#girlies woke up today feeling sad i guess can you even blame them

[petra-realsnk]

Rivetra fanfic (divergence au)

Hi guys! Here’s the third chapter of Digging up a grave. As I’ve said before, this and the next one were meant to be the same, but the end result was quite long, so I’ve decided to split it. I’ll post the fourth today as well. I hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: sadness, mourning. 

You can also read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610360/chapters/73198356

Digging up a grave (Chapter 3) 

Two weeks after being resurrected, Petra tries to cope with the loss of her teammates, while also adjusting to her new life. Just as he promised, Levi will accompany her to visit her father,  who now thinks her daughter pretended to be dead for a secret mission. During lunch, he brings up the subject of that letter…

Between lines

Two weeks have passed since Petra returned. Thenceforth, she had come under the protection of the army, having to put aside her former duties as a soldier until they could find some answers. Nevertheless, she had insisted on making herself useful, and had been helping with the maintenance of the barracks. After all, she was one of the few people capable of meeting the captain's standards of cleanliness… 

Petra had had time to mourn her companions, and to let the missed events sink on her. Many mornings she woke up with red eyes and a puffy face, ignoring the sour looks of the recruits who suspected her. Some of them had learned her story, and couldn't help but wonder, after losing many friends, why she had been allowed to return. Something she has been wondering as well…

Most soldiers were incredibly busy at that time, having to give many explanations after the truth of their world had been unveiled, so she found herself alone in most of the rooms, except for a couple guards that followed her around. As she worked, her mind wandered to other dark corners. Every little task made her think of her squad, who were no longer there to help nor bother. All those things they had done in company, she did now alone.

Levi had also found himself doing things on his own since that day. He stopped drinking tea for a while after the blow, to eventually go back to making it for himself. Accustomed to his solitude, he felt surprised to find Petra in the kitchen reaching for the kettle at dawn. He'd been acting on automatic that morning, and had to remind himself again that she was there, the same way he'd spent months waking up to tell himself otherwise. He was glad to see that she was better. They hadn’t seen each other since their talk in the dungeons, which now seemed so ethereal in his memory. 

“Good morning there.” His words made Petra wince, for her mind had been somewhere else. 

She was kneeling in front of the low cabinets, and returned his salute without hardly looking at him. It was obvious that she had been sleeping little and crying a lot. She had always been very receptive to her surroundings, but now her figure gave off an air of decay. 

“I can do it myself”, he told her. Levi didn’t want to stick his nose in her business, plus surprising someone in their emotions always made him feel awkward. 

"Don't worry it's fine. I'll bring it to you in a minute." She recollected herself quickly. 

Levi watched her silently, as he approached to help her pick things up. 

“Would you have a cup with me?” He asked, appreciating the moment he believed he could never live again.

“Sure.” She replied sweetly, slowly coming back from her saddened mind. 

They drank their tea in an awkward silence, but Petra knew it was better that way, for he hated small talk even more. 

“I'm sorry you had to be doing this alone.” She suddenly told him.  “I’ve been doing everything alone myself lately… It sucks.” 

She hadn’t realized how much she needed to talk with someone until that moment, and she really wanted it to be him on the other side. 

“I still carry them on everything I do. That’s one way to deal with it.” He told her, knowing perfectly well what she was going through. His words brought some warmth to her, as she decided to follow his example once more. 

“Captain. I’ve been locked in here for days, and I can barely take it like this. I need to do something else.” 

“I’ve already told you what’s your position right now. Stop asking.” He needed to cut her off. Fighting or not, she was still a soldier under his command, and he couldn’t have her breaking down. 

“Can I see my father then?” She asked, slightly defiant. 

In normal circumstances, he would’ve grabbed her by the collar for that, but he had a soft spot for her, plus she couldn’t be blamed for whatever mindfuckery she was going through after everything. 

“If you’re ready by mid day, I’ll ask Hange.” 

After hearing his reply, she felt wrong for reacting like that. She didn't know what was going on with her, but there was something different... She was having a hard time keeping herself together. 

“I’m sorry for… I’ll be ready by then.” She replied. Then, without losing a second, she got up and went to her dorm. Levi watched her leave, without knowing how to help her. She even had problems vocabulazing herself... 

Petra tried to sleep for a couple more hours before showering and getting ready to go home. She felt joyful for for the first time in days, thinking that she might be able to take a piece of her previous life back for at least a few hours, plus Levi would be accompanying her, wasn’t this everything she had wished for before?

Once she came out of the shower, someone knocked her door. She covered herself quickly and went to open. Petra was surprised to find it was Levi, who seemed to be already dressed up for the occasion. He wore a formal but simple black suit, with his characteristic white shirt and neckerchief. 

“Oh! Hello, captain, isn’t it a little bit early?” 

“I’ve brought you this. We gave all your stuff back to your father, and it will be suspicious for you to not have any street clothes of your own. “ 

He handed her a paper bag that contained a dress quite similar to those she always used to wear when off duty. Petra had picked his clothes back then a couple times, but she was surprised to see him nail her style that nicely. “He really has an eye for detail”, she thought. 

“There’s also a letter with some scheme Hange and I came with, you should memorize it.” He felt bad for having to ask her to lie to his poor father, but she seemed too entertained with that dress to care. 

“Oh! I’ll take a look at this”, she said, taking the envelope, “though I must advise you, it’s better to keep quiet in front of him. He’s too good at reading between the lines…” She always sounded more cheerful whenever she talked about him.  

Levi’s mind couldn't help but to remember the first time he approached him. “I wanted to discuss something with you before she sees me”, he had told him, “she said she wanted to devote herself to you, even though that’s her pride talking… as her father-” 

“Thank you, Captain Levi. I’ll be ready as soon as possible.” Her words brought him back from that flashback as she closed the door in front of him. This time she seemed more excited, and her mood had improved quite a lot from that talk they had in the morning. Levi went back to work, still thinking about what her father could have read between the lines of that letter.

                                                   xxxxxxxx

About an hour later, Levi was standing on the same spot. Petra’s door opened before he could even knock, and she stepped outside to meet him. She looked much more fresh after gaining some sleep, and the femenine cut of her dress did wonders to her figure. For some, it would’ve been hard to envision such a “girly girl”  as one of the fiercest soldiers the legion has ever had. For some others, that contrast was exactly what made her seem so versatile and fascinating, Levi within them. It’s important to remark that it wasn’t just a matter of appearance, as her personality could easily meet both extremes as well. 

They started walking together, and left the building using a discrete back entrance, to get as little attention as possible. Underneath, a carriage was waiting for them. 

“We have communicated your return beforehand to him, we don’t want your dad to have a heart attack before you’re even able to talk. Have you memorized our version of events?” Levi asked about halfway through their journey.

Petra nodded. “It’s quite hard to believe, but I guess the truth it’s even less believable.” 

They didn’t want the enemy to find out that easily that they had found the lost titan, so they wouldn’t leak the true information outside some trusted circles of the army. They have told the rest that Petra had gone undercover in a mission they could not disclassify yet, and that they had used the death of Levi’s squad to erase her as well. In order to protect her and her father, they had had to lie to him as well. They also included some minor details in order to make it more believable, although it was advised to not give much away. It wasn’t difficult to let it slip, considering that most of the soldiers who had seen her body back then were trusted individuals or already dead… 

They both stared at their scripts as they made their way through the fields. Soon enough, Petra got distracted by the familiar view of her land. Her father had a small farm he used for his own supply and some sales. Levi watched as her face brightened, finally kissed by the outside sun. She suddenly turned to look at him with a big smile and said:

“I’m glad to be coming back, and I’m really happy that you’re joining me, captain.” 

Levi couldn’t have imagined how much she had dreamed of introducing him to her father, or inviting him to dinner back then, but he thought it was kind of sweet for her to say that. 

She kept looking outside the window with a tender smile. Although the sky was gray, the field looked incredibly green, and a couple of houses could be seen in the distance. She had walked that road so many times… At one side of it, Petra’s house started to appear on the horizon, and she saw the figure of a man running towards them. Levi quickly catched the change in her expression, but it was too late. Petra opened the door of the carriage and jumped out while it was still moving. 

“OI, PETRA!” He screamed as he jumped behind her. 

When he hit the ground, he saw her running towards his father, who was already starting to lose his breath. He stayed still next to the carriage that had already stopped by then, and told the driver to leave. From afar, Levi saw Petra hug her father who seemed just as nervous as the first time he saw him. He started walking slowly towards them, noticing that they were both crying. He decided to remain just as far enough to listen without interrupting. 

“My girl! my girl I can’t believe it… You don’t know it, everyday… everyday I’ve missed you so much!” He batherly could keep himself standing between his daughter’s arms as he cried inconsolably. 

“I’m so so sorry papa, but you couldn’t know… I couldn’t let anything happen to you. I am so sorry. I am fine…” 

Levi felt displaced as he watched them. It was obvious that the two had a bond he had never been able to experience. 

“Look papa, I’ve come with captain Levi, he’s in charge of my safety for the day… He offered himself to bring me home.” 

“Ah… Hello, captain… I remember him from that time yeah…” He had just realized Levi was there, and tried his best to welcome him despite being a mess of emotions. 

“Hi.” Levi answered, visibly uncomfortable. He had always been awkward, but this time he really didn’t know how to react. When Petra died, he couldn’t mutter a single word while he tried to speak with him, it was someone else who had told him… All of these things he didn’t talk with Petra, who looked at him rather surprised to learn that they’ve met before. 

“Ah… I- I didn’t know that!” She was unable to lie, but tried to seem chill about it, because she knew that her father was… well… prone to embarrass her, even when he bore the best of wills. 

“I’ve been waiting for you since morning! I didn’t have much at home but I told the people of the village you were coming and they brought a lot of stuff! Oh Petra, they’re all crazy to see you…”

Petra's nerves shot up. “Dad! You weren’t supposed to tell anyone.” She looked at Levi fearing for his reaction. 

“I- ugh… Yeah, but when they asked what happened, when they saw me… I couldn’t- ”

“Unbelievable. We’ll let this pass for now, but you need to understand you’re endangering her by revealing her location.” Levi cut him. 

Petra’s father was visibly affected by his words.

“Don’t worry captain, I’m sure that If he talks with the people around here, they won’t say a word. These are all trustworthy people, and there aren’t much of us.” Petra tried to reassure him. 

“You’re right! I will ask them as soon as possible, if your captain is okay…”

“Fine.” Levi said in defeat. There wasn’t much he could do given the situation. 

“Please, come inside home!” He said without letting go of his daughter. “You too, captain Levi, I’ve been told about your mannerisms, and I can assure you that the house is spotless!” 

Levi was surprised to find out how much information Petra had been delivering to her father, while her face started to burn bright red.

“Papa! Please, don’t say those things. I am sorry captain!” They turned around and started walking towards their place, as Petra keeped to reprimand her father in a lowerer tone for his comment. 

The little farm was surely adorable, a place someone would imagine Petra coming from. The interior received a good amount of natural light, and as soon as they entered, a table full of food awaited for them. Levi kept following them a couple steps behind. 

“Oh, kids, you better not do this to me never again… I’m already old, and you’ve managed to take more years of my life.” He said as he started to serve the table. “Please sit.” 

“There’s no need papa, let me help you.” Petra said as she rushed into the kitchen. 

Levi, once again, sat there feeling awkward. These kinds of reunions weren’t his thing at all, although it was nice to see them together once more. After bringing everything that was missing, they started to eat. Petra and his father talked effusively about whom in the village had brought each thing. As they conversated, Levi started to see how Petra slowly shifted into her more natural version. She sounded more youthful and sassy… The same version of her he always saw from afar whenever she was with her teammates. He thought it was nice to experience her like this, from up close, when she’s unbothered by his presence.

“Ah… excuse my manners, Levi.” Started Petra’s father after realizing they were alienating him. “I don’t think I’ve told you before, but my name is Elias.” 

Levi still didn’t know how to include himself in the conversation, even after being addressed directly.

“Nice to meet you… I’m Levi Ackerman, although you seem to know a great deal about me already....” 

Petra blushed at his remark, but she also was shocked to learn about that surname. It was the first time he gave away something like that. 

“Oh! I thought you had another surname… Where are you from, Levi?” 

“Papa, he doesn’t really like to talk about him. How about you better update me on that bet you made with uncle Ben?” Petra tried to help Levi there, but he didn’t care. 

“I used to live underground. I didn’t have much left there when I joined the Survey Corps by petition of the previous commander.” 

Petra’s eyes widened, she had never seen him talk about his past, and was moved to finally learn something about him. It was obvious that he felt he had some kind of debt with them, why else would he feel the need to answer?

“I see… It must have been hard for you. Although I am glad you found your way out and became Petra’s leader.  From what she says… well… I think everyone at this point, your abilities are truly amazing, and you must be an exceptional leader if you’ve been able to inspire my girl like that.” 

Petra felt her face burning again. “Dad, could you please don’t bring me up like that?…” 

“Oh! But com’on, after that last letter you sent me, you left me truly worried. I even felt the need to discuss it with him…” 

Petra’s blood fell into her feet, he had done what?

 “Dad, have you actually...?” She asked him, terrified of his answer. 

“Ah, yes… I’m sorry, Petra. I just wanted him to know, so you wouldn’t get hurt. You see... captain, that time I was concerned about her “devotion” to you.” 

Levi began to feel uncomfortable once more, as he started to become the total center of the conversation. 

“DAD.” Petra looked at him horrified, her face completely red. “I‘ve already told you one hundred times, I wanted to devote myself to humankind. That was my dream.” She continued, trying to downplay it. 

“And you did! You even were chosen for his squad and that... mission… But you have to admit there was very little “humanity” and a lot of “Levi” in there… Well, there always was” Elias said, progressively lowering his tone. 

Petra thought she was going to literally die, as Levi remained quiet on the other side of the table. She needed to find a way out of that conversation as soon as possible, but her father was, once again, faster. 

“I didn’t want to lose you. That 's all… Ever since you joined the Survey Corps... You know how high the mortality is there. I always knew you were strong Petra, but I also wanted you to get a chance in life. Something, more… I prayed for you to come back every time. But suddenly, you started to talk about him. At the beginning it was a character more in the stories of your letters, but suddenly, he dragged you. All you wanted to do was to serve by his side, you were willing to die for him, and for a long time, Petra, I thought you did.” 

Levi’s stoic expression began to crack. 

“You’re my only child. The absolute light of my life, and I had to live with the thought of you being eaten alive every day. I wanted for you to get through that to then come home, and to finally be able to put it to rest. I never wanted to pressure you to lead a life you didn't want... But one day, you found out there your reason to live, and to die, and I couldn’t do anything... The way you talked about him… I knew you weren’t coming back.” 

Petra’s eyes softened, visibly moved by her father’s words. She knew it must have been hard for him to endure, and, after all, he had guessed her feelings perfectly… At the same time, Levi was thinking back again about that day, when Elias approached him for the first time. 

He had always known Petra to be kind, so he didn’t feel that he was an exception. He thought that she probably was able to read people’s feelings, and wanted to show them her understanding, just as she had done for so many comrades. It wasn't until that talk that he dared to think, for the first time, that she had loved him. With the passage of time, he started to think that pain had played a trick on him back then, and that it had only been the words of a concerned father, but now his suspicions resurrected.

“Back then…” Levi started. “Were you going to ask me to marry her?”

Petra turned his head violently towards her captain, who was now directly looking at her father. Elias lowered his gaze, not wanting to embarrass his daughter any further. Petra then got up, visibly frustrated at the two of them. 

“I’m going to say this only once, so you both listen to me carefully.” She said with a fiery look on her eyes. “My personal feelings are not of your concern, you listen? I’m not letting an intimate confession come in the way of all my work, and my sacrifice.” 

That last remark tingled Levi’s senses, he knew that was for him. 

“Everything I did, I did as a soldier, as a companion, and as a friend. Nothing more. I don’t need for you to take responsibility for how I feel. If I want to believe in someone, then I will, and If I want to marry them, I can ask them myself.” 

Both men sat in silence, as Petra took complete control over that conversation. Her words sounded strong and disciplined, once again demonstrating the incredible determination that she possessed, even when she was in such a vulnerable moment. Levi knew perfectly well that she was capable of taking charge of her feelings, after all, that had been one of the reasons he chose her in the first place.

“Good for me then, Petra.” He told her, respecting her decision to end the matter there. 

“You’re right… Please forgive me.” Said Elias, shortly after. 

“You guys should try this apple pie! Ilse’s sweets are always good.” Petra spoke once again, putting the best face she could to lighten the mood. 

In a short time, the intensity of the atmosphere began to dissipate, leading to something more festive. The three of them struck up simpler conversations as the hours passed. Levi watched them surprisingly relaxed, thinking about how such a gloomy memory could have led to such a funny scene. 

Once finished, Petra insisted on helping her father with some farm work. Levi knew the carriage would be picking them up shortly, but he decided to let it pass. When the driver arrived, he gestured for him to turn around, leaving Petra and Elias to enjoy a few more hours together. Later, he himself would accompany her on foot to the barracks. 

The hours went by as Petra and her father happily shared their tasks. Elias had been the third person who had found himself doing things alone since that day... But right now, they had each other again. Levi decided to help them too, looking from afar the family that would’ve welcomed him.  

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