't start packing before i even got a place?? #last week i felt so prepared and like i really had most of it done #but now that we're in the last 48hrs before the movers come i'm just.... it feels like nothing is even remotely ready #i look around and there's just so much that needs to get thrown in a box #if i push through and don't take any breaks or get any rest i can probably do it but.... i just dont want saturday to be frantic #and i'm really struggling with prioritizing how to use this little time i have left #bc i really wanna get over to the new place and give everything a wipe down/vacuum run before my stuff comes #it's probably gonna have to be early saturday... provided i can get everything done after work tomorrow #i kinda wish i had taken tomorrow off #but it's too late now #okay i'm going to force myself to eat now even though my brain is screaming at me for it #less so now that i wrote this (bc realizing it might be my meds and not *me* made me feel a teeny bit better) #and just... i think i really need to make peace with that what's gonna happen will happen #i'll do my best like i've been doing since i started packing #my best is fuvking garbage but it's all i've got to give #and it's gonna be as done as it can possibly get come 10am saturday #*sigh* #personal