#but.... Nandor does kind of make sense even as I want to shake him

[cookinguptales]

And now here’s the hard one... *sighs* Nandor and Freddie.

Nandor’s always been a tough nut to crack, but even for him, 4.09 was a lot.

I think we can all agree that he has some reasons for going after Freddie that he does not care to examine (and likely never will) but... yeah, pinning those down is harder. I don’t believe he would have given Freddie a second thought if he had not currently been dating Guillermo, but beyond that...

I wanna start with that game of charades they were playing and the way that Nandor was using Guillermo’s watch to time the Freddies. Or rather... he used Guillermo’s wrist, which was wearing the watch. He could have removed the watch or used Guillermo’s phone or something, but he instead chose to take possession of Guillermo’s actual physical body during a game that involved reading each other’s body language. (And Guillermo, of course, was so distracted and so used to Nandor manhandling him that he didn’t really react much to this.)

The most obvious (and fun) reading of this was Nandor subconsciously staking a claim on Guillermo’s physical body. I think you actually see this several times throughout the episode, but it’s definitely at its most obvious here. Nandor was practically peeing on him with that casual use of Guillermo’s arm.

What I think is more interesting, though, was how little Nandor thought of what he was doing, and how little Guillermo reacted. It was almost as if he were looking at a watch on his own arm. And I think that’s really the key to understanding what was going on in this episode. Nandor, to some degree, has come to see Guillermo as an extension of himself. A part of him that is his to use and manipulate just like he might his own limbs. He really has come to see Guillermo as his literal right hand.

And then Guillermo shows up with this man whom Nandor has never met. The annoying British embodiment of the life that Guillermo still insists on having outside of Nandor’s purview. The life that Nandor has been shown to be getting more and more resentful of throughout the season.

He immediately tries to put himself between the two of them, both physically and through his words, and like... of course he misreads his jealousy as wanting Freddie. Of course he does.

But in other ways, it’s not really a misreading at all. Guillermo is a part of him that Nandor feels entitled to and Nandor is greedy for all the things in Guillermo’s life. He hates the lines that still divide the two of them. Nandor is frustrated that Guillermo won’t tell him about his family or the things that he does. Nandor tries to monopolize all of Guillermo’s time so he can sort of take that life from him. And then he takes Freddie, too.

I think the truth here is that Nandor wanted Freddie because Guillermo wanted Freddie. Some of it was a power thing, wanting to prove that he was “better” than Guillermo and could steal this person away from him, and some of it was that... well, Nandor values what Guillermo values. Guillermo likes this person, therefore he must be great, therefore Nandor wants him as well. It was literally the act of Guillermo loving him that made him valuable to Nandor. (And I noticed that as soon as Guillermo rejected Freddie 2, Nandor ditched him.) It was literally the act of Guillermo having him that made Nandor want to have him as well. And it was Guillermo loving something else at all that made Nandor want to steal him.

Nandor didn’t ask for the Djinn to give him a version of Freddie that wasn’t dating Guillermo because he needed to prove to himself that he could steal him. He needed to prove that in this, he and Guillermo were the same. Were equal. That he could make Freddie love him, too. He could make this man a part of his life, too. He could take away this embodiment of the life that Guillermo lived outside of him and make it his own.

I think that Guillermo realized this immediately, actually. I’m not sure if he picked up on the jealousy, exactly, but he definitely realized that Nandor was being invasive here. He wanted to force Guillermo to share all aspects of his life with him, including his new boyfriend. Nandor very literally was not allowing Guillermo to have “one thing of [his] own”.

Like... Guillermo did not come at this from the angle of “you wanted to hurt me” or “you wanted to steal someone’s boyfriend” or “you actually like Freddie”. He realized that this was about Nandor wanting to have everything that Guillermo has, every single part of his life, as a way of claiming him. Weirdly, Nandor dating Guillermo’s boyfriend was another way of him showing possession of Guillermo.

I think that Guillermo is consciously registering this as Nandor’s ego, as needing to be the center of attention at all times, and that’s probably true, too! But... yeah, Guillermo, Nandor is doing this because he wants to crawl inside your fucking skin.

What’s most fascinating to me, though, is that Guillermo and Nandor react to Freddie the same way. Like, Freddie is not a fucking catch. He’s narcissistic, he’s self-involved, and his niceness is not the same thing as kindness or genuine interest in others’ feelings. But that bland sort of niceness that he has about him is something that both Guillermo and Nandor latch onto because it’s something they’re so unused to receiving themselves. Sure, they both love each other and exchange kindnesses, but... It’s not the same as someone just straight-up telling you you’re a good boy, if you get me.

And Freddie, he doesn’t care. Those compliments mean nothing to him. But they mean everything to both Guillermo and Nandor. There’s an easiness to being with Freddie that doesn’t force either of them to confront their own issues. It’s not a thorny, obsessive love like what they share for each other. He’s pablum, but there’s a reason why pablum’s always been easy to digest.

So I think... the worst part, perhaps, of Nandor’s behavior in this episode is that, y’know, okay. He’s obsessive, he’s egocentric, he’s prone to a lil bit of pillaging, either of ancestral villages or his best friend’s boyfriend. But he’s also lonely. Like really, desperately lonely, and for something that he can’t quite seem to articulate. (It’s Guillermo, you fucking dumbass, it’s always been Guillermo.) 

And he keeps trying to fill that loneliness with increasingly fucked-up relationships (like genuinely, every single one gets worse) but it never works because he’s approaching it from the wrong angle and then... he sees Guillermo. And Guillermo seems so happy. And that hurts, but he can’t figure out why. All he knows is that he wants that. He wants to feel the way this relationship makes Guillermo feel. He wants to have that normal, easy, simple love. He wants someone to laugh with him and compliment him and bring him flowers.

And... he thinks that Freddie is the key. That Freddie is the part of this equation he’s been needing. That Freddie is some magical loneliness cure. And again, he gives up all the good things he has in the service of something he’s convinced will be better. (Nandor, as always, is the type to think the grass is greener on the other side without bothering to water his own lawn.) He gives up Marwa, and that’s easy for him. But he sacrifices his relationship with Guillermo, too, and he realizes immediately that’s not something he’s willing to trade.

I think the actual key point to Nandor’s actions in this episode is when he offers Freddie to Guillermo. It’s... a little unclear if he wanted Guillermo to have him or if he wanted to share him, but I think that’s what makes it really obvious here that this was never about Freddie. He doesn’t really seem to care about giving Freddie up here or how Freddie might care about the situation. He only cares about making Guillermo stop being so damn sad.

(And, moreover, he wants Guillermo to stop making him feel so guilty. “Stop saying things I have done!” indeed, Nandor.)

And in the end, he gives Freddie up so Guillermo will stop being upset with him. Not because he really has come to true realizations about Marwa or Freddie or why he’s doing any of this. But because Guillermo made him feel bad and he doesn’t want to feel bad and he doesn’t want to make Guillermo feel bad, either. He gave up his Freddie with the intention that Guillermo would keep his own Freddie and only one of them would have a Freddie. He was surrendering that part of Guillermo’s life back to him.

Of course, it didn’t turn out that way, but... Nandor was willing to sacrifice a little bit of his own possessiveness so Guillermo could actually be happy. He was willing to give up at least one of his dumbass happiness schemes, even though it kind of was making him happy, because his happiness was coming at the expense of Guillermo’s own. And when Guillermo was unhappy, so was he.

It’s... not exactly real emotional fluency, but it’s getting closer. It was an oddly kind thing for him to do, even if he still doesn’t fully understand his own motivations and in the end it just made things worse. It felt, at least to him, like he was doing something selfless. We know that it was largely for selfish reasons, but there was kernel of truth to that. Nandor was willing to give up some of his own happiness so Guillermo could be happy, too, and while that was partially because Nandor’s happiness is inextricably tied to Guillermo’s now, it’s also because he genuinely wanted to make him feel better.

I think to the very end he still didn’t understand how he fucked up or why, but he did get that he hurt Guillermo... and he didn’t like that. He fixed it poorly, but he did try to fix it. And even that much of an admission is more than we got when he destroyed Nadja’s village or let Guillermo go serve Celeste. Both of those times, he obviously kind of got that he fucked up but either never admitted it or did so only under duress. This time he made the direct choice to go back on a decision because it hurt someone he loved, and he did it without his hand being forced.

It’s... a step, I suppose. I don’t know if Guillermo will see it that way. But it’s a step.

(*kneads temples* someone save me from stupid fucking vampires.)

#wwdits #wwdits s4 spoilers #wwdits meta #nandermo #it's odd because #I have so many problems with the writing in this episode and I do at times feel like I'm trying to make sense of a mess #but I actually feel like Nandor was fairly on-brand #his head is fucking stupid here but it does kind of feel like a natural progression for him #it just feels like regression for us because we are normal and understand normal human boundaries #whereas Nandor clearly does not #but if you approach it FROM HIS VERY STUPID PERSPECTIVE #I think it lines up with his overall motivations and how they've changed #now the Marwa thing and the choice to even make this an episode at all #THAT I still have problems with #and honestly just so many plot devices and so much messy writing god 4.09 was diffciult #but.... Nandor does kind of make sense even as I want to shake him

[upstartcrow42]

Fic Writer Interview

Thanks for the tag, @chelsfic!

How many works do you have on AO3?

16

What’s your total AO3 word count?

201,056 👀

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

If we’re just counting AO3, then it’s just one. What We Do in the Shadows. I’ve only had this username for a year. Under different names in different places I have other fics for other fandoms. That would bring the grand total up to 5. I tend to have huge fic dry spells.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

66 - Especially For You - Nandor/Guillermo. Gen - Gift fic for @jujubeas. Guillermo is injured (very minor) and Nandor cares for him by buying him food from Panera Bread.

44 - Tell Me Things Will Be Okay - Nandor/Guillermo. Gen - Gift fic for @riskylatte and a collaboration with @andyandnormski. Nandor tries to calm Guillermo’s frayed nerves after they arrive home from the theater massacre.

35 - The Protocols of Revenge - Nandor/Nadja that leads to Nandor/Nadja/Laszlo. NSFW - My first fic for the fandom. Laszlo makes Nadja made, so Nandor proposes revenge. Nadja eventual relents but on the condition that Laszlo watch.

33 - Just Right - Nandor/Guillermo. Gen. Gift fic for @andyandnormski. A seasonal storm spooks Guillermo, so Nandor takes matters into his own hands as far as his relaxation goes. Naturally, things go awry.

32- He Demands Satisfaction. - Nandor/Guillermo Gen. Tumblr Prompt request for @andyandnormski. Nandor and Guillermo are taking their relationship to new levels post theater massacre, but the threat of sunlight puts a damper on things. 

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I get so few comments on my fics these days, so I reply to them all. I understand why people don’t comment on fics, especially NSFW ones, but I love hearing from readers, even if the comment is super short. I love getting replies back from authors when I comment, so I try to do the same for anyone who comments on my fics. I like engaging with the readers.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Rooftop Reflections. Nandor/Nadja. She’s been missing Laszlo since he want on the run and tries to escape by sitting on the roof. Nandor joins her and then leaves her be. She is really bummed out at the end after Nandor leaves and has to be alone with her thoughts about Laszlo.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not yet, but I’m not against.

I’ve been wanting do a weird one with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/What We Do in the Shadows. They’re both in NYC, and they both have to keep to the shadows, so it makes sense that they’d run into each other. Leonardo vs. Nandor as leaders, lol. Donatello and Colin Robinson getting into technical details about topics. Raphael and Nadja being just the rudest. Micaelangelo and Laszlo straight up chillin’. And Master Splinter and Guillermo shaking their head at their charges acting like such fools.

I’ve also thought about them running away to Canada and meeting the crew from Letterkenny.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

When I was writing HP, yes. It was mainly about how I was ending my chapters, and to be fair, the endings were not great for what I was trying to achieve (setting up some context - kind of omncient). I’m pretty sure I’ve deleted all of those from existence now.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Most definitely. I’ve written mainly mlw and wlw with reference to mlm. I’ve also written OT3 situations with mmw.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of. How does that even happen?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes.

I mentioned Tell Me Things will be okay earlier. Andy and I were very equal partners on that one and it was fun take their lead and then run with it and then see what they came up with next.

Nandor the Relentless: Conqueror of Courting. Nandor/Guillermo. A round robin fic where ideas were thrown out and shaped as a team. Nandor tries to court Guillermo in one-sided fake dating scenarios to protect him. I contributed to the last chapter of this gem of a fic series. I’m really proud that Nandor’s lament of the Windsor name was kept in.

Shoot Your Shot. Fendermo. Another round robin known by the writers as the Basketball AU. Nandor is a WNBA pro and Guillermo is her assistant. They’re even stupider in this story than in the show. It’s not complete, but one day we’ll finish it. I’m really proud of the text chain I wrote in the first chapter.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I know nearly all the stories I’ve talked about are Nandermo, but that’s not my all time favorite ship. I don’t know if I can really pick a favorite. It’s just Nandor/Anyone really.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Chance Encounter. Nandor/Silvia de la Cruz (Guillermo’s mom). NSFW. I’m only afraid I won’t finish it because I’m stuck on the next part for how the story should flow now that the smut is out of the way.

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told that I’m good and smooth dialogue.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I use the same descriptive language too much. The same facial expressions and dialogue reactions. I also need to work on differentiating my imagery and adding more figurative language to my stories. I love seeing that in other people’s works, but suddenly forget to do it in my own.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I love to see it, or even incorporating English language learning sentence structures into fics for characters whose primary language is not English. When I write in another language, I have had a friend who can speak that language check my work and phrasing to make it sound realistic. There was a lot of that in A Chance Encounter and @theoceanismyinkwell was immensely helpful with the Spanish dialogue and the Spanish Speaker in speaking in English lines too.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The first one I ever published on a fic site was Gundam Wing. I really hope that is not floating around still as I can’t even remember the site it was pubished on. It was peak cringe.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

It’s not complete, but Written in the Stars has consumed an epic amount of my time. The word count alone is two novels worth. It’s been fun to look into Nandor’s past, but also make him somewhat of a softie at that time too for a fic that could be otherwise very dark (there are defintely some mildly dark elements, but it’s generally just regular flavor NSFW). And it’s fun to take a semi-canon character who has one trait and flesh her out into a full person. At least I hope she comes across that way.

Tagging: @safetyhazardfics

@walkwithursus

@andyandnormski

@mapnerdbloodbag

@satincowboys

@nandoor

#Tag Games

[chelsfic]

Unseemly Desire - Chapter 3 - Guillermo x Nandor

To read past chapters: WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: Nandor and Guillermo deal with the fallout of their makeout session and the almost-attempted mind wipe. Guillermo discovers the untapped well of anger living inside him!

Warnings: Angst, Blood drinking, gratuitous use of the word Fuck, Angry kissing

A/N: Look how frickin handsome Nandor is in this gif. No wonder Guillermo can’t resist this idiot. Also, I wrote this really fast and barely edited it sooooo ehhhhhh sorrayyy.

---

Shit! Fuck! Damn! Fiasco!

Nandor retires straight to his coffin after storming out of his familiar’s room. He’s still fully dressed and the little hair pins in his bun stab the back of his head as he lies down. 

Fucking guy!

Who gave him permission to have those kinds of feelings, anyway? Nandor’s almost certain he included something about not falling in love in Guillermo’s employment contract. He’ll have to check on that tomorrow evening. He growls in angry frustration as he realizes the contract is locked in one Colin Robinson’s basement filing cabinets. Maybe he doesn’t need to worry about checking. He’s positive that he mentioned it to Guillermo before he became his familiar. No falling in love with me. End of discussion!

How dare that little guy ruin his perfect plan? What does he think, just because he has smooth, tan skin, a disarming smile and perfect wavy hair he can just go around forcing Nandor to be horny for him all the time? It’s unacceptable!

Nandor turns onto his side in a huff. He has half a mind to go back there and mind wipe him after all. But the vision of Guillermo’s tear streaked face as he begged Nandor not to hypnotize him floats before his eyes in the darkness and he feels that stabby, annoying pain in his heart area again.  

And now he’s having more confusing heart palpitations again. Great!

---

The movie is still playing on Guillermo’s discarded laptop. Claudia shrieks after learning that she can never grow or change as a vampire. It’s his favorite movie. He’s watched it hundreds of times. And Guillermo is only just now contemplating the real world evidence of that phenomenon. Nandor may have centuries of life experience but emotionally he is still the same repressed, spoiled, arrogant 13th century warlord he was when he was turned, just with a few new pop culture references under his belt. Can he really never learn or change? And if that’s true then what the fuck is Guillermo doing here?

He’s frozen in place where Nandor discarded him like so much refuse. His eyes are fixed on the curtain in fear or hope--he’s not certain--that Nandor might come blazing back into his little room, filling it up with his massive presence for better or worse. Salty tear tracks stain his cheeks and he’s still half wrapped up in the dumb snuggie. His face crumples and a silent sob escapes his throat. He’d been so stupidly happy there for a moment. Nandor--his dream boy, his vampire, his Nandor--kissed him and held him like Guillermo had always dreamed. But the memory tastes bitter in his mouth now as he remembers the cold, blank mask of his face after Guillermo mistakenly confessed his love. 

He fists his hands into the soft material of Nandor’s snuggie, burying his face in the fabric as his tears start anew. He begged for this, didn’t he? How pathetic is it that he pleaded with Nandor to let him hold onto the memory of yet another rejection? He falls asleep like that, crying silently and clinging to the only physical evidence of his master’s fleeting, mercurial affection. 

---

When he opens his coffin the next evening Nandor finds Guillermo waiting to attend him like always. The vampire hides his surprise and holds out his hand for assistance with all of his typical haughty self-importance. He spent all day plagued by nightmares of his familiar running away into the sunlight. Packing up his computing book, his cute little sweaters and his pizza rolls and fleeing from Nandor like he was some kind of...monster.

Ridiculous, of course.

Guillermo won’t leave him. He’d said so last night. He’d promised in exchange for his pathetic memories. But then Nandor notices the human’s hands are shaking as he adjusts his cravat and Guillermo won’t meet his eyes. There is also a strange new smell coming off of him that he usually only encounters around victims.

Fear.

“Guillermo…” Nandor wrinkles his nose “Have you been cleaning the cell? You should really shower afterwards. It’s not hygienic to be dressing me after being around all those human juices.”

His familiar finally looks up at him, eyes narrowed in confusion as he tries to parse his master’s thought process.

“No…” he finally answers and his voice is like a ghost, thin and ephemeral. “I haven’t been cleaning the cell master.”

He self-consciously leans down to sniff his own armpit and Nandor grimaces in disgust. 

“Well, then why--” he stops himself, his deep brown eyes going round as he finally makes the connection. Guillermo is afraid of...him? It is like his nightmares are coming to life!

“Guillermo! Snap out of it now! This is very upsetting and...unprofessional. Why are you afraid?”

Guillermo flinches as if struck by Nandor’s words. He didn’t realize how transparent he was being. His first instinct is to deny it but a flare of anger takes hold of him and he’s speaking before his ingrained habit of suppressing his true feelings can kick in.

“Why am I afraid!? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you almost erased my memories last night? And you could do it any time you want and I’d be powerless to stop you?”

Nandor’s brows knit together and he scoffs, “But that’s always--”

He stops himself, guiltily averting his eyes, but it’s too late. Something changes in Guillermo’s face. The anger bleeds away and his skin goes pale. He almost looks like a vampire or… or one of his victims. The thought sends a shiver down Nandor’s spine.

“Master…” Guillermo’s voice is calm and cool but Nandor has a feeling that what comes next will determine something very important. 

“Have you--” He swallows against the lump in his throat. “--Have you hypnotized me before?”

Nandor grimaces, baring his sharp fangs in an uncomfortable smile and looking like the vampiric embodiment of a dog shaming video.

---

There’s the time he dropped Guillermo while he was helping him dust around the spider houses…

...the time Guillermo saw Nandor fall down at the roller rink and the human children all laughed at him…

...when he shamed himself while Guillermo helped him adjust his orgy suit…

And countless other small, trivial moments that now seem to add up to quite a lot.

And, of course, there’s the other night when Nandor admitted that Guillermo is special to him.

---

“...Once or twice.”

Nandor watches his familiar’s face fall and his eyes start leaking. Guillermo angrily scrubs the tears away and shakes his head, throwing off the hurt as he’s learned to do all his life. From elementary school bullies to the love of his life, Guillermo has been rolling with the emotional punches for as long as he can remember. This is no different. So what if the last five years are a lie? So what if he can't trust his own memory? Guillermo is resilient. Guillermo is rubber. Guillermo kills ‘em with kindness and lives to fight another day. Or...

“Fuck you, Nandor,” he reaches up to finish tying the cravat, angrily cinching it around the vampire’s neck with a painful tug.

“Ouch! Watch it with that!” Nandor complains, batting Guillermo’s little hands away. Guillermo crosses his arms over his chest and glares back at him with fierce, thunderstorm eyes. Nandor’s never seen his familiar like this. So forceful…he shakes his head violently, banishing the stupid horny thoughts attempting to take over.

“Alright! So I hypnotized you a few times. So what? Kind of comes with the job there, Guillermo. Did you even read your contract?” 

“You mean the one you scribbled on the back of a Panera menu?” Guillermo rolls his eyes. “How did it go? ‘I.O.U. one unholy transition. Signed, Nandor the Relentless’?”

Nandor scrunches his face up and he shifts his eyes as he tries to remember. There must have been more to it…

“I don’t think…” he falters, losing steam for a second before riling himself back up through sheer force of will. He is Nandor the RELENTLESS! “That’s neither here nor anywhere, Guillermo! The point is...eh...the point is you should have expected the occasional hypnotic trance when you took the job! It is common sense!”

“You’re right, master,” Guillermo says in the tone he uses when he doesn’t mean the thing that he is saying. “Silly me, expecting that you’d treat me any differently than one of your victims.”

Nandor feels like he’s rapidly losing the thread of this conversation. Or, more realistically, that the thread ran out from between his fingers long ago and he’s grasping at the empty air. Guillermo thinks he treats him like a victim? After all the troubles he went through to get the smelly red flowers and the music for his dirty biting fantasy? After he saved him from Nadja’s horrendous aim? After all of their chess games and strolls through the moonlit hunting grounds and the countless hours Nandor has spent listening for the soft thump of Guillermo’s human heart? This is what he thinks?

Nandor curls his lip and hurls his next words to Guillermo’s feet with disdain, “Didn’t you say you were jealous of my victims, Guillermo? Well, now you do not have to be. You are one. Perhaps I should finish the job.”

Guillermo barks out a sound that’s somewhere between a laugh and a sob, “Oh, please! You’re not going to kill me anymore than you’re going to turn me.”

Guillermo turns away, the job of dressing his master left unfinished and he starts to leave. Nandor looks at his familiar’s back and he sees him running away, abandoning him just like in his dream. 

“No!” he roars, lifting off the ground several inches as he flies at Guillermo, tackling the human into the wall of his crypt and knocking a 700-year-old sword to the floor. He presses his hands into Guillermo’s shoulders, pinning him in place and marveling at the soft give of his flesh layered over strong muscles. “You are my familiar and I have not given you permission to leave!”

Guillermo’s eyes harden and he parts his lips to deliver what Nandor is certain will be a devastating blow. He’s going to leave him. He’s going to quit. All because Nandor wasn’t aloof enough! He can’t let him do this! If Nandor’s heart could beat he’s sure it would be bursting from his chest this very second. He squeezes Guillermo’s shoulders too hard, painfully grinding the bones beneath his palms as he lunges, burying his face into the pristine, smooth expanse of his familiar’s neck and biting down with all the force in his body. Guillermo screams and flails against him, but it’s pointless. Nandor is too strong and he’s hell bent on giving his human a bruise to match the one on the other side of his neck.

Guillermo’s blood was made for Nandor. It floods his mouth, coating his tongue like a thick, sweet nectar. He swallows it with a savage groan and presses harder against Guillermo, digging his growing erection into the softness of his belly. 

Guillermo is lost in a confusing tangle of rage, sadness, fear and arousal. He can’t fucking believe that Nandor is doing this, basically proving that Guillermo is nothing more than another human victim. And it really, really shouldn’t turn him on this much. His words ring in Guillermo’s ears as the life pulses out of him. Perhaps I should finish the job. Guillermo doesn’t believe for a second that his master is planning to kill but just in case…

He fists his hands in the vampire’s shiny, soft hair--hair he’s lovingly brushed and arranged every night for the last five years--and he yanks it back with all of his might. 

“Ouch! Fucking--” Nandor rears back, blood pouring down his chin and his eyes blown with hunger and lust. He captures Guillermo with those eyes and the familiar is drawn in like a moth to the flame. Why is he always chasing the thing that will hurt him?

Before he can second guess himself, and before Nandor can do something stupid like turn into a vapor, Guillermo grabs the vampire’s collar, tugs him down to his level and slams his mouth against his in a brutal, angry kiss. Fuck you for throwing an axe at my head. Fuck you for making me feel inadequate. Fuck you for kissing me and then trying to erase it from my memory. And really, truly, deeply, fuck you for making me love you anyway.

Guillermo’s hands paw at Nandor’s bearded jaw, holding in place as their lips slide together, tongues seeking and massaging. The salty copper taste of Guillermo’s own blood fills his mouth as Nandor plunders inside. The vampire moans, his hands straying down over Guillermo’s chest, his stomach, reaching around to settle over the round curve of his backside. Guillermo whimpers into Nandor’s lips as the vampire squeezes his fingers into his buttocks and simultaneously rolls his pelvis. There’s a sound in the distance trying to attract his attention. As if Guillermo would let go of this moment for anything in the world.

In the next instant, the door to the crypt flings open and Laszlo ducks inside, slamming it shut again just in time to keep out his shrieking, furious wife. Nandor breaks away from Guillermo, jumping back and holding his hands aloft with an obvious, guilty expression. 

Laszlo takes one look at Nandor’s blood stained mouth and Guillermo’s utterly ravished appearance and snorts in amusement.

“I fucking knew it!”

#nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #nandor x guillermo fanfic #guillermo x nandor fanfic #wwdits fanfic #wwdits #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless

[cookinguptales]

It's been bugging me for a while and I love your meta and all your thoughts, so I wanted to get your opinion on this.

Why do you think Nandor is so repressed? Or so in denial about Guillermo? I understand Guillermo and his motivations (well not so much this season but I can still make sense of them) but why is Nandor this way? I want to study him like a bug and go inside his brain

I, too, feel the feminine urge to put Nandor in a jar and shake him. I've had a couple days to think about this now, so here are my thoughts. There... are a lot of them, fair warning.

At first, I thought this was a loss response. He lost all 37 of his wives and their children in one fell swoop, and that seems to be something that has affected him strongly. And, y'know, I still think that's part of it. I think that after losing everything he had, the idea of trying again and making new relationships scares him. Having someone to love is having someone to lose, and Nandor is so afraid of loss.

But then, y'know, I thought about the actual relationships he had with his wives, and I think a lot of what affects him now affected him then, too. It's a little hard to tell because most of the information we have from him is several centuries removed from the actual events, but it does seem like he probably never loved any of them with his whole soul. He said he didn't love all of them, and that's by his own admission. He didn't fight to keep any of them when they all left, and none tried to stay with him despite his vampirism. And he was pretty clearly leaving them alone for long periods while he went on his campaigns.

I think it's kind of telling that of all the creatures for his ghost to remember and miss, it wasn't any of his wives, it wasn't any of his men. It was... a horse. So I think we can probably say that he had a hard time creating serious human relationships even when he was alive.

I think... I've talked about this before and I'll probably talk about it again, but I do think that Nandor's got an almost pathological sense of dissatisfaction. He's never actually satisfied with anything in his life and he's always chasing after the next big thing. But I think that's because he's afraid of the intimacy that comes from working at a relationship. It's easier to chase the idea of a relationship than build one with the people who are already close to you.

If you think about it, all of Nandor's serious love interests have never really demanded vulnerability from him. Even Gail, his longest-term relationship to date, was a fairly surface-level love story. She didn't expect much from him; he was just a guy for her to have some fun with every few years. The things they knew about each other were also very surface level. Like in the grand scheme of things, who cares if she likes yogurt and Bob Seger if you can't figure out her actual basic character motivations? It's important to remember little details about your SO, but Nandor was missing the forest for the trees.

So when he was alive and now that he's dead, we still have the same Nandor. A man who was constantly conquering new lands instead of cultivating the country he already had. (And immediately letting it fall to shit without even noticing once he was turned.) A man who had 37 wives, but not one who would stay with him once things got hairy. A man who was very happy to pursue new love interests, but very hesitant about actually giving them any real part of himself.

Nandor is a man who is all about acquisition, but he doesn't know what to do with things once he's got them. He loves the thrill of the chase, but the aching and terrifying vulnerability that comes after that is anathema to him. He's simply not willing to put in the work. He likes the fun part, the conquering, the fighting, the hunt. But actually opening up and cultivating a real relationship? Letting them see the awkward, weak parts of him? Trusting them to love him anyway?

He hates that.

I'm thinking back to season 1, y'know? When Guillermo got hurt? He told him that he was his friend, but then immediately felt too vulnerable and walked it back. That's Nandor. Letting people see the soft, unexplored emotions inside of him is too much for him. It makes him feel fundamentally unsafe the way a battlefield never has. Even he doesn't like examining those emotions too closely.

(And let's be real... a horse isn't going to ask you about your feelings.)

So then we have Guillermo. Guillermo, whom he cannot hypnotize into forgetting his awkward, embarrassing moments. Guillermo, who has slowly learned him over the years, both inside and out. Guillermo, who has seen him at his worst and still loves him. Guillermo, who knows him.

Nandor has a kind of intimacy with Guillermo that I'm not sure he's ever had with any other living soul, and I think that scares him. I think it thrills him, yes! I think that's sort of what was actually happening in that familiar fights episode. He senses this strange bond with Guillermo and wants to strengthen it and test it and wallow around in it. He can tell on a fundamental level that there is something important and good and fun there.

But he also refuses to examine it. He refuses to name it. He refuses to let Guillermo that last little step into his heart. To put it into the show's metaphorical terms, Guillermo has managed to break into Nandor's secret basement treasure room despite his best efforts, but Nandor still batted Guillermo's hands away when he tried to examine the treasure.

He still can't even force himself to admit that he likes those rainy Sunday movie nights with Guillermo or that Guillermo is his best friend. (Though Guillermo now seems to understand the things that Nandor cannot say, in these situations.) I think admitting to himself that he's in love with him is just far too much for him. I think admitting that he loves, truly loves, Guillermo would be admitting that he's never felt anything like this before. I think it would be admitting that he's never let anyone in this deep.

And most of all, I think that would be giving Guillermo the power to hurt him like no one has ever managed to do. Not his 37 wives, not his dead children, not Gail. No one. Because if he lets Guillermo see all the most intimate parts of him and Guillermo doesn't like what he sees... that would break him, I think. If Nandor finally allowed himself to really try with a relationship and still got rejected... well, let's just say that it would hurt a lot worse than Gail's rejection of the shallow version of himself that he allowed her to see.

I think that the real root of Nandor's issues is a fear of vulnerability, loss of control, and rejection. He won't let himself fully feel his feelings because he can't control where they'll go. We're talking about a literal former warlord over here. He likes to control things and he likes to feel powerful. The fact that he can't control his own emotions is troubling to him, and the fact that he can't control his relationships with others is even more so.

So he at least controls what he gives them of himself. What he allows himself to internally acknowledge. He still keeps some parts of him segmented off and secreted away. Because it's a way to protect himself and protect that sense of control. If he never allows himself to become fully vulnerable with a person, he can retain control. If he never allows anyone to fully know him, then they cannot reject the most fundamental parts of him that he never allowed them to see.

It is, I'm afraid, one of those mortifying ordeal of being known things.

We're starting to see him loosening up, though. He was willing to give up control of the Council. Control of the household. Control of his life to Guillermo. He's willing to be something other than the leader at all times. And he's starting to let go of those emotions he's kept on such a tight tether for all these years.

I keep coming back to s3, y'know? When he said, "I have no one to share my dreams or my fears with." That's what Nandor really wants here. He wants someone he can finally free himself around. He doesn't want someone that's willing to let him confide in them -- he wants someone that he can bear to confide in. He wants someone who he can trust with those parts of him like he's never trusted anyone before. He wants someone who he can tell his most secret desires to without fear of judgment or reprisal. He wants someone who he can talk to about being afraid without feeling like he's lost a fundamental part of himself when doing so.

And then in 4.06 that's exactly what we saw. We see Nandor truly opening up, truly allowing himself to be vulnerable with someone on his wedding night. But not his wife. It was Guillermo, when Nandor finally allowed himself to give Guillermo something real and true and scared. To admit how he was really feeling right in that moment. The vulnerability we saw in his eyes for just a moment was heartbreaking.

He's still completely repressed and completely in denial. The fact that he went through with the marriage in the first place is evidence of that. He still ended up choosing yet another shallow, empty relationship that would place no real demands on him. But I don't think he's going to be able to ignore what he really wants for much longer. I think realizing what a massive cock-up this wedding was is the beginning of the end for him.

I think Nandor's going to hit a breaking point soon, and it may very well come when he realizes (or at least believes) that Guillermo no longer wants him. He's finally found that person that he's willing and able to give everything to... and that person might just reject it.

For now, anyway.

Ah... love... I feel you, Nandor, it sucks...

#replies #wwdits #wwdits meta #nandermo #wwdits s4 spoilers

[cookinguptales]

capribornio said: From my own personal perspective? Write it. Lots of people have complicated feelings about the end of s5, and it might help others to process them. And it would definitely help you, I think.

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Complicated is a good word for it... Like there are parts that I find interesting and parts that I enjoyed and parts I would like to explore more but like. Let's just say I wrote a very long rant here and then deleted all of it.

(but the rant did come out in the end, so I'm putting this under a cut)

But I guess, fic-wise... It's hard for me to write something in direct opposition to what canon has said re: Guillermo's desires and motivations, but I also find that reveal to be completely unsatisfying when paired with... literally every event of the series thus far. I found the ending of the season to be so deeply unsatisfying that it... honestly kind of killed my love for the show a little. Even the past seasons. I haven't been able to bring myself to watch a single episode since the finale aired. It doesn't feel fun anymore. I know I'll bounce back eventually, but right now I still feel so frustrated. I worry that I might feel that way until I see how s6 shakes out, at this point.

So... when I think about writing a fic, all I can do is feel that sense of... things not being finished, I guess. That sense of dissatisfaction. Like I can write a version of nandermo that is still largely canon compliant, but that version of nandermo will be just as dissatisfying as the show has been. I can't build to catharsis that doesn't exist. I can't bring together all the things the characters have done thus far to a satisfying and logical conclusion because the show didn't do that. This last season pretty much said that all of the character motivations we've had thus far didn't amount to a hill of shit, so like... how do I write something satisfying using stuff from the entire series when the writers completely ignored a lot of that early canon in s5?

So whenever I think about writing for them now... the end of the fic is not cathartic. It feels like things are okay for now but are doomed to failure eventually.

I guess... as far as the show goes, I'm not at the point where like. I have lost all hope in it. I'm really, really hoping that they fix some of this in s6, as much as is possible. Like... some things I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to move past, but I'm hoping they at least find some other way to make Guillermo truly supernatural and comfortable in his own (deadly!!!) power. Like at least give me fucking that, otherwise what the fuck are we even doing here.

At least give me confirmation that Guillermo de la Cruz does not actually see vampiric life as being worth less than human life, because it's starting to feel an awful lot like he thinks murdering vampires is fine but murdering humans isn't because vampiric life is intrinsically less valuable than human life. And therefore his human friends and family matter more than the family they keep telling us he's been building with the vampires.

At least!!! Understand that after using the vampiric world as a very thinly veiled metaphor for queerness and being socially othered for four and a half seasons! It feels awful for your queer and/or socially othered audience to see the only protagonist with a choice actively choose the mainstream world instead! Because he understands now that the vampiric world is just too ~gross and terrible~ for him!

Like we can never get back s5 and have a version of it without massive plot holes and character decisions that make no fucking sense (especially Laszlo, christ) but the writers still have the ability to give me those things, I guess, if they actually! want to!

I'm sorry I literally cannot talk about this without ranting lmao. It's frustrating because a lot of Nandor's thoughts and feelings about Guillermo's changing are fascinating and I'd love to explore them. I think they're generally pretty IC. I like thinking about him believing that Guillermo could never be a vampire because he's too sweet, and him believing that he morally can't turn Guillermo because Guillermo would hate it, and him believing that he can never truly be with Guillermo because Guillermo's not actually cut out for their world -- and will thus die probably centuries before Nandor will.

But god, the fact that s5 tells us that Nandor's right when everything in the first few seasons shows us that he's wrong is so fucking frustrating. It's like they forgot that Guillermo de la Cruz was one of the most interesting and complicated and downright vicious characters on television while simultaneously being adorably endearing. The flattening of his characterization that we've seen happen steadily over the past few seasons has culminated in this, us being told with a straight face that Guillermo de la Cruz can't handle killing humans and has somehow never realized that he'd have to do that in order to be a vampire. He's too?? Nice?????? Guillermo de la Cruz, whom we've seen mock humans for being sad and lonely as he leads them to their deaths and then dismembers their bodies. Too empathetic to feed on a human!

Fucking! okay!

I actually always kind of suspected that he wouldn't become a vampire with the others, at least not exactly the same kind. I'm not actually upset about that. I'm upset that he actively rejected that world, not because he could be something better and more interesting on his own, but because he didn't have the stomach for it. I always thought he'd realize that he's too strong to be just a basic-ass vampire, not that he'd realize he's too weak.

Seeing Guillermo build his own strength for several seasons only for them to tell us at the last minute that no, he is actually too weak just like they'd always mocked him as being, feels fucking insulting. Guillermo, after stubbornly wresting his power from the jaws of mediocrity with his own two hands, willingly giving it up--! Because he couldn't handle the life.

fuck, man.

This wasn't Guillermo realizing that he's stronger without vampirism. This is him just... being defanged again, both literally and metaphorically, just like they've been systematically doing for... honestly, since the showrunner change, really. S3 was fun and I enjoyed it, but now I can see the fucking writing on the wall. They never intended to let that man kill indiscriminately again, and I hate that. They're just going to keep taking away his power and his backbone and have him get kicked around again and again Freddie-style until we all die I guess. Because I guess they think that's funnier and easier to write.

I don't even know what to make of it all. It's so diametrically opposed to everything I found interesting about the character. The first few seasons were all about weirdos living in a normal human world. The humor was mostly derived from, like, a vampire trying to figure out the DMV. And Guillermo was finding that he was much less of a "straight man" to their weirdness as he thought. That he was being thrust into a wild and powerful world that he couldn't control, until he could. Until he found his own power and used it to devastating effect. He killed so many people in s2.

But as the show has progressed, as they swapped showrunners, as the focus has changed to exploring a much more supernatural world, Guillermo has been getting more and more "normal". He really is becoming more of the straight man. He almost never kills anymore, and when he does, it's solely out of direct protection that he can find no other way out of. He keeps trying to be responsible, to be caring, to be fair, and nothing else. Who gives a shit about that? Let the man kill a room full of people again. Let him throw a fit because the vampires didn't kill a victim he brought to them. Let him manipulate innocents into an early grave solely because it suits his own selfish needs.

Like damn, where's the man I remember who could be feral and selfish and sweet and caring all at once? What is this "too kind to be a vampire" bullshit? Was it just too hard for them to keep writing a character who was so complex and had so many contradictions? Did they think they had to make him suddenly feel conflicted about killing so they could justify his sweetness? Like Guillermo hasn't always managed to do both? What's even the point of giving him these powers, of having an arc where he comes to accept these powers, if you never let him truly use them anymore?

fuck

The entire time I was watching s5, I wanted to write a fic where they all get dosed with some kind of sex potion and Nandor and Guillermo have a lot of sex while thinking they have no choice for ages before finding out that it wore off weeks ago. And Guillermo finding out the truth and, like... I wanted to use him having that terrible knowledge that could destroy the relationship they'd been building to mirror the other secrets Guillermo is keeping. And I didn't know how I wanted to end it because I didn't know how the season would end. What Nandor knew and what he didn't and what his response would be.

And now I know how I want to end that fic, and it's with them together but not in a fully open and meaningful way. Guillermo is still retreating into humanity because he can't figure out that he lost that a long time ago, and Nandor has come to terms with the fact that he'll probably never truly have Guillermo. There's still anger and hurt feelings and a sense of dissatisfaction, like they'll never have an honest, truthful, and fully emotionally satisfying relationship if things stay as they are then. But they both love each other too much to give up the pale substitute for a relationship that they have. They both know what they have now isn't as good as what they could have had, but the alternative, living without each other, is too awful to contemplate.

And I know, I know that's just mirroring the way I feel about the actual series but...

damn, man. I guess I do still have a lot of feelings. lmao

SORRY I may be too exhausted right now to hold back. I'm just. Frustrated. idk.

#we never came back from the questionable guillermo characterization choices post-time skip did we #RIP #wwdits tag #again trying to keep this out of the main tag so people won't send me hate mail again lmao #replies