#display of healthy communication was fake and a trap of some kind so i just never even chanced a good friendship. i started having healthy

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering how do you handle an adult life? I'm 17 and the fact that I'm going to be an adult is starting to panic me more and more. Like I CANT talk to adults. I stutter&I'm a mess. I'm even bad with my peers. Some advice on how you do it would be nice. I try to ask my parents, but they aren't very helpful and seem ready to drop me into the deep end to "teach me" a lesson about being an adult. (Sorry again about non blog related question. No obligations to answer)

Oh boy, I’m gonna do my best to answer this, but full disclosure? I’m pretty bad at being social. I have some issues, and talking to people is really hard for me. That might be helpful in this context if you’re coming from a similar situation, but I don’t know if that’s the case, so it’s possible that my stuff won’t work for you. I’ll give it a whirl anyway.

I actually was thrown into the deep end when I was about your age, because I ended up going to college in a state where I pretty literally didn’t know a single person. I don’t know if that was a positive thing or not, but I can definitely say that I’ve gotten significantly better about talking/adulting since then. I’m still terrified of everyone older than me, but I can fake my way through the majority of it now. 

For me, the biggest step was increasing my self-esteem. When I started living on my own in ‘14, my goal was basically to be invisible (a skill that I mastered a looooong time ago). I have this thing about people looking at me, so I didn’t like any kind of attention. It definitely affected the way I talked to people (I didn’t) and the way I acted.

That shifted after I discovered a couple of things

1) some attention is positive, and positive attention feels good

2) I’m imagining a lot of the judgement I feel from other people

The truth is, people don’t pay as much attention to you as you think that they do. We’re all trapped inside our own heads, right? My frame of reference puts the majority of emphasis on me, because that’s the only person I can hear and the only emotions I can feel. The same is true about you– you hear your thoughts and feel your feelings, so it seems like everybody else should be focussed on you.

That’s your mind playing tricks. Don’t believe it. Everybody else is focussed on themselves, not you, and that’s a good thing! They’re not actually looking at you. They’re just looking around. As soon as y’all walk away from each other, odds are you’ll disappear from their mind. It means that you don’t have to worry about doing everything perfectly. They don’t actually care. 

Repeat that to yourself whenever you feel like you’re doing badly. It doesn’t matter. They don’t care. They’re not that concerned about the things that you do.

Two tactics for increasing your self esteem:

Find something you’re good at and do it. A lot. I started writing fanfiction when I was 18, and it straight-up changed my life. I’d never had that level of positive reinforcement before– for the first time in my life, I felt better than mediocre, and it made me proud of my own skills. Once I knew I was good at something it became a lot easier to talk to people.

(This is where you need to bear in mind that I’m not what the kids call “mentally stable” so like…. this might not be healthy) For a solid two years, I played this mind game where whenever I felt like somebody was judging me or being unkind to me, I picked one of my more angry favorite fictional characters and imagined them yelling back at that person. It worked really well for me because it let me fight back without actually doing it myself. I don’t really get angry, so I imagined someone getting angry on my behalf. Thing is, after awhile I really could think things like “I don’t deserve this” and “hey asshole back the hell off” in my own voice. I don’t know if I can explain that any better

Practical tips for maintaining a conversation:

Ask questions. It’s a lot easier to have a conversation if they’re doing most of the talking, and they won’t think it’s weird if you seem interested. Just keep them talking by asking for more information about whatever they just said.

They’ll get more comfortable (and more talkative) the more emotion you express. Listen actively. Nod along. Say stuff like “Really??” Your eyebrows are your friends. React to the stuff they say.

If you don’t know what emotion you’re expected to express, draw your eyebrows slightly in, rest a hand on your mouth/chin, and say “interesting.” They’ll interpret that as whatever response they were expecting.

 I feel more comfortable if I’m prepared, so I straight-up have memorized anecdotes that I practice until they go smoothly. I mostly use stories about my siblings, but I also have this speech about communism that I use every time someone asks me what I’m thinking about.

I don’t know what kind of English you speak, but I realized a long time ago that if I amp up my accent, other southerners trust me more and everyone else sees me as less threatening. If that applies, use it.

Don’t be ashamed of your interests. It might seem embarrassing, but other people don’t see it that way. Niche comic book knowledge actually goes over pretty well at parties. Related tip: find The Interest of the person you’re talking to, and your life will get a lot easier. Let them teach you about it and they literally will not shut up. It’s great. Also you get good recs that way.

Tips to get people to like you:

Be helpful. Good in two ways: if you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing and that makes you feel anxious, ask whomever is in charge if there’s something you can do to help. They’ll be charmed, and you won’t feel awkward anymore. Also good because people really like the folks that do them favors. They also like the people they did favors for, so let people do things for you if they offer.

Everybody likes the kid that brought food. Bake cookies. Bring cookies. New friends. Even if you don’t talk to them afterwards, they’ll have a positive opinion of you. I never spoke to the majority of my dorm neighbors, but they all liked me because I set candy and juice boxes in the hallway every holiday. In a classroom setting, offer to share your gum, buy extra scantrons, and lend people your pens. 

I befriend people solely by throwing gifts at them until they feel my love. Ask any of my mutuals. They’ll tell you.

Kindness honestly goes a long way? A lot of people, especially young people, really need someone to be kind to them, and they’re not used to getting that. If you can be that person, it’ll help them and it will make the two of you a lot closer. That’s how real friendships start. 

Always be respectful of other people’s trust. If they tell you important things about themselves, treat it seriously. Try to understand how they feel, and then let them know that you understand. Don’t tell other people’s secrets.

Tips for forcing yourself to Do The Thing:

I keep my to do list on post-it notes stuck to my dresser, one item per note, so I can pull them off one at a time as I do them. It’s more satisfying that way.

Personally I’m a lot more willing to do the things I hate if I feel like I’m doing them for someone else. Easiest way is to get one of my friends to ask me to do it (Hey in an hour text me and tell me to go to the grocery store). The best way is to bargain with one of my friends (if you call your doctor, I’ll make a real dinner tonight)

Again… I don’t know if you’re coming from the same place as me, but it really helps me to be open about my problems. I just tell my friends about my mental health issues, and then they help me to work around them.

Treat!!! Yo!!!! Self!!!! Seriously reward yourself for getting things done. Give yourself an episode of The Office for every page you write. Buy yourself ice cream for getting your errands done. If you’re going to do something stressful, have a plan for something relaxing afterward (I’ll go to the induction ceremony, and then I’ll go to the puppy store and pet a beagle)

[Eliza voice] 🎶 T a k e  a  b r e a k 🎶 If socializing is hard for you, realize that you don’t have to do it all the time. It’s okay to opt out, especially when you won’t lose anything by doing it. Personally, I go out of my way to make sure that no one speaks to me on the bus, walking across campus, or during lunch. Those are me-times. You can make sure people get the memo by wearing big headphones, bringing a book (even if you’re only pretending to read it), and avoiding eye contact. 

I find music really helpful for prep/recovery too. It works best if you find one song and play it on repeat until you get to the stressful thing, and  then do the same thing on the way back. Focus on one element of the song at a time. If you do it right, you can hit this meditative sweet spot where you stop thinking about what you have to do.

Stress relief (take it with a grain of salt because I am 95% stress at any given time):

Make your bedroom into a happy place. Pick a strong scent and make that part of the atmosphere– your brain will start to associate that scent with calm. My room smells like Irish Spring soap. When you finish something stressful, go to your room, take a few minutes to lie down and relax, breathe in and out, smell the happy smell. You did it.

Do stupid shit that makes you happy. Blow bubbles on your porch, put colored glassware on your windowsills so the sunlight turns red and blue, sing in your bathroom so it echoes all over the place. 

I hate admitting this with every fiber of my being, but exercise does actually reduce stress. So does eating healthy and sleeping normally, but I’ve never tried those last two.

If something makes you happy, keep it around. Save birthday cards, display presents from your friends, keep a happy tag online so you have a list of stuff to come back to. Your brain will remember the positive reaction, so it’ll undo some of the damage when you’re upset. 

Making other people happy will make you happy. Easiest method? Hit that anon button on the asks, pick the top five people on your dashboard, send them a nice message. Wait for excited response

It’s okay to google “cute babies” and scroll through pics until you feel alive again

I find it helpful to make things. I don’t know, there’s something about spending a long time on a project that makes me feel more productive, especially if there’s a visible product.

Things to remember: 

They aren’t watching you. They don’t care if you mess up. Your brain is lying to you.

Your worth is inherent and cannot be diminished by any of your actions or failures

Odds are the people you meet now won’t be the same people in your life in a few years. That means you don’t have to impress them. If you embarrass yourself in front of the lady at the brochure stand, it doesn’t matter. You probably won’t ever see her again.

It’s okay if this is hard for you. You don’t have to love meeting people.

You don’t have to like everyone. You don’t have to be friends with everyone.

It’s okay to say no. I repeat: it is okay to say no.

You’re going to be okay. You have a destiny, and you will fulfill it. It’s going to turn out exactly as it should. You don’t have to worry about your future.

These things get easier with time.

There’s no shame in seeing a therapist or talking about your problems

You have talents. You are interesting. You deserve attention and praise.

You know where to find me if you need anything

#asks #personal i guess #not comics sorry #well that ended up long

[violetsystems]

#personal

The last week has been up and down for me.  I’ve been trying to get this screen done for DJ PayPal and the Mall Music crew.  They’re in town to record and reup on merchandise for their tour.   Someone reached out to me and wondered if I’d be willing to help so I made a screen.  I like to be low key about everything I do.  I was super happy how it turned out and they seem to be as well.  It’s really easy to tell who is genuine and who isn’t these days.  I think in the last two weeks I’ve been through some rough displays of the opposite.  Everybody here knows how my life has been going pretty much the last year.  I think depending on what platform you are paying attention to in terms of social media, you get a different story.  That is if anybody is paying attention at all.  On Facebook, things are almost too personal and I’ve been slowly deleting, blocking or unfollow people.  These are people who’ve known me for years at this point.  People who see me in the flesh every day continuing to do what I do.  All those people seem to have is secret opinions or discussions about it.  When it starts to bleed into real life it gets extremely uncomfortable.  A month or two ago I blocked somebody I was cordial with for making a comment about a near accident I had.  Somebody on a motorcycle almost ran me over at a crosswalk.  The person who is in a moped club made it a point to tell me “I couldn’t possibly hear anything with those loud ass headphones.”  I blocked him.  Much like everybody else here in this city who has a negative opinion about everything I do

Last week I passed him on the street and he waved at me.  I understand these people are trying to be polite I guess.  But I look back over the years and think about these people and what their social scene has done for me.  When I’ve liked a girl that whole crew of people are the first people to muscle in and take over.  One year that happened the day after Valentine’s day on my birthday.  I’m still really good friends with that girl.  She even apologized to me later on and admitted she had problems at the time.  Everybody in that social scene has the same problem.  And it mostly revolves around drugs and partying.  People know me by now.  I basically only drink coffee and self medicate from all the craziness of this city with weed.  Guilty as charged you know.  I’ve tried to even regulate that through finding more constructive things to do like run, bike or skate.  All of those things are super meditative for me.  The same as music, looking at fashion, reading, or exploring the city by myself.  The operative word has been by myself.  I’ve been by myself in this city for a long time.  Probably because when I open up and start to like someone they’re wrapped up in that drama.  Sometimes they even lash out at me and use me as a scapegoat.  That’s a pretty common thing I have to walk away from silently.  And it becomes pretty apparent to me that’s not something I want to be part of.  It’s not healthy at all.  I ran my first seven mile run on Saturday.  I biked ten or fifteen miles to the lake and back on Sunday.  All these things I’ve done by myself over the last eight years of being single have benefited me more than being part of a cool guy clique in a third market city.

I remember the day pretty clearly when I decided real life in Chicago was complete shit.  I tell this story a lot.  I was on tumblr at a Halloween party at the time in a corner.  I was as socially awkward as everybody else but painfully aware of it.  I also drank a lot at the time to forget that.  I didn’t possibly realize that maybe I had a reason to feel awkward.  That the places I was in weren’t actually all that fun.  But what choice did I have.  And that’s when I took a plane to Korea and Japan.   And this is the first year I haven’t been back at all.  It seems like I have more friends in Seoul and Tokyo these days than Chicago.  I even have family in Hong Kong and just did a mix for Hong Kong Community Radio.  I used to go twice a year.  One year I thought I would try to establish some kind of normal life here.  That was last year.  And we all know how that worked out.  The same as every other year.  Nobody appreciates your self worth here.  Nobody cares about what you do really.  Until it can benefit them.  Until they have a stake in it.  And for years I’ve been working really fucking hard.  To the point of mental, physical and spiritual exhaustion This much is true.  And I’ve been measuring the output of what I do versus other people.  People in that social scene seem so proud of whatever it is they are doing.  But after all these years what has it amounted to.  Making fun of me year after year or “roasting” as they call it.  The guy who ended up cutting in on a growing friendship I had on my Birthday had a roast for himself.  Like that’s all these people enjoy is shaming other people.  Being right for once in their life so it can take the spotlight away from what they’re actually doing.  Which is basically nothing but making money, partying, staying out all night and making shit choices.  Some of that money isn’t even their own.  Then expecting other people to pay the price for it.  I didn’t go down that road.

To be fair nobody knows what’s going on in my personal life anymore.  I like it that way.  Nobody needs to know why I’m actually kind of happy for once.  I don’t really share that with anybody.  I’m sure people could guess but it’s none of their business.  Which is why I feel kind of sore and hurt as to why people ignored me when I was suffering the most.  And when I finally came to grips with all the mistakes I was making, now it’s suddenly time to take interest.  “This guy is getting popular time to roast him some more I guess.”  What’s the psychology behind that?  Why do we put up with it?  Why are we content to be part of a pecking order instead of walking alone and proud and believing in yourself?  Part of it I think is society.  I think these people troll you because they’re weak and afraid.  They want to roast you.  They need a scapegoat to divert the attention from themselves and whatever it is they’re doing.  “Roasting” or “Trolling” really just normalized bullying.  It’s a “rite of passage.”  I hate to tell people all the rites of passage I’ve gone through.  Some of those things would scare people if it happened to them.  Some people would be horribly scarred for life.  Maybe even suffer from PTSD from some of the horrible shit I’ve seen.  But it’s easy enough to walk away from it.  It’s your choice ultimately.  At least I hope it is still in America.  You can put on headphones and ignore it all.  That is until they’re up in your face making fun of your coping mechanisms.  Those coping mechanisms are there in place for a reason.  Like kids sitting on my block staring at fidget spinners all day.  Nobody wants to engage with the real world because it’s fake.  There aren’t real solutions just tired talk and the same old ways to blow off steam.  I ignore it because I know what will happen if I fall back into those traps.  I’ll lose sight of what I fought so hard to be.  That’s myself.  And honestly I don’t need any of those people who never believed in me enough to support me emotionally.  The entire city and it’s bullshit could really just fuck off for all I care.  There’s other places that deserve my attention more.  Thanks to everybody on here that does pay attention.  It means more to me than you’d ever know.

[thecloudlight-blog]

New Post has been published on Cloudlight

New Post has been published on https://cloudlight.biz/session-hijacking-wordpress-malware-spotted/

SESSION HIJACKING WORDPRESS MALWARE SPOTTED

Researchers have identified a pressure of cookie stealing malware injected right into a valid JavaScript file, that masquerades as a WordPress middle domain.

Cesar Anjos, a security analyst at Sucuri, a firm that focuses on WordPress safety, got here throughout the malware at some point of an incident response research and defined it in a blog published Tuesday.

Anjos says it appears attackers used typosquatting

Or URL hijacking, to craft the phony area, code.Wordprssapi[.]com. Typosquatting is a way that typically is predicated on users making typographical errors when inputting URLs into an internet browser. In this case, the fake website is designed to appear to be a legitimate WordPress area so it doesn’t appear out of region within the code.

The researcher stated it seemed attackers injected malware into the lowest of a valid WordPress JavaScript record designed to reroute touchy information, such as cookies, to the faux domain.

Denis Sinegubko, a senior malware researcher at Sucuri, advised Threatpost Wednesday that it’s probably an attacker took gain of any other vulnerability in WordPress to inject the obfuscated code in the first region.

“Modern attacks not often use one particular vulnerability. They commonly experiment for more than one recognized vulnerabilities (commonly in 0.33-birthday celebration issues and plugins) and then make the most anything they locate,” Sinegubko said.

Anjos points out that in addition to appearing at the lowest of a real WordPress JavaScript file – wp-consists of/js/hoverIntent[.]min[.]js – the code additionally uses an ordinary obfuscation sample, eval(characteristic(p,a,c,okay,e,d). The characteristic, usually utilized in JavaScript libraries and scripts, tightly packs code that’s later completed when the web page loads.

Stopping Domain Name Hijacking and Domain Name Theft

Domain hijacking, or area robbery, occurs while someone improperly changes the registration of a website call without permission from the unique registrant. A domain may be hijacked for several motives: to generate cash via a click on through visitors, for resale to the proper owner or a 3rd party, to feature price to a current enterprise, for malicious motives, or to acquire notoriety.

The charges of area hijacking are sizeable. According to Symantec, a security software program organization, in 2012, the financial system misplaced $400 billion as a result of incidents of domain hijacking and related crimes. A variety of domains has been hijacked in current years, together with the U.S. Marines, The New York Times, Twitter, Google, The Huffington Post, Forbes.Com, and Craigslist.

Once a website is hijacked, it’s far hard to get better.

If you observed your domain has been hijacked, immediately touch the organization with whom you registered the domain. To the extent the registrar can affirm your domain has been hijacked, the registrar ought to work to assist transfer the domain call lower back to you. It is uncommon, but, to recover any damages incurred during the period that the domain changed into improperly inside the fingers of a 3rd birthday celebration.

There are few opportunity actions if the registrar does not or can’t act. Both litigation and ICANN court cases can be high priced and time-eating. Neither option may additionally appropriately shield your online commercial enterprise and popularity all through the intending. In a few times, it is able to be less expensive to simply create a new website and register a brand new domain.

Because of the risks associated with area hijacking, it’s far essential that businesses take steps to make any tried hijacking greater difficult. First, make sure that the registrar with whom you check in your area is authentic. There are masses of registrars, so it’s miles crucial to do your studies. You might also consolidate all your domains with one registrar, which simplifies your capability to display all your domain names.

Second, make sure that your touch information is updated. Registrars have a tendency to apply email as the primary method of communication and to reset passwords on your account. If that email lapses for any motive, then a person else can alternate your domain registration greater effortlessly. Consider using an administrative email, so that you don’t ought to update the e-mail whenever the character answerable for the domain call adjustments.

Third, cozy your person names and passwords.

As with other passwords, make your password hard to bet. Limit get admission to best to folks that actually want it.

Fourth, recollect the usage of Whois Privacy Service, which makes your contact data non-public. This option might also have drawbacks, but. For example, it is able to be hard to prove that you are the genuine registrant of the area if this selection is enabled. It may create additional delays in the event that you have to use a criminal process to recover a hijacked domain.

Difference Between Java and WordPress

Java and WordPress are very a whole lot unique, this is an try and compares and spot wherein they intersect every other.

Java

Java is an organization Language, what its approach it’s far used to build organization packages, what do we mean by that?

· A type of clients can interact with programs like browsers, smart capsules, B2B packages, NET and different language apps.

· High Security to guide the requirements.

· Highly Scalable to help the growing site visitors.

· Performance – Begin bring together time performance is high.

· E.G programs are Gaming, ECommerce websites, Billing, Retail, CRM and lots of others

Java may be used to create blogging CMS like WordPress. There are CMS’s like alfresco, Plone, JRoller who do to try to that, however, none has been in a position so famous as WordPress.

WordPress

Very specialized CMS/running a blog engine build on the pinnacle of PHP.

· It is very easy to examine software program, compare it to mastering MS Word.

· You don’t want to realize PHP/programming to be WordPress internet site developer.

· It has a issues idea, which lets in a developer to configure internet site pages with clean.

· Supports hundreds of plugins, nearly clean to discover any kind of functionality an internet site desires.

· Installs on Apache Server with PHP engine.

· Many website hosting websites assist 1 click setup.

· Uses MySQL as the backend engine.

As you spot, WordPress and Java can’t be as compared as one is a language where another is a software built on PHP language.

Had WordPress been written in Java

As a Java Developer, I do want WordPress turned into built on Java, it would have given

1. Java applications an internet aptitude, we would see altogether new set of programs /widgets/ plugins.

2. Designers would have no longer be afraid of the language in any respect.

Three. Applications ought to have used the WordPress database, which has a completely easy schema

Best Ways to Catch a Spotted Seatrout

The first step to apply whilst concentrated on any species of fish is to examine what they like. Spotted seatrout like;

• Grass apartments • Oyster bars • Abundant prey offerings

The satisfactory region to discover a spotted seatrout is by way of ways the grass apartments. These fish inhabit the inshore saltwater estuaries throughout the southern areas of the United States of America. Typically, if you may find a few acres of healthy sea grass, you’ll additionally find trout. Their whole life cycle takes place inside the inshore surroundings. They will usually be stuck in water depths of six feet or less. Sometimes they can be found in water much less than 12 inches deep.

The 2d exceptional inshore surroundings to find your goal species is near an oyster bar. Oyster bars are awesome locations to goal these fish because a wholesome oyster bar is a haven for small shrimp, crabs, and small fish. Large oyster bars are also a first rate environmental indicator for a healthy water device. Oysters do no longer thrive except the waters they are living in are easy and healthy. If you need to goal those fish, you ought to are seeking for out wholesome grass residences or healthy oyster bars.

The third indicator a fisherman need to are trying to find out for capacity noticed seatrout haunts is bait colleges. If you may discover a faculty of any of the subsequent species, you will most likely locate your goal species. Their favorites appear to be shrimp followed carefully by sardines, glass minnows, and pilchards. Larger trout appear to like huge mullet and pinfish offerings excellent.

The three excellent lures to seize a noticed seatrout relies upon the fisherman, but this fisherman prefers the subsequent;

• Scented soft plastics combines with a pink jig head

• Gold spoons • Any imitation mullet lure

Scented gentle plastics used in aggregate with a jig head is that this fisherman’s favored in terms of catching these fish. This species of fish loves to hit the jig in the fall because it covers the water column up and down. When the water is less warm a slower jigging approach and a slower retrieve is essential. When the water temperatures are above 70 ranges a faster retrieve will regularly work higher.

Gold spoons catch just about every fish in the ocean. This ancient fishing trap works thoroughly. They are available in a normal model with a treble hook but they also can be observed with weed fewer versions. A fisherman must determine that is great for the fishing conditions they’re experiencing.

Any imitation mullet trap will catch larger fish. The walk-the-canine sort of mullet imitations paintings quality for this fisherman, however, the suspending and sinking variations may even work well relying upon the water depth. There also are gentle plastic imitation mullet lures in an effort to paintings very well. Just solid this lure right into a faculty a mullet and await the strike.