#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk

[hey-op-just-kill-me]

The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do

#shh shut the fuck up ollie #sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn #I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this #it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk #and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year?? #I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks #because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra #so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or #the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism #like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore #and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit #and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore #and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that #because I have to pass and to pass I have to go #but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it #it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t #I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just #sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk