#except he doesnt whine if you havent noticed

[babysizedfics]

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

#little/big concepts #illness tw #vomit tw #food mention #long post #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[kindestegg]

oh right! i suppose as the resident mlp mutual i should say what i think of pony life (this got long SO under the cut it goes)

honestly? i actually really like it, BECAUSE i think, now that the intention to create a big arching plot full of danger while including every new character is gone, the characters finally get a chance to develop by themselves, and i actually like much better how theyre written here.

theyre clearly different from their main show counterparts since this is an AU by word of god, but not so much that theyre not recognizable. what i like best is that they seem to have fixed some of the gaps the show used to have, specially when it comes to pinkies and rainbows characterization. twi, rarity, aj, i havent noticed much of a change. and i actually like fluttershy having a more pronounced “dark side” so to speak, because its clear that this isnt like bronies weird attempts at making the ponies edgy, more of her just getting more personality and agency, and in fact is actually making the bronies ive seen uncomfortable, bc shes not “uwu so soft and shy and fragile” anymore, which i think is epic.

speaking of making bronies uncomfortable i am loving this energy <333 because bronies are so fuming mad that of the three male characters so far (besides spike) the ponies have hung out with n tried to befriend all of them were assholes and they found out one of the new writers is clearly involved in sj so theyre all whining about how theyre being oppressed by the meaaan man hating writers of the show ndfkgjdsfkgdfjgi and i absolutely adore it bc literally all these episodes have done is tell stories about how girls shouldnt let a guy put them down or manipulate them in the name of a friendship or even possible relationship

which brings me around to also, ok so discord is here, are you guys like uhm <33 going to fix his character because ;)) we had a whole episode calling out a male character who was ultra manipulating fluttershy for her friendship just like discord has done so like~~ are you going to make discord better or will you let the hipocrisy continue? oh btw i hate that he doesnt look squishy, he looks almost the same as his fim counterpart except for some minor changes and its bullshit. he needs to look like he was dipped in a vat of littlest pet shop brand acid TM. i want to see his long snake body be reduced to half with a head too big and sparkly eyes taking up 70% of his face. otherwise whats the point.

honestly in the end all of this just makes me more excited for how much of a hard reset g5 is gonna be. if life can actually breathe new LIFE (lol) in these characters just by making an AU, imagine g5 who will actually try to deviate even more and be given even more liberty. good job mlp the more you move away from trying to play into legacy n stop caring about pleasing the bronies the better you get you cracked the code.

#Commander's orders

[acidmatze]

Oh holy shit there will be a Gothic Remake for the PS5?????? From now on i cant spend any more money than i absolutely have to just so i can afford buying it for myself for Christmas

The question is.. how can i do that without my brother knowing about it....? Explanation and rant under the cut

Ever since I was tiny with the one exception being my first computer cuz I didnt had the money back then to afford one so lucky me had our parents buy it for me i bought my own stuff from my own money. My first Ps1 i bought from my cousin for 30 bucks (i sincerely hope in retrospect my parents gave him more money for it without me noticing cuz 30 bucks is way too little for a good console and 3 games) My brother complained and nagged how come I get a Playstation and he doesnt?

One year later (i was about 11) I got the Ps2 for christmas with some games... and Eye Toy. Ofc Eye Toy. Everyone had Eye Toy. My brother complained. How come I get a playstation 2 and he doesnt? I bought the PS2 from my own money. My parents got the games.

I got a new computer. My brother complained

Around 2011, another new computer. My brother called me to complain. He nagged. He yelled. He guilt tripped. How come I get a new computer and he still has to use his old sucky piece of shit? I bought the computer. With my own damn money. I decided I had enough money saved and wanna play new games also everyone says Win 7 is good so yeah. I had dad bring me to the store and bought a new computer. My old win xp computer was 10 years old at that point. I think I deserved that treat. (i think it was second hand when i got it....? I dont know anymore. My first PC was second hand for sure though)

Finally bought a Ps3 in 2014. Im fucking 22 at that point. My brother calls to chew me out how DARE I get a Ps3 when he didnt even have a ps2? Like thats my problem???? I wanted a Ps3 so i went and bought one. From my OWN DAMN MONEY that i SAVED UP from my FUCKING JOB. (office stuff during rehab. boring. but hey money!)

In early 2016 i buy an actual gaming computer. My most expensive thing i ever owned at that point. (it still is. this computer is the most expensive thing i ever had) Again, from my own damn money. My brother calls me to chew me out. Then calls our parents to whine about how i dont baby him and wont give him my old computer.

Late 2017 i move out. Buy everything from my own fucking money. Ofc i get a phone call. How dare i get shiny new furniture when he has to live in a dumpster? Yeah. “Get”. As if i just.. found them on the street or some shit. He always said “Get.” Not “bought”. And then he heard about my TV. A smart TV. Because thats almost the only TV you can buy in stores anymore. And boy did he throw a fit about it. HOW DARE I have a nice TV when he still has one from the early 2000s. For nearly an hour he chewed me out and guilt tripped me. For having a fucking TV. That I bought from my own fucking money. As if I somehow... tied him to the couch so he cant go out and get a new TV for himself. As if its my fault he buys random bullshit instead of saving and getting himself a nice thing.

And then ofc he flipped his shit again when he heard i bought a ps4. HOW DARE I HOW DARE I, an at this point fucking 26 year old adult man, buy myself a console He Doesnt Have. Isnt it enough I have an apartment and “fancy” new furniture and a TV he doesnt have? How dare i buy things I want without asking him first. I should know how miserable he is with his gf he actually hates but thats okay because she hates him too at this point and so does her son and a shitty run-down apartment he never cleans and I SHOULD GIVE HIM MY TV. The ONLY WAY to “make up” for this is me forking over MY TV for some reason. Yeah. No.

I need to add that roughly after I turned 12 my wishes for birthdays and christmas got “too complicated” so i bought my presents myself and got like 80% of the price back in cash from my parents. He didnt had to do that. Never. Still doesnt has to. He tells mom what he wants for christmas and she gets it for him. I tell mom what i want for my birthday and she says “Yeah you know how amazon works” I havent complained about this One Single Time. It just recently occured to me that that mightly be slightly unfair but whatever. Its too late to make a ruckus about it now. And especially i never complained to my brother about it. I never called him two days after christmas about how dare he get what he wanted for christmas, which is usually about 150€ worth of stuff cuz thats the budget my parents set for us. (my stuff costs less mostly. Dont think i get one cent more than what I paid for on Amazon. If it only ends up costing 50 bucks thats “my own fault” then. If my brothers stuff costs less than 150€ he gets the rest in cash) I never called him to whine and complain about how unfair it is and how mom constantly forks money over to him and somehow he still never buys anything he actually Needs and doesnt repair his car or gets a new TV or whatever. And how he TOTALLY should just give me something to “make up for it”.

So yeah if he finds out on christmas that i “got” a ps5 he will absolutely scream and yell at me and throw a fit right then and there and DEMAND i give him my ps4 because the ps5 is backwards compatible anyway, or some bullshit.

I know some siblings used to run to their parents and complain how unfair it is that their sibling wont give something to them. Usually the sibling doing the complaining is younger. Maybe about 5 or 6 while the older sibling is 10. Or something

But did I mention that my brother is 42?

#blablabla #oh boy wow that got long #thats my whole lifestory right here and there lol #and my therapist wonders why i never say anything positive about my brother

[esmiblood90irisglimmer]

Say No To This (Eliza Version/Role-Reverse)

Disclaimers: LONG FANFIC!!!

Theodosia POV

Another warm summer night engulfed the city NYC where I began yawning and realizing it was already past ten o'clock. Deciding to wrap things up by going through one last files one last time before going home. Knowing Aaron would be worry sick that I stay longer at work than I’ve intentionally. Oh well, at least I can have my handsome holding me in his strong arms. Just thinking about me make me blush and giddy all shyly, which I know it’s stupid for a grown woman to be acting like a teenage girl again. Hey, that’s love for you especially being married to the man or women you’ve been for more than a decade. It’s a magical experience when you created the wondrous memories as a married couple. There’s going to be ups and downs and which is part of life and you just have to accept it. Even when you’re in complete denial. Which I could say for a certain I know that writing completely non-stop at the office next door.

You see, my old friend my dearest Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton is working her ass off to the brink of exhaustion. I worry about her but knowingly how stubborn and hard headed she can be sometimes. I often worry about her physical and mental state. I hope she doesn’t scare me like last month when she was buried alive under all those paperworks. That woman is seriously gonna give me a heart attack one these days. Anyway, as a good friend basically the mother friend of our group. I always tend to check up on her before leaving the office. Knowing that her answer will be that she’ll be spending another night here at the orphanage. I wasn’t going to argue with her about it but still at least take one day off. Then again it has taken her husband almost a decade to finally take a break from work. Well, like wife, like husband as some may say.

I see her with papers scatter around the desk with multiple profile of some the new orphanages we receive from other states. Lightly knocking on the door which caught Eliza attention which she given me her usual soft smile.  

“Yes, Mrs. Burr. Is there anything you need?” she asks

“No, I’m letting you know that I’m heading home now. It’s already past ten o’clock so Aaron is probably worry sick about me”

Eliza chuckle lightly before understanding that Aaron is a bit overprotective of me but in a cute way. Deep inside her heart she was longing for the company of Alexander but he and their children were at Upstate. Apparently, visiting her father until catching up with Lafayette mid-way through the journey to South Carolina. They wanted surprise John with a visit of their own unannounced. I can understand her loneliness but she made the choice to stay behind for the orphanage and for me. We share our goodbyes before taking my leave as I left the door to be locked. Since I didn’t want any strangers or psycho manic having the intention to murder my innocent friend. Anyway, during my walk on the way I notice a tall male with a noticeable black eye. I whine on the inside feeling that he either got it from a bar fight or from his wife.

Domestic abuse isn’t uncommon sadly and seeing the abuse victim walking toward to our orphanage is heartbreaking but brave as well. What weird about him is that he’s wearing a large black hat with a long black coat. Perhaps to cover the bruises and the scars he received from his spouse. But that one thing stood out from his outfit was a tight red shirt that would grasp on his muscular chest. Ignoring my appearance despite me waving at him to be polite but I didn’t care. He continue to walk toward the direction of the orphanage before looking at the window in which located Eliza office. It made my heart skip a beat just for a moment but there wasn’t I couldn’t do since I’m off work.

Walking away from the scene as I pray deeply that this doesn’t become that I think would lead to. I hope that Eliza doesn’t do something stupid that would cost her marriage. Then again, our Lord works in mysterious ways than beyond our imagination. I simply shrug and ignore the tangles of knot that bewling with one gut to another.

Theodosia Sr

There’s nothing like summer in the city.

Someone under stress meets someone looking sexy

There’s trouble in the air, you can smell it

And Eliza is by herself....

I’ll let her tell it

Eliza POV

I was left alone in this semi-huge orphanage just by myself working on each of the children files. Just the ones that I’m assign to but that wasn’t enough. By that, I mean the only ones here are the servants on night shift. They look after the kids making they’re sleeping peacefully. Or looking after the ones that were deeply sicks and so they manage their medication from here and there. Sighing to myself out of despair as I thought about my darling Alexander and my friendly Lafayette. They decided to go Upstate in order to visit my father since the children dearly misses him. Along with the midsummer is when they’re going to visit Laurens in South Carolina since it been so long since they last met. Mulligan is going to meet on the middle part of the journey since it would be nice to create a surprise visit for John. It’s nice to know that they all have each others but Angelica and I are separated from miles apart. Not to mention...I lost Peggy from the war after she was shot..from a signal gunshot wound. Sacrificing her life for an innocent child that had nothing to do with it. Except being a daughter of a sl....I can’t bring myself to say it. But yes, that event change me and Angelica a lot especially toward my father who clearly cherish her since she is one of his beloved daughters.

Leaving behind her husband and beautiful son behind but we still visit them but enough of the depress thing. I harshly rubbed my eyes as I been here at my office for a week. Brushing my fingers into my semi greasy hair and thought I should go home as well. Packing my things up as I thought about Alexander just holding in his arms. As we share the bed we slept in together. Or having Lafayette just escorting me around the city while trying to make me laugh. His corny jokes somehow manage to make me laugh from here and there. Just would’ve been nice to have one of them here by my side. Until I heard a knock from downstairs.

Eliza

I haven’t slept in a week

I was weak, I awake

When I’m alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall

Longing for Lafayette, Missing my Alexander

I heard a knock on the door, I knew it wasn't my husband That’s when Mister James Reynolds walked into my life He said:

Walking downstairs before opening the door to see a tall man with a large black hat and long black coat. Quite an odd outfit but I brush it off. I notice the black eye on his face which aches my heart. Knowing that this black eye must’ve come from his abusive spouse. I offer him some tea as we discuss in the living room before introducing himself to be Mr. James Reynolds. Which he announce his reasonings of why coming to the orphanage so late at night.

James Reynolds

I know you are a woman of honor

I’m so sorry to bother you at home

But I don’t know where to go

And I came here all alone...

Eliza:

He said...

James Reynolds

My wife been doing me wrong

Beating me...

Cheating me...

Mistreating me...

Suddenly, she up and gone

And, I don’t have the means to go on

I felt extremely upset to know about this poor going through an abusive marriage. Not to mention that he has a young daughter only about five years old. Wondering how could I help this man and his daughter as well. Giving me the facts that she comes and goes from three days to weeks, lead to months from on end. Decided to give him some extra crash that I’ve stock away in her desk drawer. Pulling out approximately about thirty bucks which is quite a lot back then. Thirty bucks could’ve equivalent to like a hundreds. Then again it’s the 1700s, so it wasn’t an issue trying to store a few extra cash. Giving, Mr. Reynolds the money to see that he’s very grateful that anyone would loan him such a large amount of money. Wiping the tears of joy away before leaning his arm to hold onto. Well, I didn’t see a problem for a woman to escort a find young man home.

Eliza:

So I offered him a loan, I offered to walk him home, he said

James Reynolds:

You’re too kind mam

Eliza

I gave him thirty bucks that I have stock away

He lived a block away, he said:

James Reynolds:

This one’s mine, mam

Surprisingly the the orphanage isn’t that too far off from where Reynolds live at. Then again, he live only a block away so it was only a short ten minutes. I would stand outside just letting the kind man to enter inside his house safe and sound. Hopefully, his wife is either asleep or isn’t home at the moment which brought a tight knot in my stomach.Then, i could go home and take a long hot bath and probably take the day off tomorrow. Since I haven’t slept nor bathe in a week. So, I probably smell very sticky which isn’t very ladylike of me. Turning away as I started to walk in the direction of where my home was. About to take my leave I felt James hand grabbing my own with a light blush on his face. Veryly confuse, as I didn’t prepare myself of what was about to happen next.

Eliza:

Then I said, “well, I should head back home,” He turned red, He led me to his bed Place me between his legs and said:

James Reynolds:

Stay?

Eliza:

H...Hey...

James Reynolds:

Hey...

Not even knowing what just till the last second is when I’m between Reynolds legs. With his arms around my waist as I lay on top of his bare. Apparently, I must’ve believe that he unbutton his red shirt during the time I went blank. Feeling my entire body heating up and my face turning into cherry red. Wasn’t sure how I magically escape from the grasp of his arms but that wasn’t the case. As a married woman and Reynolds being a married man shouldn’t doing something so sinful. Not to mention, I have Alexander and can’t let myself be the one to break his heart. Reaching toward the door but before getting the grasp on the knob. Reynolds held me from behind just my heart accelerating and my body hitting once again.

Feeling his lips just leaving butterflies kissing across my neck to the my bare shoulders. Barely knowledge that this man has strip my dress off my body. Leaving me in my closet and others underclothing just leaving me to shiver. Turning me around as I face this man in the eyes but adirmating his bare chest. Lightly breathing heavily but soon I mentally slap myself. Telling myself that I have a husband and children nevertheless. This devilish man has this sinfully smirk as he place his chest just feeling his heart beating.

Eliza: That’s when I began to pray:

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

I don’t know how to

Say no to this

But my god, he looks so helpless

And his body’s saying “hell yes”

James Reynolds:

Whoa...

Eliza:

Lord, show me how to

Eliza/ Ensemble (Aka the fandom): Say no to this

Trying to put my dress back on and get the heck out there but Reynolds has other plans. Holding me closer to him as our lips were just meter aparts just barely brushing each others. The grids in my mind were grinding wildly just telling me “Get the hell out of there”. But I couldn’t feel my body, didn’t have the courage to pull away. That wasn’t the case...I didn’t want to push myself away from this find man. Turning my face away for a moment. Until, I felt him lifting my chin up just meeting my gaze to his before leaning. His lips against my own just made everything I have thought just few out the window. Before he lead me to the once again.

Eliza: I don’t know how to Eliza/ The fandom Say no to this Eliza: In my mind, I’m tryin’ to go The Fandom: Go! Go! Go!

Eliza: Then his mouth is on mine, and I don’t say…

Throughout the entire time I spent with this stranger of man just letting him pleasure. Just forgetting Alexander, Lafayette, Angelica, the kids. Basically just everyone I’ve ever knew as he and I done it in his bed. At his house, where his wife could’ve walk in on us but I didn’t care. I was alone and longing for companion. But my mind is screaming me with rage literally scolding for doing a cruel act. Letting myself get involved in adultery that I’ll soon regretted later on.

The Fandom:

No! No! Say no to this!

No! No! Say no to this!

No! No! Say no to this!

No! No! Say no to this!

Third POV

Unaware by his wife adultery with another married man, Alexander Hamilton a proud father and helpless husband. Smiling happily while looking at the pendant that his late younger sister- in law, Peggy gave to him. It was originally a birthday gift but the widely woman decided to give this little gremlin as a wedding. Chucking by the memories of the late Peggy but blush while smiling a little. It was a picture of him and Eliza on their wedding day which brought warm memories to him. That day brought heartbreaks to both Lafayette and Laurens. As the French general has fallen deeply in love with Elizabeth Schuyler but given her up for his brother. While John is in love with his best friend but was already marriage and have a daughter of his own. Still, they wanted to see this Caribbean immigrant keeping a beautiful smile while basketing his love for Eliza.

The Hamilsquad has finally reunited after being seperated from the war for far too long. Which has been nearly a decade or more since the four men last saw each others. Apparently, Burr is suppose to meet up with the others at Lauren house but wasn’t able to at the last minute. As his daughter has gotten ill which is terrible for a child to be sick during the summer. Anyway, nearly getting side tracked as the four males were playing around with the children. Dancing with them, playing with them, and etc. As the children run around Alexander pull his pendant. Staring at the picture at his beautiful as he felt helpless once again after all these years during their marriage.

Alexander / The Fandom:

Helpless!!

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

Looking into your eyes

And the sky’s the limit

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

I’m helpless

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

Lafayette saw his brother smile weakly while spinning around like the lovesick puppy that Hamilton is. Walking away from the immigrant as the French male heart tighten a bit knowing fully well that Eliza will never be his. He has come to terms with it but still heartbroken after all these years. Now, married with another woman in France with children of their own. Yet, Lafayette still loves Eliza and that would never change. Even that meant marrying someone else. As one brother is smiling happily with hearts flying around him as the other brother was staring out the window. A single tear rolled down his caramel skin before brushing it away in order not to let others know.

Alexander/Lafayette

Will she ever be satisfied?

(Down for the count,

And I’m

Drowning’ in them)

She will never be satisfied

Back at New York is where both men were unaware that Eliza is sleeping with another married man. But also growing mutual feelings for him as well. As Eliza woken up from his bed in shock and disgusted with herself for letting this happen. Trying to break it off and made sure this was a one time only moment. Well ain’t that fantasy that Eliza suddenly ask for too much. As the guilt and regrets will arrive years later and she won’t even how the affair being leak out. Though she didn’t care and immediately left the house luckily, no one was around to started ridiculous gossip. Heading straight home to take a bath and sleep hopefully this is the final counter she’ll have with Reynolds. Or so she thought.

Eliza: I wish I could say that was the last time I said that last time. It became a pastime A month into this endeavor I received a letter From a Mrs. Maria Reynolds, even better, it said: Maria: Dear Madam, I hope this letter finds you in good health And in a prosperous enough position to put wealth In the pockets of people like me: down on their luck You see, that was my husband who you decided to Eliza: Shhhh—

A month past by and her affair with Reynolds continue and escalated to him spending multiple night at her house. As they slept on the same bed that she with her darling Alexander. No matter how many time she wanted to call this affair off. Reynolds always seduce her back into his arms by that charming and charismatic attitude of his. Those methods always make her legs jelly and wobbling. It lead them to exchanging tiny little love letters from here and there. Until one day, at her office Theodosia brought her letter which was sent from Mrs. Maria Reynolds. Feeling her blood run before locking the door. Reading the telegrams which is promptly by none other than Reynolds wife. Claiming that she knows about the affair and herself as well. A large lump began to form in his throat as she continue reading the paper. Feeling that dark presented behind Eliza back just feeling Maria mocking her for sleeping with her own husband.

Yet, that not even the worst part.

Maria: Uh-oh! You made the wrong sucker a cuckold So time to pay the piper for the dress you stripped And hey, you can keep seeing’ that piece of shit If the price is right: if not I’m telling your man

Straight up blackmailing the young wife that if she doesn’t pay in the correct. This other wife would spill the details to her Alexander. In pure anger, she races out of her office but not without leaving confuse looks on her coworkers face’s. Nearly running toward Reynolds house as she proudly let herself to slam the door shut harshly. Racing toward upstairs as I saw James right before myself as I proceeded to slap him hard across the face. Shock but also hurt by this reaction as Eliza shove the letter in front of the man’s face.

Eliza: I hid the letter and I raced to his place Screamed

“How could you?!”

in his face He said: James No, Mam!!

Eliza:

Half dressed, apologetic. A mess, he looked

Pathetic, he cried:

James:

Please don’t go, mam!

Not caring if this man was even half naked or half dress in front of her. This affair is officially over but Reynolds grabbed Eliza’s hand. Not wanting to lose of what they have during the entire period of summer. Pulling herself away from this man with a look of anger spreading on her expression. Whimpering on the inside as Reynolds never saw this side of Eliza before. She was so kind and thoughtful toward him. Never forgetting her generosity to donated a large sum of money just for his daughter Susan. Holding Eliza in his arms once again but this married woman firmly pushes herself out of his reach. Tears were streaming down his face before on his knees. Betting this kind hearted woman to not leave him alone with his wife. Despite not knowing either he was serious or was all of this an act.

Eliza:

So was your whole story a setup?

James:

I don’t know about any letter!

Eliza:

Stop crying

God damnit, get up!

James:

I didn’t know any better

Eliza:

I am ruined...

Frantically pulling her hair while her own tears flooded her face. Realizing that consequences of what this affair leading to. This could ruin an entire innocent happy marriage and another marriage leading to a divorce in court. Both of them panicking as Maria has full control of them especially Eliza. Since she did indeed fallen trip into their spider webs of lies. The married man tries to persuade to stay with in his arms. Work before and show work again. Doesn’t need any other woman but her at the time being. Even it may cost him his life. Holding her into his arms once again while wiping her tears away with a soft touch.

Eliza / James:

Please don’t leave me with her, I’m helpless

(I am helpless—how could I do this?)

Just give her what he wants and you can have me

Eliza:

I don’t want you

James:

What?

Eliza:

I don’t want you

James/Eliza

Whatever you want (I don’t...)

If you pay,

You can

Stay!!!!

Eliza wanted to pull away but didn’t have the strength nor the energy to do so. Letting Reynolds cherish her one last time. Clinging onto him before letting the small kisses into full on make out. Which them on the bed once again. Just like how the first night when they first met. Eliza feeling regretful but yet a bit satisfied about this affair. Not sure why...she didn’t even know her self. They just want the pleasurable moment for one last time.

Eliza

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

I don’t know how to

Say no to this

Cause the situation is helpless

And his body screaming “hell yes”

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

Eliza/James

How can I say not to this?!

Eliza:

There is nowhere I can go?!

When his body on mine I do not say

Sharing a kisses from here and there from the lips, neck, and other sort etc. James notice a matching pendant around Eliza neck. Open by itself to see the man that Eliza is currently married to in made him freeze for a moment. Just staring at the picture on the day on this woman married her husband. Shaking lightly before shutting it quickly just wanting to get this over this. That picture suddenly began mocking him. Feeling this affair might put a tired on Eliza marriage with Alexander. Which he praise that doesn't happen. Which it's rare to have this emotions that he never had before.

Still both Reynolds and Eliza mind were screaming at them.Telling these two adults that “NO! This isn’t right” basic stuff. That both of them knew but decided to ignore it.

Eliza/James/The Fandom

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

After this finally orderal, Eliza slowly and shamefully getting dressed as Reynolds lay in bed. Not looking at each others seem to be the best choice at the moment. Eliza wiped a few tears feeling so dirty and disgusted with herself. Her actions. Hopefully that she can put this in the past. And forget that it ever happen in the first place. Pulling out two envelope from the pocket of her dress. Both fill with crash.

Eliza:

Say no to this...

I don’t

Eliza/James:

Say no to this

Eliza:

There is nowhere I can go

The fandom:

Go, Go, Go

Right before her stood Maria Reynolds at the doorway with a little girl by her side. Apparently, this is their daughter that James mention before. Wearing a beautiful red dress that seem to share the same color and color of her husband shirt. Having a smug look on her face full aware of what just happened since this bedroom. But she could care less since its the money she need for a lawyer during a divorce court. But sweet little Eliza doesn’t need to know about that.

Maria:

So?

The other married woman sigh in defeat as she place the two full envelope on Maria hands. About thousands dollars in total. Looking down as the child stare at in confusion and curious of what was happening. But her innocent must be protected and so for that. The deed has been done and all of this affair is just hush hush. Racing out of the house in a rush with tears threatening to leave her eyes. Returning back to the orphanage in an hour as Theodosia, Martha, Dolley didn’t notice her return. Until hearing you close the door to her office and locking it. Her back was press against the wood before sliding down as she held her knee tightly. Tears spring down to the fabric of her dress before quietly whisper to herself.

“Nobody needs to know”

Nearly given  up writing  this fanfic but I made myself to finish. But yeah.. hope y'all enjoy

#hamilton #hamiltrash #Hamilton fanfic #Say no to this #elizabeth hamilton #Alexander Hamilton #John Laurens #Lafayette #Hercules Mulligan #romance #affair #drama #guilty #regrets #james reynolds #Maria Reynolds #Role-Reverse

[pansexualhero]

South Africa Day 2

In the morning I stirred at 5am because all the lights were left on, and nana was walking around coughing and just doing things. I tried to just be on my phone and fall asleep again and Nana was like please help me with the kindle. I was asleep before her and after her. I swear she doesnt sleep - like a Gremlin Vampire. The pottering around was very irritating. 

Anyway, wake again at 7. Had breakfast. Breakfast was good, had scrambled eggs with baked beans and mushroom on toast.  Nana was irritating, talked to another couple for a very long time at breakfast, bragged about me and mostly daniel and noah. Repeated things alot, cut off the other old couple when they tried to talk. 

Got dressed, the driver was meant to get us at 10. She thought it was meant to be at 7 30. We got down at 9 30 and started our tour. We went to Cable Mountain. THe tour guide was agreat, a nice break from being solely around my grandma. She was cool, used to be the absailing person up top Cable mountain and did hikes at Lions head almost every day. 

Cable mountain was beautiful. The actal cable ride was so odd, the floor rotated giving us a 360 view.  Up top, we got a wheelchair for nana as, on the way to the cable ride - a short walk she needed a break and cable mountain is rocky. Up top there were not many wheelchair accessible places. so we went to those places first, i took a bunch of selfies and pictures. I looked cute despite being siper hot. The lovely tour guide told me to go for a walk around. I saw this adorable little brown creature. Took a picture of him too. the walk was great, I had music playing and the view was incredible. I got a moment break from Nana.

We got back down eventually, back inthe car. we drove around for 30 minutes exploring the city. Nana interrupted the tour guides so many times and told her about sydney instead of listening to what she paid for and was just disrespectful in an old person way. but surely she didnt need to talk about sydney that much. why go to south africa if youre just gonna think about sydney. 

Next we went to the noon gun. Which is a cannon that fires every day except sunday and public holidays in south africa. it was awesome. The tour guide to cover my ears and open my mouth. I covered one ear and took a picture with the other hand and opened my mouth. It felt like a punch to the chest. It was so loud and the force was to strong. It was incredible. Nana almost missed it because she spent like 5 minutes fumbling with her hearing aids. Did i mention to get nana on and off the van i had to physically lift her? lots of touching. yick. I hate all the touching nana is doing. She keeps holding my hand and touching me. 

Next we went back on the city tour, which was rushed to get the noon cannon. was cool, minorly interesting. I dont think knowing the history of cities is my jam, as bad as that sounds. but i wont retain any of that information.  Then we went to a diamond shop. it was really dull. I hated it. We can’t do some of the cooler things because it involves walking or uneven surfaces and such.  

We got back and i was getting really agitated because nana was getting just so so much for me.  I really have little tolerance for her and her telling me how lucky iam and how great she is. So i got back and had a whine to bobby. He told me to put my big girl pants on and just say im going out for a walk. 

I did that and managed to get some RANS. dope. free money. 

I walked to the coast bit near the hotel. I went to the art market, I had brief glimpses in but not stoked. I asked bobby is he wanted me to get him anything. He said a live snake and i was like probs not gonna happen. at that very moment i ofund a live snake museum thing. I had to pay entry. i think it was $2.50 entry?  either that or 25. regardless it was good. that snakes were beautiful and big and so slithery. it was lovely. 

 Then i went to the food market. I wanted everything but I have dinner tonight so not going to get too full. So I bought a nice cold beer - pale ale. Really good. I bought this like weird jerky thing of some like deer animal.  it was great. ate the whole bit i ate with my beer and called aaron. He was cute and stoned.

Then i sat to listen to a busker who had a lovely voice but i noticed DOGS. anyway theres this thing where dogs are kinda just displayed in the town centre to get adopted. It was really hot and the dogs were not happy. just sleeping sadly. it was sad to see but i got to pat some and that made me feel a bit better.

Started walking back and got a call from nana being like you ok? yep. but was walking back anyway so continued doing that. Now I write after being pestered alot about inconsequential details about nanas phone calls, eating habits, drinking tea. etc. shes really boring.  

Anyway i try and be positive, but its really hard. right now i sit in the hotel room and she is less than a metre from me, coughing hard and definitely coughing up blood. its very gross. shes just like this everpresent force of annoyance. 

I will probably eat then go for a swim after a bit. its still like 30 degrees so the pool will be lovely later. 

overall day rating 5/10. 

oh also, someone died right next to my old house and jamie commented that finally someone had killed me. Which like, we havent talked for over a year mate. we dont like each other. dont try and make jokes. to me I received that message as ill intent. A solid fuck you. Youre a cruel dickhead. And i wish nothing but the worst for your life. Its just expecially cruel because he didnt know I moved houses, and i hadnt been active on social media so fuck it could have been me. dick. Thanks bella for standing up for me. I value her. Everyone else who stayed quiet can shove it.  But yeah i like to think im calm but nana really takes it out of me. i am rage. i just dont want to talk or be bothered, i dont want conversation. i just want quiet. 

#traveljournal #travel #south africa