#fang duobing has ever experienced—not his father not his illness nor his run away marriage or obligation as a young master he hates—its this

[rhymaes]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook // Anne Carson, Autobiography of Red

(continuation of x)

#and YES I USED THE SAME PIC TO BEGIN HIS. BECAUSE WHERE HIS STORY BEGINS #IS WHERE LI LIANHUA’S ENDS AND GOD. HE THOUGHT THEY HAD FOREVER #fang duobing’s turn because time is rushing toward them!!! and he believed they had it and then didn’t and then did again #and then it’s—all gone. like a light snuffed out. there is always a dark darker than the dark you know #and what li lianhua believed he was freeing fang duobing from is what he will spend the rest of his life mourning #& it’s. you have enough time. and then you don’t. and then you do because he told you so and you wanted to believe him even after everything #so you did. and oh. it was so much worse to think you could have it. that you had it together. and then finding he knew it was never a #possibility to begin with because he exchanged his death for your life but he doesn’t understand he wrote the eulogy you will roam the wide #world with for the rest of your life without him #just. holy shit. it’s a cruelty that li lianhua truly does not believe is cruel. he believes it’s a blessing. and it’s the worst thing #fang duobing has ever experienced—not his father not his illness nor his run away marriage or obligation as a young master he hates—its this #ANYWAY. yeah. yeah. finished the book today so natural I had to take the last quote completely out of context for my own selfish reading for #them bc what can I say I’m a selfish reader in any regard #mysterious lotus casebook #fang duobing #li lianhua #li xiangyi #di feisheng