#cin.txt

[loveydive]

everybody sending wyll back to camp after his rat diet line... free him he did nothing wrong

#cin.txt #astarion deserves a little sass back considering how much he dishes it out #what wyll said wasnt even close to anything as mean as astarion has said #think that honour goes to if you choose astarion over shadowheart and hes like well she should be used to loss by now c: #audibly gasped when i heard that

[keitofucker69]

this is the most sena izumi voice SOO ANNOYING moment ever

#cin.txt #guy who's been using Tumblr as a reblog dump site is forced to change #like. guy who truly found a way to use a social media site that didn't suck (has a terrible socmed complex) has to Give That Up.........

[saladsays]

Also, wtf happened to the swingset while I was away tf? It's like two seconds from coming down on top of us /hj

#cin.txt #🌼.txt #wish me luck

[sixce]

im not THAT into kpop anymore enough to have a whole sideblog so im just gonna post any kpoppie things on my main instead so feel free to follow me there! warning: i got yakuza brainrot rn

#cin.txt #recent releases this year have just been super disappoiting lately #most kpop blogs i follow are ia so my interest has rlly gone down #and the groups i do like dont have many cbs anyways #so :/// #byeeee

[beatoriche-remade]

when u swap bodies with a nice mage woman and find out what happens to it later

#cin.txt #evillious chronicles #ec #HFBDGFHSBDHBHSDHBGHSDB

[eyestrainz-blog1]

HEY!! SORRY I’VE BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE!! I’M BACK TO BEING ACTIVE THOUGH HI HI HI !

#txt #karin.txt #kokoa.txt #sin.txt #cin.txt

[loveydive]

ocean vuong, on earth we're briefly gorgeous / puella magi madoka magica (2011)

#cin.txt #pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #on earth we're briefly gorgeous #madohomu #sorry am just a little bit obsessed with the book #and also pmmm #😭

[loveydive]

thinking about that ocean vuong quote ‘Because that’s what mothers do. They wait. They stand still until their children belong to someone else’ and the rest of the paragraph is little dog telling his mother that he hates her and that she is a monster only to take it back when she isnt there anymore, that he didnt mean it. mothers, especially immigrant mothers, belong to their children first. they dedicate their whole lives to them, quashing their own potential and personhood at times to do so.

and i was just thinking about how the ending of everything everywhere all at once was the complete opposite of that. how at first when joy asks evelyn to let her go, she does what she wants - she lets her go. ‘because that’s what mothers do’ and it feels like she’s doing the right thing, by letting her daughter go to get rid of the pain that she’s feeling. but it is an passive act of love - one that immigrant mothers are too familiar with. to raise and love your children through sacrifice (so much sacrifice) while neglecting what they themselves want.

joy tells evelyn to let go, not because she actually wanted her to let go but because it was a challenge, almost a test, for her mother. like when little dog tells his mother that he hates her and that she is a monster, they both dont mean it. its a test. they want to see to what extent their mothers can love them. would you love me even if you thought i hated you? if i called you a monster? would you love me if i asked you to let me go? even if i told you that being with you hurts us both? and joy gets her answer. evelyn refuses to let her go because she loves her. without a doubt.

she holds onto joy and doesn’t let go. she tells her that she ‘will always always want to be here with’ her. even when there are other universes where she doesnt make all those sacrifices and is more successful - she chooses joy (metaphorically and literally). and its just. i keep thinking about that other tumblr post where they talk about how evelyn wanted to feel that she was worth loving and not letting go of with her dad. and she does that with joy!! she doesn’t let her go because she loves her. evelyn in the movie shatters the mother’s instinct of ‘standing still until their children belong to someone else’. she is no longer a bystander in her own daughter’s life but someone who actively chooses to be with her. love doesn’t just sit there, it is made!! and i just love it so much.

#eeaao #everything everywhere all at once #cin.txt #literally rewatched the scene of this post an i ended up sobbing even harder than when i watched it the first time #genuinely love this movie so much you dont understand #on earth we're briefly gorgeous #such a beautiful book btw #i feel like i need to read it again #even tho i just read it a few months ago LOL #edit: also just want to say that bc evelyn chooses to love joy. she exhibits her own agency in doing so. #when she does it she isnt just doing it bc shes her mother. shes doing it as a person who loves joy.

[loveydive]

wyllstarion is so loustat i never stood a chance

#cin.txt #ESP if astarion ascends #the DRAMA OF IT ALLLLL #wyll killing asc!astarion ooooouugghhhh

[loveydive]

neuvillitte making a law so that melusines be addressed by she/her pronouns and not it/its

#cin.txt #neuvillitteee........ *gripping the bars of my cage* #why is he so #AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #stay strong stay strong stay strong #i need my rolls for focalors and arlechiinno #but neuvillette is so soft hearted #fuck my stupid baka life

[loveydive]

giovanni’s room IS giovanni. it is him and his past and his emotions and his grief and his humanity. when david describes his room as having been organised by punishment and grief, he is describing giovanni as a grief stricken man who punishes himself for it. when giovanni is chipping away at the wall to try to make a new bookcase, he is changing himself to try to get david to stay - to make the room bigger (his life better) than it actually is so that he doesnt leave. when david calls the room hideous, he is calling giovanni hideous. when he leaves the room for the final time, he is leaving giovanni for good.

when david loves hella, he describes her as a walled city. giovanni is just a room. he couldnt make himself a city for david as much as he wanted to. the room is a cage, it is a safehaven, it is a cage and a safehaven from and of society.

giovanni is his room; the room is him.

#cin.txt #giovanni's room #basically a shorter version of my other post

[loveydive]

smth smth the relationship btwn hera and pryce. abt the relationship btwn a creator and their creation. abt the why didnt you make me good enough, not just so that you could love me, but specifically why did you traumatise me and expect me to just keep going as if nothing was wrong. why did you leave me like this. bc when something goes wrong its my fault, im the cause of it and i cant get rid of this thing in my head thats stopping me from stopping it from happening not just bc you put it there but bc its me. im the one whos stopping myself. and i dont know how to deal with that.

#cin.txt #IM GETTING EMOTIONAL OVER HERRRAAAA 😭😭😭😭🥺☹💞 #life is so painful but it can be even more painful after listening to wolf 359 ep 41 memoria #ITS THE METAPHOR FOR GOD AND HIS CREATIONS ITS THE METAPHOR FOR PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN #ITS #AAHHHH #werewolfrippingshirtopen.jpeg #i cried. so much listening to that ep #even tho its lke my third time now LOL #wolf 359 #AND AND THE FACT THAT HERAS VOICE *IS PRYCE'S VOICE #we ARE OUR PARENTS GOD MADE US IN HIS IMAGE #AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #trying to be SO normal abt this (and failing)

[loveydive]

if you have sex with mizora wyll should leave the party as a consequence

#like how astarion leaves if you kill cazador without him or smth like that #cin.txt

[loveydive]

i just finished reading giovanni’s room and i am curious about the immense amount of ‘room’ imagery in the novel. i mean duh, a novel called ‘giovanni’s room’ is going to use that analogy. but ive seen people interpret giovanni’s room as soooo many things but none of them felt satisfying enough for me.

ive seen ppl call it a physical cage for davids idea of masculinity, or a place of freedom and love where david can love who he loves away from society’s expectations, or a toxic and claustrophobic place that forced him to stay in the closet. but i feel like the room can be all of these at once. in my eyes, the room analogy is amorphous and its meaning changes throughout the story because my take on it is that giovanni’s room is giovanni.

when david first sees the room, he remarks that it is organised by ‘punishment and grief’ (p. 78). and he thinks that his role is to ‘destroy this room and give Giovanni a new and better life. This life could only be my own, which, in order to transform Giovanni’s, must first become a part of Giovanni’s room.’ (p. 78). the implication is clear - he must become a part of giovanni’s life and to destroy the grief that wracks giovanni and give him a better life.

but its important to highlight that giovanni never saw his room like david did. because when david asks him why he has buried himself in ‘that hideous room’ (p. 104), giovanni doesn’t agree with him. he rebutes:

‘The world is full of rooms - big rooms, little rooms, round rooms, square ones, rooms high up, rooms low down - all kinds of rooms! What kind of room do you think Giovanni should be living in? How long do you think it took me to find the room I have? And since when, since when’ - he stopped and beat with his forefinger on my chest - ‘have you so hated the room? Since when? Since yesterday, since always? Dis-mois.’ (p. 104)

if you consider that the idea that giovanni’s room is giovanni, this conversation is essentially david calling giovanni hideous and giovanni having to justify his existence, his humanity to him. giovanni simply lives in that room, he never thought of it as stinking or dirty like david did. because unlike david, giovanni ‘is not afraid of the stink of love’ (p. 125), to him this is simply the reality of love and being human. and when he asks david when he has started to hate the room, it prompts the reader to question of when he has started to hate giovanni himself.

this discovery is all the more heartbreaking when giovanni says this monologue when reuniting with david after hella’s return:

‘Sometimes you were here all day long and you read or you opened the window or you cooked something - and I watched you - and you never said anything - and you looked at me with such eyes, as though you did not see me. All day, while I worked to make this room for you.’ (p. 121-2).

and yes i did cry at the bolded section. it just reminded me of the man called ove and how in that novel love was shown so much through building. how ove builds a ramp for wife so she can go to work, builds all the tables in their houses lower for her, builds bookcases after bookcases. and thats what giovanni was doing for david. he was working to make that room for him. to make himself for david. and when he lost his job, he found other ways to show his love for david through the room and david knows this:

He had some weird idea that it would be nice to have a bookcase sunk in the wall and he chipped though the wall until he came to the brick and began pounding away at the brick. It was hard work, it was insane work, but I did not have the energy or the heart to stop him. In a way he was doing it for me, to prove his love for me. He wanted me to stay in the room with him. Perhaps he was trying, with his own strength, to push back the encroaching walls, without, however, having the walls fall down. (p. 102)

the room where these two have spent so many hours in had begun to feel smaller when they were struggling with money. giovanni recognises the desperation of the whole situation - that he has nothing to offer david anymore. he has no job, he is no longer entertaining enough to pique davids interest, and davids fiancee is coming back. the room has become smaller and boring - he has become small and boring. so when he begins pounding at the brick wall, it was as if he was trying desperately to change himself so that david would stay with him.

but david doesnt. when david first kisses hella upon their reunion he describes her as a ‘familiar, darkened room’ (p. 108), almost as if he is imagining kissing giovanni instead. but when she makes up her mind and they agree to marry, when they make love, he describes her as a ‘strong, walled city’ (p. 110) - david has already learnt to forget giovanni. because no matter how hard he tried, giovanni’s life was so much smaller than hella’s, he could never hope to compete. hella is a city, giovanni is just a room.

and when giovanni was caught, he was caught ‘no farther than the Seine’ (p. 135). giovanni never even left paris even though he knew he would be arrested. he remained there where david had left him - like a house; like a room.

the room was never just a room - the room is him; he is the room. and he could not make himself into a city for david as much as he wanted to try.

#cin.txt #giovanni's room #james baldwin #dk if this makes compelte sense #but i was thinking about it SOOOOO MUCH at work #theres still so much in ths book to analyse #like the use of mirrors and windows #masculinity and feminity #the idea of feeling free by being committed #but this was the thing that was the most on my mind #and i just wanted to write it down SOMEWHERE so i could make my thoughts makesense #oh and the theme of shame #baldwin says that the work isnt inherently homosexual; that is abt being unable to love someone #which i agree #but i find that the shame that david feels in being unable to love someone #and the almost disgust he feels in inherently gay in nature #just because of how society has constructed gay romantic love to be sinful and disgusting

[loveydive]

the main criticism i have for the song of achilles is the depiction of the relationship between achilles and patroclus.

i dont mind a coming of age love story between the boys; its just that throughout the book it is EXTREMELY static. sure there are a few bumps along the way but they eventually sort themselves out fairly quickly (too quickly imo). like yes, i get it. they love each other so much but they cant be tgt bc of fate - oh how tragic. but the story is only tragic in that they both die. its not actually a tragedy in itself, because the ending isnt actually tragic at all - they meet each other in the underworld again afterall.

but this is the reason why i think the depiction of their doomed but unbreakable love is one of the weaknesses of the story. it fails to connect with or explore the themes in the illiad - the real themes which actually made it a tragedy. achilles was consumed by his pride and let hundreds of men die, he was no longer himself and what? patroclus still loved him wholeheartedly after that? i just couldnt bring myself to believe that. after all of that how could patroclus be so single-minded in loving him? it wouldve made for a better story if patroclus had intended to go out to the walls of troy as a kind of suicide mission. if he knew that hector killing him would be the only way to break achilles and finally end the war. the same events could happen but patroclus' motivations would be different. this wouldve given him so much more agency and add more complexity in their relationship. that at the end of the day achilles didnt love him enough to fight in the war. he loved his immortality more than he loved patroclus.

and wouldnt that have made a better tragedy? this is why patroclus' betrayal to achilles when he saved briseis was so emotionally compelling. his love for achilles was no longer simple, it was no longer a boy's love. bc in his mind, the achilles that he loved died a long time ago. the war has changed him and it wont bring the old one back. IS THAT NOT MORE TRAGIC? AND MORE THEMATICALLY COMPELLING?

i just felt that miller tried SO hard to justify their romance that she didnt want to risk putting in any complexity at all otherwise their 'lovers' status would be threatened. but i really think it was to the detriment to the book. it wasnt bad, it was actually pretty alright - it just wasnt a masterpiece

#cin.txt #liek if you wantt o make it a tragedy LEAN ALL THE WAY INN BABYY #and i just finsihed reading THIS ONE GOOD REVIEW #and how millers book totally bastardises both achilles' and patroclus' characterisations #patroclus was achilles' equal and could hold his own in a fight #and achilles wasnt as innocent. he was known for his rage #like. he raped briseis #THATS CRAZY TO ME. SO YOU SANITISED THIS BOOK BC YOU COULDNT HANDLE YOUR GOLDEN BOY BEING CRUEL? WHICH WAS THE PT OF THE TRAGEDY? #literally... like the young adult status of the book is what brings it down #it legit couldve been SO MUCH MOREEEEE #also the review i read really highlighted how badly the female characters were depicted in thebook #like YEAH... why WOULD thetis - a rape victim herself- force her own son to have sex with a woman?? #its such a good review and you can tell that the reviewer is very familiar with greek classics #review/show/3177526431 <- if you wanna read. its on goodreads

[loveydive]

ik frier.en is considered THE anime of the season and others consider it peak bc its a nice break from constant braindead shounen action but i just cannot get into it

#cin.txt #i mean its cute ig #i like the idea of learning to value your time with people that u love #the frequent callbacks to frierens first party is nice and sentimental in a way that i rlly enjoy #but i just dont find the charactees themselves that compelling or interesting to me #and i feel like the story has nothing to offer to me besides a message that i already know and practice irl #i watched 14 eps of it i think i gave it a fair chance #and iw as watching it alongside dunmeshi as well #which i like FARRR MORE TBH #the sense of humour in frieren is just not my kind of sense of humour #fern constantly calling stark a perv gets old rlly quick #its just repetitive and its the kinda anime humour that i never rlly liked (saying things in a funny tone #colourful bg. chibi forms. etc etc) #its just. an alright anime to me #i dont hate it but its just not memorable or significant in any way