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#can’t defeat the raw power Mike has (being the best boy)
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FNAF game Mike almost got attacked by Vanny
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andiwriteordie · 1 year
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to know how it ends...
(i started what i... think was supposed to be some sort of time loop kinda fic all the way back in august and just found it a couple days ago! so uh... here you go. a season 5ish pseudo-au!)
// 
November 6, 1988
It begins like this.
Downtown Hawkins, almost completely torn apart. Monsters of all shapes and sizes coming in swarms out of the gates and out of the epicenter. A storm so large that it now touches every single part of their hometown and the county surrounding it. 
A man turned into a monster with powers matched by only one person: a girl forced to be the hero in a war none of them ever asked to be part of. 
It begins like this.
“There’s no more time!” 
A scream, echoing across the makeshift battlefield. An ultimatum that will decide the fate of the entire world. 
“I have to do this! Close the gates, El! CLOSE THEM!”
Tears in the hero’s eyes. An understanding between five teenagers. A single decision left up to children whose innocence was stolen from them long ago.
“We’ll keep him distracted! Both of you, go! Go! GO!”
Four teenagers spurred into action, each running in separate directions. One teenager, standing frozen, with his mind blank and panic seizing his heart. 
There has to be another way. There has to be another way. There has to be another way.
It begins like this.
A boy, braver than the rest, whose time is up. Time, in the cruelest way, ticking on and on and on. 
A final smile. 
The meeting of eyes across the battlefield. 
A goodbye.
Four words, mouthed so carefully and so delicately, “I love you, Mike.”
A leap into what is known, into the darkness and the terror and the evil of the Upside Down, with a clear plan. To destroy one of the last connections between their world and the Upside Down: himself.
A choice: one life, for the lives of many.
A boy’s scream—raw and broken and full of grief—echoing across the streets of downtown Hawkins.
“WILL!” 
A girl, standing in the center of it all, with her arms outstretched and with tears and blood pouring out of her eyes. Every single light in the nearby vicinity glowing brighter, brighter, brighter until the light is everywhere and almost blinding.
The tears in the fabric of reality stitching back together slowly, steadily, surely. Bullets and fire raining down on the man turned monster, who roars in indignation out of his own defeat. 
The gates—finally closed, after over two long years of being open and of reigning terror on the town of Hawkins, Indiana. Monsters dropping like flies onto the pavement, writhing in pain at the sudden shift.
The body cut off from the brain. 
It begins like this.
One final scream from the hero, whose arms are still outstretched, and whose voice is full of grief and pain and loss. The man turned monster dissipating into dust in the very same way that a different monster once disappeared into the oblivion—nearly five years ago to the day.
“No more,” the hero whispers, collapsing to her knees as finally the very last connection tying their world to the Upside Down dissipates into the air. “No more.”
Stillness. 
Quiet.
A hesitant, fearful question that no one wishes to speak aloud.
Is it over?
Two teenagers, staring back at one another—brown meeting brown in a silent conversation.
He can’t be gone. He can’t be gone.
A tiny shake of the head. Tears welling in the hero’s eyes as she mourns the loss of her best friend—her brother.
A victory tainted by the worst kind of loss.
He is gone.
It begins, and it ends like this.
Hawkins, Indiana is saved. Henry Creel, otherwise known as Vecna and as One, is dead. And the four gates which opened in March 1986 have finally been closed by El Hopper with no chance of ever being opened again.
The connection between the Upside Down and their world has forever been severed.
Because Will Byers is dead.
Will Byers sacrifices his life for his friends, his family, and for the world. 
Hawkins, Indiana is saved. The world is saved.
But Will is gone.
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theliterateape · 6 years
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Picking at Scabs Prevents Any Sort of Healing
By Don Hall
I read somewhere about a man in Texas who was cheated by a group of men. I believe it was over a few hundred dollars but I can’t quite remember (and an exhaustive search on the internet gleaned no results, so maybe I just heard it). Regardless of the amount, the man’s sense of injury and injustice was so heavily defined, he spent the rest of his life and all of his fortune chasing these men down. He managed to get each one arrested but in the process, lost his family, his property and everything he had achieved up to the point of the theft.
The very definition of a Pyrrhic victory.
Binge-watching Cobra Kai on YouTube Red the other day while marinating in NyQuil, it hit me. This story of Johnny Lawrence and Daniel Larusso is a tale of arrested development, an inability to get over the past, and the repeating cycles we have in our lives. As I spent five plus hours reliving their rivalry, with both men dealing with a legacy of bullying and trials and victory or defeat, the fact that I am their age was not the only similarity.
Like Johnny, there is a portion of myself still stuck in the ’80s, that time when I came of age. The music is still the most badass, the ideas of masculine toughness still reside in my bones, the feelings of some sorts of injustices done to me still simmering just behind my eyes. The reminder of the successes of those who done me wrong and went on to thrive, burn like the billboard of Daniel does Johnny. Likewise, I am like Danniel, still riding high on a legacy of achievements long past, holding onto the past with a fevered grip yet unable to stop myself from unlearning all the valuable lessons that make me who I am.
When I watch Johnny look at a room full of kids signed up to learn his brands of karate and bemoan that they’re all “a bunch of pussies,” I get that. While I’m doing my best to unlearn that paradigm, I laugh because it’s true in my 1980s infused eyes. Yet, like Johnny, I do see the essential humanity in these weak but angry losers and question the wisdom of refusing to adjust my behavior to meet their demands.
On the better side of my nature, like Daniel, I struggle to remember the lessons my mentors taught me about balance and the values of hard work without recognition, allowing the past its place without having it take over my entire brain space.
I was never the bully that Johnny was and I was never the weak nerd that Daniel was but the amalgam of the two finds some sort of psychic purchase in my own assessment of self.
I remember, when I was fretting about my relationship with Alice (for something a bit more detailed, check out Peculiar Journeys Ep. 31), that I had incredibly itchy legs. Like, psychosomatically itchy. No lotion could quell the itch. And, at one point, I scratched a bloody divot in my left leg about seven inches long that stayed scabbed up for almost two years later. I felt like maybe I had cancer because the fucking thing simply would not fully heal. I knew I was likely picking and scratching at it at night but it seemed kind of ridiculous that it stayed for so long.
One day, I decided that the scab was indicative of my not getting over the anxieties of being with Alice. I went and culled every picture, every piece of memorabilia, everything that might inadvertently remind of that time. I got rid of the very notion that the relationship had ever existed. I moved on in some ways.
And the fucking scratch on my leg healed.
Let’s say, for shits and giggles, that a young woman gets into a car accident. She was driving and hit a patch of black ice, spun out of control, flipped her car and smashed her head up against the windshield hard enough to cause multiple lacerations on her scalp and a serious concussion. She is trapped in her up-turned vehicle for two hours until paramedics can pull her out. This is bound to cause some serious trauma. Certainly no one is to blame but the trauma exists nonetheless.
As the years pass, she still suffers from this experience. She can’t get in cars without feeling a sense of extreme panic. She won’t fly in planes. Subway? No way. Her entire life becomes an adjustment for her feelings of unsafely, of impending disaster, of the potential of losing control of that which she should be able to control. She lives in a near constant state of fear.
Her feelings are completely normal and understandable. They make sense. She is certainly not crazy but it is obvious that if she wants to continue to live what most call a normal American life, she needs to ultimately get over it. She needs to move beyond it. Yes, there are automobiles everywhere and the sight of them trigger her raw emotional pain. “Get over it” seems flip and unhelpful but “get over it” is exactly what she needs to do to function (unless she moves to a remote corner of Montana and buys a horse and wagon.) “Get over it” feels dismissive of the trauma but it is clear and specific language that offers a pathway to recovery. A goal. To move past the trauma. To let it go and live.
On the other side of town, another young woman is at an office party or a work function and a male colleague makes a pass. Perhaps a grotesquely specific one that renders her speechless and feeling diminished and helpless. She feels her powerlessness in a male-dominated business in a way that she had, up to that point, pretended to not mind, to not really see, to perhaps justify as “that’s just the way it is.” She goes to HR but is reminded “Human Resources” is soft language for “Corporate Damage Control” and receives nothing but platitudes and suggestions that she dress less provocatively. If she presses the issue, she’s labeled and ostracized. She lives in a state of constant anxiety and a nagging, unrelenting sense of injustice and fear.
As the years pass, she still suffers from this experience. The sight of men in power suits and ties, laughing over drinks, is a sinister reminder. Much of her life is adjusted to meet the demands of her trauma. The helplessness turns to anger and she feels angry all the time. She drinks too much but only alone where she cannot be unguarded around men. She starts to wear more provocative clothing just daring other men to pull the same demeaning shit on her again. Her every day becomes a referendum on this one experience magnified to see that specific act everywhere and in every interaction.
She is not crazy or wrong to feel this way. But, in order to begin to live a life without this trauma lording over her every moment, she has to “get over it.” She has to find a way, through counseling or mentorship or karate or fucking yoga, to move past the past. To unring the bell. It doesn’t help her to understand that this unwanted sexual advance is somehow less egregious than if he had actual grabbed her ass and certainly less offensive than if he had forced himself on her. Pointing that out only serves to minimize her own personal damage. Yet, despite the contextual truth, she still needs to find some way out of the existential woods.
My buddy (and fellow Ape contributor) Mike Vinopal, works for an organization that slogans “It’s OK to not be OK,” and I agree with that. I also believe that if that is the total sum up of the experience of trauma, there’s something missing. 
“It’s OK to not be OK… but it’s not OK to accept it and stay that way.”
In Cobra Kai, both Johnny and Daniel deal with this concept in the slow recognition that both characters have as they try to recapture and resolve the rivalry that defined them. Daniel has to relearn the lessons he was taught by teaching them to another, and Johnny has to struggle with the boy he was as he trains the 2018 version of Daniel. Both characters are trying to evolve — to be better men than they currently have become rather than settling for the men they are. Unsurprisingly, only one gets it. But that’s why there will be a second season.
Scabs are the body’s way of healing a wound. If you continue to pick at that scab, it will never heal and become a scar. Scars are the body’s way of saying you survived the injury. The skin of a scar is denser and thicker than the skin surrounding it. Scabs signal that you aren’t done healing. Scars are a sign that you survived the wound.
I read somewhere about that man in Texas who, to make himself feel whole, destroyed his entire life picking at that scab.
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jillmckenzie1 · 5 years
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Can’t Sleep, Clown Will Eat Me
Back in the day, liking horror was viewed as nothing to be proud of. It was a genre that was grimy, unseemly, positively dripping with bad thoughts and worse intentions. If you were into the scary stuff, why, it must mean you’re some kind of dangerous freak! Speaking from experience, telling someone during the first date that one of your favorite movies is The Exorcist is an excellent way to ensure there’s no second date.
Then Stephen King came along, and it’s possible that he, moreso than anyone else in the last 40 years, dragged horror kicking and screaming into the mainstream. As of now, he’s had 58 novels published and more than 350 million copies sold. King’s work is a cottage industry, stretching throughout novels, the stage, television, comics, music*, and film.
We’ve talked before about how a film based on a Stephen King novel can be…ah…somewhat of a mixed bag. Nobody, least of all me, wants to get stuck viewing or reviewing The Mangler or The Lawnmower Man. Luckily, we’re in a bit of a renaissance of good King adaptations with Gerald’s Game and 2017’s It. Despite the onslaught of jump scares**, I really liked It, and I crossed my fingers that the second installment wouldn’t suck. My prayers were (sort of) rewarded, as It: Chapter Two is a perfectly good follow up.
If I summarize the prior film and this film, we’re gonna be here all day. If you haven’t seen It,*** all you need to know is that during the summer of 1989, an interdimensional sewer clown named Pennywise (Bill Skarsgard) slaughtered children living in Derry, Maine. You’d think the cops would get involved and roving gangs of parents would drag the clown out of a manhole and beat him within an inch of his life, but no. Instead, a group of middle-school kids calling themselves The Losers Club defeat Pennywise and vow to return to Derry if the clown ever rears his greasepaint smeared head again.
Since it would be boring as hell if ya boi Pennywise didn’t show up 27 years later, he does! After a young man is nearly killed in a hate crime, he’s definitely killed by Pennywise. As the clown doesn’t believe in subtlety, he calls out the now grown members of the Losers Club for a rematch. Some of them are less enthusiastic to return to Derry than others. They are:
Mike Hanlon (Isaiah Mustafa as an adult, Chosen Jacobs as a child) is the town librarian, and he reaches out to the others imploring them to come home.
Beverly Marsh (Jessica Chastain as an adult, Sophia Lillis as a child) escaped her abusive father only to enter an abusive marriage.
Bill Denbrough (James McAvoy as an adult, Jaeden Martell as a child) is a successful author with a movie adaptation on the way.
Richie Tozier (Bill Hader as an adult, Finn Wolfhard as a child) is a successful stand-up comic with a successful drug and alcohol habit.
Ben Hanscom (Jay Ryan as an adult, Jeremy Ray Taylor as a child) has lost a ton of weight, become a major architect, and still pines for Beverly.
Eddie Kaspbrak (James Ransone as an adult, Jack Dylan Grazer) put his neuroses to work as a risk assessor.
Stan Uris (Andy Bean as an adult, Wyatt Oleff as a child) is the only one of The Losers who doesn’t attend the reunion due to his suicide.
So, what’s the plan to take out Pennywise? It involves The Ritual of Chud, a Native American ceremony**** Mike learned that will allegedly banish Pennywise into the outer darkness. In order to do that, the Losers Club will have to gather artifacts from their childhood. But Pennywise is watching, and he has his games…
Here’s the thing about It: Chapter Two. While it’s a solid film, it doesn’t quite have the combination of nostalgia and raw elemental power of the first film. At nearly three hours, this film is long AF, and that’s an awful lot of time for jump scares and horrors lunging out of the stygian darkness. It’s a good thing that Andy Muschietti returns to the director’s chair, as he continues to display an excellent command establishing mood. A scene where Beverly returns to her childhood home is a masterclass in establishing suspense, and Muschietti gradually cranks up the tension. However, there are slightly too few moments of legit dread and slightly too many moments of things bursting into frame with loud-ass sound effects accompanying it. Having said that, the casting is strong, the film has a genuinely epic sprawl, and for every moment of dodgy CGI there’s another that feels creative and alarming.
Screenwriter Gary Dauberman was faced with the unenviable task of adapting a 1,138-page book into two films. While I applaud his effort, the end result is mixed. The best moments are when the grown Losers Club are together, and we see them bouncing off one another. Unfortunately, the moments where they have to split up to track down artifacts feel a little bit like video game levels, and some of the subplots could have been cut without harming the main narrative. Dauberman has a strong ear for dialogue, and as the parent of a middle schooler, I have to give him credit for authenticity—particularly the scenes with the kids. Put two or more seventh-graders together and you’ll get a torrent of filth that would make Quentin Tarantino proud. I liked that, as kids that age are still trying to figure out profanity and naturally overuse it to hilarious effect.
There are no weak links in the cast, but there are a couple of standouts. Old pros like Jessica Chastain and James McAvoy do good work, and they feel like natural extensions of the kids playing the younger roles. In 2017, I mentioned that instead of trying to be frightening, Bill Skarsgard’s Pennywise simply is frightening. His time working with a contortionist and perfecting bizarre vocal tics makes his sewer clown a horror icon on the same level as Freddy or Leatherface. Having said all that, you can almost hear Bill Hader saying, “Yoink!” as he nimbly steals the movie. As Richie, he’s an incorrigible wiseass who alternately uses humor as a shield and a sword. Hader does some heavy emotional lifting and isn’t just QuipBot 3000. While we don’t really have a star system any longer, this is the role that pushes Hader into the big time.
With It: Chapter Two, Warner Brothers have put their money where their mouths are. We’ve got a talented writer and director, a reasonable budget, and limited interference from timid executives. The end result isn’t “elevated horror.” Rather, it’s a prestige film with the full muscle of a major studio behind it that also happens to be a horror movie. The film shows us how trauma endures throughout the years, how the bonds of friendship can be bent but not broken, and why trusting the word of a clown in a storm drain is a bad idea.
  *In doing my research, I discovered that the band Anthrax has based a number of their songs on King’s work. I can’t explain why that’s so funny to me, but it is.
**After a while, jump scares stop being genuinely scary and are just a way for filmmakers to startle viewers. Throw in a musical sting and a quick camera movement, and you can jump scare people with a pan of lasagna.
***And if you haven’t seen It, what possible reason would you have for seeing It: Chapter Two?
 ****I’m so tired of Native Americans being portrayed as wise mystics. It would have been better if they had said to Mike, “So the murder clown shows up every 27 years, eh? That’s why every 26 years, we peace out to New Mexico to enjoy the sun, then return to reap the benefits of the now mysteriously low property values in Derry.”
from Blog https://ondenver.com/cant-sleep-clown-will-eat-me/
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literateape · 6 years
Text
Picking at Scabs Prevents Any Sort of Healing
By Don Hall
I read somewhere about a man in Texas who was cheated by a group of men. I believe it was over a few hundred dollars but I can’t quite remember (and an exhaustive search on the internet gleaned no results, so maybe I just heard it). Regardless of the amount, the man’s sense of injury and injustice was so heavily defined, he spent the rest of his life and all of his fortune chasing these men down. He managed to get each one arrested but in the process, lost his family, his property and everything he had achieved up to the point of the theft.
The very definition of a Pyrrhic victory.
Binge-watching Cobra Kai on YouTube Red the other day while marinating in NyQuil, it hit me. This story of Johnny Lawrence and Daniel Larusso is a tale of arrested development, an inability to get over the past, and the repeating cycles we have in our lives. As I spent five plus hours reliving their rivalry, with both men dealing with a legacy of bullying and trials and victory or defeat, the fact that I am their age was not the only similarity.
Like Johnny, there is a portion of myself still stuck in the ’80s, that time when I came of age. The music is still the most badass, the ideas of masculine toughness still reside in my bones, the feelings of some sorts of injustices done to me still simmering just behind my eyes. The reminder of the successes of those who done me wrong and went on to thrive, burn like the billboard of Daniel does Johnny. Likewise, I am like Danniel, still riding high on a legacy of achievements long past, holding onto the past with a fevered grip yet unable to stop myself from unlearning all the valuable lessons that make me who I am.
When I watch Johnny look at a room full of kids signed up to learn his brands of karate and bemoan that they’re all “a bunch of pussies,” I get that. While I’m doing my best to unlearn that paradigm, I laugh because it’s true in my 1980s infused eyes. Yet, like Johnny, I do see the essential humanity in these weak but angry losers and question the wisdom of refusing to adjust my behavior to meet their demands.
On the better side of my nature, like Daniel, I struggle to remember the lessons my mentors taught me about balance and the values of hard work without recognition, allowing the past its place without having it take over my entire brain space.
I was never the bully that Johnny was and I was never the weak nerd that Daniel was but the amalgam of the two finds some sort of psychic purchase in my own assessment of self.
I remember, when I was fretting about my relationship with Alice (for something a bit more detailed, check out Peculiar Journeys Ep. 31), that I had incredibly itchy legs. Like, psychosomatically itchy. No lotion could quell the itch. And, at one point, I scratched a bloody divot in my left leg about seven inches long that stayed scabbed up for almost two years later. I felt like maybe I had cancer because the fucking thing simply would not fully heal. I knew I was likely picking and scratching at it at night but it seemed kind of ridiculous that it stayed for so long.
One day, I decided that the scab was indicative of my not getting over the anxieties of being with Alice. I went and culled every picture, every piece of memorabilia, everything that might inadvertently remind of that time. I got rid of the very notion that the relationship had ever existed. I moved on in some ways.
And the fucking scratch on my leg healed.
Let’s say, for shits and giggles, that a young woman gets into a car accident. She was driving and hit a patch of black ice, spun out of control, flipped her car and smashed her head up against the windshield hard enough to cause multiple lacerations on her scalp and a serious concussion. She is trapped in her up-turned vehicle for two hours until paramedics can pull her out. This is bound to cause some serious trauma. Certainly no one is to blame but the trauma exists nonetheless.
As the years pass, she still suffers from this experience. She can’t get in cars without feeling a sense of extreme panic. She won’t fly in planes. Subway? No way. Her entire life becomes an adjustment for her feelings of unsafely, of impending disaster, of the potential of losing control of that which she should be able to control. She lives in a near constant state of fear.
Her feelings are completely normal and understandable. They make sense. She is certainly not crazy but it is obvious that if she wants to continue to live what most call a normal American life, she needs to ultimately get over it. She needs to move beyond it. Yes, there are automobiles everywhere and the sight of them trigger her raw emotional pain. “Get over it” seems flip and unhelpful but “get over it” is exactly what she needs to do to function (unless she moves to a remote corner of Montana and buys a horse and wagon.) “Get over it” feels dismissive of the trauma but it is clear and specific language that offers a pathway to recovery. A goal. To move past the trauma. To let it go and live.
On the other side of town, another young woman is at an office party or a work function and a male colleague makes a pass. Perhaps a grotesquely specific one that renders her speechless and feeling diminished and helpless. She feels her powerlessness in a male-dominated business in a way that she had, up to that point, pretended to not mind, to not really see, to perhaps justify as “that’s just the way it is.” She goes to HR but is reminded “Human Resources” is soft language for “Corporate Damage Control” and receives nothing but platitudes and suggestions that she dress less provocatively. If she presses the issue, she’s labeled and ostracized. She lives in a state of constant anxiety and a nagging, unrelenting sense of injustice and fear.
As the years pass, she still suffers from this experience. The sight of men in power suits and ties, laughing over drinks, is a sinister reminder. Much of her life is adjusted to meet the demands of her trauma. The helplessness turns to anger and she feels angry all the time. She drinks too much but only alone where she cannot be unguarded around men. She starts to wear more provocative clothing just daring other men to pull the same demeaning shit on her again. Her every day becomes a referendum on this one experience magnified to see that specific act everywhere and in every interaction.
She is not crazy or wrong to feel this way. But, in order to begin to live a life without this trauma lording over her every moment, she has to “get over it.” She has to find a way, through counseling or mentorship or karate or fucking yoga, to move past the past. To unring the bell. It doesn’t help her to understand that this unwanted sexual advance is somehow less egregious than if he had actual grabbed her ass and certainly less offensive than if he had forced himself on her. Pointing that out only serves to minimize her own personal damage. Yet, despite the contextual truth, she still needs to find some way out of the existential woods.
My buddy (and fellow Ape contributor) Mike Vinopal, works for an organization that slogans “It’s OK to not be OK,” and I agree with that. I also believe that if that is the total sum up of the experience of trauma, there’s something missing. 
“It’s OK to not be OK… but it’s not OK to accept it and stay that way.”
In Cobra Kai, both Johnny and Daniel deal with this concept in the slow recognition that both characters have as they try to recapture and resolve the rivalry that defined them. Daniel has to relearn the lessons he was taught by teaching them to another, and Johnny has to struggle with the boy he was as he trains the 2018 version of Daniel. Both characters are trying to evolve — to be better men than they currently have become rather than settling for the men they are. Unsurprisingly, only one gets it. But that’s why there will be a second season.
Scabs are the body’s way of healing a wound. If you continue to pick at that scab, it will never heal and become a scar. Scars are the body’s way of saying you survived the injury. The skin of a scar is denser and thicker than the skin surrounding it. Scabs signal that you aren’t done healing. Scars are a sign that you survived the wound.
I read somewhere about that man in Texas who, to make himself feel whole, destroyed his entire life picking at that scab.
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placetobenation · 6 years
Link
*** Scott & JT’s Vintage Vault Refresh reviews are a chronological look back at WWE PPV and TV history that began with a review of WrestleMania I. The PICs have revisited these events and refreshed all of their fun facts that provide insight into the match, competitors and state of the company as well as their overviews of the match action and opinions and thoughts on the outcomes. In addition, Jeff Jarvis assists in compiling historical information and the Fun Facts in each of the reviews. Also, be sure to leave feedback on the reviews at our Facebook page. Enjoy! ***
Monday Night Raw #116
June 19, 1995 (Taped June 5, 1995) Struthers High School Struthers, OH Announcers: Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler
1) Undertaker defeats Mike McReynolds with the Tombstone at 2:00
Scott: We open the go-home Raw before Sunday in Philly with a loaded show and all of the major players. The Deadman faces Mabel in the first round of the KOTR tournament and warms up with a new jobber I’ve never heard of before. Vince McMahon finds Jerry Lawler’s feet putrid as the “Kiss My Foot” match is just six days away. The ventilation system in this high school is pretty bad as the smoke hasn’t left the ring area. Taker is one of many guys that could win this tournament, and perhaps after not being around much in 1994, this tournament is his to take. Grade: DUD
JT: We are back here with another edition of Monday Night Raw, still coming at you via videotape from the rocking Struthers High School field house, just six days away from King of the Ring. Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show and we waste literally no time in welcoming in the Deadman for our opening bout. It isn’t often that Undertaker pops up on Raw, so they really are hyping up this rare treat for us. Vince wastes no time just ripping into King’s disgusting feet as Taker attacks Mike McReynolds off the bell and proceeds to batter him amidst a cloud of persistent smoke. Vince also reminds us that Taker has to square off with Mabel in the KOTR opening round while King notes that he may be looking past Sunday and on to getting revenge on Kama. Lots going on for the Deadman for sure here as of late. Taker easily finishes of McReynolds with the Tombstone and then stuffs him in a bodybag while the Creatures of the Night look on from the crowd. Grade: DUD
*** We head back to last week and recap the issues that unfolded between Bob Backlund and Man Mountain Rock. ***
2) Adam Bomb defeats Bill Payne with a clothesline off the top rope at 2:00
Scott: I’m pretty bummed that Adam Bomb is not in the KOTR tournament, but I guess there’s only so many people you can put in it, and if Lex Luger, British Bulldog & Owen Hart aren’t in it I guess Bomb can’t be either. Vince is shilling the new WWF magazine with Lawler on the cover, and he says the “APA” sponsored it. Hmmmm, a future time remnant? Never mind, we’ll get there. Bomb is beating down this stiff while Vince keeps harping on Lawler’s stinky feet. Bomb wins easily and perhaps can be a contender to Jeff Jarrett’s IC Title. Grade: DUD
JT: Back to the ring we go as Adam Bomb stalks to the ring to battle Bill Payne. Vince talks about the work Bomb is doing with the upcoming Special Olympics in Connecticut as things get started. Vince and King spend nearly the entire match discussing the Kiss My Foot match, including looking at the WWF Magazine, which has Lawler on the cover. Vince also breaks the news that Razor Ramon’s rib injury may keep him out of the King of the Ring. That would be a pretty big blow to the quality of the tournament. Bomb finishes Payne off with a clothesline from the top. Grade: DUD
*** Todd Pettengill is here with our final King of the Ring update here on Monday Night Raw as the show is just six days away now. Here is the full card:
Diesel & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Sid & Tatanka Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler – Kiss My Foot Match Undertaker vs. Mabel – Opening Round Match Shawn Michaels vs. Kama – Opening Round Match Bob Holly vs. Roadie – Opening Round Match Razor Ramon vs. Yokozuna – Opening Round Match
All that plus the remainder of the KOTR tournament. There you have it! Be sure to order today so you aren’t left out of the big night in Philadelphia. We will see you there! ***
*** Barry Didinsky is in the aisle promoting a special Diesel Power shirt, available for purchase tonight! ***
3) Psycho Sid & Tatanka defeat New Headshrinkers when Tatanka pins Sionne with after a Sid powerbomb on the floor at 8:56
Fun Fact: PTBN bids a fond farewell to what is left of the Headshrinkers after this match. The team was never the same after Samu left the WWF in the fall of 1994. Sione replaced Samu, but the team only made 1 PPV appearance, the 1994 Survivor Series, after the change. The team would stay around in the WWF until July before Sione left for WCW. 
Scott: Before this, we had our final KOTR report with a Bret Hart promo in there as well. I hope that match is really good because the gimmick is so stupid. The Headshrinkers have slid down the tag team ladder even though Sione is an awesome worker and to me upgrades that team beyond when they were Tag Team Champions. Obviously, this is a setup for Sid & Tatanka to win as they face Diesel & Bigelow on Sunday. Is that match the main event? Will the tournament finals be the main event? How about Hart vs. Lawler? One year ago Lawler was in the main event, why not this year? So many questions surrounding Sunday. The Corporation is working pretty well as a team here and doing some effective double teaming on Fatu & Sionne. Eventually, Sid hits a pretty vicious powerbomb on the floor and that leads to Tatanka’s pinfall and the heels are victorious. It was a fun TV match with a sick ending. Grade: **
JT: We head down to the ring for our marquee match of the evening as Ted DiBiase leads out his prized team of Psycho Sid and Tatanka. Of course, these two are looking to get some work in before they head to Philadelphia for their big challenge against Diesel and Bam Bam Bigelow, so DiBiase signed them for a match against the fading Headshrinkers. Just one year ago, Fatu and Samu were the kings of the tag division, but here we are twelve months later, Samu is gone, Sionne is here and they are nothing but cannon fodder. Even in the promo hyping this match last week, Todd Pettengill basically admitted the Samoans were floundering and needed a big win. As we start to get settled in, King pokes fun at Diesel’s balky elbow, which is still ailing the Champion as we near Sunday. Fatu and Tatanka open up and the Samoan dominates early with hard strikes. Tatanka comes back with a clothesline and starts to work the neck and upper back with chops before pitching the big man to the floor. Tatanka fetches him and rolls him back inside but Fatu just shrugs off a chop to the head from the top rope and then no sells a DDT as well. Vince talks about the thickness of Fatu’s cranium as he drops Tatanka with a side kick and then dances. Sid tags in and stares down Fatu, who moonwalks to the corner and checks in with Sione. Sid tries to ram their heads together but that fails and Sione clotheslines Sid down and lays in a few more shots. Sid recovers and cuts Fatu down with a real hard clothesline and then plants him with a chokeslam. He follows with a leg drop and grabs a near fall and then continues to maul Fatu through a break. Tatanka tags in and keeps the pressure on as Vince again talks about Diesel’s elbow as well as an upcoming charity softball game that he will be taking part in this weekend. Sid and Tatanka double team in the corner, but Sid would whiff on a leg drop, giving Fatu a false hope before Tatanka cut him back down. Fatu would dodge a Tatanka elbow and finally tag in Sione, who came in and mowed right through the Native American, nabbing near falls on a powerslam and stun gun. Stone followed with a piledriver for two but Sid made the save. Sione and Tatanka would end up on the floor while Sid dropped Fatu with a powerbomb in the ring. Sid then hung Fatu in the ropes and hit the floor where he dropped Sione with a big powerbomb on the floor. They pitched him back inside where Tatanka covered for the easy win. Well that was quite the strong finish to a surprisingly feisty match. Sticking Tatanka in this team may have been a shrewd move as this was the best he looked in a while. Sid was great too, tweaking out on the apron and then just beating the piss out of both Samoans whenever he could. The finish was great too with him just wrecking Fatu and Sione with powerbombs to wipe them out. DiBiase’s boys certainly look locked and loaded for Philly. We also say farewell to the Samoans, a team that has provided a lot of entertainment over the past three years. Their time had clearly come but I also feel like they could have accomplished even more with a better sustained push throughout their run. Grade: **
*** We head backstage for a visit with Diesel and Bam Bam Bigelow. They talk about their chances on Sunday with Diesel’s ailing elbow and remain quite confident in their chances against the Corporate team despite the injury. ***
*** We check out footage from Jerry Lawler’s palace where he continues to prepare for Sunday. This time he shows off some ancient torture devices in his dungeon and then warns Bret Hart of the impending doom that awaits him. ***
4) Hunter Hearst-Helmsley defeats Buck Quartermain with the Pedigree at
Scott: This newcomer gets his second Raw match after a final Jerry Lawler vignette in his “palace” putting over the match Sunday with Bret Hart. I’m feeling based on the tournament and the tag match with the WWF Champion in it that this could be the main event. With Lawler as commentator, he can put this match over literally the entire show. Helmsley is a solid character and the mid-card is growing with some decent heels. He beats this bum up, and then debuts (On Raw) his new finisher, the “Pedigree”. Not a bad finisher at all. Grade: DUD
JT: Time for our next match as the blue blood Hunter Hearst-Helmsley slowly walks to the ring and disrobes for a match with old pal Buck Quartermain. King continues to take shots at the Hart Family as the insane hype for the Kiss My Foot match continues. Hunter makes very easy work of the Buckster and finishes him off with his brand new finisher: the Pedigree. Nice win for the American Blueblood as he continues to quietly pick up wins on a regular basis. Grade: DUD
5) Shawn Michaels defeats Gus Kantarakis with the superkick at 4:16
Scott: So Shawn is in the KOTR tournament against Kama in the first round, and with the babyface push that Shawn is getting, if he made it to the finals I can see that match being the main event and the show ends with babyface Shawn celebrating. I do like the jobber’s tights being the colors of the Greek flag, since he is clearly Greek. I’m so puzzled and fascinated on how Sunday’s show will go. More in terms of match order than results, because Diesel’s tag team and Bret Hart are clearly winning, but it comes down to who wins the KOTR tournament. The only legit heel in the bunch is Yokozuna, and as a former WWF Champion I can see him winning. Otherwise, the real favorites are all faces (Shawn, Razor, Undertaker), which means the final match of the night could be the finals of the tournament. Shawn wins the match with the superkick, but immediately Kama comes in looking to go after his tournament opponent in the first round. Then the Undertaker comes down the ramp, stalking the man who melted his urn down. Then Mabel comes down the ramp as we go off the air. Good way to boost the tournament. Grade: *1/2
JT: It is time for our final match of the night as the one and only Shawn Michaels dances out to the ring for a bout with the Greek Freak Gus Kantarakis. Michaels is sporting a five o’clock shadow and the ladies seem to be digging it for sure. Vince talks about Shawn’s tilt with Kama on Sunday as he looks to capture his first ever KOTR crown. He also mentions that Jim Ross has an update on the WWF Superstar line that centers around the injury to Razor Ramon and what could happen if he can’t go in Philly. Michaels plays around with Gus for a bit and then puts him to sleep with the superkick, picking up a win in his final stop the way to Philly. Grade: DUD
*** After the match, Kama tries to attack Shawn Michaels but Michaels fought him off and sent him bailing to the floor. Undertaker then stalked out and stared down Kama followed by Mabel also ambling out as the show would to a close. ***
Final Analysis
Scott: Finally we get some action on a Raw with a lot of the big stars out to wrestle and get the hard sell in before Sunday in Philly. Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Sid & Tatanka and some of the other players. Wait a minute, there are NO Title matches on Sunday. Sid’s in the tag match, Yoko is in the tournament and…wait where the fuck is Jeff Jarrett? Vince, are you drunk? What kind of mess is this? I’m not having a good feeling about this show on Sunday. Plus you’re in Philadelphia which could get kind of rowdy if they don’t like what they see. Good luck Vince, I think you’re going to need it. As for this episode, it’s head and shoulders better than the past two weeks. Now maybe come next Monday we have a great King and some storylines to chew on through the summer… but we will see. FINAL GRADE: C
JT: This was a solid go-home edition of Raw for sure. We saw some big names in there prepping for Sunday and the cornerstone tag match was surprisingly fun. Sid looked great in there and with all the focus on Diesel’s elbow, they have done a really good job of putting the finish of that match in question. Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler has been hyped to the Heavens, week after week, and is certainly being positioned as a big time match on the card. And speaking of the card, it is kind of a weird one. As Scott said, we have no title matches and a bunch of top name guys sitting at home, including Jeff Jarrett, British Bulldog and Owen Hart. The tournament is kind of loaded at least but the brackets have giant warning flares that something odd could be approaching as well. Next time we are here, we will know all the answers. Until then… Final Grade: C+
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