#is it cliche af? yes but you all should know by now that's 99% of what i write 😤

[blackhatcannons]

Casual Black Hatcannons

The people have decided. The list is long (so it’s under the read more.) Happy 324 <3

Prior to arriving on Earth, Black Hat didn’t need sleep. He can still go much longer than a normal human without rest, but his mood can become fouler and fouler without the occasional break from having to do so much stuff/be around other annoying people

He’s able to have dreams (even though they’re often weird and narcissistic), and will sometimes spend time sleeping just to see if his subconscious can generate any ideas for new inventions to sell

Honestly as long as he gets some time to just sit down and not have to do anything (or even keep up his normal physical form) he’s basically asleep. For eldritch abominations like himself, it basically means letting his consciousness wander freely as he shuts down any physical functions. His form tends to get a little... less human-ish looser, when this happens

Black Hat doesn’t brush his teeth. (or floss.) First of all, his body is self-cleansing, so he normally doesn’t have to worry about showering and hygiene in general. Particles of dirt and blood and other toxins are normally absorbed through his clothes and skin, and then broken down inside his body.

Not to mention he has semi-acidic saliva. It’s not extremely corrosive, but it works well enough to keep his mouth clean between meals.

That being said, he’s lost teeth before. Chipped them, broken them, misplaced them– It’s fine though. he has teeth like a shark. literally, there are so many of them holy shit. They grow in rows and the new ones can replace the old ones very quickly.

When he transitioned from existing in a multidimensional plane to a less-multidimensional one, he never really realized that human bodies and clothes were two separate things. When he first designed his physical shape, he made his suit out of, well, the same material as himself. The clothes are just as sentient and sensory as the rest of him, and if someone touched his coat he’d turn around and be like “what.” It’s like having really snazzy looking skin that doesn’t have to be fully attached to your body and can also start growing eyes and teeth whenever you’re mad.

He never really got a full course in human anatomy, but it’s close enough, he thinks..? it’s just missing like all the organs. and a soul.

As a consequence of not knowing what the fuck a human is, BH also doesn’t know what the fuck gender is. He just sees humans, and humans are fucking morons so honestly who cares what they call themselves. it’s just easier to go with whatever pronouns they say than actually try to guess their genders (congrats BH on not being transphobic)

The old flash shorts (pilot version) of Black Hat was actually BH’s first attempt at making a human form. He later reshaped himself to “be more edgy”: becoming taller, narrowing his face, changing the design on his hat, etc.

After a hard day’s work, Black Hat can sometimes be so lazy that he wears his coat (and hat) to bed. Won’t even take off his shoes. Nasty. (Ofc he has his edgy villain pajamas he could change into but, eh. too much time.)

He can still take his clothes off, but they’ll eventually dissipate if separated from him long enough. It’s easier for him to just change the appearance of whatever his clothes (skin) currently looks like. He can still feel sensations through them, but it becomes harder to categorize them as “good” or “bad” the further away from his nerves they get

BH used to eat food like an amoeba. (He normally eats as a way to regain mass if he’s injured or needs to shapeshift.) But when encountering “prey”, his physical form kind of turns to a fleshy goop of teeth and eyes and blades that encircle whatever food it is; then he reforms. He only stopped eating like that bc it wasn’t classy enough. Utensils and etiquette are crucial for fancy villains- only dinner parties

BH likes to stay unnaturally light though. more mass makes him slow and he doesn’t like it when people are faster than him. He can also rapidly change the density of the particles in his body, mostly for fighting. It’s hilarious to see a hero break their hand trying to punch you.

BH’s body temperature depends on the environment he’s in. In the summer, he absorbs light really easily and is therefore around 90 (it’s the closest he can naturally get to human-temperatured without purposely changing it), while in the winter, he can be 30 or 45 degrees. Normally he will be 70 degrees (around room-temp), which still means his body is unnaturally cool. He can modify that as well though, and can decide if he wants to basically be a walking black ice cube or the temperature of hell’s oven. BH can’t feel temperature though, so it doesn’t really matter to him.

Those claws on his hands are a fucking pain. He can’t use a smartphone bc he doesn’t have fingerprints and his skin can’t conduct electricity. So he uses a fucking Nokia flip phone or a Blackberry, anything with buttons he can actually press

then again he sucks at technology in general, he knows more about gramophones than iPhones. Flug has been teaching him, but it’s a ...work in progress….. (”FLUG I BROKE IT AGAIN.” “Boss you shouldn’t play Flappy Bird if you have claws that can pierce through phones....”)

His hands are kind of like cat paws, the claws will normally slip out if he’s angry (99% of the time) or if he’s actually relaxed enough to just let them go (1%– you may now picture BH kneading a blanket and accidentally fucking eviscerating it)

His toes are just like his fingers, but he can’t afford to let them slip out. Otherwise he’ll pierce through his shoes and then it’s a pain to get them unstuck; he hates it.

(He let Dementia paint his nails ONCE (it was her birthday) and still hasn’t taken it off tbh. Ofc he can never tell her that.)

Once he caught Flug watching “How It’s Made” and he was about to go on one of his angry lectures again. but then he got distracted bc “wait, THAT’S HOW THEY MAKE FILIGREE GLASS?”

BH actually sits down next to Flug on the couch and they just silently watch it together. “How… how the hell do they get that all the same diameter?” “It’s really incredible, boss.” “They just, change the shape like that?? What the fuck???”

BH doesn’t speak of it again. Flug forgets about it until he walks into his office to deliver a report and hears something about “now they set the haggis out on cooking trays, and pierce each casing so–”

Black Hat thROWS HIS COMPUTER OUT THE WINDOW. TRYING TO ACT CHILL.

“Boss were you watching–” “AH YES FLUG HELLO WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU.” “Boss, it’s okay. I mean, the haggis episode is disgusting, but i really don’t care. here’s the report... Should I buy a new computer?” “……..yes.”

when he’s not watching How It’s Made he watches cheesy telenovelas WHAT

Don’t you dare fucking tell me these guys dont all watch telenovelas together on the couch with a fuckload of snacks as they all eagerly await the next moment BH loses his shit

“JUAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOW COULD YOU BETRAY MARIA LIKE THAT?!?! That man is the most evil character i’ve ever seen, take notes 5.0.5″ “Boss... you’re crying” “WHAT NO I’M NOT HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT WHAT THE FUCK”

BH’s favorite genre of music is classical (you know. like a nerd.) Apart from that, he’s also tried listening to screamo and death metal. While he enjoys screaming in general, he’s not really a fan of the genre, but he can appreciate the effort

in his spare time he probably sips at a glass of wine and reads his fucking quarterly profit reports in a comfy chair by the extremely scary-looking fireplace haha. He likes the sound of thunderstorms as well, mostly bc of the villain aesthetic he’s gotta keep.

Speaking of the villain aesthetic, he used to have a cat. A nice, fluffy white one that he could have sit on his lap while he sat in his desk chair facing the window, just so he could do the thing where he turns around like the most cliche villain ever

unfortunately, he can’t keep that act up for more than a week. by then the cat really looks like it’s living up to the name “Appetizer” and, well. you can tell what happens next. (5.0.5 cries, that’s what. BH coughs up white fur later.)

BH’s room is, like the entire house, very edgy. he has a massive 4-poster canopy bed, various sculptures and paintings of himself, and an enormous walk-in closet. Why does he have a closet if his clothes are part of his body, you ask?

The only reason his room looks so clean is because he hides all his personal belongings in the closet. Confiscated materials? Closet. Assorted skeletons? Closet. His secret collection of scented candles? Closet.

The girl scout cookie hoard goes under his bed. there’s also always a pentagram or two on the floor, some with notes saying “5.0.5 DO NOT ERASE”

One of the huge marble busts of himself has a keypad hidden under the hat, with a code needed to open his vault. but that’s only one half of the key; he also needs to perform a small ritual in his demonic circle to fully unlock the vault and disable the alarms on it. then he can enter the secret room where he stores all his money

(Sometimes he’ll just go inside it and roll around in his piles of cash for fun. it’s very therapeutic)

all those pictures of himself BH either had commissioned or gotten as gifts. I’d say he painted the all himself, but he’s not patient enough to actually spend time getting better at art. instead he just hires artists to make his vain af portraits.

He can also see through any reproduction of himself, including sculptures, shitty post-it note drawings, and yes, fan art. (So don’t call your fanart bad, or else BH will be offended you called him ugly!! he doesn’t care what it looks like, he’s vain enough to accept any art of himself no matter what it is haha)

Once Flug got him a metal paperweight as a gift. Jokingly, he told BH it was a stress ball.

BH fucking crushes it in one hand

(“Huh, some stress ball.” “B-boss that was made out of tungsten!!” “So? You said it was a stress ball!” “That’s stronger than steel!….Boss are you okay”)

Black Hat actually suffers some pretty bad migraines. he’s not supposed to exist in such a “low-res” plane of reality. Most of his kind exist in at least five dimensions, and it’s kind of hard to have made the switch over without losing some of his power. Shunting your consciousness between planes is kind of painful, and BH frequently receives physical reminders that he really should not have done that.

The migraines are painful and make BH crabby for the rest of the day; "dimension sickness" is awful for his mood. Flug has been trying to work on a cure to help him, but it's hard when the only materials you can work with are eldritch blood, flesh samples, and any liquid void goop BH coughs up.

Black Hat actually would work with a hero, only if it was to stop a villain that was a greater danger to his company. He’ll go against his Villainous principles to keep his business secure from any outside threat. Anyone targeting his corporation and friends employees is an enemy, and enemies will be destroyed.

BH has no idea how to: change lightbulbs, replace smoke detector batteries, use a microwave, or clean literally anything. (In that sense, 5.0.5 is more competent than him.)

Surprisingly, Black Hat actually files tax reports for his company. He believes that despite being a governmental institution, the IRS is "the most evil organization to ever exist" and appreciates how much pain it inflicts upon people each year.

Black Hat is a master of paperwork and legal documents. He could have probably been more successful as a lawyer than an arms dealer tbh. Suing people copying his patents is actually a breeze for him, and he doesn't pull any fucking punches when it comes to penalties for reselling his property

This also explains why he hasn’t been arrested yet. Can’t prove that his corporation isn’t just a hat factory when all the evidence, tax reports, and products lean towards that conclusion

BH can't cook for shit. That doesn't mean he can't enjoy human food though (even if he doesn't need it). Some of his favorite meals are humans, raw meat, rare steak (only when 5.0.5 cooks), black caviar, black truffles, black food in general, live mammals, that one cake Flug bakes sometimes, any red wine that actually tastes good, souls, foie gras, expensive food, candy (when taken from babies), ice cream (when taken from 5.0.5), and anything that really fits his dark aesthetic.

Black Hat doesn't really have a birthday. But that doesn't stop Dementia, 5.0.5, and Flug from celebrating. They use BH’s “entering the human world” anniversary as his birthday, and celebrate despite all BH's protests to not  (he secretly enjoys it, the vain bastard.

Flug normally works on an invention for him in his free time, little things that he thinks BH would find useful in his daily life. Like filing cabinets with auto-organizational systems, a voicemail system that can better filter out his calls, ballpoint pens that can write in blood. Stuff like that

Dementia makes coupon books. Things like "one free 'go away'” or “Shut up and be quiet for five minutes” or “stop destroying things for an hour.” BH always runs out of these within the month.

5.0.5 gets him cute things like mugs that say "world's best boss" and ties with nice patterns on them. BH throws a hissy fit about them, but it doesn’t stop him from wearing them

And finally, at the end of the day, even though his life is full of chaos and disasters, BH really doesn’t regret leaving his original plane of reality for this one. It’s weird and painful and he’s surrounded by annoying people, but he’d do it all again if he had to......... foR THE MONEY, OF COURSE. YEAH. BECAUSE HE’S A VILLAIN. GOTTA SELL THOSE DEVICES AND ELIMINATE HEROES RIGHT. YUP. THAT’S IT, THAT’S WHY HE STICKS AROUND WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S BC OF HIS FRI-- EMPLOYEES, WHAT? fucking wild

#villainous #black hat #dr. flug #dementia #5.0.5 #alan ituriel im sorry for writing so much ooc shit ive tried my best haha #hc #SORRY FOR THE DELAY I KINDA GOT BUSY WITH A THING #BUT ITS HERE NOW JUST A DAY LATE HAHA FUCK #anyways now commenceth the hiatus

[okwilliamson]

should be doing homework but im sexting my boy and answering survey questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - ummm i really dont know, syd, seany, evie, luke or bae at home lol 

2. Are you outgoing or shy? - mostly shy but when something i want is in the sights i might as well be outgoing to get what i want 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - BAE 

4. Are you easy to get along with? - I think i am easy to get along with, i look mean at first i think and i have trouble controlling my facial expressions lmfao 

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - yeah i think so 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? -  fucked up sad boys who will crush my heart / boys in general im straight af to clarify/ but boys with big lips and nice eyes / someone whos funny / someone who will watch shitty movies w me/ BUT if this is just about people in general im attracted to shit lords like myself 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - um actually maybe? 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - my bab 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - no i love talking about sex 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - umm i have deep convos with everyone lol so probs today with syd and clayton 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - ‘omw’ 

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - oh sheesh idk ive been listening to throwback shit from middle school and also hamilton 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?- honestly the thing i like most in the world 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - luck yes, miracles not really bc i feel like that has a religious connotation 

15. What good thing happened this summer? -  i slept with someone new 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - would i? yes...should i? not at all lol 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - there has to be right 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - bro what how would that even be possible 

19. Do you like bubble baths?- yeaaaa but never have the chance i dont have bathtubs in my dorm room 

20. Do you like your neighbors? - i dont even know my neighbors at all i know the girl next to me is named jackie and shes nice 

21. What are you bad habits? -  im a mess all the time like i dont clean up after myself, i dont even care if im living in trash ill just keep adding more trash to the pile. i dont shower enough lol, and im obsessive 

22. Where would you like to travel? -  anywhere!! i wanna go west 

23. Do you have trust issues? - yes kinda, i have a hard time being vulnerable with people bc i build up this wall to keep myself hard and safe away from potential sadness x d 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - umm makeup probably :) 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - probs my double chin lmfao but i can take selfies and look good anyways 

26. What do you do when you wake up? - i like have to pee as soon as i wake up 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? -  im good with my skin tone tbh but it would be nice to be able to tan vs burn 

28. Who are you most comfortable around? - syd, evie, luke, mik, bella, my sister 4 sure, 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? -  no lol 

30. Do you ever want to get married? - ummm idk im not really like super hype to the idea but it could be cool 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? -  ya girl has a buzz cut lol 

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - wowwie idk 

33. Spell your name with your chin. - miss me w that 

34. Do you play sports? What sports? - literally no sports are like the least interesting thing in my opinion 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - shit idk thats so hard bc i use tv as like back ground noise a lot of the time but music helps me with everything else i cant choose 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - ummmm yes 

37. What do you say during awkward silences? - depends on why its awkward 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? -  xd i dont need this 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - lovesick, xxi?? thats about it oh and thrift stores!!!!! 

40. What do you want to do after high school? - bitc im doin it im in art school 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?- yes for sure i give everyone a lot of chances 

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - im sick/sad/angry lol

43. Do you smile at strangers? - i try to 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - outer space 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - classes bb 

46. What are you paranoid about?- money all the time 

47. Have you ever been high? - yes lol 

48. Have you ever been drunk? - also yes 

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - ummmmmm yikes idk no not really 

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - green 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? - i used to but not recently 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - work ethic 

53. Favourite makeup brand? - sheesh i think jeffree star cosmetics & lime crime 

54. Favourite store? - not sure 

55. Favourite blog? - probs claudias 

56. Favourite colour?- pink 

57. Favourite food? - pizza i think 

58. Last thing you ate? - pizza lol

59. First thing you ate this morning?- i didnt eat this morning 

60. Ever won a competition? For what? - no i dony think so 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?- nah 

62. Been arrested? For what?- nope 

63. Ever been in love? - i believe so! i fall in love with people all the time lol 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?- i was in 8th grade and his name was garrett and he was my first bf ever and we kissed on my front porch it was very cliche 

65. Are you hungry right now? - for the first time in a while actually yes 

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - literally no i dont really have tumblr friends 

67. Facebook or Twitter? - twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? - this is tough bc i frequent both but probs tumblr 

69. Are you watching tv right now? - nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? - claudia, syd, evie, luke, mik, bella 

71. Craving something? What? - HUMMUS 

72. What colour are your towels? - one is like peachy and the other one is purple but i never use that one bc i cleaned up fruit juice off the floor w it and never cleaned it lol 

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - a lot like 3 pillows and i use blankets as like body pillows for that snuggly vibe 

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - just one hello kitty lol 

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - total i have quite a few but i dont bring them to school with me 

75. Favourite animal? - ummm i really dont know tbh 

76. What colour is your underwear? - black 

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla for ice cream / chocolate for like cupcakes or cake 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - tbh mint choco chip or phish food by ben and jerrys 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - currently just chilling in my bra fam 

80. What colour pants? - black leggings lol 

81. Favourite tv show? - right now the office for sure / but also my 600 lb life 

82. Favourite movie? -  i have so many , django unchained, perks of being a wallflower, across the universe, i lowkey love the twilight series?? idk im not well versed in classic film just shitty films that have a special place in my heart 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - this is an ugly quest but the original mean girls 4 sure 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - mean girls lmao 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? -janice lol 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - bro idk finding nemo is not something i think about a lot lolol but probs the badass fish jawn w his ripped up fin 

87. First person you talked to today?- my sister 

88. Last person you talked to today?- just now syd 

89. Name a person you hate? - donald trump 

90. Name a person you love? - claudia <3 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - um not currently except maybe if my illness was personified then i would punch that bitch 

92. In a fight with someone? - i dont fight w people lol 

93. How many sweatpants do you have? - literally 1 pair i think 

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - SO many lol 

95. Last movie you watched? - twilight last night lol 

96. Favourite actress? - hmmm, i love charlize theron, kristen stewart but not bc of twilight her other movies are fire 

  97. Favourite actor? i love tom hardy, eddie redmayne, john boyega 

98. Do you tan a lot?- not at all 

99. Have any pets?  - one cat named Bo 

100. How are you feeling? - kinda shit but ok 

101. Do you type fast? - pretty fast, working in call centers get ur typing skills on fleek lol 

102. Do you regret anything from your past? - a few things of course but at the same time whats the point in regretting things you know, it just gives you more baggage to carry around and that shit sucks 

103. Can you spell well? - for the most part i think but sometimes shits questionable lol 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - ummm no not really 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - yes i have it was a strange experience 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - no way bruh people break my heart all the time tho it seems lol 

107. Have you ever been on a horse? - yes but i was like 8 i think i was sooo young 

108. What should you be doing? - im chillin 

109. Is something irritating you right now? - BEING SICK  

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - yessssss 

111. Do you have trust issues? - not so much trust issues but i have a hard time putting my walls down for people 

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - ummm syd and luke hahah 

113. What was your childhood nickname? - liv, livy, liver, livy loo ( my mom calls me this when shes salty at me) my dad has always called me scooter crunch i have no idea what thats from, or any variation sometimes its just scooter and recently he called me scooter mc crunchy and that was even a lot for me lol , oh and olive!! 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yes ive been out of ohio but not to anywhere very exciting 

115. Do you play the Wii? - i did once upon a time 

116. Are you listening to music right now? - yes frank ocean’s blond album 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?- i mean its fine 

118. Do you like Chinese food? - i love it but only from like select places bc mediocre chinese is always kinda a let down 

119. Favourite book? - harry potter series, perks, sula, 

120. Are you afraid of the dark?- sadly yes 

121. Are you mean? - i am sometimes lol i cant even lie 

122. Is cheating ever okay? - i dont think so 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - dude no 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - this is always a question in these 

125. Do you believe in true love? - ofc 

126. Are you currently bored? - nah im cool 

127. What makes you happy? - makeup, photography, my friends, my sister 

128. Would you change your name? - no ive never thought of something that suits me more than olivia, which is why im cool with my nicknames 

129. What your zodiac sign? - scorpio 

130. Do you like subway? - as in sandwhiches yes lol 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - i would be shocked lmfao 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - ummm idk ive been kind of mia recently from being sick but probs syd 

133. Favourite lyrics right now? - the whole wiped out album by the neighbourhood 

134. Can you count to one million? - ive never tried and i probably never will but on principal yes i can count 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? umm idk that im ok? i try not to lie about trivial things but if im sad or something and someone im not comfy w asks me about it ill just be like yeh im good 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - closed i live in a dorm room lol 

137. How tall are you? -5′6 

138. Curly or Straight hair?- i have a buzz cut so neither 

139. Brunette or Blonde? - is this an opinion question bc i have blue hair so like 

140. Summer or Winter? - man im more of a fall/spring type 

141. Night or Day? - day i think 

142. Favourite month? - november but im really tired of my friends trying to kill themselves in my birthday month tbh LOL 

143. Are you a vegetarian? - no but maybe i should be so i wouldnt be so fucking sick all the time 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk 

145. Tea or Coffee? - i really like both 

146. Was today a good day? - my day hasnt even really started 

147. Mars or Snickers? - snickers i guess  148. What’s your favourite quote? - i dont really have one tbh 

149. Do you believe in ghosts? - yuh 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? -  the only book i have with me is my science book and thats not interesting at all so lol imma skip this one 

#if you read all of these idk why #personal #questions and answers #for the lolz