#i actually navigated my tags and was gobsmacked.

[reilliane]

This is my personal obligatory post and apology for my poofing disappearance- if you're not up to read things like these, then feel free to scroll past! Have a good day/night!

—

the poofing, the poofed, and the un-poofing.

TLDR; Bad stuff happened for the entire past year, stopped college just a few months ago to learn the materials myself and market myself in the graphic design industry soon, and got a whole dose of religious epiphany that threw my life around. Wrote in a different account a few months ago to ease and destress without much expectation. Will continue to write albeit there won’t be many updates, had/have to drop original writing plans [right now focusing on a short story for Wanderer, though it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to write for others when I get the time]. May unfortunately discontinue ongoing AUs but will provide a summary for them [I think it’s only Tyranny-?] Will also open writing/art commissions soon, maybe set up a kofi account, but I won’t be ‘gatekeeping’ any content I plan to post. I’m thinking, if ever, it’d only be standalone specials or maybe nsfw [gosh I’m really saying that?] in kofi, buuut that’s just a maybe. Everything else is free to read of course <3 

A really detailed and long [I MEAN IT, MAYBE 1.3-.5K?? WC] exposition under the cut, but of course, it’s optional to read!

PS. I opened my drafts and had one or two finished works there, I will publish those soon. Get ready. Because they’re angst AHAAAAAAAAAA-

PPS. I won’t be able to respond to everyone’s sweet shucking messages in my inbox forgive me But know that I’M REALLY SO TOUCHED YALL I really didn’t think anyone would look for me that much 😭 Someone said I vanished like the avatar and it’s sending me crumpling to the floor.

ALRIGHT STORYTIME LET’S GO—first of all, I haven’t been on Tumblr for so long, nor have I interacted with anyone and coming back,, the web interface bamboozled me.

Anyway- the past year was roooough, like settling in and getting into college.

From the start, my brother and I have known of our depleting resources but couldn’t stop because of our mother’s insistence and my father’s very.. volatile attitude. Double the latter since he has cancer and has been nothing short of cranky and infuriated for the past years—knowing that the money is facing a downward slope because of his expensive medicines and learning that we’ll stop because of it would’ve,, been terribly bad and that's understating the nature of my headstrong, independent, and prideful father.

There were times when he was very somber about his state, but then mad—it was just a really bad time, but my brother and I finally convinced our mom that we had to stop for real a few months ago because money was just tight. Until now we’re hiding the fact from our dad that we stopped under the pretense that we’re only taking one course for the semester :v

We were very lost and torn.

I knew I had to go out and look for a job, but my brother would be doing the same, too—the thing was that we knew our mom couldn’t handle our dad being sick alone, so my brother opted to be the one to find work outside.

I’m learning materials and courses on my own at home, but finding a remote job without a degree is no doubt near unimaginable with how remote setups are almost nonexistent now. The time was just bleak at home, too, my father would ask for bad things to eat that would worsen his health and then blame it all on my mother when he felt body pains and repercussions—it was just BAD, that wasn't all of it, but I digress. Cancer sucks. 

Just a few days ago, I lost my uncle to the same thing, and now there’s an overall family dispute over who gets what and it feels like I’m living a kdrama fever dream [pls get me out hfasjdkfhdsaf]. I don’t recommend it if it’s not romance lmao.

Things were getting so out of hand and I also couldn’t get back into writing or socializing with everyone in my writing socials—but I still wanted to write without the expectation of being able to deliver as I used to. It was a de-stresser for me, so I opened a new account in ao3/quotev and wrote in.. November or December, I think. It was nice, I got to just type away and post and leave it at that.

I think one of the reasons why I didn’t go to Tumblr for that was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to commit to updates, and I love you guys, I didn’t want to say something and promise it’d be given but then nothing. I’ve done it back then and I just, don’t want to do that :(

Despite how heavy and dark the past year was, however, something really unexpected happened—okay here it goes.

As a child, I’ve been taught about Christian doctrine and was brought up to believe in the existence of a God. I didn’t have my heart in it though, of course not, how was I to believe something that I only knew because someone said it to me?? I did attend church out of duty and had a shallow fear of the greater being, but as an authentic believing person? Naw. 

Not until June at least.

I don’t know how to explain it rather I, out of the want to give my mother the chance to go somewhere she wanted to for Sunday, decided to join her for church. I was ready to just daze off and think about some solution to our problems, but then the sermon spoke to me—you know, that feeling when someone is passive-aggressively referring to you in a complaint or something?

It felt like that, only it felt like that message was something I was meant to hear, and boy I couldn’t believe it—neither did my mother [lol]. She told me how shocked she was when I listened throughout the what, an hour and a half of preaching that I usually just dismiss. 

It’s cliche, but my life really changed after that one simple Sunday.

All my tweeeeenty years of living, I’ve asked if God really is real and whatnot and I never got answered until July of 2023. What really cemented my belief in knowing that he is real, is when I decided to genuinely pray—then for seven consecutive days, the Bible would lead me to a page [like just randomly opening a part of the book after prayer] that answered my questions and/or convicted me of something. I'd wake up every day and an event would happen that would answer my confusion and I'd sit in the night thinking 'no way that just happened', but it did. Boy, when I tell you I thought I was going crazy.

Not to mention opportunities such as baptism and ministry suddenly popped my way when I only had the idea in my head and I kept it to myself. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but when it ‘popped up’ more than thrice in a single week, I knew it wasn’t. Think of it as like, the thing in fanfiction when it seemed like the universe was saying something to you. Yeah, I felt that for myself. Mindblowing.

I could go on and on about the other life-changing things that occurred, but this would be so long LOL.

But I never regret coming to faith and accepting Jesus for real that day, and although life is still dark for me these days, the burden feels light. It’s an amazing feeling. He's really changed everything.

I’m not going to force anyone these beliefs—I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end and it could get very annoying, rather I just spoke on it to say how wonderful it was to know him, and it would be nice to let others know about my side in case they'd also take the faith. Who knows?

Also, I think I understand what those people were saying now. Again, I won’t force anyone—just reminding and asking you to try if you want, because it’s amazing. Bombard me in my inbox if you’re interested, but no pushing here, because I’m a firm believer that things shouldn’t be forced if it’s not the right time yet. 

Anyway, that was my source of strength and hope to go through these days—and I believe it’s also the driving force that led me to write this out in.. in Tumblr of all places lol. If someone told me this would happen two years ago I'd laugh in their face 💀

Rather than just getting back into writing and opening my social circle again, there’s that bit in me that wants to say that religious epiphany. That said, I know how diverse everyone is in their beliefs so I’ll say it very tersely that, no, I will not be parading and pushing people to believe this and that—this space is, after all, my space for writing :)

Ah, and nor will I ramble about it like shuck lol, but I will, in private, when prompted. 

With that out of the way, back into writing—I was floored when I first opened Tumblr and saw all the notifications and messages about my disappearance and I could’ve cried, really. It touches me poor heart :sob: and I wanted to thank all of you for such caring messages—I wouldn’t be able to reply to all of them [there were many!

Like maybe more than fifteen or twenty, not even counting the direct messages] but know that I’m very- very grateful for every one of you.

I could crawl out of your screen and hug yall but I won’t because I can’t and it’d throw people off KJHFSADKJFHALJSKDFHA

Life is, again, still hard—and navigating it is still difficult, but I’m managing these days. I can no longer return to my usual days of sporadic updates and teasers lol, but I’m happy to say I will still be writing, though it won’t be my entire focus nowadays. When I open writing commissions for genshin and art commissions, it’d get me going, of course. 

I have to let go of most of my beloved works because I realized that sticking to them would take up most of my time when I need to be out there upskilling and taking initiative to start earning money to support the bills. I still wanted to write though, and in my downtime I even got to watching One Piece and writing a currently on-hold fanfiction for that in Ao3, but fuuully realized that, no, I’m no longer cut out for really long written stuff unless I commit to writing a long piece that would take weeks for it to be published. 

In the end I settled for a single character [wanderer bb] short story that I get into writing without much hassle, and make myself happy, still :) I have ideas for other characters, too, but getting them out to be posted would take longer than usual.

My other AUs, as well, since my focus is just.. God, life, expenses, work, then hobbies. I don’t guarantee finishing them [I think Tyranny? And others, like Smite/Mercy/etc.], but I have in mind to write a summary because I meant it back then when I said the plot was really finished. Sighgisghsighs

Opening art commissions, I’d do that soon—writing, too.

Maybe a kofi account, as well—but I won’t be having any posts I want to be posted to be locked behind some tip or pay. I’m thinking of only adding specials there, specials like, standalone oneshots from an AU, or an nsfw piece. Oh golly, writing that is so beyond me, I think that’s the only reason why if anything is going to be in kofi, it’d probably be the nsfw. I plan to keep this writing blog sfw, still. 

But we’ll,,, we’ll see [dying]

So yeah! That’s.. Everything. For the writing thing, I think I’ll technically just be .. here, lol, with a focus on that story with wanderer. Gone are the 7k worded oneshots, now we’re just around 1.5k unless I commit to the creation. The story is so fluffy too [not angst? Surprising] 

But again, I will write for others eventually—can’t say when, or how, or who, but I will in time. 

I have so many plans in my head about my life, and I’m glad to say going back to Tumblr is a check off the list. I have an original novel in mind, but would you all be interested in such a thing? I don’t honestly know—other than opening commissions, I also plan on a Youtube Channel, but that’s uncertain. A Webtoon for my original plot too is a maybe, buuuut those are just what-ifs. Time will tell!

Those are just my two cents and I don’t regret sharing that—you guys have been with me for so long, even if I don’t really know you all beyond that screen, you all really became a part of my life, too :”)) 

If you reached the end of this post, wow, I’m touched. I hope you all have a good day–oh wait, what do I say? Ah yes.

I wish you all a good mornight [fhkadjsfhiajhgf].

God bless yall sweet people. 

#moonlitrambles #queued #i actually navigated my tags and was gobsmacked. #i thought of a new and more organized blog but i aint got the time for that pls bear with me fhdajskfhas #plus i am so unwilling to leave this behind- i kennat

[herawell]

Yuletide 2020 letter

Dear Yuletide Author,

Thanks for agreeing to write me a fic this year! I’m allegoriesinmediasres on AO3, Tumblr, fanfiction.net, and Pinterest, as well as allyinmediasres on Reddit.

General note: Not all of the characters requested for each fandom need to be featured in the fic.

Likes: Character studies. Gen fic. 5+1 fics. Missing moments. Female-centric fics. Fix-it fics. Found family. Mutual pining. Slow burn. Angst with a happy ending. Hurt/comfort. Fluff. Unreliable narrator. Multimedia fics. 

General DNWs: 

Modern AUs, soulmate AUs, setting swap AUs, genderswap AUs, crossovers, fusions. 

Character bashing, heavy focus on unrequested ships. 

First person POV, reader-insert fics. 

Smut, rape/dubcon, coronavirus/pandemics/quarantines, serious illnesses, eating disorders, vore, A/B/O dynamics, references to current world events or politics. 

Jodhaa Akbar

Requested characters: Rajkumari Jodhaa, Jalaluddin Muhammad Akbar, Rajkumar Sujamal

I’ve loved this movie for many years as the quintessential interfaith historical slow burn epic of my dreams! I love the relationship between Jodhaa and Jalal, all the little moments they share and the underlying respect between them, how they bend but never break, and the dynamics of the Mughal court. I love Sujamal and all that his character hints at about the dynamics of the Amer palace, and his complicated relationship with Jodhaa as well.

Prompts: Anything about Jodhaa and Jalal’s courtship. Missing moments, little tensions, gestures. Anything about either of their childhoods, their relationship with their parents and mentors, their views on the other kingdom/empire. 

Anything about Sujamal. His pre-canon relationship with Jodhaa, his headspace during the movie, his fears for how his sister is doing in her new home. His relationship with his uncle, his attempts to get support for Amer’s throne. An AU where he survives and deals with becoming part of the Mughal court/navigating his new relationship with Jodhaa.

DNW: Jodhaa/Jalal breaking up, in case you focus on their relationship.

Padmaavat

Requested characters: Padmavati, Nagmati, Mehrunissa

I admittedly was not the biggest fan of this movie, because of how it handled its female characters, but they still intrigued me a lot, as they were so interesting and deserved so much better from the narrative. They show hints of complexity and strength, but are overshadowed by the men in their lives and have their voices silenced. 

Prompts: Fics set in an AU where Mehrunissa escapes with Padmavati and Ratan Singh, and instead of committing jauhar, the three queens escape into exile. I’ve written a few fics exploring this universe, and you can also find more under the tag “golden girls au” on avani008’s Tumblr here. Anything set in this verse would be awesome! Visiting Padmavati’s childhood home, or Nagmati’s. Working in secret to dismantle Alauddin’s reign of terror. Nagmati being sharp and sarcastic but wise and the voice of reason. Cultural exchanges between Mehrunissa and Padmavati and/or Nagmati. 

Mehrunissa/Padmavati! This crackship is based on the scene where they meet and Mehru is gobsmacked by Padmavati’s beauty, even saying that she can’t blame her husband for being attracted to her. Mutual pining, an AU where they escape together, oblivious lesbians. First times (of any kind). 

Fic that focuses on any single one of these ladies. Fics about their childhood or lives pre-marriage, on their interactions with the court, being Royals Who Actually Do Something.

DNW: Solely Alauddin-centric, Ratan Singh-centric, or Malik Kafur-centric fic without at least one of the ladies also having a major role in the fic. 

Ramayana 

Requested characters: Any

Prompts: Interactions between Rama, Sita, and/or Lakshman during the 14 years of exile. Arguments or adventures they had that never made it into the epics. Rama/Sita being an awesome couple with mutual respect and affection. Lakshman being the overprotective suspicious younger brother who never sleeps. Sita and Lakshman interacting without Rama there. 

Sita during her imprisonment in Lanka. Her various friendships with Trijata, Mandodari, Sarama, and other benefactors. Interactions with Indrajit or Ravana. 

Urmila, Bharata, Mandavi, Shatrughna, and Shrutakirti back home in Ayodhya. How do they try to keep the kingdom running? How did it affect their marriages?  My personal headcanon is that while Rama/Sita and Lakshmana/Urmila were love marriages, their younger siblings’ marriages were arranged ones; while they were happy enough together, it wasn’t until Dasharatha died, RSL were exiled, and they were suddenly forced to rule a kingdom that they were forced to rely on one another, and in doing so, that Bharata/Mandavi and Shatrughna/Shrutakirti really fell in love with one another. How does living at Nandigram or being the only ones in the palace affect them?

If you subscribe to the story of Urmila sleeping for fourteen years, did she have any adventures serving Nidra Devi in dreamland? Maybe she tried to influence the course of events through other people’s dreams? 

DNW: No references to Uttar Khanda canon.

The Tudors

Requested characters: Anne Stanhope Seymour, Edward Seymour 1st Duke of Somerset, Elizabeth I of England, Mary I of England

Prompts: Interactions between any of these characters! Mary and baby/toddler Elizabeth bonding at Hatfield, despite Mary’s resentments. Their more complicated relationship in Elizabeth’s teen years. AUs where one or more of them are not enemies/allies/friends. 

This AU in particular I’d really love to see this year. Be advised it makes mention of Thomas Seymour’s abuse of 13 to 14-year-old Elizabeth, so feel free to pass on this one.

In 1547 or 1548, Elizabeth was living with her stepmother Katherine Parr and her new stepfather, Thomas Seymour. During this time, Thomas Seymour began grooming Elizabeth and engaging in inappropriate behavior with her. Eventually, Katherine discovered the abuse and sent Elizabeth to another household.

So I’m interested in an AU where it’s Edward Seymour and Anne Stanhope who figure out what their brother(-in-law) is doing. They realize it will Not Be Good for the Seymours if Thomas crosses the line with Elizabeth; despite her bastard status, she’s still third in line to the throne and Edward’s favorite sister. They also realize that K Parr is not going to do anything about the abuse, or doesn’t see anything wrong with it. So they have Elizabeth removed from Kate Parr’s custody, and she goes to live with the Somersets. 

Historically Anne and Katherine Parr had rivalry over being the first lady of the court and having access to the Queen’s jewels; you can factor that in if you wish.

So from here, how does Elizabeth turn out living under the guidance of Anne Stanhope, who is a reformist like K Parr but of a much sharper temperament? More similar to Elizabeth’s own mother, Anne Boleyn. Another historical detail: Mary Tudor and Anne Stanhope were good friends despite their religious differences. Mary had also been appalled by K Parr’s hasty remarriage to TSeymour, and wanted Elizabeth to live with her following Henry’s death, but Elizabeth preferred to follow her stepmother. With Elizabeth now living under one of Mary’s friends, do the sisters stay closer together instead of drifting apart like they did during Edward’s reign? Does Edward Seymour make use of having one of the king’s sisters under his thumb? (Although in a much smarter and much less gross way than his brother tried to.)

Does anything go differently with the Somersets being arrested and E. Seymour eventually being executed? How does Elizabeth weather these new events?

DNW: No victim blaming or bashing. Uneasy tensions are fine, and a given considering history, but no tearing down one woman to lift up the other. No references to Six the Musical canon. 

#yuletide 2020 #jodhaa akbar #ramayana #padmaavat #the tudors #ally talks