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#i don't kmow if i'll make it through the month
whitemochacoffee
ยท
4 months
Text
To my friends; i'm just really really sorry for everything. I love y'all
#delete later
#vent post
#personal
#sorry i just really need to let this out somewhere
#i've been following advice to get better
#ive been working well and ive been going out
#but i just feel so incredibly suicidal when i complete things that are meant to make me happier that are meant to improve my mental health
#i want to be okay
#but i think the fact that i'm sick just fucking messes with every bit of my being
#i love my friends so much i dont want to hurt them by offing myself
#but some part of me thinks that they'll be happy i'm dead because i've been such a burden
#i'm deaf and i've got chronic fatigue and walking is hell for me but i try not to let it show
#i feel like if i stop my performance i'm going to die
#finita thats it thats done
#i'm so fucking ingenuine i hate it but its better than being a fucking rock when i hang out with people
#i hate that i was spending time with some folks down by the river and all i could think of was how i can drown myself
#they would deem it an accident because yknow
#i've been here since 8 am its now 6pm and i can't help but think of just offing myself in the most quiet way possible
#i don't kmow if i'll make it through the month
#but i think i'll be okay
#i hope i will be okay. i will be okay
#gOD WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY MUSIC MY FRIEND IS PLAYING
#honestly the shock of hearing american english shocked me out of my daze 2hat the fuck
#this music makes me want to go fully deaf
#imagine being in the deep asian wilderness and outside the toilets youre taking a breather at fucking american country songs start blasting
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