#im not BAD now but theres plenty of things to improve on LOL

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i shouldnt really be giving any hot takes on character design as someone who, despite having mild success in the adoptable scene in highschool, absolutely does NOT still got it when it comes to character designing (nowadays im just trying to do my best orz) but i do think one of the most important things with character design is that they serve the medium theyre in well.

like, a super exaggerated shape style triangle man with tiny legs a la mr incredible works great for an action cartoon movie but i dont know how good that style would work in a visual novel where you tend to only see the top half of the body. you wont be able to appreciate the tiny legs 😔

and as much as i goof on the visually cluttered anime boys in otome games and their odd fashion choices (kent from amnesia. at least 21 belts. 11 on one arm alone) i genuinely think they work for what they need to do, like all those fucking sashes and scarves and cords and capes and swishy things on the ikemen sengoku guys, painful to draw for me who wants to draw a goofy comic of them but WONDERFUL for an unanimated visual novel sprite, flowing clothes and hair adds a lot of movement to static images that you'll be staring at for 20-50 hours.

but of course on the visual novel/japanese adv game end of things u also have stuff like phoenix wright and the absolutely beautiful hotel dusk that tend to have blockier silhouettes than the fluttery flowing cloth and hair of like, a character in a bishoujo game from Key or something, but their sprites are animated which benefits from the blockier and (usually) less cluttered designs.

and theres still lots of exaggeration to be had to get very varied character designs, like the jake hunter games have a very grounded semi-realistic style but everyones posture and body types and expressions are pretty distinct, just the distinction is focused on the upper half of the body rather than the whole body like you would focus on with a comedy slapstick cartoon or like a comedy newspaper comic strip. okay its becoming increasingly obvious through what im talking about that i grew up in north america in the 00s-10s using deviantart where if ur cartoons didnt look like disney or pixar or like i dont know johnny test ur designs were considered not good enough so im still in that world. im still in that world. i hope the world is more open now

and something like the hotel dusk designs also would work well for drama or thriller comics - like i was also thinking about big sparkling shoujo manga designs and like. in a comic if ur like a garfield slapstick comedy u wanna look like a garfield, but if ur constantly doing closeups with serious emotion like a romantic drama shoujo manga, having big glittering expressive eyes and emphasizing the upper half of the character is pretty effective for the combination of medium and genre. i also think naoki urasawa's character designs would look so so good in a hotel dusk style game, that guy makes like the perfect thriller design, varied and diverse in shapes but so effective for a serious toned horror mystery thriller thing will lots of closeups of characters faces. i guess because i love serious and dramatic stories about people talking a whole lot i do gravitate towards this style of character design, where the emphasis is on the silhouette from the waist up LOL but it really goes to show that some character designs that may not fit the late 2000s comedy animation shape-based design philosophy have their own places where they thrive <- obvious thing everyone knows except for me who was on deviantart too much when i was 12

i think what im trying to say is i think big boobied super busy anime girl vtuber designs are fine, good even. i like em, i think they do the job and a lot of work goes into them. u only have a headshot/bust (heh) shown on screen 99% of the time u might as well make it with a bunch of particle effects and cool hairclips and lace and weird moving head wings or some shit. slap some sparkles on that thang

#i really am like a washed up highschool jock when it comes to character design. i used to be so good #im not BAD now but theres plenty of things to improve on LOL #i can't stop making the same 20 something year old vaguely ambiguous mixed race everyman normal guy character #sowwy. it will happen again. it me #old man voice BACK IN MY DAY I COULD BUST OUT 4 DESIGNS A DAY #they would sell within the WEEK. the WEEK SONNY BOY. do you HEAR ME #THE WEEK!!!! #alright grandpa now lets go back to bed (you guys are saying this to me in my strange tag roleplay scenario) #(u guys are my. grandchildren? maybe) #oh this is a long ass post isnt it. hold on im trying to remember to tag that kinda thing more often #long post

[glitchdollmemoria]

more paragraphs on paragraphs about sappy conversion feelings

once again stating that jewish conversion student joy is an emotion unlike anything else, in fact its an emotion with so many different facets and intricacies between different people that it feels unfair to chalk it up to one single emotion.

i used to struggle a lot with trying to study, or even reading for fun, largely because of my issues with disorganized thinking (which i can recognize is affecting how im writing this post, but listen, im not fucking cured lol). in the past year or so since i started looking into conversion, ive improved a lot in that regard. i still do struggle with disorganized thinking, but when it comes to jewish studies, i struggle a lot less. my brain has a bit less trouble trying to make sense of what im reading or hearing. and when it comes to the trouble i still do have, ive been able to apply skills that i previously didnt use often, like just going batshit with a pack of highlighters. since then, ive found it easier to apply those skills even outside of jewish studies - i can highlight fictional books to help myself follow along, i can put ebooks into documents so i can digitally highlight them, that sort of stuff.

and now i feel more motivated to study and read and learn and do things just in general! a year ago i mostly spent my free time sitting around in my room playing video games or browsing around online. and neither of those are bad on their own, but i really wasnt doing much else. it felt like i was mostly killing time. now, a year later, i often feel like i have too much i want to do, i have so many hobbies and goals i keep adding to - jewish studies, visual art, writing, music, computer science, reading, roleplay, and even still video games and browsing online, theres so much i want to do and really no shortage of activities i can fill my time with. i feel so much more satisfied and whole as a person, because ive been able to take that excitement and motivation from pursuing conversion and apply it to other aspects of my life. i feel less guilty taking time to relax and do less important things because i know that i spend plenty of other time taking steps toward the goals i have in my life. i feel more balanced than i ever have.

theres also the joy of being part of a community. i used to be very disconnected from the people around me, and this is still something i deal with for a lot of reasons, i dont expect to ever fully stop feeling that disconnection. but going to the synagogue, being invited to events, connecting with the other congregants, all of it helps me to feel like i have a spot where i do belong. right after i came back from my first time attending this congregation a couple days ago, i immediately went and told my friends that i knew this was my congregation. these are the people who didnt hesitate to take me in, this is the building where i feel comfortable and happy and at home, this is the community i want to be involved in. i never had that growing up. theres a large part of me thats almost grateful for all the time ive spent isolated from others, even if it wasnt an isolation that i deserved, because it makes me all the more overjoyed and grateful to finally have somewhere i feel like i belong.

and then theres the aspect of learning more about my jewish heritage. as with the rest of the things in this post, this isnt meant to be a universal experience, but in my case i do have jewish family from generations back who i didnt even know about until i told my grandmother i wanted to convert and she started telling me about her own grandfather. and its been so fascinating to look into my ancestry, to learn the names of the people im descended from, to read about people who lived over a hundred years ago, to learn about the culture they came from. i have a whole new life goal now to visit the country my great-great-grandfather immigrated from! i want to bring my boyfriend with me and go explore all the beautiful landmarks! and im not sure the best word for it, but i think i could say its fulfilling, to be coming back to the culture and religion that my family became disconnected from due to assimilation, disconnected even to the point that my father didnt believe his own mothers claims of going to shul as a kid. i get to learn about all these traditions i never even knew were a part of my family history! i get to raise my future kids with jewish culture, and teach them about their great-great-great-plus-grandparents.

everything about converting feels like coming home. i am exactly on the path im supposed to be on. im growing into myself, finally. never have i been this intent on living. i think thats the best way i can phrase it. i want to toast over and over, l'chaim, l'chaim, l'chaim, just like i did with my new congregation last shabbat.

#me when i spend an hour trying to articulate my feelings on jewish conversion #and the post immediately before this one is about youtube sucking nuts. alright #im multifaceted im complicated i have a lot on my mind