#i cant dress any more masculine my hair is short i use mens shampoo and deodorant

[tkbrokkoli]

just had the worst hair cut experience :(

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #was rly dysphoric abt my hair so i booked an appointment online where you can basically get your hair cut immediately #booked a men's haircut. tried to be as masculine as possible when i went there. i did Not pass as a guy. they thought i was a woman #the whole time. when i wanted to pay the hairdresser was like 'you booked an appointment for a men's cut but you're a woman right?' #she asked that bc for woman the haircuts are more expensive and for men they're cheaper. like. #for a women's haircut you have to pay 20 € more lol. anyway i felt... not much tbh. i looked her in the eye and shook my head #to indicate no im not a woman and she rang me up for a men's cut #i don't feel all that much rn either it's just. looks like i don't pass. there's not much i can do. #i cant dress any more masculine my hair is short i use mens shampoo and deodorant #its probably my high voice. also im small. it might just be my ~vibe~ im a shy kinda person idk #guess i just have to wait for T to work its magic. so far nothing has rly happened #i actually had a cold and not a voice drop but i think ever since i /can/ speak a tiny bit deeper if i try #idk if my levels are good. my next appointment is in april so i just gotta be patient and wait #what's actually most bothersome abt today is that i couldn't play it cool. if this had happened to a cis guy and he would've been asked if #he's a woman he would've laughed it off or been offended and it would've been ridiculous to him. for me it was the worst come true and it #made me extremely insecure and i feel if i had just the confidence that a cis guy has it wouldn't have made me that uncomfortable and i #could've just brushed it off #anyway i gotta focus on my exams now anyway so ill just try to brush this experience off #the hairdresser wasnt even transphobic when i shook my head no im not a woman her eyes were sort of soft but calculating like she accepted #me i think but just the fact that it happened that i do Not pass that i Do have to out myself and can't just be myself w/o being questioned #hurts #also to my mutuals ive read your comments and messages i just havent had the energy to answer yet. i love you guys <3