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#i remember. i arrived class last Wednesday without my watercolors because I couldn't buy them. they're too expensive
lisxdumbr
·
2 years
Text
My drawing teacher gifted me her old watercolors and I feel. sighs
#some koi.sakura specifically
#god i feel. i have mixed feelings
#this doesn't feel ok
#she gives me so many things
#she gifted me some crayons the day we had wax techniques and I didn't have any material
#she let me borrow her old bristle brushes because I didn't have any
#and now. she gifted me these aquarelles..
#see i was already ashamed with the scholar crayons and the brushes but at least those are. y'know. whatever? in terms of materials
#but some koi sakuras„
#i remember. i arrived class last Wednesday without my watercolors because I couldn't buy them. they're too expensive
#and she sighed. a bit annoyed. ”sorry to be a bother” i just thought. and then she let me borrow these for class
#she's always this kind.
#but then today. she asked me again if i already had my watercolors and i told her ”oh I don't. but I'll work with my color pencils today”
#and it was fine. because today we had free technique. we could use whatever material and it was fine
#but then she called me and handed me the same watercolors from last class. and then said ”take them. as a gift”
#i was. i didn't know jow to react? i blinked and tried to fight it back but she still gave them to me
#some koi.. some koi aquarelles
#i may be feeling something. maybe a burden
#i used them for today's exercises and she told me they were amazing
#but what startled me the most was. i tried to give them back one last time when class finished and she still refused
#and she said ”you're doing incredible. i trust you'll achieve great things”
#those words are resonating in my head constantly
#i do not feel like a good artist. i do not feel good enough. the rest of my class better but for some reason she's always saying that
#she's always pointing put how my art is so sensible and how I'm different than the rest
#I don't know
#i feel something
#i feel a mix
#my head is really bothered
#rant
#❝ ritz.txt !!
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