#i dont have an appointment with my therapist for another three weeks and i don't want to text her this late at night

[indycar-series]

rant in the tags

#tw depression #i feel like i do this song and dance every two months or so #but im once again at the point that im considering admitting myself to a mental hospital #i literally can't take care of myself and i have no energy or motivation to do so #the house is a mess and my roommate is basically the only one doing anything around here #except for taking care of her cat. i do that. #and i raced this weekend with my friends and i felt so useless the whole time #like he was airborne in turn 3 at irp and when we got the car back in our pit box i basically just couldn't do anything #like yeah there were already 3 people examining the car #i felt like i was more in the way tho than anything #i just stood there holding the deformed tire and trying to figure out what was going on #and sure it was my first time really doing anything racing wise but still i should have been able to do more #i dont have an appointment with my therapist for another three weeks and i don't want to text her this late at night #and while my parents know my mental state is super fragile right now my mom didn't help #she just showed me this church sermon about how i should be proud to be me #like 1. why would you show me that 2. why did you show me that when i told you i was going back to ohio right then #and my dad stressed me out yesterday after i was already in a pissy mood after the brickyard but he bought me lunch bc he felt bad #i feel like mental health wise he's the only one i can talk to but i don't want him to call me right now #and he's been trying hard to keep me out of a mental hospital #even once i came clean and told him what a piss poor job i've been doing at taking care of myself #so i dont know what will happen if i tell him this time #on top of all this im dealing with some serious body dysmorphia that came up after my therapist asked if i was considering top surgery #like yes but only slightly #and now i'm having a full blown identity crisis #so yay... fun times for me i guess #i honestly should probably text my dad instead of venting but i also don't want him to drop everything and come out here #that would make me feel 100 times worse at the moment #i dont even feel anything at this point #just numb. tired. exhausted. drained. #enough ranting for now i think

[calamitys-child]

How long did you have to wait for your referral to go through to the GIC? I’ve been on a waiting list since 2020 and heard nothing back.

So my timeline in essence has been like. A little chaotic, I have adhd and was in a pandemic so i dont have the greatest grasp on how time passes, and obviously people not in central Scotland may experience things very differently but.

February 2018 - Self referral to Sandyford clinic in Glasgow pretty much the instant I was 18 and financially independent

2018-2020 - got thoroughly ignored by Sandyford

~April 2020 - got made redundant due to The Covid, my bosses tried to fuck me over by not paying severance but someone else at the company pointed out that meant they owed me over a grand in back holiday pay. Immediately had a lockdown breakdown and spent all of that going private, rendering myself Very Skint

July 2020 - first appointment with private clinic YourGP in Edinburgh, got my first letter of diagnosis here. Costs ~£350 per appointment iirc and you need three appointments before you can start T or anything

July - December 2020 - those happened. Two diagnostic appointments, one of which was a therapist/psych screening, and a prescription appointment during which they lost the psych letter and had to delay prescribing. Medical Competence :)

December 4th 2020 - started half dose (1 pump daily) testogel. I went for gel because it was the cheapest option (~£35/bottle plus £20 prescription fee, I'd pick up two bottles at a time so it was ~£90 every couple months) and because I could self administer it, because. It was 2020 and every nurse in the world was so fucking busy. However my plan was to switch to sustanon when I was able to access a GP more reliably

~ March 2021 - started full dose testogel (2 pumps daily). This was also roughly when Sandyford finally picked me up so I no longer had to pay my prescription fee. Legally changed my name

October 2021 - asked Sandyford to change me from testogel to sustanon, and to refer me to the Chalmers clinic in Edinburgh as I'd moved back to Edinburgh now

EVERY SINGLE WEEK between December 2021 and April 2022 - emailed Sandyford saying "Hiya! Neither myself nor my GP have yet received the prescription and referral I was due to receive last October. Can you please confirm you are sending us this information? Thank you for your help!". Got ignored every single time until ~April 12th ish when they finally called my GP

April 22nd 2022 - finally started sustanon, 1ml every 3 weeks. Was given a list of potential top surgery providers to look into

July 26th 2022 - first appointment with Chalmers. Reviewed 3 months bloods - my T levels are slightly low but it could be due to not being bang on the 3 months mark, so we're gonna wait another 3 months to see if this evens out or if I would do better on nebido. Wrote up surgery referral letter and I just need to call and confirm with my final decision on which surgery team I want

July 27th 2022 - I have been on hold for forty six minutes with increasing fits of nervous laughter at the fact the main top surgery team people in Scotland get referred to is. Man Chester.

From here - it'll probably be about 2 years till my surgery at this point given wait times

I hope this is a vaguely helpful overview, if you've any questions about any of it in more detail just shout - im happy to answer pretty much anything asked in good faith and will just politely say no if it's something I don't want to discuss publicly:)