#give beatrice a hoodie 2k23

[possibilistfanfiction]

i love that you've been making a lot of ur avatrice fics a subtle (or very UNSUBTLE) ode to mascs/butch lesbians. and an ode to being queer in general. i think my fave things to read lately have been works like that; where the characters aren't just queer, but happy to be queer, relieved to be queer, or saved by being queer. and in terms of gender expression and queerness its something that i've had a hard time reconciling with myself, but the way you explore it through bea is refreshing and helpful for me, someone who's been out for 8 years and still sweats when deciding what shirts to buy myself, or sometimes how to even just walk when i go outside

honestly i never know what like general reactions will be but everyone has been so lovely! i think it's like — fundamentally so important to me that bea was never ever made to be femme! like canonically she's attractive to women in the show!! she has her little slacks!! & she's not like masc/butch explicitly but at the same time i'm like... she's never gotten to choose for herself either! & maybe she would! she could if she wanted! a little knight at the campfire, you know

& yah it's hard!! i've been out for over a decade & have gotten to have top surgery & be in a generally v safe & queer city + a wonderful marriage & community & like... i still cry over pants!! it's hard to be in a world that wasn't built for you, no matter how happy it is

BUT that being said yes to me queerness is the holiest thing in the whole world!! like whew, queerness DOES save the world; it is a relief & it is a joy & it is a miracle!

& i think, for me, at least, when i write bea, it's rly important to use the word lesbian for sure, but i also think like... there is something so so so beautiful about butches & dykes!!! & at least part of my journey has been falling in love with those words & that history & that deep joy. so in my fics i love writing bea getting to have some of that freedom & healing very specifically around like... not being femme!! she's a lesbian!!! maybe one day she would love the word dyke & all the gentle power it has held for so long. i don't really want it to be subtle bc i don't actually think after a few years of therapy & the world's most enthusiastic partner that bea would ever want anyone to think she's straight lol

& like god... i made myself emotional w a suit or a pair of pants & an older dyke where u just are like... oh. i can exist like this, so happy & so myself & so loved, for so long. & ava is wonderful so it's just kind of lovely to imagine bea just like... getting a masc haircut w the full freedom to love it or hate it bc ava is just :) i love you!!!!! & bea has never gotten to see if she would even Like that on herself before. bea trying on men's ("men's") clothes, picking out cologne bc she likes the way it smells better than perfume, etc etc etc. & in addition to her little button downs & slacks like... what would she want to wear during a lazy day at home? what would she want to wear to brunch on a sunday morning? ava is just in love so there's so, so many choices that open up to her!! she gets to just settle into what makes her happy & all the ways that's fluid & graceful & changing, none of which are defined by expectations of shutting the queer part of yourself off. all the beautiful expansiveness of queerness & this really gorgeous masculinity that's just There to explore. idk, it's wonderful lol & i feel like that freedom is just, for me, really nice to get to write. obviously if other ppl feel differently, that's also totally cool, but yeah, soft butch beatrice in all those variations forever

#give beatrice a hoodie 2k23 #honestly i feel like any aesthetic bea has or explores ava is so into lol