#even my family i hate mu self and even writing all of this selfish egoistic shit is not making me better because i'm still on my bed and

[ordalya]

.

#i am in such a bad mood i spent 4 days doing nothing but mindlessly watching tv going to work on a holiday getting frustrated because i #can't choose a new pc eating irregularly or not eating at all staying in my apartment with the shades closed because too hot otherwise #not getting dressed before 3 in the afternoon and then immediately going back to bed can't supervise what's happening at work my internet #is shit or it's the bloody factory who doesn't have internet anymore nothing ever work as it should when it does it doesn't last more than #a week didn't clean the apartment didn't go outside didn't cook didn't do anything i'm tired all the time and i don't want to go to work #i'm sick of it sick of my coworker sick because nothing works like it should i don't have the time to write all the technical support #documents and the co-workers doesn't take the time to THINK or doesn't THINK at ALL so shit never get done it's me who has to do the job #instead i should be writing those FUCKING tech documents i'm not because oh no! how do i do that because oh no! she didn't do it at night #oh no! i didn't know how to do it ! you did it already a few dozen times remember when we had to do it every 4 hours ? i wanted to say to #her but no i can do it if i don't have the protocol and your memory you have it ? or you ducking left it at home ? i so tired of them i #want to change job but i'm so tired i'm so insecure i don't have the courage to answer job offer there's one who is perfect for me but no #i'm paralyzed and stuck to my bed or my couch doing nothing nothing nothing i hate myself i feel so incompetent insecure i hate myself #should i tell you the number of time i dream of k #no no no non no #i hate that i'm self pitying i know exactly why i'm in this state and i do nothing do get better i have no friends i exchange at most 2 #messages a month with my sisters and if i don't go see my parents on weekends i don't text them i 'm awful at keeping contact with everyone #even my family i hate mu self and even writing all of this selfish egoistic shit is not making me better because i'm still on my bed and #not doing things i should finish the dress and the shorts i started month ago and i don't i get frustrated every time I look at it all it's #left is the finishing touches and i can't seem to FINISH IT i hate that i'm like that starting something and never finishing it #i want to hide forever and feel nothing and the only thing I finished is my diploma in seven years instead of 5 and i don't want to go back