#but yknow if nyone understands crushing depression it's me

[snowyleopardess]

I don't have the confidence to write it, but eeeurgh I'm being haunted by skk daemon AU

No one at the ADA has ever seen Dazai's daemon, and he always gives 'mysterious' answers or jokes when asked. A lot of people just assume it's small, like an insect, and learn to ignore it. Sometimes interacting with Dazai can be hard, their own daemon awkwardly standing around, unable to connect their hearts. Every interaction with Dazai has a shallow feeling. He kinda creeps regular people out.

Chuuya's daemon never really seemed to suit him. Any time he met new people, there would always be a split second where they paused when they looked at chuuya's daemon. It wasn't scary or concerning, just...off somehow. Like a puzzle piece you can make fit but doesn't line up right with the picture right.

The thing is- Chuuya doesn't actaully have a daemon. Dazai left his daemon with Chuuya when he left. Chuuya doesn't even remember his daemon... if he ever had one. (more fuel to the poor guys' clone trauma)

I'm thinking crow for the daemon, very smart and capable animal, and it seems to suit Dazai.

But I've also thought of an... elephant. They're smart too, but also the sight of Chuuya using his gravity to float his daemon up to the window of whatever building he's in so they're not left out makes me want to cry laugh. You always know where Chuuya is because of the fucking elephant floating outside the building. Chuuya's even more powerful in this AU from constant practice floating the elephant and having to deal with more attacks because people always know where he is.

I've also thought of a bat, but more just because Chuuya would look so fucking cute with a bat hanging off his hat taking a nap.

Still not sure if the daemon should be male or female.

Dazai has always kept his daemon at arms' length, physically and metaphorically. He separated from his daemon at a very young age. Seeing dark era Dazai without a daemon made him even more terrifying.

Dazai hates his daemon. He never seemed to feel comfort from his daemons like others did, he never seemed to feel much of anything around them. His daemon could be even more stoic then him. Daemons were supposed to be beings of emotion, the manifestation of your heart. So Dazai resented them. In his worst moments, he even hurt his own daemon himself just to feel

s o m e t h i n g.

But Dazai was right- his daemon is the manifestation of his heart. His heart is just so hurt. It can't hide like the human half of him can. So his daemon is very quiet and avoidant. Dazai hates that vulnerability being on display.

But there are some times that Dazai feels through his daemon. And that's when Chuuya touches them so gently. Chuuya is absolutely fascinated with daemons because he never had one. Dazai was never one to uphold boundaries or social rules, so he practically goads Chuuya into touching his daemon after an accidental brush one time. He's reminded that he even has a heart, because it feels warm, not just numb. Chuuya loves his daemon so much. Chuuya's touch is so addicting its terrifying, but it chases away the crushing apathy for just a moment.

So when Dazai leaves, he leave his daemon with Chuuya. Chuuya's so panicked at first, what does it mean when someone gives you their heart but still leaves you?

So he loves and cares for Dazai's daemon like Dazai couldn't. And Dazai's heart and mind finally start to heal.

#skk #soukoku #self harm #depression #self hate #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #daemon AU #I also imagine dazai seeing chuuya after all those years #and his daemon looks so different because of how they've both changed #and his daemon even comes up to him wanting to see him even after all the hurt between them #and Dazai holds his own heart in his hands and cries while Chuuya holds them both #dang i didn't know i had so many dazai feels over this #but yknow if nyone understands crushing depression it's me