#i didnt sign up to be a life coach/babysitter to these two | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chasingfictions · 2 years

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diagnosing the yellowjackets with babysitter:

misty is OBSESSED with shauna's wilderness baby misty also has the world's most anxious possible vibes around shauna's wilderness baby and the baby cries every time misty tries to pick her up

mari thinks of her as a pet she can play dressup with. she tries to pierce her ears and is confused when everyone gets mad at her because it worked in the parent trap

akilah doesn't think they should pierce the baby's ears but that doesnt stop her from helping mari do it. akilah said 'well if youre gonna drink i'd rather you do it in the house'

lottie and the baby fucking vibe they are best friends everyone feels really weird about it and she keeps trying to sneak the baby out into the night for like weird full moon blood baptisms

tai is mostly freaked out by the baby but after the parent trap ear piercing incident takes it upon herself to be the baby's bodyguard against stupidity

nat and the baby are buds that said nat has fuck all idea how to talk to babies and ends up having full on conversations with her about proper gun care and which bands are cool

coach ben i feel like has uncle vibes like he has the vibes of someone who has a sister who has little kids and is the one who teaches them all basic Dont Kill the Baby Protocols that said the mere presence of the baby makes him vibrate with anxiety because he didnt fucking sign up for this

travis does his level best to never be in a room with the baby for more than two minutes

javi makes the baby toys out of wood he carved that he is really excited about :)

van is objectively the best person with the baby that said van thinks babies are gross and weird and look like aliens she wants nothing to do with this baby that said everyone around her is a fucking idiot and she de facto becomes the default babysitter because she has good vibes and is really good at calming her down and making her laugh and between the ear piercing incident and misty trying to make the baby weird mashed up forest herbs formula and javi giving the baby wooden toys that are DEFINITELY gonna give it splinters and lottie trying to promise its life to the gods of the dirt or whatever, van says well whomp ok i guess im the only thing standing between this child and certain death? i guess im gonna go take the baby for a walk in the woods and tell it stories now? vanessa palmer diagnosed with geralt of rivia syndrome

honorable mentions: the ghost of laura lee sings the baby lullabies every night :))))) the ghost of jackie is not going to let being dead stop her from being a presence in this child's life she said i will not be a deadbeat dad now let me hang out with this kid and tell her about how cool her mom is :))))))

meanwhile shauna is hanging on by a thread everyone let her get some rest

#yellowjackets #HELLO

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