#holic especially just feels so fuckin wild cause on the one hand its rly fucking poetic as a cautionary tale but

[floorpancakes]

it was a cruel twist of fate that everything i actually wanted and all my personal growth flashed before my eyes as soon as i ended up in the biggest mental and physical crisis of my life that has slowly eaten away at my will to live and aged me like crazy but at least it gives me (this is a metaphor and not literal***) watanuki kinnie points

#ehe #no but like ITS KINDA FUNNY THO #the funniest part is i got more and more mixed on the og holic manga ending the more and more i went through mental health crises #and various inabilities to feel like i can see friends without feeling scared or battles with loneliness or all that depressing stuff #like as a teenager i found suffering and tragedy in stories a lot more mature and beautiful than i do now #smth abt going through suicidal periods and massive mental issues that makes the holic ending look less and less beautiful and mature etc #i mean theres beauty in it and most of my fav series are DEEPLY TRAGIC AND COMPLICATED but also fuck this let them be happy #holic especially just feels so fuckin wild cause on the one hand its rly fucking poetic as a cautionary tale but #also its like ...for a series deeply centered on personal growth and depression....to contradict its own thesis statement... #i think part of my mixed feelings is rei cause the fetch quest dream world sike actually made me angry #plus it felt kinda like ...oh no choice is the wrong choice freedom of choice good (peer pressures him into making the 'right' choice) #tfw the hand monster is THE COOLEST SHIT imaginable but what it represents kinda soured me on rei lol #anyway when Rei continues ill keep up with it but my eyes are SIDE EYEING it real bad #sometimes i think abt how the ovas further clarified various shit the anime chose not to #they said no clamp not everything is improved by teacher student forbidden romance ambiguity theyre not actually into each other #stamped that ambiguity out right away #i forgot where i was going w this #anyway angst is good but sometimes anime characters should have nice things #i have no idea where this train of thought came from #i used to be too anxious to go too hard on likkng holic cause nobody cared and i worried i was being too cringe #at least in my sick person with no life era one of my big realisations was that that was dumb and i like it way more than i let on #cringe is dead and doumeki is not in my brain because i said so