#i feel like i’ve just been a zombie GDJDHDDH i just

[strawbebyjam]

have absolutely no clue what to do with myself HDDJDHDH

#i feel like i’ve just been a zombie GDJDHDDH i just #go downstairs. try to build up some energy end up cold end up laying down aimlessly try to go upstairs to get something done cry instead #and then sit aimlessly trying not to cry again and get anything done before i cry again and then pass out #i can’t tell if i want to talk about it or if i want to never h #think about it again or if i want to feel all of it and if feeling it makes it better or worse #and distracting myself is failing and trying to take care of myself well enough to feel better is failing #i’m just trying not to let my brain take me down spirals that might be true pr might be false but will definitely make everhthing feel wors #but it’s so hard GDNDHDHD everything feels so so so stupidly wrong #it’s such a different. level of heartbreak than i’m used to GDJDHDBD i genhinely dont. like it. doesnt feel like im ever grtting over this #and if i dont then we canteven be friends because im going to bea shit friend i f im stl like tbis #everything just hurts GDND and i hate talking about it and i hate feeling it but i cant fix it myself and i dont want anyone else to help #neg #mano.mindtalk #sometimes as i’m walking around the screaming from drunk walk home jus plays in my head on loop #n idk if its funny or absolutely sucks but it keeps happening like thanx brain!

[strawbebyjam]

back 2 missing it 👍🏼

#dreams are evil sometimes #i didn’t realize how much its like. ripples would ripple on but i’ve been in the same zombie daze as before with the. random thoughts #n little like. ideas to my own detriment that just make me wish things would like. bippity boppity boo themselves perfect or at least okay #like it’s fine and i’ll be fine but it’s also. so different GDJDHDH #like sometimes it really feels like i woke up in the wrong timeline GDJDHDDH #like that one fragment thats like. my hope says this isnt how its meant to be and the world says but this is how it is #like it really feels like that sometimes because it just #like it doesn’t feel. right. it doesn’t make sense. i was supposed to make things better. but i feel like i’ve left all worse than i met it #i remember initially feeling so sure that i didn’t regret any of it regardless of where things went #but then i think of the guilt i’ve created too in the midst of all of it and like. i wonder if i can truly honestly say #that having what was had was worth what i have or mightve left them with #like the cost unto myself is worth it but i don’t feel like the cost unto them was #but more than anything i’m just. sad? like it wasn’t. i know there was little i couldve done but it still just. feels like i. #dunno #in any case dreams are. horrible sometimes and it sucks DHDHDHD at least give me. some sort of escapism. and not #like. watching what could be Not Be and then watching what probably will be and gettibg zoom ins on how different it is #i know im supposed to be open to new. anything. but its just. like. it feels so wrong HDJDHD like it wasnt supposed to be. someone else. #i’m just. mad at how things canve so unfair. again. and i held myself back from dwelling on it for 2 days #so i’m gonna let myself cry about it and then i’m going to get water and then i’ll decide if i ever wanna consider it again #mano.mindtalk #neg