#it is 5:30AM when im typing this out bc i cannot fall back asleep bc i cant stop thinking abt this fhfkfll

[piplupod]

mum's so fucking messed up from her current medication cocktail, like she's genuinely high or something. she's always talked over me and interrupted me (my entire family does it and never seems to even notice they do it half the time) but yesterday it was like that was cranked up to maximum. i just gave up talking at some point in the early afternoon after she'd talked over me as if i hadnt even been speaking when we were the only two in the room together, like ten times in less than fifteen mins. it was fucking brutal.

anyways she's apparently going to be drinking during our early new years party, and that makes things so much worse in general when she's had any alcohol so I'm uhhhh terrified to see what the mix of meds and alcohol is going to do to her !!!! this is going to be Unbearable yayyyy

#it is 5:30AM when im typing this out bc i cannot fall back asleep bc i cant stop thinking abt this fhfkfll #i hate having triggers around alcohol djdkdl i hate that mum's been such a fucking awful person my whole life esp when drinking #i feel like such a wuss bc im an adult and i cannot handle being around alcohol or hearing family talk abt drinking #or being around ppl who are drinking fjfkld it sucks shit man #how am i supposed to be an adult w triggers like that!!! #part of me. a very ugly very desperate part of me. is like ... what if the meds and alcohol don't mix well. and she ends up very sick. #but thats horrible of me. so i have to stop thinking that. this is medical emergency in october all over again jfc im tired of this thought #yesterday is just a big ol blurry mess with gaping holes in it. sigh. we were so switchy and it was fucking exhausting getting through #but we did it !!! got through the day !!! without having anything go horribly wrong!!!! #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #mother mention #drugs and alcohol