#i got the paul landers disease if you know you know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hanhan156 · 5 years

Text

Hanhan’s October writing challenge: Rammstein Halloween pt #8

I have no idea how I ended up making up a story about Richard and Paul being Sherlock and John from this prompt, but here we go!

I think the October challenge is going to be for me October-November challenge while - believe it or not - I happen to have another life besides writing as well and some days, I just don't have the energy to come up with any new stories. For me, it's most important to publish stuff I actually like even though it might take some more time than expected.

But yeah, enough rambling and let's go to the story. ^^ Enjoy!

The prompt: After hearing about an abandoned house in the neighborhood that was supposedly the scene of a gruesome crime years earlier, the character and a friend or two decide to explore the property.

#8: The best detectives of Berlin

“A 55-year-old woman has just been found dead from an abandoned house in the outskirts of Berlin. Police are investigating, but no signs of crime have been found yet…”

“Just some old hag who had forgotten to take her medicine. I’m bored already.”

Paul sighed and put the newspaper away. “Just to remind you that the ‘old hag’ is almost the same age as us.”

“Whatever.” Richard didn’t want to admit to himself that he was middle-aged already. In his mind, he wanted to stay in his twenties forever. He absolutely loved how much it annoyed his partner when he acted like a teenage diva on purpose - like now when he kept doing his favorite activities: throwing daggers at a portrait of Till Lindemann, the chief police officer he loved to hate, and smoking home-grown tobacco. Paul was constantly worried that the bitter smell would never vanish from their apartment.

Occasionally, the dagger hit the wall instead of the picture. “For heaven’s sake, Reesh! You know very well what Frau Schneider has said about ruining her apartment. What if we are kicked out?”

But Richard didn’t listen to his partner - as always, he kept doing what he wanted.

Luckily, Paul knew his cocky partner already so well that he had learned how to have his attention. Even though there was a slight risk to be stabbed by a dagger, he insolently sat on Richard’s lap and dumped his cigarette. “So, do you want to talk to me now?” he said and cupped his lover’s cheeks.

Richard hated how Paul always managed to dominate him. “What is it now, Paulchen?” he asked and tried his best to sound innocent.

“I think we should take a look in that house and figure out what has actually happened. I have a feeling that there is something fishy in this case.”

Richard raised an eyebrow. “To go to that ancient shack to prove that the old lady just went crazy and died of a drug overdose? No thanks.”

“Reesh, you are visibly bored to death. This is your chance to shine again. Admit that you love the attention.”

“I’m not bored! Couldn’t you see how busy I was before you interrupted me?”

Paul sighed. “I mean that you need a case to solve. Your brain is rotting here while you spend the whole day in your bathrobe, doing bizarre experiments in your microwave and throwing daggers at Lindemann’s face.” He took his partner’s hand in his own. “You’re like an animal in a cage. Please, let’s go together to investigate this, for the old times’ sake.”

Scheisse, now I know what this all is about… “That freaking Lindemann has asked for your help and you didn’t tell me anything.” He turned his head and mumbled: “His team is full of idiots, so no wonder they can never solve anything without me.”

“You should be flattered that they are at least still asking for your help even though you treat them like an ass!”

Richard looked at his partner’s begging eyes - he knew he had lost this battle already. Verdammt. “Okay, let’s fucking do it then, but I’m not doing it for the police, I’m doing it just for you.”

“Wunderbar!” Paul exclaimed and leaned forward to meet his partner’s lips.

The sweet kissing moment ended too soon when their landlady, Frau Schneider, broke in the flat. She always came without prior warning - in her opinion, it was her right to come and go as she wanted in her own house, even though there were tenants living there nowadays.

“Boys, come downstairs to have bratwurst and beer!” she shouted from the door and then, her gaze moved to the ruined wall. “Gott im Himmel, what have you done to my apartment again?”

“It was Richard,” Paul answered and got a piercing look from his partner.

The floor creaked ominously when Paul was running to keep up the pace of his partner who was visibly having the time of his life while investigating the eerie, wrecked house.

“So, have you found any clues yet?”

“What do you think? Of course, I have.”

Paul stopped at his place. “Would you mind to tell me about them, so I could know what is going on here.”

“Just look around you, they are obvious. Even a kid could see them.”

“Es tut mir leid, but just to remind you that not everybody has the superbrain of yours, so could you kindly explain to me.”

“I’ll tell you later, let’s keep investigating. The game is on.”

They made their way upstairs and Paul tried his best not to step on the shattered glass scattered everywhere. What in bloody hell has happened here? Poor lady…

In the living room, Richard rushed immediately next to a dark spot on the floor and pointed at it. “The corpse was lying here.” He crouched and put his nose in the spot.

“Seriously, do you really have to smell everything? There has been a dead person just a couple of days ago! Have some manners…”

“Of course you have to use all the senses you have!” Even though how much I love you, I just don’t get how simple-minded you really are sometimes…

And even worse was coming when Richard wiped the bloodstains of the spot with his bare hands and licked his fingers.

“Reesh, that’s enough! Have you ever happened to hear about blood-borne diseases like hepatitis, HIV…”

The detective turned to his partner and said with an impassive voice: “I know very well you are a doctor but that doesn’t make you any smarter, mein Liebling.”

“You dumbass, of course, I didn’t try to sound smart! I just don’t want you to get a fatal disease, for heaven’s sake.”

“Enough of this nonsense, let’s continue. We have a job to do.”

They stepped into the bathroom. Richard investigated the toilet seat, wiping something gross from it when his partner didn’t see.

“Reesh, you should take a look at this…” Paul said when he saw what was written - apparently, with somebody’s blood - inside the shower cubicle.

MEIN HERREN, EVEN THOUGH HOW CLEVER YOU THINK YOU ARE, I’M AFRAID YOU HAVE BEEN WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME. TAKE A SECOND LOOK AND YOU WILL BE GRANTED WITH SURPRISES…

-FOREVER YOURS, CFL-

“W-what on earth is that? And who the hell is CFL?” Does he have a secret, murderous lover somewhere who wants to avenge?

“I have no idea, but it’s fascinating indeed,” the detective managed to say before they both startled to death when they heard a loud rattle behind them. Paul took his pistol from the holster.

In no time, they saw what had made the noise: it had been a tall, slender man in a tuxedo, now blocking the bathroom door. “Ah, Guten Abend, Herren Kruspe und Landers!” The man with messy black hair had a gun in his hand and something - which looked like hand grenades - on his belt. “My warmest welcomes!” He stepped closer and took Richard’s hand, looking at him straight in the eyes. “I am a huge fan of your work Herr Kruspe and I’m glad to see you are back!”

Paul stuttered: “W-who are you and w-what d-do you want from us?” The pistol was trembling in his hand but he did his best to protect his partner. “Reesh, why is he acting like you two know each other?”

“Brilliant, just brilliant,” Richard said unexpectedly to the intruder and they grinned at each other like partners in crime.

“W-what the hell? This g-guy with a gun and grenades just broke in and you think it’s…brilliant?!”

Richard turned to his lover. “Yes! Finally some challenges. I can’t wait to hear what he wants from us.”

This is really just a game for him? “You can’t be fucking serious…”

The intruder got impatient and raised his gun, pointing at them both now. “Enough bullshit, let’s go back to business, shall we?” The grin on his face didn’t fade and Paul was sure he must be a lunatic. “We are playing with my rules now, so in case you want to stay alive, you must listen carefully and obey.”

#rammstein #31horrificdays #richard kruspe #paul landers #till lindemann #frau schneider #sherlock au #detective au #halloween fic #october challenge #my fics

7 notes · View notes