(Context: I'm AuDHD and have ZERO ability to do the thing when I think about doing the thing. I'm trying a new stimulant, Azstarys, and it's given me that ability.)
What it's like having executive function: The moment I think about doing something, it's done. For the first time ever I can make my body move as fast as I can think.
I've been awake for 5½ hours and this is what I've completed:
Went to say hi to a friend for his birthday, which involved: Driving across town, driving into downtown, and finding parking at a parking meter to go to an unfamiliar restaurant.
Dropped him and his wife off back at their house, which involved: Navigating on slippery and unfamiliar roads at night on semi-plowed roads.
Got home and cleaned my room, which involved: Putting all the crap I had strewn about into bins, putting the bins into the halls, picking garbage off the floor, pulling out the broom and dustpan, sweeping, pulling out the vacuum, vacuuming, pulling out furniture, pushing the furniture back, walking up and down the basement stairs to get things, putting the broom back, putting the vacuum back, putting the bins with crap back into my room to sort through later.
Made myself a milkshake, which involved: Pulling out all ingredients, making the milkshake, putting all the ingredients back, and hand-washing the blender and lid. And then I cleaned the few dishes left in the sink and cleaned the sink itself because it looked a little crusty.
The main takeaway I've learned from all this?
Efficiency is a bio-mechanical function, and how well this mechanical function works is NOT a matter of self-discipline or willpower.
When you have working executive function—when it doesn't cause your nervous system pain to set-switch and to execute tasks—doing tasks is EASY. SO EASY. MINDLESS. The moment I'd think about doing something, my body is suddenly doing it.
Additionally, none of this exhausted me. None of it inflicted pain on my nervous system. In fact, the only reason why I'd stop doing a task is purely because it gets boring to do, NOT because I'm burning out from constant pain-exposure.
Fuck literally everyone who claims this shit's a matter of willpower or discipline. If it feels like that to them, then that's testament to just how fucking easy they have it.
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A. Kirkland- Pitbrow Woman, '81
In the last month or so, my interest in nyo!England has blossomed. Yet, I have long disliked the canon stylization of the character.
Ms. Alice Kirkland has never been one to shy away from physical labor or the harsh realties of her own people. Even at the height of her international power, it was rare that- unless directly requested by the monarch or prime minster- that she lived among the aristocrats for long periods of time. A stark difference between her and her French counterpart. While her rebellious days as a sailor were behind her, throughout the 1800s it was not uncommon to find her either in the mines, in a factory, or tending to her own country estate farm.
References and Inspirations bellow cut, Programs used: MS Paint and Krita
I could not have done any of this without these references.
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