#he is a god damn cryptid your honor
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You know, I've made my jokes, but Simon's a pretty normal dude.
FULBRIGHT on the other hand-
#ace attorney#bobby fulbright#he is a god damn cryptid your honor#and i'm not even sure if it's for spoiler reasons either#where did he come from#why is he like this#does he have a family#who is this man
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rewatching stargirl: episode 7
- i love that rick can just like. carve shit.
- yolanda is sooo cute
- henry’s powers are awakeningggggg!!!
- i think that cindy’s dad is just like the town cryptid. like he exists but no one ever sees him
- i love that shot of the four of them walking together in the hallway. true squad behavior
- love that they shot it like rick & beth against courtney & yolanda
- jordan being in love with barbara he is like me fr
- go jenny!!!! get her ass!!!
- yes henry!! dump her ass!!!
- oooh i forgot how cool janitor dude’s sword is
- the start of court/cindy lab partners!!
- henry having a headache all day he is me fr
- how the fuck does meg get those lab glasses to look good
- god she just wants friends so fucking bad
- that being said she is such a fucking bitch
- oh my god team bonding?? this is going to go bad
- rick has three facial expressions and they’re unimpressed, angry, and depressed
- the way yolanda looks at Rick after Pat mentions solomon grundy, they are friends your honor
- they do a good job paralleling the jsa and isa. especially with cindy and courtney
- cameron’s house is so fucking huge and stupid
- how is jordan such a good dad. like how.
- mike and courtney should get more sibling moments
- oh my god he actually asks her!?!??!
- if she does not have 100% of a person’s attention then she thinks they’re abandoning her
- yet another pat/crusher gay moment
- why did she leave her costume in her locker
- damn cindy has some killer boots
- poor mike :( he just wants to spend time with her dad
- i forgot cindy had self heal
- janitor dude!!!! and his cool ass sword!!!
- damn they do cool lighting for him
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Writing Prompts
A lot of these are Au related! And some of them hint at violence/gore, so please be aware of that.
“Don’t move. They rely on sight.”
“I knew it was you!”
“Please tell me that’s not my soulmate.”
“Did you seriously get yourself stuck in a chair?”
“I am so sorry that the words on your arm are so stupid.”
“Prepare for canon fire!”
“Look out!”
“That’s gross... Cool! But still gross.”
“That was my kill!”
“Are you from the Northern Empire?”
“Well I’m not sure weather to be offended or relieved- my wanted posture looks nothing like me.”
“That is NOT how you hold (weapon).”
“Well... this is awkward...”
“Can I kick his ass?”
“HOW ARE THEY SO HOT??? HOW DARE THEY!!!”
“Be quiet! They’ll hear you!”
“Did you steal from that couple?”
“That thing has a curse on it. I’d be careful.”
“I didn’t realize it was a shrinking potion, I swear!”
“I knew (mythical creature/cryptid) were real!”
“Can you get me out of this thing?”
“I have never met you, but I know someone who needs help when I see one.”
“I left you guys alone for FIVE MINUTES!!!”
“That looks painful.”
“Yikes... Glad that’s not me.”
“We’re gonna have to cut it off before it spreads to other parts of their body.”
“And where, exactly, have you been?”
“HOW DID YOU PISS OFF ALL THE GUARDSMEN?!”
“I said distract them, not knock them out!”
“For the last time!!! That is not edible!”
“That man is crazy.”
“They’re going to burn them at the stake!”
“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting.”
“You’re rescuing me?”
“I never knew the outside world so... big.”
“Put the fire out before we’re noticed!”
“This rescue mission is gonna kick my ass.”
“I... I think they’re still alive...”
“Are you sure they aren’t infected?”
“That’s a brutal looking scar.”
“How did you manage to pull that off?”
“Put down the (weapon)... I’m not gonna hurt you.”
“Well that isn’t normal.”
“What are you?!”
“Dragon bonding isn’t for everyone.”
“Who the hell thought this was a good idea.”
“I am no longer giving a fuck.”
“I want to give up, but I have someone worth pushing onwards for.”
“This storm came out of nowhere!”
“That was dangerous and reckless! But... it was impressive...”
“Who the hell is stupid enough to do that?”
“Can you see anything?”
“Is that what I think it is?”
“I haven’t had meat in years.”
“Was that a gunshot?”
“Can we keep it?”
“Well. This is unexpected.”
“Why are you covered in mud?”
“I have never been held like this...”
“Don’t touch me! You stink! What the hell was in that swamp?!”
“What is... kissing?”
“That’s disgusting. Don’t stop.”
“Aww... what a cute dog...! Wait... THAT IS NOT A DOG ABORT ABORT ABORT-”
“Can I have a hug?”
“How do you live like this?!”
“You’ve never been in a real battle, have you?��
“The Chief will decide your fate.”
“You know I was expecting you to be bigger.”
“Barricade the doors!”
“This is a strange ritual.”
“I don’t think this is a regular maze...”
“Is that blood?”
“There’s a hole in the floor.”
“What the hell was that? Did you hear that?”
“Zombies aren’t supposed to be smart!”
“Is that a ship?”
“Get the hell out of my way.”
“Did you just (physical attack such as punch or kick) me?!’
“They’re weakened by silver.”
“I really wish I had my holy water right now.”
“Well that backfired.”
“I’m so hungry... Can I feed off you a little?”
“YOU DARE OPPOSE ME?”
“Please help me, this man has been following me and I don’t want him to know where I live.”
“Is that really you?!”
“Has it really been three centuries?”
“Are you sure you’re human?”
“That was an alien- That was an alien- THAT WAS AN ALIEN-”
“We SHOULD NOT SPLIT UP!!”
Is it just me or is the floor moving?”
“How the hell did someone get in here?”
“Well, this is awkward... Can I have my payment now?”
“Since when were you so smart?”
“They’re right above us.”
“It’s almost like it can see into my soul.”
“BUGS DON’T GET THAT BIG HERE-”
“I hear growling...”
“DO NOT THROW THE BABY”
“Is that a threat or an offer?”
“I have so many pictures of them being an idiot.”
“The clock has less than hour left.”
“HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED A HORROR MOVIE?!?!”
“Was that you?”
“I think I’m going crazy.”
“We have to go- a scout discovered our shelter, the hive is coming.”
“It’s so damn hot.”
“I... I can’t remember...”
“Aww that’s so cute how much is i-... nevermind.”
“Did you just eat an alien egg?”
“You do realize they’re siblings right?”
“How are you so cute?”
“I am in debt to you, and until that debt is paid I will be you loyal servant.”
“Are you... Are you riding a dragon?”
“You’re under arrest.”
“Here, drink this.”
“Potion making is sensitive, so please be quiet whilst I work.”
“Has thee never seen a Vampire?”
“That was not rad at all.”
“I think it’s dead.”
“You go first.”
“You treat me as if I’m not a litterall demon from hell.”
“I will protect until my dying breath.”
“Don’t worry, you’re safe now.”
“It’s an honor to meet you.”
“You’re not from around here, re you?”
“What? Never seen a hybrid before?”
“That is not how you use that.”
“Did you know different flowers have different meanings...? The ones I gave you are quite unique in meaning.”
“Your family is... interesting...”
“If you’re not gonna eat grubs then you’re gonna starve. It’s all that’s out here.”
“That’s not human.”
“Stop standing there staring and help me!”
“I’m too short...”
“Was that an insult?”
“Keep up!”
“Don’t look behind you.”
“You have to jump! You have to trust me!”
“Is this it?”
“I can’t believe my soulmate is a human-”
“Well that was weird.”
“Have you ever exercised?”
“Don’t test my patience, pet.”
“How am I going to tell [Name] about this...?”
“It’s a match made in heaven!”
“Be careful, they’re sensitive!”
“So this is a fruit...”
“When I feel bad I go beat the shit out of someone. It works.”
“DID YOU PULL THE LEVER I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU NOT TO PULL?!”
“In DnD we call that rolling a one.”
“[Name] is gonna kill me!”
“Rest in pieces.”
“Hurt them and I make your life hell on Earth.”
“So he’s a dumbass-”
“Someone shoot me-”
“Give it back! That’s private!”
“It was so obvious! I’m such an idiot!”
“Is that all you have?”
“The expedition was successful.”
“There were no survivors.”
“I thought I lost you.”
“Stop! Stop! There’s a cat!”
“Why am I here again?”
“Having detachable body parts is actually a convenience when you’re a cyborg.”
That’s a big ass [Animal]”
“Do you know what you’re doing?!”
“Did you seriously have to pick the lock? When I have the keys?”
“They’re dangerous.”
“And that’s my que to leave.”
“You are my greatest treasure.”
“I seriously hope you’re not thinking of doing what I think you are thinking of doing.”
“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?”
“Is... is that a dwarf?”
“You’re as odd as your friends said.”
“There is no need for violence!”
“All I wanted was a doughnut-”
“Why are the barn lights on?”
“They got into ANOTHER fight?!”
“You’d think living with a family of sorcerers would teach them something.”
“Thank goodness most dragons aren’t venomous.”
“Nagas are quite fickle creatures.”
“Satyrs are not to be trusted.”
“You walked into the faery ring, you belong to the fae now. I can’y help you.”
“Go ask them out! They look cute!”
“Angels aren’t supposed to fall in love... but how was I supposed resist you?”
“I thought humans were bigger.”
“Your highness is a royal pain in the ass.”
“That hurt.”
“I am not looking forward to this at all.”
“I do not like caves. I don’t like cavbes at all.”
“MOSS!!!!”
“This town seems abandoned.”
“The radiation levels aren’t too high here.”
“Put your masks on.”
“You know you shouldn’t give your name to strangers, especially a fae in the forest.”
“I never realized how big the ocean was.”
“I have an idea- it’s dangerous, crazy, and reckless, but it might just work.”
“Is this your child?”
“I’m surprised Cerberus likes you.”
“Hellhounds aren’t usually friendly.”
“That’s a big meal for one person...”
“Werewolves aren’t fans of silver.”
“The dumbest myth about us vampires is that we hate garlic.”
“What brings you to my territory, little human?”
“Don’t bare your fangs at guests! It’s rude!”
“I’m only protecting you because I made a promise.”
“That was a terrible attempt at a prank. Let me show you how it’s done.”
“You do realize demons can sense emotions right?”
“You foolish human! You could have gotten hurt!”
“Watch your step.”
“It’s called a secret entrance for a reason.”
“Did you just... kiss me...?”
“My soulmate is a dumbass but I love them.”
“This jackassery will not stand!”
“Unless you have a death wish I’d leave those sirens alone.”
“Swim with me?”
“Have you never frolicked before?”
“You’re fired!”
“Does this armor make me look fat?”
“Your soulmate is a Naga?”
“Gargoyles are cranky in the morning.”
“That little fucker is at it again-”
“I don’t remember the last time I laughed like that.”
“Elves are usually attractive... but them... they’re ethereal..”
“I think I’m in love with a snake man.”
“Are orcs usually this big?”
“Confess? And risk ruining what i have with them? I’d rather drink bog water that a Satyr bathed in!”
“Are all humans this attractive or is it just you?”
“Guns are so odd... They only do their job after they’re fired...”
“Are you usually this full of yourself?”
Do you have any idea what you just did?”
“I wasn’t expecting to meet my soulmate when I snuck into Area 51.”
“Turn off the lights!”
“I won’t let you go, not again.”
“That’s so dangerous...! When are we doing it?”
“You humans are so fragile, yet you are the apex species of your planet.”
“IT’S NOT WORTH IT! GET BACK IN THE CAR!”
“Don’t look back!”
“They’re attracted by (heat, sound, etc.).”
“It looks dangerous.”
“Don’t touch it-”
“Careful it’s soup.”
“Did... did that thing just speak?”
“It’s a boat! Oh my god it’s a boat- we’re saved-”
“Keep your distance.”
“I will not hesitate to leave you behind.”
“THEY’RE SIBLINGS?!”
‘I am slightly worried... never mind I am very worried.”
“THEY’RE CHOKING!”
“It’s too damn hot to do anything.”
“Stop singing!”
“Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, kid.”
“That is one ugly ass [Animal/baby/clothing item].”
“I’VE SEEN THIS IN A HENTAI BEFORE!”
“Please shut your trap before I stuff it- shit that sounds sexual-”
“Is that- Is that a fucking cat?”
“That is not what the mean when they say; ‘smash that like button’“
“Where did you learn to drive?”
“Oof.”
“I’m know I’m stupid but I’m not THAT stupid.”
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can i be gettin some Ej, Masky, Toby, or Bloody Painter headcanons with a s/o that is a cryptozooligist but specializes in Mothman stuff? So they go camping and just visit cryptid sites a lot? -Mothman anon
FUCK DUDE MOTHMAN IS MY FAVE
Eyeless Jack:
- he’s 100% insistent that cryptids don’t exist
- “Jack, you’re a demon” “yeah but mothman? Pffft”
- Regardless he’s SUPER curious about the surrounding mythology
- He’s never been one to shy away from horror movies or legends so he wants to know everything about any other scary creature out there
- His favorite cryptid is nessie :)
- Just cause it’s super easy to look at plausible anatomy for it since it’s so close to the description of a plesiosaur, same goes with Bigfoot
- Sure fire way to get him into your cryptid antics is to be like “Jack I’d like to plot out some potential anatomy for mothman :)”
- He’s like hold the fuck up I’ll be right there
- Dumps like a million anatomy books on your desk
- “Okay I studied insect anatomy too so I-“ “you know that he’s not part moth right they just call him mothman”
- “Why the fuck would they do that”
- Actually he loves learning about mothman simply because he sees how much everyone LOVES the man the moth the legend and is secretly like “if they can love mothman.… maybe they’ll think I’m cool too”
- 100% is already a local cryptid, encourage his dreams
Masky:
- like EJ with the whole “uhhhh cryptids don’t exist” thing
- “You work for a 15 foot tall faceless… thing” “......okay fair what should I know about mothman”
- He kinda rolls his eyes while you talk excitedly but he loves listening to you and god damn if you don’t know what you’re talking about, he’s very impressed with your cryptid trivia
- He tries to keep it from the other creeps that he looks into stuff with you but word eventually gets out
- At that point he can’t deny it and will be like “well at least my s/o has an interesting hobby” and THEN defend you vigorously
- He’ll go cryptid hunting with you and he is the honored camera bearer
- If you do want to visit Point Pleasant, he’s insistent on going to some of the touristy places. Like if I’m here I’m at least getting a Mothman coffee, for God’s sakes
- “Tim put the goddamn cigarettes away we’re on a cryptid hunt!” “Maybe he wants one. Mothman! Do you want a smoke!”
- He’s mostly making fun of you but like… what if it worked 👀
Toby:
- holy fuck if there was a creep to immediately jump onto your interests it’s this boy
- He is immediately captivated and wants to know more
- He is??? The only one to not be like “psh cryptids aren’t real” instead he’s like “I live in a mansion full of dead and murderous people. Yeah a mothman is plausible”
- He’s not good at researching by himself so he’ll listen to you talk about cryptids and mothman and jump in with all his theories
- He’ll drag you to search for him before you can even mention a cryptid hunt
- He brings sleeping bags and everything
- He really likes sleeping under the stars instead of in a tent, so either you sleep with him outside or go “k have fun” and stay in your slightly warmer tent
- If you choose to sleep in the tent like a normal person he’ll inevitably crawl inside at like 3 AM like “ok I’m scared and cold now :(“
- But he is 100% invested and enthusiastic right now, definitely the best cryptid hunter in the mansion 😤👌
Bloody Painter:
- he’s.… skeptic but curious
- He’ll stand and read books/webpages over your shoulder while you study
- He delved into really grotesque artwork of cryptids and really digs the statue of Mothman in point pleasant
- To the point where you have to stop him from recreating it once you get back to the mansion
- “Consider this, Helen: where will you find gigantic wings or a moth head?” “I could probably just tan some skin” “like cows skin right” *he starts sweating* “Helen you’re talking about using cows skin right? Please tell me you mean cows skin”
- If you do go camping he’s gonna want to look for the cryptid right away, don’t have time to set up tents or cameras, lets just GO I wanna SEE it
- His favorite theory is that mothman is some kind of angel or ultra-terrestrial being. Tbh he finds aliens stupid :/
- Beyond mothman his absolute favorite cryptid is the chupacabra. He’s like obsessed with the pictures of that dog they thought was a chupacabra, the bloodsucking, the reptilian versions of them, everything
- Tbh getting him into cryptids was maybe not the best bc now there are corpses in the woods that he’s working on modeling into cryptid “corpses” and you know that’s kind of his gig but it’s grOSS
#oof im sorry this is so long#i licherally had to google bloody painter’s story 😭😭😭😭#so PLEASE lmk what you think of his character so i can tweak him#i havent been in this fandom since 2014#ticci toby#bloody painter#helen otis#eyeless jack#masky#creepypasta#cryptids#cryptozoology#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta x reader#fun fact i wanted to be a cryptozoologist when i was little :)#mothman#👀👀👀#mothman anon#they dont have a moth emoji >:(
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Class 108's Apocalypse Field Trip | Chapter 1.
The world ended on a Tuesday. Quite suddenly, halfway through class. After the sky split open and green light bathed the earth, things changed. Some lived.
Some didn’t.
Class 108 stayed together, for the most part. They took up a base in the school, and boarded up the windows and doors.
Sydney was the one who first learned they didn’t need to eat. Other revelations of that sort followed. Sleep was not needed, nor was water. Air seemed to be, though, as they learned after Cal passed out from holding their breath.
The first one to die was Cú.
They don’t talk about Cú.
-
Of course, some things are unavoidable in the end. Logically, Sydney knew it was only a matter of time before something managed to slip under the cracks and they’d all get killed; god knows they’d narrowly scraped by enough times to be considered cosmically lucky. Tabitha had been spreading rumors, as was her nature, about the school itself being sentient, trapping them inside with false promises of safety.
On the worse days, Sydney believed it.
Sydney stepped into the classroom slowly, craning her head to where Tabitha and Rosie were explaining their theories. She didn’t know which theories, but she’d heard most of them by now.
“G’morning.” She said.
It was night.
No, she thought, the sky is dark, but that doesn’t mean it’s night.
Rosie gestures towards a desk, and she avoids the chair toppled over at her feet as she sits down on top of it. She takes not of who else had decided to attend this “session” of theirs today. There are 12 students left out of the thirty who had originally made up the class. Ten of them had disappeared after running away from the school in shock after the eye in the sky had first opened. They hadn’t been in homeroom during the “blink,” which is what they’d taken to call the eye opening, and hadn’t seen any teachers since that day.
She remembered it vividly.
Ms. Bruis had tensed, eyes wide in shock, before telling them to calm down and stay indoors. She immediately went outside the room to check on everyone else.
That was the last time they’d seen Ms. Bruis, but not the last time they’d seen her face.
Besides the initial chaos, there wasn’t anything attacking the school. It was just shouting and screaming and running. Sydney had stayed in the classroom, clumsily trying to close the blinds on the window.
People just, left. And they didn’t come back.
The first venture was when they lost Cú. She doesn’t like to talk about him, never mind think about him. Nonetheless, her mind often drifts towards his death.
It was about four hours after the chaos. People had been nearly sucked out of the building, teachers included. The only ones that remained were the thirty students of 108.
Sydney didn’t know why they were the only ones to remain. She still doesn’t now.
The students decided to have a short party go out and scout. Sydney, Katie, Cú, Tabitha and Rosie. Four survived, one did not.
Rosie was always the thinker of the group, and as such she took the front. Katie was chosen for her seemingly nonchalant disposition to going, and Tabitha for her mind, which was always going too fast and often arriving at far-out conclusions. Despite this, she was a quick-witted person and had been selected for her dexterity and speed. Cú was selected for his physicality. He was a teddy bear, but a strong teddy bear.
It didn’t save him in the end.
And Sydney, well, she was cautious. She wonders if she could’ve saved Cú if she’d been just a little bit wearier.
They wandered a few blocks before hearing the sound of skin and bone splitting. Tabitha immediately ran toward the sound, as was her nature. The rest, Rosie at the lead, followed, hiding behind a corner.
Katie didn’t make a face, but even she was visibly pale.
When the sound came again, louder, and a creature made of wet flesh and twisted muscle stepped out of the alleyway, she became practically white.
Sydney retched. She’s not ashamed to admit it, you would’ve too. Anyone would’ve retched if they saw that sight.
It got worse.
“Hello?! Someone! Help me, please!”
It was Ms. Bruis-no, it looked like Ms. Bruis.
Cú ran. He dodged the creature, running to Ms. Bruis and starting to try to pick her up off the ground, before he noticed she was rooted to the cement. His eyes widened as blood ran down her face
She smirked.
Sydney will always remember the flash of teeth before she plunged her hand-no, her claw-into his stomach. He made a choked sound before the creature bounded back over and ripped his jaw clean off.
They ran. They ran. They ran.
And then they came back to the classroom, and they wept.
There were more expeditions after that. They lost seven more after that, but in those ventures, they collected knowledge. This knowledge went on Rosie’s list, though it also doubled as a rulebook.
-
THE LIST
1. Some creatures can make copies of people you know in order to trick you. They don’t bleed, so your best shot at not meeting eyeball daddy up close is to yeet the fuck outta there//bold of you to assume I don’t want to meet eyeball daddy uwu//
2. Don’t trust meat. Ever. Meat comes alive. WE ARE VEGANS IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2018(?)
3. Don’t answer the door, even if you’re armed. No, Eric, we do not count your big muscles™ as a weapon.
4. If you MUST answer the door, don’t. You have been stopped.
5. A short section on the happenings of the places(?) known to us as “nightmares.”
Nightmares trap humans in these crazy places. We’ve only seen two, but they are extremely dangerous, and both encounters ended in casualties. They trap your mind and make you experience terrible things, and like the rest of the world (to our knowledge at least) don’t follow normal time or space rules. Basically, if you want to avoid a ,’ , |,’_’, you should not screw with that shit.
6. Always check with someone else before eating or drinking. Sometimes, your mind will play tricks on you and you won’t notice that you’re eating something…not good. Honor cal for their sacrifice regarding this matter (sorry cal)
7. Always shut the blinds. Eyeball daddy is watching you//YOU DID NOT NEED TO SAY THAT TABITHA
8. Don’t leave the building without consulting all of class 108.
9. Don’t read books that others haven’t read first, especially if it says it’s from the library of Jurgen LeitnerSTUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEN LEITENER GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIO//yes, Riko, we get it, but good point. Be Jared, 19.
10. Don’t invite anyone in.
-
“What are we on today?” Sydney asked.
“Tabitha’s on about the categories again.” Cal said.
“I really think it could work!” she said loudly. “Look, there’s consistencies in every single encounter we’ve had. Think about it. Remember what happened at the theater?”
Katie grimaced silently. “How could we forget?”
Tabitha ignored her. “The webs. Spiders and the rest of those insects are different categories. The wriggly silver worms are more like, bugs and wriggly things and judging from the infestation we had they all work together.”
“Like a hive?” Cal asked.
Tabitha nodded. “Exactly like that. Spiders are different though; you saw how many were crawling about during the amphitheater incident. And that whole thing was about control. All those people who were laughing…they, they were there. They didn’t want to do it! They didn’t want to laugh, you saw their eyes. They were being controlled. And when,” she paused, gritting her teeth, “and when Marcy died she was being controlled too. Puppeted.”
That’s two. Then we come to the next one, guns and murder and war and shit like that. Simple enough. But I think it has to be humans killing humans, because the thing that killed, killed Cú wasn’t like that. It was, it was different. I don’t know. I’ll get back to that.
“Then we have the cover up, or the anonymous things. Things like those little creatures that hide in your plates that you can’t notice are there until someone tells you. That’s why I’m confused, because I think the weird fleshy creature we faced was aligned with that but also with those meat things that broke Rosie’s leg. I don’t know how to explain it, but, ah. Sorry. I think they’re the same category.”
“I’ll humor you; can a thing be two categories?” Katie questioned her dully.
“I think so. Maybe it’s like colors? Really angry colors. They’re all separate, but the same because they’re all made of the same stuff. And they all blur together sometimes?”
“Yeah,” Katie snorted, “we’re being killed by really angry colors.”
Tabitha flushed. “Hey! It was just an analogy.”
Rosie seemed to be considering what Tabitha had said, before she looked up. “I believe you.”
“Y-you do?” Tabitha blinked, taken back.
Rosie nodded. “It makes sense. Really angry colors.”
“Really angry colors.”
-
A few hours-well, time was weird, but Sydney supposed it was hours-later, the class was doing yoga. Well, not “yoga” per se. They were beating each other on the head with torn up yoga mats.
“Hey!” Riko shouted as Tabitha tripped over her mat while chasing Cal. “Watch it! This is where I sleep!”
Tabitha stuck her tongue out and Katie snorted, not looking up from her book. Sydney wondered how she did that; Katie always seemed to have an astounding amount of situational awareness at all times.
“Real mature.” Katie groused.
Tabitha grinned, and Rosie smiled softly.
“I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU MEET EYEBALL DADDY!” she shouted to Cal, who’s eyes widened in mock fear.
“Oh no! The horror! OwO!” They said dramatically.
“Did they just say “OwO”?” Sydney asked in a deadpan. Rosie nodded solemnly.
“You ever wonder…” Sydney trailed off, the muffled shouting of their peers drowned out into the background.
“Wonder what?” Rosie tilted her head in question.
“What happened to Mr. Sims.”
“He’s probably…not with us anymore.”
“Yeah. Still, could you imagine? He was a bloody cryptid. He’d probably take all this with no sweat.”
“Maybe he’d give us concerts too.”
“Good ole Jonny D’Ville.”
Rosie snickered.
“You know how he always drew eyes everywhere? During tests?”
“Oh god, don’t mention that to Tabitha, I don’t need her going on about another conspiracy.”
Sydney grinned to herself and Rosie groaned.
“Well, I was thinking, maybe it was an omen.”
“An omen?”
“Yeah. I’ve never been spiritual really, but the worlds gone to shit so who knows what’s real. Maybe the Mayans were just a few days off.”
“Ah, the apocalypse calendar.”
“Indeed.”
-
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
A noise rang out from the entrance to the school, loud and imposing. Sydney’s heart started to thump wildly in terror.
They all shot up, and Katie got her switchblade out from her pocket. She was lucky enough to have it on her at the blink, and it was their best weapon.
Cypress shot inside the classroom silently, eyes wide, red curls bouncing. He clicked the door shut quietly, pale. “The others sent me. They’re hiding in place. I think we should just stay put.”
Rosie nodded, gesturing him to come over. She placed a finger over her lips in order to get them to stay silent, then nodded to Katie. Katie had always been gifted with really good hearing, and it had saved their assess more than enough times for Rosie to know that letting her try to hear who was at the door was the best safe bet for situation and the time being.
Katie closed her eyes, but after a quarter of a minute shook her head.
That’s when they heard it.
“Hello!”
Sydney brought a hand to her mouth to clamp down a scream.
It was Cypress.
Eyes wide, she glanced over to Cypress, her Cypress, who’s expression was now glazed over. Was his skin always that waxy? Why was his hair so smooth? It looked like that of a dolls, curls made of softly bent plastic.
Katie saw the flicker of light before she saw the blade, and she lunged.
Her switchblade pierced his skin-no, his stuffing, with a sound akin to ripping a toy. It didn’t seem to stop this not-Cypress.
Oh god, Sydney thought, today is the day I die.
There was a sound like static now in the air, and the faint smell of burning. Sydney began to feel sick, almost lightheaded.
The door swung open, and Sydney whipped her head around to see Cypress, who was trailed by…Mr. Sims?
#tma#the magnus archives#teacher!jon#teacher jonathan sims#tma fanfic#eyepocolypse#tma spoilers#tma au#season 5#tma season 5#gen z vs the apocolypse
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70 for sternclay, nsfw please :)
70: you’re planning my best friend’s wedding which we find out the day after you drunkenly hit on me at a bar and I reject you.
“God I hope this guy isn’t a jerk.” Dani plays with her hair as Aubrey fidgets with her phone.
“Hey, if he is, you’ve got me as back-up.” Barclay pats her shoulder reassuringly, “plus, like, you two are the brides. You’re the bosses of the wedding.”
“If we really were the bosses, we wouldn’t be working with a wedding planner in the first place.” Aubrey grumbles.
There’s a knock on the door and Barclay stands, “I’ll get it, you two finish mentally bracing yourselves.”
He opens the door to find a tall, dark haired man with bright blues and a well-cut suit staring at him. Their expressions morph to shock and recognition at the same instant.
“Hi, hic, big guy, what’s your name?” The man’s blue eyes are noticeable even in the dim light of the bar.
“Barclay.” He turns on his stool, giving the man a once over that he can’t help but notice.
“You, hic, here, hic, with anyone?”
“Nope.”
“Want to, hic, be?”
The man is clearly built under his v-neck t-shirt, and Barclay would dearly love to get a closer look at his ass. Trouble is, his ass is having a hard time staying balanced in that chair.
“Sorry, blue eyes, not tonight.”
The man slinks away before Barclay can even ask if he wants him to call him a ride.
“I’m looking for Aubrey Little’s residence?”
“You found it. She and Dani are in here.” He ushers blue-eyes inside, doesn’t envy him the look of suspicion he gets from both women.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Little and Ms. Coulice, I’m Joseph Stern, and I’m here to help your wedding go off without a hitch.”
“Great. Let’s get this over with. Honey, can you go get the notes AH Dr. Harris Bonkers put that down!” Aubrey dives off the chair, grabbing a phone charger from the jaws of the ten pound white rabbit.
As one bride opens up her laptop and the other re-cages a disgruntled small mammal, Stern turns to him.
“And, um, how do you know the brides to be?”
“Dani’s been my best friend since middle school, so I’m her man of honor and helping with the wedding planning.”
“I see. Oh, thank you Ms. Coulice.”
“Dani is fine.” Dani returns to her spot in the loveseat while Stern sits down in a nearby chair with her laptop. He reads for several moments without comment, Aubrey trading worried looks wh Barclay and Dani as he does.
“Are these the specific venues you have in mind, or just examples of the type of location you’d like?”
“Mostly examples.”
“Got it. Would you mind sending me these files? That way I can have them as reference when I’m looking into possible venues.”
“You’re not gonna, like, try to talk us into the Yacht Club or something?”
Stern looks at Aubrey with a warm, polite smile, “Ms. Little--Aubrey--, your father may have retained me, but my job is to make the wedding as close to what you want as possible. I’m not here to undermine you.”
“O-kay” Aubrey still sounds wary, but she and Dani relax as Stern goes over his planning approach with them and works out a tentative schedule of meetings. When he’s done, Barclay offers to walk him to the door.
Just as he steps outside, he turns, “I, um, I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention our exchange last night to either of them. Or to Mr. Little. It’s not a habit of mine, I just had a bit too much, um, liquid courage.”
“You got it. Kinda feeling like I dodged a bullet myself.”
“Oh?” A dark eyebrow arches playfully.
“Rather not sleep with the enemy.”
“Wh-did you miss the part where I said I was here to help them?”
“Nope, but you and I both know it’s a lie. You’re here because Aubrey’s dad has a bug up his butt about this wedding causing a scandal or not being fancy enough or some bullshit, so he called you in to make sure it stays bland.” He sighs, “Look, Mr. Stern, I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but Dani is like a sister and Aubrey is one of my best friends; I’m here to make sure the wedding is actually what they want.”
Stern pinches the bridge of his nose, “is there anything I can to convince you I’m not trying to make them miserable?”
“Yeah. Quit.”
“Not a chance.” Is the immediate reply.
“Well, there’s your answer then.” With that, he shuts the door. There’s a frustrated huff on the other side, and then footsteps fading away.
--------------------------------
Stern sighs, checks his appearance in the front window as he waits for Dani or Aubrey to open the door. He’s been working with them two weeks now, and while both women (and Dr Harris Bonkers) have warmed up to him some, Barclay remains polite but distant the times they’ve crossed paths. Lord almighty Stern can’t believe he almost slept with him.
Yes, the man looks like his wet dreams made flesh and yes, Stern would like to ride him like a show-horse, but what a nightmare it would have made this whole assignment. Even if Barclay’s reasons insult him, he’s glad they’ve settled on keeping their distance.
Maybe this more casual look will help the other man see he’s not some stuffed suit out to ruin his friend’s wedding.
“Oh, you’re early.” Barclay opens the door with his usual pleasant but cool expression.
“No, I’m not. It’s three.”
“Wait, shit really?” Barclay pulls out his phone as they walk inside, “damn, I must’ve lost track of time when I was cooking. Oh. Uh.” He looks at Stern, apologetic, “and I have a text from Aubrey saying she and Dani had a change of plans and won’t be here until seven.”
“That’s not great, but it’s workable. I can leave and come back.”
“Don’t you live kinda far--uh, huh, she says for us to just test out the menu together and leave her and Dani some for dinner.”
“I guess we can manage tha--why are there ingredients and pots everywhere?”
“Because...I’m…Cooking?” Barclay glances sideways at him.
“What happened to the entire conversation about caterers? When did they change? What’s-”
“Hold on.” Barclay raises one hand, voice calm and deep, soothing over Stern’s rising worries like waves over hot skin, “think you’re mixed up; we’re trying out the food for the rehearsal dinner today. The one I’m cooking. Not the reception.”
“Oh thank the lord.” Stern slumps forward on the counter, “I thought I was about to have a whole day of calling disgruntled employees to tell them to nevermind about a quote.”
“Nope. Now have a seat, look like you’re gonna pass out on Dani’s floor. You want something to drink? We got water, beer, iced tea…”
“Water’s fine, thank you.” He tracks Barclay through the kitchen as he retrieves a glass from an upper cabinet, shirt riding up to show a patch of a dark, fuzzy belly that Stern instantly wants to feel pressed against him as it’s owner pins him to the nearest flat surface.
Cooking seems to relax the other man enough that he actually chats with Stern, rather than keeping their conversation focused on the wedding. Stern learns he’s a personal chef and cookbook editor, though his original background was in baking.
“Okay man, I gotta know” Barclay stirs something cardamom scented over the stove, “what’s with the shirt?”
“It’s from the radio station that first broadcast the story of the Michigan Dogman.”
“The what?”
“The Michigan Dogman, it’s a cryptid, um, nevermind” he curses himself for choosing casual clothes, “it’s niche and nerdy, you don’t want to hear about it.”
“Wrong, now you gotta tell me everything.” Barclay grins at him over his shoulder.
So he does, gradually at first in case Barclay regrets pushing this geekery button and needs to change the conversation, but the other man simply listens, really listens, as he cooks while Stern talks about his journey to the radio station and his talk with the DJ who accidentally started a legend.
They keep talking as they eat, swapping travel stories and book recommendations, Barclay laughing when Stern shares some of the more ridiculous requests he’s gotten while working as a wedding planner.
When Aubrey and Dani arrive home, they take one look at him and Barclay, stopped mid-anecdote and smiling at each other, and trade a surprised glance.
All Stern can think is you and me both.
------------------------------------
The planning goes more smoothly after that night, Barclay beginning to trust Stern more and more. Stern also learns that he trusts Barclay’s judgement , and the other man is invaluable in helping him narrow down options to present to the brides, both of whom are overall pleased with his work.
He’s particularly proud of his find for the wedding venue. The Madonna Inn is perfect, brightly colored and fancy but still just a bit kitschy, like the locations Dani originally showed him. Both brides were overjoyed, which is why all four of them came down for the weekend to make preparations and start scoping out vendors for the food and flowers. Dani and Aubrey went back up to the city Sunday night, but he and Barclay are staying at the inn the rest of the week, Stern in hopes of having everything scheduled and coordinated and Barclay there in case he needs a second set of eyes (he’s working on a new cookbook and his clients are traveling, so taking the week down the coast is no trouble).
Today has been a work day, but Stern is taking tomorrow off basically because no one has time to meet with him. So after a late afternoon spent lounging on the beach, the two of them go out for a leisurely dinner. On a whim, Stern lets Barclay select and order his meal for him. He doesn’t mean for it to be flirtatious at first, he just trusts Barclay’s culinary instincts and is tired of making decisions. But one look at Barclay’s face, his widening pupils and sudden blush, tell Stern all he needs to know.
“You gonna be good and eat whatever I give you?” Barclay murmurs, so low he’s almost inaudible under the clank of silverware and hum of conversation.
“Of course.” Stern puts on his sweetest smile, shores up his defenses against the self-doubt curling up his spine. He’s not fast enough, and so orders another cocktail.
Halfway through the meal, he notices Barclay watching him, and another piece clicks into place; the cook keeps eyeing his lips and throat as he eats, often shifts in his chair if Stern makes a delighted noise after a bite. When dessert comes, the accidental sounds are replaced by deliberate ones and he luxuriates as he eats his tiramisu, licking the fork to be sure not a drop of cream is wasted.
Barclay asks for the check, and two more slices of cake to-go, without ever taking his eyes off of Stern. He’s feeling confident, and a bit wobbly, as Barclay drives them back to the Inn, taking the larger man’s hand and pulling him towards one of the beds before he can even get the lights on.
A large, gentle hand on his shoulder, “no can do, blue eyes.”
“But I, hic, we, hic-” the world goes sideways as Baclay unlinks their hands.
“Go get some sleep, Joe.”
He changes while Barclay’s in the bathroom, huddles under the covers and faces the window so the other man can’t see him burning top to bottom with shame.
Things get worse in the morning; he’s awoken by a phone call saying the florist has an open slot to meet with him in an hour and so he throws on the nearest nice clothes and dashes out the door. That meeting is followed by a phone call from Mr. Little who is none to pleased with the location choice and Stern spends forty-five minutes convincing him that the Inn is perfectly tasteful and also it’s what the brides want and that counts for a great deal wouldn’t you agree?
His nerves are firing full-strength when he gets back to the room. Barclay, freshly showered and clothed, looks up at him from the bed where he’s thumbing through Cooks Illustrated, reading glasses perched on his nose.
“Rough morning?”
“ Yes.”
He shuts the magazine “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“Do you wanna talk about last night?”
“Also no.”
“Well, I do.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. You simply aren’t interested in me that way and I’ve made an ass of myself twice by misreading the situation.”
“You’re wrong. You’re my type, blue eyes-”
“Clearly not, since-”
“-When you’re sober.” Barclay sits all the way up, “which is why I wanna know why you only flirt with me when you’re so drunk neither of us can try anything.”
“Because...because approaching people like that makes me nervous. I’m already under enough stress as it, running block for Aubrey and Dani against Mr. Little without getting myself fired, and the thought of trying to flirt, it’s, everything starts going wrong, it will all go wrong and-” the panic is back, his composure leaving him and taking whatever respect Barclay had for him with it.
“Joe, breathe.”
“Breathing is not the issue here!”
Barclay stands, face calm, and walks over to him. Instead of stepping in front of him, he circles behind, and a hand rests at the base of Stern’s neck.
“Let’s try that again. Inhale, blue eyes, a nice long one.”
Stern complies, Barclay’s voice carrying no threats but leaving no room for protest.
“Breathe out, count to four while you do.”
Stern exhales, nerves diverting energy from panic to desire, Barclays fingers on his skin and dominant baritone in his ear.
“Good boy. Do it again.”
Stern takes another deep breath, then another, over and over as Barclay leads him to the bed and slips off his jacket, followed by his shoes and socks.
“That’s it Joe, you’re doing so good.” He sits beside him on the bed, stroking his hair and Stern follows his touch, “what do you need? What helps when this happens?”
“Something to, to focus on, until I calm down. Just not work related or too complicated.”
“Hmmm” a thumb brushes over his lips, then down his chin, “I got a few things in mind, but they’re pretty damn dirty. Should we try something else?”
“No, please, I, I want that, want, want to be good for you like that.”
“Okay blue eyes, we can do that. You gotta promise me you’ll say ‘stop’ if something doesn’t feel good, okay?”
He nods, heart shaking his ribs, and Barclay leans and kisses him once, tenderly, before laying back on the bed, hands resting beneath his head.
“Get my dick out, yeah, there we go, good boy, I want you to use your mouth, can you, OH, ohhhhyeah.” His cock bumps Stern’s cheek as his hips tilt, a response to Stern lapping teasingly at the base. He drags his tongue all the way up the shaft, takes the head into his mouth, doing his damndest to lock eyes with Barclay the whole time.
“Babe, fuck, that’s it, oh fuck you look good like that, knew you’d look good with my dick in your mouth, been thinking about it since that first night.”
Stern whimpers, hungry for more and pushes his head down. Having Barclay’s cock in his mouth forces him to keep his breathing measured, and so he savors it, senses filling with salt and skin and lingering hints of soap.
“That’s it babe, nice and slow, we got all day. Long as I get to cum sometime before noon I’m happy.”
Stern rolls his tongue over the tip as he pulls off, switches to kisses and licks as he slowly jerks him off. Occasionally he skates up, nudging Barclay’s shirt with his nose--his hands uninterested in leaving his cock--so he can leave deep, longing kisses across his stomach and hips. Every movement elicits a groan or a sigh, every kiss and suck earns him praise. It’s only when his hands are slick with pre-cum and his own saliva that Barclay bucks his hips more intently, growling when Stern takes him back into his mouth.
“Shit you’re good at this, not, fuck, not surprised, look like you would be, like all you need is for me to take care of you and you’ll open that fucking perfect mouth whenever I ask FUCK, oh you like that, don’t you babe? Fuck, shit, like the idea of taking what I give you?”
He whines, rubbing his thighs together as Barclay’s cock bumps the back of his mouth.
“You got three seconds to decide how you wanna take this.”
Stern locks eyes with him again, and dips down the barest bit more. Barclay’s hands tangle in his hair as he groans “good boy” and cums, bitter and warm, down Stern’s throat.
His hands flop onto the bed, allowing Stern to sit up.
“Did...was I good?”
“So fucking good.” Barclay thwacks a hand dramatically onto his forehead to wipe it, “do you want to keep going? Or do you want to stop?”
“I want” Stern presses his hand against his cock, as if this will help rather than make him wetter, “please, can we keep going?”
“Yeah” Barclay sits up, kisses each cheek, “pants and underwear off, leave the shirt and tie.”
By the time Stern is appropriately undressed, Barclay is back on the bed with the to-go box and a plastic fork. He reclines on the pillows, box on his upper chest, “come straddle me, knees about here” he pats the bed near his waist. Stern scoots up into position, Barclay licking his lips as he does.
“Good boy. Now, you’re gonna show me how you get off, so I can know just what to do tonight to make you cry into the mattress.”
“Fuck.” Stern gasps, fingers already rapidly stroking his dick.
“Mmmm, look at how slick you are. Think that deserves a reward.” He spears a piece of cake, “open.”
Stern opens his mouth, leaning forward so Barclay can more easily feed him.
“You do like being spoiled. I can work with that.” Barclay rumbles, pleased, when Sterns fingers work frantically after a second bite.
“Please, Barclay, I want to kiss you, please say I can kiss you.”
“Not until you finish.”
“The, the cake or myself.”
“Yourself, blue eyes.”
He’s panting now, sweat soaking through his shirt, and slowing his hand and hips to take the bites Barclay offers. When he cums it doubles him over, and as he’s bracing his hands on the headboard, trying not to collapse on his partner, Barclay moves everything aside and cups his face, gently guiding him down to kiss him. They stay like that as Stern slowly explores his mouth, tastes leftover cake and laughs when a coppery beard scratches his neck. And when he begins to drop, breath shallow and fingers shaking, Barclay rolls them onto their sides, holds him close. Tells him over and over that he’s proud of him, that he did so well, that he’s right here and he’ll take care of him, give him whatever he wants.
“Honestly, breakfast sounds better than anything else right now.” Stern mumbles against his chest.
“I’ll order us some. You still need me to dom you, or are you ready to start calling the shots again?”
“I don’t call all the shots.”
“Just most of ‘em. Don’t tell anyone, but I kinda like that about you. You’re good at what you do.” Barclay kisses his forehead.
“I...I think I’d like to rinse off while you order breakfast.”
Barclay offers one more kiss before they roll out of bed, has Stern’s robe waiting for him when he gets out of the shower and brings him the room service tray as soon as it’s delivered. They lounge together on Stern’s bed, watching the Inn come to life as the afternoon draws near. From here, they can even see the spot where their friends will get married.
“The ceremony is gonna be perfect.”
“As perfect as I can manage, yes.”
“You got a date for it yet?”
“No.”
“You want one?” Barclay smiles at him, the sunlight making him look as if he stepped out of a daydream and into Stern’s bed.
“Depends; would that date be you?”
“Yep.” Barclay kisses his shoulder.
“Well then,” Stern grins, tips his chin up for a coffee-flavored kiss, “there’s your answer.’
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Tag Game: 10 Favorite Female Characters
Tagged by @juurensha!
Rules: List your 10 favorite female characters, one per fandom, then tag 10 people.
Thanks for actually making me post on tumblr for once! These characters are in no particular order since I am incredibly indecisive and like a lot of characters.
1. ) Riko Aida (KnB)
I love sports anime, but most of them have a conspicuous lack of female characters. Riko is the coach of our heroes’ team, and I admire her ability to keep cool even in the most insane of basketball matches. (I personally would’ve gone crazy dealing with Kuroko and Kagami alone, let alone face the entire Generation of Miracles.)
2.) Anonymous/Somebody (Our Dreams At Dusk/Shimanami Tasogare)
For those who haven’t read Our Dreams At Dusk, it’s a great slice of life, coming of age manga that’s only 4 volumes long about a gay teenage boy learning to just exist as himself after stumbling across a discussion lounge with other queer folk run by a mysterious woman known only as Somebody/Anonymous (she’s Somebody in the official translations and Anonymous in the scans). Somebody’s a rare example of an aro-ace character in manga and an extremely perceptive person who helps many of the characters live their best lives by asking the important questions.
3.) Jolyne Kujo (JJBA Pt 6, Stone Ocean)
Jolyne is a freakin’ badass who doesn’t take no for an answer and is all around awesome. Enough said.
Plus, she and Hermes are the best ship of Stone Ocean. Best battle lesbian power couple right there.
4.) The Black-Haired Girl (The Night Is Short, Walk on Girl)
My profile picture! I am an unabashed Masaaki Yuasa fangirl and am always looking for other people to convert since his works need more love (my personal favorite of his works is Ping Pong, but, again, there aren’t many female characters). I really like the nameless protagonist of The Night Is Short, Walk on Girl because she doesn’t take anything too seriously and just has a lot of fun taking even the most craziest things in stride. She doesn’t blink an eye when random gods show up in Ponto-cho, Kyoto, and she slows down other people’s perception of time during the long night because she has this way of bringing people into the present.
The movie’s surreal and fun, and if you’re interested, I’d recommend watching its spiritual predecessor, The Tatami Galaxy first.
5.) Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran)
I liked the manga a lot better than the anime, but Haruhi is headstrong and speaks her mind. She takes no shit from the rest of the Host Club and is super freaking cool.
6.) Sansa Stark (ASOIAF/Game of Thrones)
I strongly disliked Sansa at the beginning of A Game of Thrones because she was so naive, but by the end of A Feast for Crows I was totally converted. She’s become a schemer in her own right, and I can��t wait to see where GRRM takes her in the last two books of ASOIAF.
7.) Hermione Granger (HP)
Like every nerdy kid, I wanted to be just like Hermione when reading the Harry Potter books for the first time. Yeah, she has her flaws, but she’s cool and really damn smart. Plus, Emma Watson plays her in the movies :)
8.) Morgiana (Magi)
Morgiana is another badass with a tragic backstory, having been a slave. She’s the sanest one between her, Aladdin, and Alibaba and has awesome fight scenes. I love Magi’s worldbuilding and think it needs way more love. It’s way overdue for another anime season.
9.) Eleanor Young (Crazy Rich Asians)
Okay, Eleanor is 100% the villain of Crazy Rich Asians. Still, I admire her tenacity a lot and the way she doesn’t let anything stop at her goals. Michelle Yeoh did an incredible job playing her in the movie version, and I can’t wait to see the movie for China Rich Girlfriend.
10.) Sayaka Kanamori (Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!)
‘That Tall Girl’ in the Eizouken. She’s no-nonsense, practical, to the point, and very funny. Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! is another Masaaki Yuasa anime, and you can feel how much he and the folks at Science Saru had making this show from the very first few minutes of Episode 1.
Honorable Mention:
Mutsu (Gintama)
The mysterious, badass #2 of the Kaientai and a former space pirate. I like how she took her agency in her own hands and ended up joining Sakamoto. It’s too bad you can only include 1 character per fandom, because there are so many good characters in Gintama—Kagura, Kyuubei Yagyuu, Tsukuyo, and I know I’m only scratching the tip of the iceberg. Gintama will always have a special place in my heart because at its core, it’s a story about how to live a good life.
Whew, we’re done! I am a tumblr cryptid who rarely uses this site for things other than to reblog pretty art and sometimes talk about fic, so I guess I’ll just tag @soysaucemachine and @ultra-uh-oh-spaghetti-os. Have fun, friends :))))))
#tag game#bittermoons writes#masaaki yuasa#eizouken#yoru wa mijikashi arukeyo otome#the night is short walk on girl#shimanami tasogare#our dreams at dusk
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Tag Yourself: Appletini Assembly Edition
have a no context introduction to our dnd group
Ashyew - Fortnite dancing unironically; campfire smell; knows obscure facts about trees; those wood wick candles that crackle when they burn; not hearing your name the first time someone says it; “I wanna steal,” Over the Garden Wall; not having a favorite cryptid because you love them all so much; “Harold, that was my favorite arm,” Where the Wild Things Are; making up fun alternate universes you’d travel to with your siblings; “This sign won’t stop me because I can’t read;” doesn’t care what you’re fighting, will fight alongside you until she falls; lovingly makes fun of you to your face, beats up your bullies behind your back; “I can play guitar, but I only know Wonderwall;” loves you deeply but will take embarrassing pics of you while you’re passed out drunk; can french braid hair, refuses to braid yours; light filtering through aspen trees.
Hal - “But your honor, I’m baby;” addicted to brookside chocolates; smells like beachy hair; always has a snack on hand; “please god, let me have one good day?” “you again? give it a rest buddy;” “Hi, i’m hal, and i’m addicted to citrus fruits;” calls her friends to say i love you; does not differentiate between costume parties and fancy dress parties - will wear a spiderman costume to both; drinks dumb fuck juice and dumb fuck juice EXCLUSIVELY; useless lesbian; “dad pick me up there’s kids here funnier than me;” wants to be a rebel, latches onto authority figures around her; “daddy?” “DO I LOOK LIKE-;” has a diary, but it is NOT coherent; makes friends fast but loses them in the middle of her rock collection presentation; watches chopped and laughs when people she doesn’t like gets eliminated;
Krol - Socks with sandals; dancing like commander sheppard; can’t figure out how to email a standard word document; encyclopedic knowledge of world history; only drinks alcohol that tastes like fruit juice; human embodiment of a maraschino cherry (has potential for greatness with a dark past); your dad buying you frozen yogurt when you’re sad; the smell of your dad’s old sweaters when you pull them down from the attic; “I may be dumb but i’m not stupid;” big adoptive dad energy; “Don’t talk to me or my son or my son or my son or my son ever again;” buys 150 boxes of scout cookies so their favorite kid wins the contest in their troop; “big dreams” include a three-wheeler motorcycle; proud fold-up bike owner; “CHRIS, IS THAT A WEED?”
Morana - “Be gay, do crimes;” that image of the little girl smiling in front of the burning house; smells like lavender and leather; living embodiment of a really hot motorcycle; can kick your ass and will do so upon request; has a designated snack drawer in her desk; always has bandaids; touch starved but scared to hug you; that kid who had a crush on a girl in her class so she sent her a note saying “get out of my school;” women in suits; “but does she REALLY like me?” as she walks down the aisle; is too hot in her jacket but won’t take it off bc it’s part of the look; sneaks bacon off your plate at brunch; “we held hands, so we’re basically married, right?”; “i have a proposal-PROPOSITION;” booty shorts that say “enemy of the state” across the butt; reads romance novels under the covers at night w/ a flashlight; “what do you have?” “a KNIFE!” “NO;” little spoon; trinket collector; all the metal in her outfit has to match.
Ptah - No poker face; “I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH;” “Ptah found dead in Kalmar,” “is he okay?” “yeah but he died;” wears sunglasses indoors; wears flannels unbuttoned but tucked in; does interpretive dance to rap metal; loses their shit at the drop in “Hall of the Mountain King;” your roommate who is weirdly good at home repair; burns everything they cooks; can drink their own bodyweight in ale; big laugh, bigger trauma; “pick three words to describe yourself,” “hmmmmm…killer alien vagina;” has not paid for music since 2002; might be the blurry bigfoot in every photo; “Can i have a piggy back ride?” grumbles but actually hyped as fuck to give you a piggy back ride; ripped as hell but wouldn’t want to kill a spider; “i’m may be doomed,” “but?” “no, no but;” when you jokingly hip check you they launch you out of orbit; eats the whole cheese plate alone; will always go get the extra ketchup when you’re nervous to ask; doesn’t let the customer service person bully you; if they’ve been on hold w/ a company helpline for too long they will physically manifest in the head office.
Zeph - The gif of the guy peace-signing into disappearance; “Do not address me directly;” “STOOOOPPP I could have dropped my croissant;” the way cold water tastes right after you brush your teeth; “Clouds” by BORNS; tries to learn fortnite dances but can’t do them (is lovable and wonderful anyway); can peel oranges in one piece; *surprised pikachu*; has, can, and will slap a bitch into next week; astral projects to avoid confrontation; can’t do it alone but WILL NOT ask for help; annoyed when you ask to share the cinnamon roll at brunch but saves the best bit for you; takes the shitty fruit in fruit salad so other people can have the good ones; “I love you” “what?” “I said i hate you please don’t look at me;” smells like a linen and sky candle; perfectly ventilated cuddle sessions; big and powerful “I woke up like this” queen; “I’m cold,” “damn jackie, I can’t control the weather;” not the taller person but always the one to get stuff off the top shelf; kisses u goodnight on ur forehead when you’re asleep.
@captainofthefallen @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels @devilishlyoperatic
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AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR
THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH
it took us two entire days to watch this, back in whenever we were watching this. I’ve got a Bundle of Papers here in front of me, and the CW Bundle is by far the thickest, and that’s with minimal salt content.
Speaking of Salt: The Roommate and I had to approach this as an Avengers movie. Because otherwise the salt levels in this would be toxic, possibly fatal. Even so, ppl with high cholesterol be warned
LET’S DO THIS
1991!
Winter Soldier:
what is this
what is this please
dat beef tho
what is this op sec
honestly
NO mask
SHINY FUCKOFF ARM just HANGING OUT
CCTV???
~ooooooo he’s a ghooooooooooooost~
he’s got an extremely dedicated and very harried cleanup crew is what he’s got
OH! OLD LOGO ILU!!!
LAGOS!!
The Roommate: That’s a lot of sugar
i ain’t judging
what, you think her powers run on optimism?
is there an accent? is there not? Shroedinger’s accent.
droney the drone
sam’s lil sky roomba
i love him
guhhhh this scene every line shows character and growth and i just *clenches fist*
did
did falcon just throw steve
just yeeted him at the enemy?
god i love that
also: has steve bulked up since TWS?
that’s also on Sam, yeah?
CUT THE CHEEEEECCCCK
is this fucking NEUROTOXIN? STEVE WHERE’S UR MASK?
Steve, throwing himself into a room full of an unknown poison gas without a mask: I bet i can survive this
Bucky, in Bucharest: *breaks whatever he’s holding without knowing why*
god i love sam
“I don’t work like that no more” Means ?????????????
PARKOUR NAT
is also BRUNCH MOM NAT
“both grunting” is always one of my favorite subtitles
2 white boys fighting in the middle of the street like it’s a video game
god someone took the murder strut to heart wow that is some. that is some something that’s for sure.
give me even one (1) heterosexual explanation for "your pal your buddy your bucky"
there’s no way that bucky ever said this, right? this is just Rumlow fucking with steve, and the screenwriters fucking with us
because IN CASE YOU WERE NOT IN THIS FANDOM IN 2016, WE ALL THOUGHT CAP WOULD DIE IN THIS MOVIE
WE WERE SO SURE
wow i wonder if that will be relevant to anyone’s emotions here in the year of our lordt 2019
anyway, what bucky actually said was:
“please tell rogers... that he’s a big dumb dildo and he should wear a gas mask and also a parachute.”
listen i love this opening scene but also wanda is not at all responsible for this explosion and the fact that they act like she is undermines my ability to suspend my disbelief.
DIGITAL ENYOUTHENMENT ALERT
also, tony the fact that you are using your literal dead mom as an actual therapist is
wow
BARF feels right to me
too real, tony
it’s too real
how ARE you getting around the strings and taxes tho
Also can i say that i actually love that Pepper’s absence is this profoundly important to the story. The hole where pepper should be is a huge part of this story and i like that. i like that a lot.
WOW THAT EXTRA IS LIKE A MASHUP OF NAT AND WANDA. SHE IS THE GENERIC MARVEL WHITE LADY
more a+ visual storytelling with the elevator
I’m just so mad that they blame wanda and play that straight?
all they had to do was outright acknowledge one (1) time that the media is picking on her because she’s a woman/a foreigner
imagine that speech coming from nat instead of steve
though i do love Steve’s pep talk
again. give me one (1) heterosexual explanation
though why not have Steve say “they’re just bullies, you did the right thing” and hearken back to smolsteeb
The Roommate: Remember how i was mad at his Oscars Velvet Blazer? I am also mad at this sweater.... it looks... so soft... i don’t know if i want it on him or off him... just wanna tuch....... and wear..........?”
Vision’s Ascot is. Something else man.
The Roommate: Why is ross secretary of state?
Me: Why is Trump President
Me: I bet Ross is vegan
the roommate, who has vegan-related trauma: UUUUGGGHHHHHHHH
Nat's reaction to vigilantes: Bitch please. she is Unbothered.
you don’t have to show us footage we’ve got the ptsd nightmares
400 pages in 3 days
[tired american sighing]
we honestly can’t even criticize this plot point anymore just
[my longest and most american sigh]
CLEVELAND!!!
hail hydra continues to be the Most Terrible last words
but WHY does ross have the congressional medal of honor
do you know how HARD it is to get one of those????
yeesh
sassy black friends sassing at each other
is definitely a
thing that is happening rn
Vision: Well Actually
no one cares, vis
ok like
a kid is dead but
3.6 is an okay GPA
maybe all my friends are overachievers
maybe it’s just because most of them are women but like
it’s an okay GPA
i’d have 8000% more respect for Tony if he was more upfront like “look this is on me” especially here
are we supposed to be picking all this up as subtext, actually?
because i know that this movie ALSO had a Troubled Youth ala ant man
and i really do appreciate the Russos for relying on a smart audience but there’s a lot going on
and it’s very obvious to me that they had to shift gears 18,000 times in the script writing phase
so like, you’ve got old man vet steve
but it’s painfully obvious that he missed vietnam right?
like
it’s painfully obvious
and he’s v egotistical and self righteous too
it IS a battle of the egos
and no one is right
except natasha
Steve: i have to go
me: mood
LONDON!!!!
oh god
oh god no
steve god no steve oh god
gfhskfdjjjksjdjjhrrrrhrhhrhfhh [wailing and rending of garments]
Re Peggy’s age:
SURPRISE IT’S ACTUALLY PLAUSIBLE
so the True Hallmark of a Cap Movie is Peggy telling steve what to do.
so weird to have that in an avengers movie
i do love this. GOOD BRO NAT CONTENT
Um. is vision a minor? is wanda?
again, nat is the only Correct one here
stay together guys
it might be
reeeeeeaaaaally important in
*checks watch*
two years’ time.
~hug~
VIENNA!!!!!
CHAD WICK! CHAD! WICK! CHAD! WICK!
god i love the xhosa in this
There is a level of worldbuilding in this that we p much only get from the russos/markus&mcfeely. i mean -- internal consistency worldbuilding? if that makes sense? we get a lot of visual worldbuilding in black panther, but this is distinctly different and hard to articulate and it has to do with the way they approach things and how they assume audience intelligence
it just works for me
oh no chadwick boseman don’t be cry
Sharon deserves better
than being cockblocked by her own aunt
and also sam wilson (who also deserves better)
cryptid!bucky
Nat did you get that suit from jenny agutter?
LA Brunch Mom Nat
mah girl
she’s just so tired
steve (bless him) is just so exhausting
couples date sam and steve dressed to match
“at the gym”??? really? the arm is... a bit of a giveaway
i do feel bad for zemo in this one specific case
russian IS hard
how. did he get that in there?
Soft Plumboy Bucky
BEEF
Captain’s Log: Buck’s place is a shithole
Sergeant’s Log: Steve’s face is pretty
surprise bitch
“That’s Smart, Good Strategy” is an excellent phrase to use in everyday conversation in order to weed out who Knows and who Doesn’t.
What i have learned from civil war:
Captain America is a projectile weapon
further query:
did bucky ever hurl small steve at assailants?
Bucky: *punts steve down an alley*
Steve, 90 lbs of rage at 90 mph: GET WRECKED
Bucky’s got big tommy wiseau cryptid energy here
And now there’s a cat
bucky:
I love this vampire running and also bucky’s thighs
Steve Rogers: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YEET.
Bucky Barnes: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YOINK.
Bucky and Steve: Wrecking your morning commute since 2014
WAR MACHINE!!!
god vis has the biggest dorkiest crush
so vis are you a child prodigy? or? what?
The Roommate, a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure: vis have you eaten anything between CW and IW?
Me, sinnamon roll, not to be trusted: *dying* *thinking about how Vision’s got schroedinger’s dick. does it exist? does it not exist? who knows.*
Me: Y. Yes. I th. think he has. eaten something. between now and. and IW. something.
The Roommate: *betrayed look*
Me: DEEP FRIED KEBAB MAYBE? I DON’T KNOW.
The Roommate: *is so disappointed*
BERLIN!!!!!!
Bucky is. So tired. Let him rest.
fucking up the morning commute again i see
u like cats??
I love the ratio of overkill:ineffectiveness with this glass box they put him in.
why did tony bring these fancy pens
the time spent explaining them could’ve been spent doing literally anything else
*i still don’t understand the accords*
GOD STEVE WANTS TO BE AN UNCLE SO BAD
“my fault”
there it is
“truth is i don’t want to stop”
THERE it is
“i thought the accords could split the difference”
THERE IT IS
"no, i don’t.”
THERE IT IS
“IT’S INTERNMENT.”
THERE! IT! IS!
gah.
wanda’s accent et al -- MAKE IT EXPLICIT MARVEL YOU COWARDS
no but really what are the accords
here followed a 20-30 minute convo about the accords
basically the summing up was:
Nat is 100% Right Ross is 100% Wrong Everyone Else is In A Grey Area
look this is actually a really good avengers movie
but
this is a moment when the back catalogue works against them because this conversation is so -- it implies a lot of friendly interactions between these two. they seem to have a relationship
but i keep looking at all the other movies they’ve interacted in like
BITCH WHERE? WHERE IS THE TONYSTEVE FRIENDSHIP? WHERE???
i am anticipating this will cause me A Grief later
The Roommate, looking at Steve in his Grey Shirt and Jacket: Damn, sir. Stop wearing clothes.
“BIRD COSTUME???”
“j a m e s”
big holt talking to rosa vibes there
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
A VAST AND MIGHTY MOOD
Zemo’s plan is so ridiculous i genuinely don’t have time to get into it i still have two pages of notes to get through holy shit.
this fight scene. does things. for me.
hhhHNNNNHGH BEEFSTEAK
(oh tony left with no suit? growth dot gif)
THIGHS
T H I G H S ! ! ! !
CHADWICK!
Sam out here, serving looks, casually modeling
B I C E P S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
TOO SEXY! *crashes helicopter*
I need twelve more scenes of steve and bucky faffing about in the water.
A more effective restraint than the custom made bucky bottle
(BRIEF 1991)
haaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAa biceps u stop that
Is Tony having a heart attack???
he has no concept of how to treat children because he never was one oh no i gave myself a sad feeling
QUEENS!!!!!!!
“I’m having a big fight in a parking lot with my superhero friends better go pick up a child as backup.” - tony stark
tony he doesn’t have a passport and if he understood what was happening he would not be on your side
Now That’s What I Call Vigilantism.
Why are you bringing a CHILD to a gun fight
Tony’s face, to me, suggests that he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing
also? it’s painfully obvious to me that these scenes were copypasted in late stage when they finally found out that yes they would have the rights to spiderman lol
for some reason they don’t feel the need to tell is that this is avengers compound in 400 point font
i’m so lost
where are we?
without the 400 point font i can only assume we are on mars
THAT’s a fine way to greet YOUR FATHER, WANDA
hawkeye is in fact the team lynchpin
is it
ugh
is it because they listen to him but he listens to natasha
ugh
i bet it is
UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
Vision: I have been FALLING! for THIRTY MINUTES!
“i know someone who does”
i’m confused by the cut here, because it seems to imply that Sharon, deliberately or inadvertently, rats them out to natasha?
Birds and raccoons do not get along
steve
steve no
steve
ur timing is shit steve
Scott Lang might be the best thing in this movie
well except for Dat Bone Structure
CUT THE CHEEEEEECK
*costume change in a parking lot to the yakkety sax soundtrack*
Thinking about the coming battle i am forced to concede that Iron Man Has A Point?
“do you really want to punch your way out of this?”
Steve: I ALWAYS wanna punch my way out
god scott’s such a fukkin nerd
tiny quibble but Scott “got punched by hope van dyne” lang would never say that to the black heckin widow
“gimmick”
um
people in falcon houses shouldn’t throw spider stones, samuel
wanda
those cars belong to people
oh god iron man has a point
LET’S GO LESBIANS! COME ON LESBIANS LET’S GO
*catfight sounds*
“then why did you run?”
dude you attacked me in a catsuit
Tony’s true superpower is that he knows steve, that’s how spiderbabby gets the upper hand
althought god
Tony was pre-gaslighting peter
he was pilotlighting peter
*my longest UGH yet*
“Queens?” “Brooklyn”
MAXIMUM NEW YORK ACHIEVED
ant man is the MVP
hmmmmmm “we don’t trade lives” HMMMMMMMMM
why did that truck explode
also *omg iron man has a point*
tony tedward stark how did you not know how old this child was
also peter stop pretending you don’t know what Empire Strikes Back, AT-ATs and Hoth are.
why doesn’t Vis get more flack for this
hey. hey tony. you know what sam is? A MEDIC. maybe let him LOOK AT YER FRIEND THERE instead of SHOOTING HIM IN THE FACE.
zemo’s plan is noooooonseeeeennnnnnsssse
guh these two beautiful men emoting in different directions KILL ME
this doctor is just like “yup there’s a giant purple robot here seems legit”
natasha is the only one who’s 100% right
did... did the russos kill themselves in this movie? did they cast themselves as dead extras? was this a statement of some kind?
HOW did ross get the congressional medal of honor. H O W.
“you read it”
NO ONE READ IT, IT’S 400 PAGES
tony this is Some Nonsense
ffflslkds he’s taking one of Nat’s guns KILL ME
one (1) heterosexual explanation.
rode back in a freezer truck
got pneumonia
already had pneumonia
and you blew three whole dollars on some slut
(seriously. gimme one. i’m waiting.)
srsly tho, whether you ship it or not, these two are old marrieds
the red star looks weird on his beefcake arm. did they forget to scale it up?
KITTY
listen zemo is just really turned on by cam and he didn’t mean to say that and that’s the most relateable thing he’s done so far.
It’s not just that bucky killed his mom. it’s that bucky killed his mom AND STEVE KEPT IT FROM HIM.
life alert a senior citizen has fallen
T'Challa, observing this White Nonsense™: I truly should... check myself. Before! I wreck myself.
agism is what it is
god this bit
steve dropping the shield
look at him
he is Stick A Fork In Him D O N E
Rhodey really deserves better than this? He deserves development showing the evolution of his opinion between here and IW
i wish we could get more of him grappling with this
that said
gosh wouldn’t it fucking suck if Cap and Bucky got relegated to End Credit scenes in their own got damn movie to make room for Iron Man to emote at his buddy his pal his rhodey?
*looks directly into the camera like i’m on the office.*
Anyway.
Steve rogers: getting the last word in every argument since 1918.
“from the bottom of my heart: My Bad.”
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Dark Crystal Age of Resistance ep 4 liveblog
“The First Thing I Remember is Fire”
Just a stream of thoughts.
Dammit the logo caught on fire. This is why they didn’t want open flames on the sets!
Gelfling are just super racist against Podlings.
A Guard: “Shut up, you’ll give everyone nightmares with that wailing!”
Hup: -sings louder, out of spite-
Sooooooooo Deet has decided to be a cryptid.
For Gelfling are a superstitious and cowardly lot.
Flew around wailing and screeching until A Guard and B Guard took off in a frighten and then rescued Hup.
“Thra’s true balance will be found when natural order is sound.”
Dark Crystal loves its weird, random prophecies. But they’ve got nothing on Redwall.
-Brea, breaks the secret door-
Why is there a secret room at the end of the secret passage under a secret door in the throne secretly that has the symbols of the seven clans?
Brea: “Oh, its a puzzle!”
Hey, yeah, this is coming off a little Legend of Zelda…
“I have to put the clans in their natural order, from highest to lowest, and then Thra will be in balance” =| ffs brea
You done learned a classism, growing up.
Dammit puzzle room, don’t reward her for classism! Orrr racism?
Brea is having a hard time ranking the clans once she gets past the ‘well obviously the Vapra are the best’
Wow, good job, modern puppeteers. You’ve made the Skeksis eating even grosser. And in the original movie it was a sort of cathartic trash the set sort of scene.
Wow, very gross.
Oh, this specific gross banquet is in honor of the Ornamentalist. So of course everyone spends the entire time whining about how food is like ash in their mouths compared to drinking soul goo.
Soul goo is crackier than crack. One sip and the Skeksis are all super hooked on it and already jonesing for another hit.
And the Ornamentalist is just annoyed.
Ornamentalist: “Essence, essence, essence! That’s all any of you talk about since I returned. It’s my party. Talk about me!”
Of course, the Ornamentalist would gladly try a hit but there’s none left.
Awww, they didn't invite Scientist to the party. They locked him in his lab until he finishes his mad science chores.
All the Skeksis are talking about wiping out the entire Gelfling population and Chamberlain is the only one thats not stupid about the horrific act of eating souls to maintain youth.
Chamberlain: “A wise shepherd does not cull entire herd, yes? We should take only what Gelfling we need to survive!”
Gourmand: “Moderation is for the meek!”
I again wonder how these dinguses managed to rule the planet for a thousand years without using it all up.
Chamberlain just called the General a coward. And the other Skeksis are just going FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
General: “I welcome war!”
Chamberlain: “Because you are too thick-headed to use brain!”
General: -affronted gasp-
And the Emperor is too busy PULLING HIS FINGER OFF to pay much attention
Gross. You’re getting pus… everything was already disgusting and you’ve found the way to make it worse, Emperor
So he wants instant results and starts yelling at the Chamberlain who can just shrink down and go ‘he started it’
Aww Emperor just dumped Chamberlain as his favorite counselor and his new bff is the general
Woow the general wasn’t kidding. The instant Chamberlain doesn’t have the Emperor’s favor, the General smacks Chamberlain to the floor and stomps on his hand.
I almost feel bad for him.
And now several minutes of Aughra complaining about how old she is and yelling at the ground to shut up until someone shoots plot arrows around her.
And the Emperor rolls into the lab to mock the Scientist for having no friends. Wow.
So the Scientist finished repairing the soul suck machine, with the bondage chair upgrade like in the movie.
Emperor: “How many Gelfling must we drain to cheat death for all eternity?”
Scientist: ‘thats fucked up, dude’
Or more seriously, the Scientist is actually worried about the Darkening and worries that draining Gelfling will cause it to spread faster.
But the Emperor is a global decaying denier and tells Scientist to tell him what he wants to hear.
Or he’ll kill his pet lab animals. Which the Scientist actually seems to like. I mean the animals, not the choking of them.
Scientist: “Fifty Gelfling, every trine!” I’m split between thinking ‘wow thats awful’ and ‘wow thats sustainable’
Chamberlain is feeling sad because Emperor doesn’t love him most anymore so he’s blowing an ominous horn.
Oh, another new Skeksis! SkekMal, the Hunter!
And all the other Skeksis are like ‘aw fuck not that guy’
Its interesting to think that from how much all the Skeksis seem to despise each other, thats actually them getting along and liking each other, and there are other Skeksis that they just don’t like at all.
WOW SKEKMAL LOOKS SPOOKY
THE GROUND IS ANGRY
THE SKY IS ANGRY!
WHY IS EVERYTHING ANGRY
Oh theres Aughra, of course she’s angry. She’s angry or peeved or irritated or disgruntled.
Aughra: “I will go no further!” -many plot arrows- “... I will go a bit further.”
I hadn’t gotten a good view yet but Aughra has a cool cape.
Oh hey, a new UrRu! This day brings a bounty. He’s the Archer who has been shooting arrows adjacent to Aughra.
Archer: “Thra still sings”
Aughra: “Then why don’t I hear it?”
Archer: “Because you turned your eye away from Thra and towards the stars.”
Hearing that from the Skeksis is just audacious but hearing it from an UrRu makes it hurt.
Aughra: “I trusted the Skeksis to look after Thra! I took their word!”
Archer: “And their gifts”
GET DUNKED ONNNNNN i guess.
Having four arms must help with archery. But apparently having arthritis in all of those arms doesn’t.
Archer shoots arrow straight up into the air and has it land right at her feet. And vanishes while she’s watching it go.
Aughra: “You could have just said this! Clearly, succinctly! Without all the walking!”
Archer is the troll UrRu
Ohhh, I bet Archer and Hunter are counterparts. BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH BATMAN
Archer does the vanishing when he feels the conversation is ended part and Hunter appears out of nowhere to give Chamberlain a frighten.
Hunter: “What is the prey?”
Chamberlain: “A Gelfling”
Hunter: “Nope. Bye.”
But Chamberlain talks him into it anyway because talking people into things is what Chamberlain does.
Although first he tries to make the Hunter feel sorry for his, the Chamberlain’s, reverse in fortunes by whining that the General hurt his hand but the Hunter just. Doesn’t. Care. About castle politics. He wouldn’t be out in the night being batman if he did.
But Chamberlain does manage to somehow convince him that Rian is worthy prey.
Now the General is charge of Gurjin’s interrogation and he immediately cattle prods him several times and straps him into the soul suck machine. Welp.
Gurjin, you’re wonderfully defiant and snarky.
General: “I will ask you once again, WHERE IS THE FUGITIVE RIAN?”
Gurjin, having just been partially soul sucked: “Have you checked the Great Smerth? It’s particularly lovely in spring.”
The Emperor rolls in and its like dad came home and caught the boys misbehaving.
Scientist: “I told him not to do it!”
General: “I… I was just introducing myself to the Gelfling!”
Emperor: =__=
OH MY GOD BREA HAS JUST BEEN TRYING TO BRUTE FORCE THE PUZZLE THIS ENTIRE TIME
She’s just been trying different combinations and writing down what doesn’t work.
Brea: “‘Thra’s true balance will be found when the natural order is sound’… but there is no natural order because no clan is above any of the others! It isn’t a puzzle! It’s a lie!”
Good job overcoming your prejudices, Brea!
Also, apparently refusing to rank the clans was the correct answer. This puzzle room is smart.
Hey what. Hey um what. There’s this stone dinosaur now what.
Its kind of cute.
YODA????
IS THAT YODA???
So the rock creature is named Lore and it has like… rock grooved cylinders and a rock phonograph pick and like a recorded Yoda voice that drops exposition
Yoda: “Lore has imprinted on you. He is now your guardian and will protect you on your journey to the Circle of the SUns. There you will find the key to free Gelfing from Skeksis power forever.”
Oh.
Wait, who put this here? If the All-Maudra is NOW deeply in the Skeksis’ pockets then who and when put a secret room under her throne? And who knew enough to put a rock puppy in a secret room with a prerecorded message that the Skeksis were up to nooooo good. If someone knew all along that the Skeksis were jerks, why bury a message about it instead of doing something?
And then Seladon shows up and is like “THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE”
I’m not sure what the Gelfling guards were going to do to a rock monster with little spears anyway.
And now Rian has wandered into the Podling village. Hopefully he manages to be less racist than everyone else (except Deet) that interacts with them.
Wait, is that Rian? Then who is the other hooded gelfling and why are there ominous scare strings?
Podlings just love to party. They’re the Michelangelo of Thra’s races.
-Podling picks up entire keg and sprays it into another Podling’s mouth-
Rian gets a free drink because an old lady Podling wants to flirt at him across the room.
But his heart is too tender after losing the love of his life and I’m sure he won’t have room for a new love anytime soon.
Gurjin’s sister is hardcore. Shows up and puts Rian at knifepoint to ransom him off to get Gurjin back.
Oh and Cool Sister Tavra also shows up to also try to capture Rian for murdering a member of the Vapra (which he didn’t).
Oh Cool Sister Tavra, why’d you have to be racist at the Drunchens?
Rian: “Will someone just please fucking dreamfast with me so we can resolve this damn plot?”
Entirely new character Kylan: “Yeah I’m game” “The Skeksis may rule the land, but they do not rule my heart.”
Damn, entirely new character Kylan, you’re dope.
Tavra also decides that if entirely new character Kylan is going to do it, then she’s going to do it too.
And Gurjin’s sister gets peer pressured into doing it too.
FINALLY dreamfasting does what it was designed to do and shortcut past doubt and suspicion so we can get on with it.
Oh hey, Rian’s dad wanders in (geez Rian is bad at hiding if everyone found him at the same time) and also gets in on this dreamfast.
It feels a little weirder though because he gets in when it was already ongoing and its like weird because everyone else consented to the dreamfast and he just invited himself in.
But hey it lets Rian make up with his dad so, sure.
Dreamfasting also apparently can create- oh dreametching. Yeah they did mention that could happen.
So now Rian, entirely new character Kylan, and Dadrian are going to the All-Maudra to get her to rally the Gelflings against the Skeksis.
And Gurjin’s sister Naia and Tavra are going to the castle to free Gurjin.
I caaaaan’t help but feeeeeel that if Tavra went with Rian’s group they’d be able to convince the All-Maudra more easily but surrrrrrrrrre do whateverrrrrr
Unless you get captured and killed, Tavra and Naia. I’d be disgruntled at that.
Its kind of weird you have this group of plucky youths and also Rian’s dad who is like the wizened old man compared to them.
Wait, where IS Kylan? Did he go with the castle group after all?
Wait, shouldn’t Rian dad go on the castle mission since he’s the boss guard? And would make it easier for them to-
Oh, I see. He has to be killed by the Hunter to show how serious the situation is.
Sorry, RIan’s dad. You’re the sacrificial lamb.
I mean, it hasn’t happened yet, but I bet it will-
OH HI DEET!
Deet and Rian just barely cross each other’s paths again. Its a small world after all.
Rian: “Do you remember [father-son bonding activity]?”
Rian Dad: “Ahhh I see how that memory we both share would be useful here.”
HOLY SHIT the Hunter can book. All the other Skeksis are like lumbering around and feeling old and he’s jumping in trees. Maybe fresh air IS good for you.
And he’s a puppet or a costume or a costume puppet so holy shit.
Rian tries to sword fight the Hunter but like…. The weight advantage is very much the Hunter’s. He’s just easily pushing the Gelfling around
HOLY SHIT HIS TWO EXTRA ARMS AREN'T ATROPHIED HE’S SKEKSIS GENERAL GRIEVOUS
Hunter: “You have heart…. I’ll take that too.”
Oh no I was wrong! Rian Dad wasn’t the sacrificial lamb! He was the heroic sacrifice!
He tackled the Hunter into a pit of angry earth and the Hunter seems pretty okay with that as long as he takes someone with him. What an enigmatic guy.
Oh. never mind. Hunter is still alive. He’s too angry and spry for the ground to eat.
I was about to say what a shame it was to introduce the guy and immediately get him eaten by the ground.
And also Riandad’s sacrifice was pointless because the Hunter immediately captures Rian and absconds with him.
Deet and Hup must be very confused coming into this plot branch with no context.
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Monstrous Beauty Text Posts
Jake: What (and i cannot stress this enough) the fuck/ sure. blame the guy who's a huge idiot who causes a lot problems, again/ Me in jail: so are you guys familiar with the cell block tango/ Apparently "the vibes are off" isn't a just excuse to leave work early/ what, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck/ what doesn't kill doesn't kill you/ yesterday at target the cashier said "your receipt is the bag* and I responded with "you too" so I've been dealing with that for the past 18 hours but I'm slowly coming to terms with it which is cool/ *enters my own password* i'm in/ due to personal reasons I will be cheating death/ *gets down on one knee* *gets down on the other* *doesn't get up ever*/ Not to be dramatic but if I don't get my life together I will die/ I have pure intentions, bitch! you can't kill me/ cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you me: yeah he was not very friendly
Storm: Which is messier my life or my hair/ "I am unknowable" I say as I overshare my biggest childhood trauma's in the first conversation with someone/ I love laying the FUCK down and sleeping/ me: [vibrating slightly because I had too much caffeine] everything in the world is my fault/ my only goal in life is to destroy the space-time continuum/ i am a huge fan of space, both outer and personal/ Yeah sex is great but have you looked at common English words and then followed their systematic time changes back through Old English and Proto-Germanic all to the way to their Proto-Indo-European roots, whispered one of those roots out loud, and been overwhelmed by a sense of Lovecraftian insignificance as it dawns on you that you just reached back across scores of centuries and spoke a word older than civilization itself?/ but i don't have a hyperfixation i'll die
Adrienne: im so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me. i want to be set loose./ are my prophetic visions a joke to you/ There has been a lady inside my head screaming for the past 10 years and u think taking a bath and doing yoga will stop her? U are wrong. She is a very mad lady and she will not be silenced/ Cranky because you haven't had any prophetic dreams to aid you on your quest aren't you/ i wish it was 1600 so i cood spelle words howe everr my harte destyred/ me: *hangs out with little kids and tries to teach them self love and feminist ideas*/ Pros and cons of wearing all black pros: hot as hell cons: hot as hell/ If someone points at your black clothes and asks you who's funeral it is, a look around the room and casual "haven't decided yet" is a good response
Solais: mentally i'm at least 5"11. physically? don't worry about it/ don't call yourself edgy unless you talk to dead people and have daddy issues/ im a simple gal. people raise their voices at me, i cry for an hour/ once i figure out how to hold a conversation it's frienship for you bitches/ me: *is tiny* me: (;'._.');/ no homo bro *thinks about you* thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you*/ Listen man I'm just trying to wear soft sweaters and read my books and love myself/ i was put on this earth to eat bagels and be gay/ actually Ratatouille is the dish's name, you're thinking of Ratatouille's monster. im what the kids call
attention seeking/ me gay? why yes thank you for noticing/ on all levels except physical, i am a little heart shaped candy that says "i'm all yours!"/ nothing is awkward or cheesy if you don't give a fuck. i'm on this earth to have a good time. not to be cool./ i aspire to be one of those people who is known for always smelling good and treating people kindly/ big heart energy/ me @ you: >> this is my protecting women and girls knife/ doing violence tonight so watch out if you're weak to attacks/ why did my last two braincells have to be a sad one and a stupid one/ goes to the kitchen holds a knife in my hand for a while. puts it back. goes back to my room
Mal: these hands rated e for everyone/ forgive me father for I have sinned in all the coolest and most glamorous ways possible/ "I expected better from you" well that was your fault lmao i got nothing to do with that/ im beautiful im delicious i literally cannot die i want 200 dollars/ friendly reminder that i literally cannot die, and id love to see any of you fuckers try to take me down/ Slutty in theory but not in practice/ I just wannna be vaguely unsettling, not even scary or creepy, I just want people to look at me and feel like there's something A Little Bit Wrong but they don't know what when they tell the story of the slighty cryptid being to their friends later/ Hmmm gay rights but only for me i think? The rest of you are on your own/ i say i'm gay a lot for someone who is technically bisexual/ occupation: the family disappointment/ [steps on my emotions and grinds them under my heel] anyways/ i am evil and not straight/ me: breathes parents: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ATTITUDE/ you ever listen to your dad talk and be like "why are you like this?"/ dont you hate when you wake up and you're awake/ oh god...oh fuck...*yearns*/ Due to personal reasons I'll be going feral/ Quitting school to become a plant who wants to join me we can make a forest/ Anyways! *climbs out of the scattered and ruined debris of my feelings*/ so what if i love you. shut up/ i ask myself 48 times a day "am I being dramatic? Is this #toomuch?" the answer is always yes of course/ *lawyer voice* eat a dick, your honor/ I may seem like an asshole but deep down I'm good person and even deeper down I'm a bigger asshole/ in my defense, i was left unattended
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「 SEONG-JIN CHOI 」
STRATUM: Three
AGE: Thirty
OCCUPATION: Strongman
SUGGESTED FCS: Gong Yoo
CREATURE FORM.
MINOTAUR is a gigantic, half-bull and half-man hybrid. It has a human body and a bull’s head, neck, and tail. Due to the immense size of the Minotaur and natural strength, much of the circus' heavy lifting is done by the creature alone.
ABOUT.
God would call you a beast. Not because of your exterior, but because you have the cold anger of one. Once did you have everything, and although having a father was the missing puzzle piece, this is the only mistake you will ever allow in life. Your mother watched over you, and you, her. A perfectly imperfect family who did not give a damn about anyone but themselves. But alas, selfishness only breeds jealousy. So there your family business went -- crashing down, your mother collapsing alongside it. You believe your life has ended, but it’s only just begun; a tale of how man battles with ego.
BIOGRAPHY.
All under the cut.
Beginnings
I. To hear your mother tell it one would think there had never been a man at all, that your birth was a divine gift, an immaculate conception. Maybe this would be easier tale to tell if it had. But the truth is this story begins as all our stories do.
II. On a rainy summer evening a newly appointed CEO met an architect from Greece at a gala. It had been bittersweet romance where both parties could see the end from the moment it began, but he was funny and quick witted and where was the harm in a season long affair.
III. Almost 12 months later she laid in a hospital bed cradling a newborn that notably shared her dark hair and eyes that matched those of an architect who had disappeared from her world as quickly as came.
IV. She names you Seong-Jin to sign on the dotted line, but you’ll go by simply “Jin” for most of your life. Your middle name, Asterion, is the only sign of your other lineage and it came from a book he left behind. It’ll take many years to realize just what a fitting name it is (and by then it’ll be too late to ask if somehow back then she knew just what you would become.)
The Golden Age
I. Your family is the poster for the American Dream, and what a precarious dream it is where a single detail (the matter of one’s birth, education, associates, where they lived, or who they lived with) could make or break a person’s life. You would never have the picture perfect nuclear family, she couldn’t give you your father back, but perhaps if your life was perfect in every other regard you wouldn’t notice the difference.
II. The home your father had designed, his singular contribution of child support, acted as the foundation. What once seemed a labyrinthine home much too large for two people began to fill with staff and the long corridors lead to rooms tailored to whatever need might arise. She set up an office space so that she could be close to you, arranged play-dates with the other socialites’ children, hired tutors, a cello instructor, a fencing coach.
III. Your mother gave you the world in those four walls and in return you protected her best you knew how.
IV. When you were young that meant being perfect at everything you did and destroying any evidence of the contrary.
As long as you got straight A’s and won the prestigious awards why trouble her with the knowledge that it was not a natural talent, of the hours upon hours spent beating yourself up to get it right.
That your teachers found you smart, but were concerned over your temperament
That last week the boy down the street called you a bastard, a poser, new money, with the sneer of someone who was only repeating what they heard someone else say.
How it filled with you a rage and it was only when you took matters into your own fists that it settled (but only for a moment).
That sometimes you liked to a play a game where you pretend that “the other Asterion” had come to visit and gave him a tour of the house.
V. She called you her golden child, made sure anyone who would listen knew it, and you would not have her think herself a liar.
The Silver Years
I. Every child must grow up eventually and in this you were no different.
II. At eighteen you were a lot different than the person you were at eight but in as many ways you were the same.
Your ambitions sharpened into a straight arrow: you decided your major at eleven, your university at fifteen, and didn’t weaver for a second. Your teachers called it arrogance, but the acceptance letter arrived all the same
You’re too old for fist fights, but the feelings remained. You learned the power of a cold shoulder; a distant uninterested stare; the way the furrow of your brow, the very implication of your anger, has the same effect.
The kids in the neighborhood, who were no longer kids either, learned new words to call you: cold, misanthropic, Machiavellian.
You traded your imaginary friend for real ones who were an illusion of a different kind.
III. In college you join the fencing team, the orchestra, and the honors society, but the highlight of all things is unexpectedly a course in Greek Literature.It reminded you of the stories your mother read to you as a child, when you believed yourself to be the hero of the story.
IV. It was also the semester you learned about Cryptids
One member of your study group claimed to have seen it with his own eyes. Another found the whole thing ridiculous and called him a liar.
You, for the first time in your life, weren’t sure what to believe.
The Fall of Rome
I. There are somethings that not even you could have protected your mother from, though you will spend your whole life telling yourself otherwise.
II.The truth is the company had been slipping from her grasp long before you left home, and yet when you return back to the one thing the bank couldn’t take away - your beautiful infinity home - to find her a shell of her former self, you can’t help but think that you could.
Transformation
I. Everyone describes their first time differently: for some they had always known, deep down, what they would become; for others it’s sprung on them suddenly, triggered by an event, a feeling.
II. You’re 22 and all at once you’re life is unraveling and you haven’t been this angry since you were eight and a boy with the picture perfect family reminded you that you had been clinging to a world that you didn’t belong to.
III. When you wake up in the morning your room is trashed and in the haze of it all you can only think of the moment you had caught a glimpse of yourself in a reflective source; only you hadn’t looked anything like you at all.
IV. You clean your room, you lock the thought away, you move on.
The Labyrinth
I.You spent hours each day trying to find her in that home, to sit down and talk with her, but she seemed to elude you every time.
II. It was only at dinner as she sat on the opposite end of the table only barely hearing anything you say, her thoughts clearly elsewhere, you realized that she was running from you on purpose.
III. Suddenly the place you lived your whole life felt different like you had been transported somewhere else.
IV. During the day: Solitude. wandering through the corridors; reading; pretending to sleep because it was easier to confront than being awake were becoming less and less of a choice.
No one answered your calls or read your text. there are no practices or parties to attend. You could feel yourself slipping away and not single one of them could bring themselves to care.
When was the last time you felt so alone?
V. At night you went on long walks, the city just a bigger maze and your room that you wake back up in the morning is the center.
In between that: a möbius strip anger, guilt, confusion
Blackouts
Rinse and repeat
Sometimes you have dreams of a man with a bull head. Google yields no explanation.
VI. A rumour of a different kind: a cryptid spotted.
Theseus Arrives
I. You’re 25 and you hadn’t accepted what you are, but your savings was dwindling; no law school got back to you; no company wanted to hire you. If you can’t control anything else in your life you’ll control this.
The first time you do it on purpose, locked in the bathroom, it takes almost half a day. When it finally happen you have to fight against the urge to scream out (can you even scream?)
You practice every other day, some days are more successful than others and there is always the matter of changing back. (the horns, always the horns, are the last to go.)
On television you listen to reports of cryptid spottings and arrest; people expressing their disgust, their horror, their twist fascination. You remember when you were on that side of things, it’s getting harder to convince yourself you’re still there.
II. You did your fair share of blackmailing long enough to recognize when it’s happening to you. To Metzger’s credit he is straight to the point:
“A crueler man would report this to the police or the news-” he gestured to the photos, a little hazy, but undoubtedly you. The other you. “I won’t insult your intelligence by saying someone else won’t put the pieces together.”
He reminded you that you don’t have any friends, and more than a few enemies. He offers you a job, money. Reminded you that you’re no good to your mother staying here.
III. He was also kind enough to give you the illusion of choice, to think about it.
IV. By the end of the week you’re on the road. (Your mother didn’t seem surprised to see you go.)
Now
I. Come one! Come all! He’s half man, half bull, all B E A S T.
You have a degree from Harvard, can recite several languages, have more trophies and medals than can fit on a shelf, but no one cares.
You can lift twice your weight over your head and then some. That’ll get you a surplus of praise.
II. It’s been eight years since you first learned what you are, five since you joined the circus, and in many ways you are just the same.
III. But in more ways you are not.
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obscure asks meme for knife boy d:
1. What convenience store food would be their go-to at a 7-11 (Fantasy or otherwise?)
You know that boy’s all about those space Doritos. He’d get an entire family-sized bag just for himself and survive on that for three days. Pringles and Cheetos are also favorites.
2. Who is their drinking buddy? If they don’t drink, which drink friend would they watch over?
Luna and Val have been Castor’s most consistent drinking buddies. They’re good to have around when emotions start running too high. Don’t trust Castor to watch over drunk people, though. He can’t even watch over himself.
3. Who would be their go-to character in clue?
Ms. Peacock. Why? She wears blue. That’s all it takes.
4. If they ever had to go to college, what major would they pick?
Aerospace engineering. He’s always been better at math than any other school subject, and this boy just wants to be in space.
5. Do they have a signature color(s)?
Blue and black make up his entire wardrobe. It gives Icio and Venus heart attacks.
6. What would be their favorite vine?
“Let me see what you have!”
“A KNIFE!”
“NO!”
7. If they had a social media account, what would it be about?
He’d probably have a tumblr just full of Edgy posts and song lyrics and aesthetics, sprinkled in with some memey Star Wars posts. He’d also have an Instagram with nothing on it but pictures of Noodle, and ooccasionally pictures of him and Percy and the rest of their family.
8. Who would they invite to be their best man/maid of honor at their wedding?
Castor would have three maids of honor and you can fight him on this. There’s no way he could pick between all three of his favorite sisters.
9. Alternatively, whose best man/maid of honor would they be?
He honestly doesn’t think anyone would want him to be their best man, considering what a pain in the ass he’s always been for everyone. But he would absolutely be Leda’s, Polly’s, or Val’s if they asked him. And he would cry at the weddings.
10. What would be the title of their sex/mixtape?
He already has a mixtape, which he just called “Earth Jams” because he’s uncreative. His sex tape would be “Is That a Knife in Your Pocket, or are You Just– oh. That’s a Knife.”
11. If there was no prejudice, what time period/place would they love to visit?
This boy would be right at home in the grunge era of the 90s.
12. What three words would they use to describe themself?
Selfish, reckless, coward.
13. What three words would their friends/family use to describe them?
Brave, loyal, reckless, and dense are the general consensus from his friends.
14. What nicknames do they have? Any particular stories behind them?
“Idiot” is one that gets thrown around for him quite a lot, with good reason. His family used to call him Cas when they didn’t feel like saying his full name. His fathers also affectionately called him “Whirlwind” when he was being a handful.
15. Do they consider themself a good person? Why or why not?
He tries his damn hardest to be a good person, and at heart he knows he is. He also knows he’s made some very terrible choices.
16. If they were a cryptid, what would they be?
I looked up a list of cryptids for this question and found “Devil Bird,” which is just a bird that’s constantly screaming in the jungle and supposedly brings death, and honestly big mood.
17. What is the one thing they wish they could’ve said to a loved one, but never did?
He wishes he could’ve told his dads he loved them one last time.
18. What would they tell their ten year old self?
“Enjoy being a kid while you can, cause you’re gonna grow up way too fast. And when that happens, don’t think you have to deal with it alone. Don’t push away the people you love, because they love you just as much, and you need them. Also, be nice to Luna. It’s not her fault.”
19. Who would be on their team in an all out prank war? Who would they be against?
He would absolutely be on a team with Val and Leda, and he would totally rope Percy into it, too. I imagine they’d be up against Icio and whoever they decided to have on their team, as well as Flor and Luna.
20. Can they drive a car? Are they good at it? (If cars don’t exist, would they be able to drive if they existed?)
He can’t drive, but even if he could, do not let this boy behind the wheel of a car. He would have two speeds– parked or 100 mph.
21. Tell the story behind their most stupid injury/scar.
When he was a small child– about four or so– he was running around the house with Polly, and he tripped on his shoelace and bashed his head into the wall. He still has a very faint scar on his temple from it.
22. What word(s) would they freeze up at if someone said it to them?
Coward. Worthless. Selfish. Orphan. Betrayer. Alone. Or any variation of “your fathers are dead.”
23. Who is someone they don’t talk to much, but would probably get along with?
He’d get along with Juniper well, I think, though he hasn’t had much chance to talk to her apart from their one little heart to heart. I think he’d also get along with Tam and Nivviah, he’s just never really chatted with them for more than a few minutes.
24. Have they ever done something they think is unforgivable?
Abandoning his adopted sister in their empty childhood home. Almost getting his best friend killed. Breaking his boyfriend’s heart over and over and over again. The list could go on for days.
25. What type of soda would be their favorite?
He’s a root beer kind of boy.
26. What do they want more than anything?
To have all of his family safe and together again.
27. What is their fatal flaw?
His brashness and stubborn attitude.
28. What Greek God would they be most like?
Probably Ares. The god of war would suit him.
29. Who do they look the most up to?
His dads and Luna.
30 .If they had to pick between their best friend or significant other, who would they pick?
He has three best friends now, and he couldn’t pick between any of them and Percy. He’d rather die himself than lose them.
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