#even if the renovation lasts 5 years because I'll be so broke | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theninjasanctuary · 1 year

Text

The usual year in review post, just to have some documentation of what went down and how I felt about it. It is way too long, but on the upside, includes cat pictures.

This year:

I got a cat, by accident. Found an abandoned kitten by the side of a country road, where I would have preferred not to be at all (morning of a damp end-of-August Monday, the boyf needed all the help he could get with a sudden, ill-timed delivery of building materials, it was hard work), and not to be walking on (broken e-scooter). But as nobody else walks there (everyone is driving), I was that kitten's only chance, as he was too small and too scared to walk over to the nearest houses (noisy tractor in a field between him and said houses), and definitely too small to make it on his own, his only realistic options were ending up either as roadkill or a fox or hawk snack. It still upsets me just how small this chance was. With a working scooter, I would have just zipped past there and probably not heard him crying (he was doing short-interval distress meows, hiding in the roadside weeds, when he heard my footsteps - and came out and let me pick him up when I stopped and talked to him). And I would not have a hefty, beautiful, sweet and affectionate 6-month-old kitten napping on my sofa right now (and while I was writing this draft in the kitchen, he woke up and came asking for cuddles). It's been a ride, an expensive one, and a source of new worries and a lot of initial stress (he's never been spicy, but was inadvertently scratchy as fuck, always climbing up my legs; thankfully he is fine with getting his nails trimmed and has mostly stopped trying to climb people), and the unwanted responsibility still annoys me (he's quite attached to me, but I'll go on a week-long trip in a month, how will he manage?). He was fine when we were out seeing friends for New Year's Eve though (came home after 5 AM).

This is the first picture I took of him, texting it to the boyf who was a few minutes behind me with the caption "Alone and screaming". He had some fresh scratches on his face (I thought they'd have matched the paw of another kitten) and looked sad and worried for the first couple of weeks.

And here's one from October, he loves a chance to poke at my laptop.

It took me a while to accept the idea we might keep him. The boyf, surprisingly, was much more keen on this, despite being against the idea of pets before, and adores the furry critter even though it tends to focus its affections on me. I thought we'd have to give him away because my niblings who occasionally come around are allergic, but it has been manageable, and they love him and he apparently likes them and plays nicely. I have posted here earlier about being sad about not having a nice, huggable cat, and always had the idea I would get cats again at some point, said point being when I would be rich and living in mom's house out of town, by then fully renovated, which still feels unachieveable; and I had thought about tabbies being cute (even if first choice might still be a calico or tortie, like my childhood cat was). So here we are. No house, still mostly broke, but the huggable cat has materialized.

Obviously there were other things happening. I seem to have mostly got over the grief of last year by the end of this one. Possibly it got overshadowed by the awfulness of a full-scale fucking war happening in the region. Still, I remember just crying every night around last Christmas, and none of that is happening now, I somehow feel okay. I still felt distinctly awful and down this spring (with the context of said war being new and feeling scarier than it does now), but it's possible the grief part got overtaken with work and other private stresses over the summer (and then the stress of unexpected pet ownership). Life without Dad is not great, but it is better than life would have been if he was still alive but desperately unwell, and tbh it's a relief he's not seeing this war. I don't dwell on what ifs much. It has also been a relief that I am getting along with my mother better than I expected, she isn't wallowing and manages to keep herself active and entertained, and my little brother is helpful and constructive as always, so between us, we have managed to keep up with most of the things that need to be taken care of.

I struggled with work, this year may well have been the worst my lack of focus has EVER been, due to listed stressors above, but I still somehow managed to complete a relatively major thing, and did passably at lesser tasks. Currently not concerned about being fired, and about to get a pay rise, which is welcome, because cost of living has gone up and I've struggled to make ends meet this year, nvm saving. Not in the red by the end of the year, which is good, but basically no savings except a few hundred in cash and pension funds.

I started drinking coffee daily after more than 20 years. Most of you won't remember the amount of concerned messaging about osteoporosis that was around when I was in my teens (although I probably did all that damage and probably more with an eating disorder and Pepsi Max over the next few years). So, for most of my adult life, I had a few cups per year as a treat, even though it messed with my blood pressure due to having low caffeine tolerance (drinking green tea by the bucketloads doesn't really build that up). Upon getting an office job in 2018, I started drinking a cup most days I was there (due to stress and lack of sleep and needing to treat myself, but also because one of the several competing coffee stations in the building did, and still does, big mugs of good café au lait for a decent 1.30 € per cup). And I missed that office coffee sorely during Covid movement restrictions/working from home. So the boyf gave me a good coffee machine for last Christmas (Philips, LatteGo 5000something), which came with some free beans that were actually really good, so I've been repurchasing those most of the year. Trying to not ruin my sleep, I stick to 1, occasionally 2 per day, and it's a small cup and by far not the strongest settings, but am genuinely enjoying it. It's not helping me focus at all, but helps me feel more awake for a short while, I guess, as well as get chores done. A side effect was craving coffee on a work trip in the US and finding out how bad it was, it tastes burnt and in most cases is not nearly strong enough. Could not finish a small (meaning, twice the size of my usual cup at home) Starbucks cappuccino, just beige milk awfulness. Am mystified by their coffee obsession having witnessed what's on offer.

As for travelling, some work travel after what seems like ages: went to the US for the first time since Obama's second term, and enjoyed my first visit to the PNW (a nice hotel with a random upgrade to a massive room all by myself; plenty of good company, a road trip to the Olympic peninsula with a friend, it was great). I would consider going back there at some point, even though the US scares the f out of me, and I know there's a massive earthquake overdue.

As for travel on my own money, went to Paris only once - there were plans to see a live in February, but it was postponed to May due to Covid again, and that gave me an excuse to not deal with my birthday (I just didn't feel like doing a garden party without my Dad there). Memories of that trip seem vague in hindsight, and it was just a few days, but it was nice: pretty spring weather, quite warm in the end, but the greenery still fresh and blossoming. Instagram reminds me there were also Eric Kayser sandwiches, I saw an interesting museum I hadn't been to and overate on my birthday. Bought some skincare as usual, but not much else, I think. And in early September, did a day trip to Helsinki again after not having been there for several years, it was interesting to see how things had, or had not changed, also lovely weather, but it felt a bit odd particularly with the kitten waiting at home alone (he was fine; I know for a fact he's pretty non-neurotic, stable and self-confident as far as cats go, but I still worry about him missing us, etc.).

On the upside, the summer was nice, I think, although the heat was a bit much for a while and there was work stress, but I managed to enjoy gardening, etc., and some socializing. I did waste a lot of June on being unwell though, having picked up a bastard of a viral cold from the coast of the Pacific that became monstrous on my trip back from the US and gave me an incredible combo of eye and ear and throat infection, had to go to emergency care with my eyes swollen af and leaking globs of pus-like gunk, could barely speak for a bit and had hearing problems for weeks, and had to take 3 kinds of antibiotics (eye drops and pills) to get back to normal. So that was a whole ride. And on top of that, since the summer was kind of strenuous with lots of physical work involved, my knees could eventually not take it any longer and in October I had to go to emergency care for a second time when my right knee became swollen and I could barely walk. Pills fixed it fast, thankfully. I should get a more thorough checkup with an MRI, but it'll be a hassle. And to finish the shitty health year in style, got Covid for the second time in December (it was mild and I didn't even test positive, but a family member eventually did). The only upside is that between being stressed and sick, I ended up losing a noticeable amount of weight despite eating whatever the f I wanted, including disgraceful amounts of sugar.

As far as hobbies go, I kept at hunting for fantastic second-hand clothes and footwear, and finding joy in dressing well, as well as indulging my inner plant person; my orchids, old and new, all bloomed, and I kept buying more. Thankfully the cat only destroyed one of my plants, an already ailing adiantum raddianum, and appears to have lost interest in the rest. I have however barely watched any series, nvm films the entire year, which is something I should try to fix.

No dramatic promises for 2023, but eating better is something I'll try to put effort into. And ffs, driving school.

0 notes