#i shouldnt even be looking at this stuff bc i spent fucking like 9hrs doing fieldwork and my brain is fried

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#me doing field work with someone cool: look at me im so normal. im fine. idk why i was crying so much yesterday lol #me after opening my email and checking comments on manuscript: i... i want to say and do so many upsetting things rn #i want to spit and bite. i want to wander out into the woods and vanish. except its the middle of the fucking desert and there's no woods #i shouldnt even be looking at this stuff bc i spent fucking like 9hrs doing fieldwork and my brain is fried #but my fried brain hates me hhhhh i have so much bullshit to do. i dont fucking care about any of this #and yet tomorrow morning im gonna get before fucking 6am and im gonna get field supplies together for Friday and im gonna meet a fucking #collaborator at fucking 4pm bc i cant fucking stop. but if i can manage go to the fucking health and wellness center bc im not healthy and #im not well and idk how tf it works bc im staff and not a student but i assume they have some obligation to help if i wander in off the #street. then idk well see how the middle of my day turns out bc ive got 90 million things to do #but god i hope i go in tomorrow like i just want to not have to live like this anymore i dont wanna lurch around full of bitterness & pain #i dont even like field work that much. i cant convince my brain im not just wasting time so it stresses me out #but fucking everything stresses me out. tho today it was more useful in avoiding the things i dont wanna do #hhhh im just sick to death of all this #unrelated #also fucking shout out to my sp0tify wrap list. i forgot that i used to listen to crumb radio to fall asleep so im apparently in the top 2 #percent of crumb listners lol. also my genres were german indie. iclandic idie. indie rock and alternative rock lol #i dig the idie music