#i was. i didn't know jow to react? i blinked and tried to fight it back but she still gave them to me

[lisxdumbr]

My drawing teacher gifted me her old watercolors and I feel. sighs

#some koi.sakura specifically #god i feel. i have mixed feelings #this doesn't feel ok #she gives me so many things #she gifted me some crayons the day we had wax techniques and I didn't have any material #she let me borrow her old bristle brushes because I didn't have any #and now. she gifted me these aquarelles.. #see i was already ashamed with the scholar crayons and the brushes but at least those are. y'know. whatever? in terms of materials #but some koi sakuras„ #i remember. i arrived class last Wednesday without my watercolors because I couldn't buy them. they're too expensive #and she sighed. a bit annoyed. ”sorry to be a bother” i just thought. and then she let me borrow these for class #she's always this kind. #but then today. she asked me again if i already had my watercolors and i told her ”oh I don't. but I'll work with my color pencils today” #and it was fine. because today we had free technique. we could use whatever material and it was fine #but then she called me and handed me the same watercolors from last class. and then said ”take them. as a gift” #i was. i didn't know jow to react? i blinked and tried to fight it back but she still gave them to me #some koi.. some koi aquarelles #i may be feeling something. maybe a burden #i used them for today's exercises and she told me they were amazing #but what startled me the most was. i tried to give them back one last time when class finished and she still refused #and she said ”you're doing incredible. i trust you'll achieve great things” #those words are resonating in my head constantly #i do not feel like a good artist. i do not feel good enough. the rest of my class better but for some reason she's always saying that #she's always pointing put how my art is so sensible and how I'm different than the rest #I don't know #i feel something #i feel a mix #my head is really bothered #rant #❝ ritz.txt !!