#dont worry tho leo gets better. he has his whole ass family and lots of friends and a wonderful partner to get him through it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pokefanbri · 3 years

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I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

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transssexualheart · 7 years

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll

1- what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpaper?my phone has pictures of my friends and my desktop is still dan avidan i keep forgetting to change it

2- have you ever had a crush on a teacher?no

3- what as your last text message?sent? it was “me too”

4- what do you see yourself doing in ten years?probably dying

5- if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?in someone’s arms

6- what was your coolest halloween costume?uhh probably last years even tho it wasn’t that great bc i made it myself and had a styled wig and everything

7- what was your favorite 90s show?i was not alive in the 90s

8- who was your last kiss?still zee

9- have you ever been stood up?no

10- favorite ice cream flavor?strawberry or cotton candy

11- have you ever been to las vegas?no

12- your favorite pair of shoes?probably my pink ones they’re soft and have tiny one inch platforms

13- honestly, have you ever cheated on a significant other?no

14- what is your favorite fruit?watermelon or strawberry

15- have you ever talked to anyone on tumblr that your could see yourself dating/having sex with? if possible?well i mean one of my exes i met over tumblr so it’s not a wild concept to me but currently i’m not like,,, interested in others

16- are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?long term

17- do you smoke? if so, what?no

18- what do you do to get over your anger?rant about it on this blog or sometimes to a friend i guess

19- do you believe in god?idk man

20- does the person you’re in love with know it?yeah

21- favorite position?sleeping

22- what’s your horoscope sign?leo

23- your fears?being abandoned, myself sometimes, everyone secretly hating me, never being loved, etc

24- how many pets do you have? what kind?three, a cat and two fish

25- what never fails to turn you on?uhhhhhh

26- your idea of a perfect first date?idk uh,, get food maybe hold hands a little

27- what is something most people don’t know about you?idk,, i guess most people don’t know what i look like during a full on breakdown that i’m not trying to disguise

28- what makes you feel the happiest?hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

29- what store do you shop at most often?i dont shop a lot

30- how do you feel about oral? giving and or receiving? never gave or received, both sound good to me tho

31- do you believe in karma?idk

32- are you single?yeah

33- do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? the best way to apologize is to mean it and not expect forgiveness if you really fucked up and to be genuine and honest and if you do those things it shouldn’t really matter whether you choose flowers or candy

34- are you a good swimmer?i mean,, i won’t drown

35- coffee or tea?tea

36- online shopping or shopping in person?i do both

37- would you rather be older or younger than your current age?i’d prefer to keep my age so i don’t fuck up the timeline of my life thank u very much

38- cats or dogs?how can i choose

39- are you a competitive person?i don’t think so

40- do you believe in aliens?yes

41- do you like dancing?don’t really do it much

42- what kind of music do you listen to?many kinds, mostly anything but country

43- what is your favorite cartoon character?how can i choose just one

44- where are you from?albany

45- eat at home or eat out?eat out

46- how much more social are you when you’re drunk?i’ve never been drunk

47- what was the last thing you bought for yourself?i don’t remember

48- why do you think your followers follow you?idk actually why do u guys follow me

49- how many hours do you sleep at night?it varies, sometimes like ten sometimes none

50- what worries you most about the future?i pretty much rely on the fact that i’ll probably die before it matters but if i don’t die i’ll have no idea what i’m doing

51- if you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends?not very, i’m not friends with myself tho so

52- are you happy with yourself?no, never really have been

53- what do you wish you didn’t know?i don’t know

54- what big lesson could people learn from your life?i guess,, not to take people for granted

55- if you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?what

56- what’s your favorite website?i visit this hellsite most often i guess

57- what’s the habit your proudest of breaking?the only habit i could think of that i broke was biting my nails

58- what was your most recent trip of over 50 miles?idk how many miles i travel bc i don’t drive

59- what’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?idk

60- what do you order when you eat chinese food?sweet and sour chicken and white rice

61- if you had to be names after one of the fifty states what would it be?no

62- if you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?alright so there are three things that i feel like i’m able to do well those three things are draw, write, and play pokemon and i’m a failure at everything else i do so probably an art class or creative writing class

63- favorite kind of chips?i like doritos

64- favorite kind of sandwich?grilled cheese

65- which do you use more often, dictionary or thesaurus?dictionary

66- have you ever been stung by a bee?yeah, only once, and i have a history of not fucking eating for whole days and that was one of those days and i guess the sting just triggered the dehydration and all that and i got really dizzy and my legs gave out and my mom had to carry me home

67- what’s your favorite form of exercise?my what now

68- are you afraid of heights?more afraid of what i’d do to myself than the height itself

69- what’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?eight grade science, i had a bunch of friends in that class and we hated the teacher at the time and the shit he did and we were constantly like going insane and here’s the main reason: my mom went to school with that teacher and she managed to find a fuckin. story that he wrote in 11th grade and she showed it to me and my god it was so bad and the main character was such a self insert and i was like “oh my god this is amazing” and you know what i fuckin did? u know what i did? i decided to make c o p i e s of the story so i could bring it into school and show my friends. so i had like ten copies and we gave one to my friend kevin however. we gave it to him DURING science class. so instead of doing his work kevin is sitting back there reading this story and laughing at it and the teacher is like “what are you doing kevin?” and kevin, instead of putting it away and being like “my work”, was like “oh i’m reading your 11th grade story” and at this point i’m like “oh fuck” and then the teacher asked where he got it and he points to me and i’m like “OH FUCK” so he comes over and asks where i got it and i’m like “surprise my mom went to school with you” and he’s like “i haven’t seen this story in years” and guess who’s like “DO U WANT A COPY” and reaches over me and into my backpack to pull out a fuckin copied version :^) anyway that day was wild some girl i never talk to who didn’t even know my dead name let alone my actual name came up to me asking for a copy

70- what’s your favorite breakfast?pancakes or waffles

71- do you like guacamole?no

72- have you ever been in a physical fight?no

73- what/who are you thinking about right now?um

74- do you like cuddling?yes

75- are you holding onto something you need to let go of?can we not have this conversation over tumblr’s ask system thanks

76- have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?i live with myself every day lmao

77- favorite city you’ve been to?nyc!!

78- would you break the law to save a family member?probably

79- talk about an embarrassing moment?me, as a person

80- are there any causes you strongly believe in?idk

81- what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?not sure

82- fav day of the week?none

83- do you consider yourself sexually open minded?idk what that means

84- how do you feel about porn?i don’t watch it really, but if that’s your thing then it’s your thing

85- which living celebrity would you like to know?idk

86- who was your hottest ex?it’s hard for me to like,, determine that because my sexual attraction to someone usually isn’t there until i start liking them romantically (in most cases, there’s people i never liked romatically but found attractive or people i found attractive before i liked them but that’s not the case with anyone i actually dated) and it disappears when i don’t like them romantically anymore so ???? also rude question especially considering at least two of my exes follow me here

87- do you want/have kids?don’t have them, might have them but that’s dependent on whether or not my partner is able to take care of kids i’m not gonna have kids if i know that my partner can’t be a good parent to them. also still not sure if i want them myself

88- has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?no

89- do you get easily distracted?hell yeah

90- ass or titties?why… choose…..

91- what is your favorite word?to use in writing, probably “gentle”. to use in speech, probably “fuckin”

92- how do you feel about tattoos?i want a lot, i have two

93- do you have any pets?this was already a question?

94- how tall are you? 5′5

95- how old are you?14

96- 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?i don’t get complimented on specifics, the most i get it usually like “you look nice today” or sometimes ppl say they like my makeup but that’s not a physical feature of mine

97- is there anything you’re really passionate about?i love,, the jims and the piano

98- do you have trust issues?idk, i don’t let most people see me cry or see me having a breakdown and i only really trust a few people with most stuff and it’s usually because there was something that happened in the past that allowed them to already know stuff like that and they were good about it and i was like “oh, then they’ll be alright about it and i don’t have to explain myself to them because they already know” but?????

99- do you believe in love at first sight?god no, what if they’re a dick?? u can’t judge a book by it’s cover. also i think that now i’ll have to know someone pretty well to start liking them because of past and current events

100- what are some words that you live by? why? i don’t have a specific quote or anything but. if you love someone tell them. i’ve said this before, and i don’t mean specifically romantically in fact in some cases you should keep that to yourself so no one is made uncomfortable but like. tell your mom or your best friend or your dad or your grandma that you love them because they could be gone real soon or you could be gone real soon and they should know that you love them before that happens

thank u for asking

#ask tag

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