#i could Not stay asleep bc everything was too stressful and maya wasnt around and I was worried

[simonstamenovic]

if lasting integrity has one hater it is me etc etc

#okay maya too. #outgoing transmission #im uncomfortable and cant sleep and am plagued by memories that are mostly vague #just... being awake too much and then when i eas finally able to fall asleep #i could Not stay asleep bc everything was too stressful and maya wasnt around and I was worried #about her and other things. half sure id be stuck there #thought a bit too much abt kal i didnt Quite know how much i liked. or loved yk. him then but #i was like ah itd really suck if i couldnt see him again i wonder if he'd find a way or if ill die here #there was a lot more to think about but Often when i felt hopeless i figured at least he was doing better #(he was not /: but he's alive) #i don't think i was the one for LI #i mean I was i guess I just am In There Now #like logically yeah maya was able to talk because of me sort of. because of us. saying me feels wrong. #but without her i would have been fucked #and its a moot point bc it was all fine and yk.. idk. i was Good enough to love my spren to life so i was the guy for the job #but ohhh the. horrors of feeling inadequate in the moment #this is Peak middle of it all. the most stressful part. #im so so tired. #adolin post