#ezio is too freaked out that his hints are weird and confusing

[teecupangel]

this is pretty hard to put into words but just hear me out. Imagine Desmond as a baker. Like a literally pastry/bread maker.

So the idea is that he'd have time traveled, by the apple or isu bullshit it's up to you, and basically gets adopted into this nice old family who own a bakery. They teach him everything and he settles down a bit. But it turns out he's travelled to before the executions of Ezio's family, where he has a chance to save them, but was warned against it by Minerva (or whoever) because it would mean the end of the world. So he has this moral dilemma the entire time. But also, he wants nothing to do with the Brotherhood. He's done with the Assassin's and Templars for a lifetime.

Then Leonardo comes along, because there's a nice family bakery down the road and he was craving something sweet, and sees Desmond (who is completely freaking out) and Leonardo assumes something... That he's Giovanni's bastard son. Which leads to a large moment of misunderstandings in which Leonardo is trying to tell the family that Desmond exists without sounding like he's accusing Giovanni of cheating but also trying to say something quick. Because if he saw the connection, so would other people.

But Maria, ignoring all the failed attempts of poor Leonardo, goes and orders a large amount of baked pastries to be delivered to the villa in celebration of someone's birthday. Lo and behold, Desmond appears to deliver the goods (and then to disappear into oblivion, because he just couldn't help himself to not see the family again)

Everyone stops when they see Desmond and Leonardo almost passes out from the pure amout of stress he had taken on. Then there's this whole scandal and poor little Desmond is smack dab in the middle of it.

Desmond could find baking as relaxing in the sense that baking requires precision and any deviation in the recipe (that is not like sugar content) could easily destroy it which, for someone like Desmond, might mean that the baker has complete control of what’s going to happen.

At least, if Desmond can’t have full control over his life, he could have full control over the pastries he makes.

Also, if we set it up so that Desmond wouldn’t know much about baking before he got adopted BUT he does know what pastries and cakes should look like and the ‘usual stuff’ that should be in them, hell, he could accidentally invent pastries that shouldn’t exist during that time period.

He would be known as someone not afraid to experiment and try new ingredients and people assume he’s a mad genius but Desmond is just trying to find possible alternatives he could use for the pastries he knows about but doesn’t exactly know how to make.

So Leonardo would be interested in the products themselves but also because of the rumor of this pastry/bread madman and both of them just stared at one another with wide eyes because Leonardo is thinking “Oh no, Giovanni cheated on Maria!” and Desmond is thinking “Oh fuck, what the hell is Leonardo doing here? Okay, stay cool, stay cool, stay freaking cool, Desmond”

And Leonardo becomes a regular because goddamn those pastries are to die for and Leonardo enjoys being Desmond’s taster (or, as Desmond like to call him, his guinea pig) all the while trying to drop hints that he knows who Desmond’s real father is.

Desmond misunderstands this hints as Leonardo knowing that he’s connected to the Auditores and he thinks if anyone could think “Ah! Of course! Time traveling bullshit!” as a reason for Desmond’s existence, it would be freaking Leonardo Da Vinci.

And, just to make everything more complicated, Desmond tries his damnest not to get near the Auditores but it wasn’t like they could reject Maria Auditore’s orders because that was a lot of money and also it would be social suicide to be known as the bakers who said no to the wife of Lorenzo’s unofficial second-in-command.

Instead of Desmond being the one to deliver it though, Ezio gets roped into getting the orders and Desmond freaks out because “oh shit, Ezio! Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!” so Desmond does want any normal person freaking out and out of option would do at that situation, pretend everything is fine and smile and be polite on the outside while just going “AAaaaaaaahhh *deep breath* aaaAAAAAAAAAHHHH” on the inside and Ezio is just staring at him and being uncharacteristically absentminded which Desmond assumed meant he must have just seen Cristina or something.

Instead, Ezio goes to Leonardo after delivering the pastries and go “I THINK MY FATHER CHEATED ON MY MOTHER AND HAS A SECRET CHILD!”

And Leonardo just goes “YYYYYEEESSSS!!!!”

Cue Leonardo and Ezio trying to drop hints to Maria about Desmond’s ‘real’ parentage (which Maria mistakes as Leonardo and Ezio really liking the pastries) and dropping hints to Desmond about his ‘connection’ to the Auditores (which Desmond mistakes as both Leonardo and Ezio coming close to finding out he’s a freaking descendant of the Auditores that time traveled) while Leonardo and Ezio suffer through both of their ‘obliviousness’.

(By the way, all this pastry talk made me remember Tasting History with Max Miller on youtube and, if you’re curious what food was like in the past, check his videos out. He even has a playlist for Medieval and Renaissance food)

#desmond bakes #desmond gets mistaken as giovanni's secret lovechild #in maria’s and desmond’s defense #leonardo is being too subtle #ezio is too freaked out that his hints are weird and confusing #the other auditores are just enjoying the pastries #including giovanni #assassin's creed #desmond miles #leonardo da vinci #ezio auditore