#idk im just rambling more now but i think thatd be a cool way to combine those parts

[eirian]

im going insane so im going to tell you about it and by that i mean make a post to scream into the void about my troubles

this will be a rambly, stream of consciousness post so watch out. unmedicated adhd brain shenanigans are afoot

i feel like i need to draw for myself more. i try to very often, i do, but i still feel like im caught in the whole “if i dont draw for attention then whats the point” hellhole that ive been trying to get out of for years. but i feel like the reason for this is that i literally Need the attention to up my chances for commissioners??? because thats how i make a living rn???  like i literally rely on commissions as my main source of income and that pays for shit like rent and medication and appointments and food :( i barely buy shit for myself anymore b/c im putting it all towards needs and not wants

also im worried my merch wont pop off as well as it did when i first released the submas merch. i know those were in high demand, but im afraid the demand will go to single digit sales for them as well as everything else i sell.  im honestly thinking about just buying very small stock, maybe 10 of each item at most, and opening the orders that way (after i ship things out of course).  speaking of shipping my last shipment STILL hasnt come in and im a little frustrated b/c im like. bruh i need to ship out these preorders. im not gonna do preorders in the future i dont think, im waiting way too long for this stock to come in :( i dont want yall to wait forever for like..a keychain

ive been trying to work here and there on both villain + school and facets (facets is completely written and scripted, v+s just recently got solidified as an outline Finally) but i kinda only had energy to do so for One Day so im not sure when those’ll be out lmfao. sorry bout that

i want to make more ocs, i havent made new ocs in a hot minute and im like :( wah. my character design brain is kaput right now.  i wanna make more cool db ocs and such like i used to. it used to bring me so much joy.  or maybe even inazuma eleven ocs idk im just wanting New Boys

i have so much to do or at least so much i could be doing. like i could make new merch art but that feels pointless if i dont have the money to buy the merch. i still need to ship out my FIRST orders, christ.  and im trying so hard to get commissions rolling so i CAN ship out my shit but :( its a struggle. im struggling. god im stressed to hell and back hi

sometimes i do be like i wanna die !  but i wont.  i’ll be ok things will be ok.  i will get commissions its only the 6th.  i have time. and im going to check out some cons that i can maybe table at in the future. thatd be wonderful. fuck i need to reprint my business cards with my updated twitter im a little mad i ended up getting my account unsuspended right after i made those cards. at least i only made 50 of them i guess

i need like an online journal or something to write this shit into instead of like, a public tumblr post LMFAO. but i cant use washi tape online so there goes that /hj

i really really need to figure out a way to let the general furry population know that i will draw their stuff for commissions. like. i Will. i Have. i Can.  just give me a chance bro i’ll draw your inflation fetish art just give me a chance to make some money to live LOL.  i would draw more furry art but i am so unmotivated and sluggish its so hard..

i kinda feel like i should try to get back into adoptables too but ive been so depressed and down and unmotivated its really really hard for me to design things for myself let alone to sell. so im like ok now what i have no income. im too brain fucky to get a “real job” so im just like. sits here on my ass doing absolutely nothing except being sad.  ok so i might have depression

anyway life is hard thanks for putting up with me

[goremet-chef]

im too big of a coward to play normal on my own i cannottttt do it my role is vital and i cant play it alone!!! my role is resident paranoid and by god i play it well 😁😁 my friend is very. LOUD, they only use the fuckin chainsaw to cut down trees. EFFECTIVE YES, BUT LOUD!!!!! so i need to stand back and watch very very closely to see if anything comes for us. IM SCARED TO BE SNUCK UP ON AGAIN so now im just. my paranoia has tripled in that game and hey! i havent gotten snuck up on since! so id say its technically a win (ramble)

thats something thats different with sons of the forest, yesterday i was alone for like. an decent amount of time when we played and i didnt feel hardly scared at all. GRANTED, it wasnt mutant spawning time yet but even in the forest im scared day 1 to day 100 baby. no, it was relaxing even. SOTF is just. rgRGgrrg

because the forest is an older game its less? i mean sons of the forest is just better like better graphics, better ai, etc etc etc which is great, its a more fulfilling experience in a sense? the game is fucking gorgeous!! the cannibal ai is really interesting, the animals are better ETC like idk to me its just more tranquil and im relaxed more often then not

WITH THE FOREST THOUGH? existential dread all the way through. the beginning week is fairly easy, we usually have some kind of base by then ofc, but after that week passes? im not the man i used to be 💀 i get quieter because i need to listen for mutants, im CONSTANTLY looking around. ive learned that if i see one, i need to be super clear about it (unlike my bestie who literally just saw girl mutant behind me and booked it 😁) im a lot quieter about being startled in that game until something starts chasing me MAINLY so i dont accidentally scare my bestie cuz like.

the forest entire ATMOSPHERE is a little desolate, like i love this game, but god i feel. ITS LIKE YR JUST WAITING TILL SOMETHING GETS YOU IT FEELS REALLY AWFUL SKFJSF for me it honestly has similar vibes to squirrel stapler???? not good KSFJS

anyways no it kills me the amount of chest pain and shaky hands the forest has given me, youd think i just faced god bro

nope! good ol johnny boy and armsy pretty much exclusively? IDK WHY THAT IS.. virginia isnt very loud so i have a hard time hearing her but i tend to see her way before she gets close, and shes not super hard to fight for me? lure her to the water and have her charge into it 🙄 easy peasy. cowman a little harder, they are sporadic and they turn on a dime which is not good! theyre huge. but the charge into the water thing can work on them too. me and my friend need to kill one of those actually, we have all the other mutant heads on our wall except that one 😔

armsy cant really be lured like that? everything about armsy is just. my nightmare. huge, loud, fast. not cool!! we can kill them fairly easily but even still like. IM STILL SCARED EVEN IF I KNOW THERES BIGGER THREATS its so personal between us bro

also i heard if you use the???? rage thing the ANGER BALL you can attract like. a group of SIX MUTANTS, fuck all that noise. i want the peace ball actually thatd be so dope

overall its just. horrible to be honest, and specifically like I CANT HANDLE LIVING ANYWHERE ELSE THAN WHERE WE ALWAYS LIVE (which is where markiplier made his base in the more recent forest playthru 💀) cuz its fairly open?? AND EVEN WHEN ITS OPEN IM STILL SCARED

imagine the fear when we have to go deeper into the forest for any reason 😀

unimaginable, downright painful i know this game has taken years off my life at this point. ITS JSUT SO AWFUL MANN because now that the trees are thicker, you've taken one of my vital senses away which is sight! i am now afraid and have to rely on my ears alone! (cicerocore tbh)

its. SICKENNING I HATE IT SO MUCH RGRGAGR even though i know im strong and i fuck up those cannibals like no tomorrow, even the mutants we dont struggle that much with (besides maybe the blue variants) its still SCARYYY no i hate it. my friend always makes me go with her like okay time to loot cloth from the village cmon bestie lets go :]]

. okay. like I WANNA BE THERE WITH HER BUT no i do not, i just. theyre CARELESS my MC instincts kick in cuz theyre careless in minecraft to and im like. constantly jumping forward in dark caves to kill whatever is in front of us so it wont kill her and leave me alone KSJFS so its like that but worse! i need to listen for both our sakes its exhausting 💀💀 and most of the time there is some kind of mutant in the forest, like only ONCE WE WENT and there was no mutant at the village

ironically despite that run through being flawless, no cannibals no mutants, i was still completely petrified like there was, it was so. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN THE FOREST its just waiting for when something inevitably jumps out at you. but nothing did and ive never felt more uncomfortable in my lifee it was horrible. that one time was directly after we were dealing with girl mutant too, awful vibes the forest like

THATS THE EASIEST WAY TO SUM IT UP, the forest gives absolutely RANCID vibes truly terrible. sons of the forest is pretty and relaxing at times and just nice and the forest?? no its horrific its just terrible awful energy, i love it. this game is gonna kill me but i love it!!

[elcisa-blog]

hello hello yall, it’s your gal ronnie with a second muse!! this is my honey eloisa and i have so many ideas for her and i’m so excited to bring her to life since i’ve been dying to play her properly for so long, so PLease feel free to come plot w/ us ok ? OK ! anyway, her full bio can be found here if you feel so inclined, but it’s a bit long, so i’ll have a couple points under the cut summarizing it. also under the cut are some wanted connections ! that’s pretty much it for now, k byE

that’s not EMILY RATAJKOWSKI walking around?? nah, but ELOISA GOMOLKA gets that all the time. SHE’S actually from TORQUAY, ENGLAND, though they live in LA JOLLA now.  you’ve probably heard that 23 year old SERVER of CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN being referred to as the ZEALOT of this place. you know, i always see them EXPLORING AND TRAVELING or blasting A LITTLE DEATH BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD on their lunch break..whatever.

alright so my baby was born and raised in torquay, england to a pretty religious, polish family. her father is polish and her mother is english, but their lifestyle and culture at home was very much polish based

also her actual birth name is katarzyna eloisa gomolka, but growing up in england, many people had a hard time pronouncing her first name so her friends & classmates and all that often called her by her middle name instead -- eloisa. so it eventually stuck and she legally changed around her first & middle names. ..  . 

this girl loves loves loves learning languages and studying other cultures and lifestyles , like in school , she was always that girl that took as many foreign language classes as she could. she knows the basics to a bunch of different languages but she’s fluent in english, polish, french, and spanish. 

also shes WILD ok . . . like her own weird brand of wild. she’s so Unexpected .. . its strange. but i love her sm. she’s loud, opinionated, stubborn, unpredictable, SUPER adventurous, you name it. she’s either laughing her ass off with childish excitement or spewing fire From her mouth, knowing NO boundaries . . there’s no in between like . . . shes so random, all over the place and all in your face most of the time im sorry . . . & when she loves u she clingy

anyway she also used to play the violin and horseback ride a lot growing up. her grandpa from her moms side taught her how to ride horses and she loved going to his farm in the english countryside to ride & hear his wise stories and all that. he was like her hero.

however, one day, right before eloisa was about to start her last year of high school  . . . long story short . . . there was an accident and grandpa passed away *cries* .  . . el took his death super hard since they were so close . . which caused her to get less enthusiastic about going to college and she just lost all interest at caring at all tbh, becoming more of a troublemaker at school, so her grades dropped her last year and so did all her aspirations for her future

after high school, instead of enrolling in postsecondary, she just wanted to get away from it all so she decided to trust in her adventurous side and partake in a work abroad program where she would be backpacking across south america, teaching english and helping build up communities. she did that until she was twenty-one. it was a Wild ride

in the midst of the program, while in colombia, she got involved w/ some sketchy dude who was in the drugs and car stealing business  . . . she loved the thrill & she thought she was so in love BUt he was super gross and toxic and ended up betraying her, stealing her money, and leaving her on the side of the road one night on one of his heists. aNYWAY it sucked

she finished the program and then decided to work for the work abroad program’s headquarters, which are situated in california. . . so thats how she got to san diego

eventually her position there terminated but she decided to stay in cali bc its very much her type of vibe SO now shes working at fashion valley & thats where yall come in 

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS 

OPPOSITES ATTRACT -- cheesy name but i think it’d be cool for her to have a pal who’s kind of the complete or near opposite of her but they kind of work ? ? like honestly this girl can TALK and ramble on for so long about random shit, so i think it’d be an interesting dynamic for her to have someone who just lets her Go Off and they just like to listen to her talk and she just likes having someone to listen to her . . . inspo is from this pic right HERE

EAT THIS --  while in south america, el kind of developed a huge respect and love for cuisine and cooking so now shes kind of obsessed with searching up random, exotic recipes and trying them out. sometimes her cooking backfires and is not the greatest but shes so determined to get things right and just loves Doing it so much that she doesnt care. . . so maybe she can have like a taste testing buddy or someone who likes to cook w her or something idk ? ? shfskd omg HC: she works as a server at ca pizza kitchen but i s2g she prob always tries to sneak in the kitchen and help cook But since shes so all over the place, theyre always like “ EL GTFO OF HeRE !!!!!” 

MOTHER HEN / PAPA BEAR -- this girl needs someone to keep her in line some of the time okay. she doesnt have any family here in cali so she’d love to have someone who takes care of her and makes sure she doesnt go too far ..  like someone she looks up to in a sister/brother/guardian figure type of way ? ? 

ZOOLOGY -- eloisa doesnt have any pets .. .  she can hardly take care of herself like what u think imma let this girl have a dog ? ? NO she can have a pet ROCK ( she does ) . . . but she loves animals so she’d love hAving a pal where she can just come by and play w their pets or smthg like she’ll be the best play mate ever  .. . i just wouldnt trust her to take care of ur animal for a week or smthg lmao

ADVENTURE TIME -- if u ever just want to do something crazy or try something new. . . literally just hit up eloisa . . . so i’d love for her to have friends who just text her up like i’m Not feeling good take me somewhere. . . and SHE WILL . . .or even if they’re not sad and just want to do something exciting . .. hit her up

OOPS :( -- ok So el can be a bit clumsy and random so i think a cool connection with someone would be like maybe one day eloisa broke something of theirs or fucked up their car or dyed their hair wrong or something stupid like that . . . basically eloisa fucked up . . . and ever since then, that person doesnt really trust her anymore and is kind of annoyed with her presence in general . . . BUT eloisa feels so BAD and guilty about it so now she basically tries to do everything in her power to make it up to the other person but they just keep not having it yknow ? ? 

ORANGE CRUSH -- ok ur typical crush plot bc theyre so fluffy and cute. . . but i think maybe a plot where the crush doesnt even have to be super romantic or sexual yknow ? ? like i can definitely see eloisa just being so interested in everything the other person does and just loving being around them and loving everything they do . . . so obsessed w their comportments . . . but it can be in such a fluffy, platonic way like That feeling when u see a rly cute puppy or baby penguin . . . eloisa just wants to hug ur muse and love them But not even sexually yknow ? ? 

TAKE ME WITH YOU -- ok i love this plot sm . . . maybe like a friendship where they both want to see the world together ? ? eloisa is really big on travelling so id love for her to have a friend where they’ve been slowly putting together their dream trip where they see the world together. and their friendship is so heavily based on them sending each other places around the world where they want to go and putting together bucketlists and itineraries for if they ever end up saving money and travelling together ? ? so fun

SCIENCE PROJECT -- there’s not much that scares el and she doesnt get pushed away so easily  . ..  but i think an interesting dynamic could be if there actually was someone who kind of freaks her out yknow?? a relationship where the person actually kind of intimidates her and theres just something about the person that makes eloisa question everything .. . kind of like a science project. shes always studying them carefully, unsure of how to react to what they say . . . they’re just bizarre to her and she wants to know more

POKE ! -- basically someone she loves to annoy and pick on , but not in a hateful way

TEACH ME -- maybe someone who is teaching eloisa a new skill or language or how to do something that they’re good at because eloisa would love that so much .. . she loves trying new things.. . .like honestly anything  ..  . even if she keeps failing

TINDER DATE -- ok so in my head, i feel like eloisa would be that type of person to troll people on tinder and play around with them ..  so maybe your muse got caught up in her trap once and she trolled them on tinder lmao ? ? ? i think thatd be so funny and she just loves laughing about it all the time . .

I DO . . . WAIT, NO, I DON’T ! -- ok So this is inspired by that one episode in friends where rachel and ross get married drunk in vegas once . . . so Like literally that lmao. like that is SO something that would happen to el. like maybe one time, they found themselves in vegas together, they got super drunk, and legit got married that same night super quick ? ? ? and obviously theyre divorced now but i think that’d be a funny dynamic and lil treasure of the past to have in a friendship/relationship

SOME TYPICAL ONES THAT I CANT GET ENOUGH OF -- exes, flings, hook ups, went on a few dates in the past, best friends ( someone to braid her hair and take bubble baths w her <3 ), enemies ( maybe someone who doesnt agree w how she lives her life or her whole vibe bc she can be a bit much sometimes lmao ), etc.

or literally anything else lol

#fvhqooc #wow im sorry its LOng #dont hate me #but its good i promise #° ⟡ ⁝ ─ crumpled notes › OOC. #i just had SO MANY connection ideas bye #i think everything makes sense .. . . . ..