#it's so nice to see them be friends after the fuckery of late season 6

[crackers4jenn]

#i loooove s7 spuffy so much #it's so nice to see them be friends after the fuckery of late season 6 #buffy the vampire slayer #polls #spuffy #buffy summers #spike #otp: 147 days

[crazy-little-cool-cat]

Hand in Glove - Chapter 28 | Ben Hardy x OFC

A/N: We’re getting closer and closer to the end here. The anxiety is strong. The creative juices are flowing. The hangover is mild but still real. 

Warnings: Implied smut, and the usual. 

Word Count: ~3.4K (disappointing, I wanted it to be longer) 

Chapter 1, Chapter 2,  Chapter 3,  Chapter 4,  Chapter 5,  Chapter 6,  Chapter 7,  Chapter 8,  Chapter 9,  Chapter 10,  Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14 , Chapter 15 , Chapter 16 , Chapter 17 , Chapter 18 , Chapter 19 , Chapter 20 , Chapter 21 , Chapter 22 , Chapter 23 , Chapter 24, Chapter 25 , Chapter 26, Chapter 27

“Bloody bureaucrats!” Annie barked, walking into Jamie’s trailer as he finished up his breakfast on Tuesday morning. “I hate everything!”

“What happened?”

“The amount of documents and appointments we need to hand out and set is just unreal!” Annie started ranting. “Also, guess what? Doesn’t matter if I don’t want a big wedding - we still have to exchange vows and -”

“Annie -”

“We need two witnesses.” Annie mumbled.

At that, Jamie smiled his best shit-eating grin and puffed his chest out. “Well?”

“What?” Annie avoided eye contact.

“Ask nicely.” Jamie’s smugness made Annie shudder. “Go on.”

“Will you be a witness at my wedding?” Annie looked down at the floor. “Please?”

“Try again. With more passion this time.”

“You know what? Fuck off.” Annie said and started to turn. She stopped when she realised that other than Jamie, she had no one else to ask. “Jamie, will you please be a witness at my wedding ceremony?”

“God, I love seeing you squirm.” Jamie chuckled. “Yes. Of course.”

“Motherfu -”

“Would you look at the time! I’m late for hair and makeup!” Jamie patted Annie’s back and left.

###

“We should ask Rami to do it.” Ben said, slightly out of breath.

“We most definitely should not.” Annie moved the phone from her right ear to the left, tucking it between her shoulder and her ear so she could start washing the dishes. “He’ll tell Lucy, she’ll tell Joe…”

“Gwil, maybe?” Ben suggested.

“Nope.”

“We’re kind of running out of options here.” Ben started to get frustrated with Annie’s stubbornness.

“Andy, maybe?” Annie suggested. “You’ve been friends since you were, what, two years old? I’m sure he’d love to be at your wedding.”

“He’ll snitch and tell my mum and dad, and they will tell everyone. Literally.” Ben sighed. “We’ll find someone. Don’t worry.”

“We need to have their names ready when we give notice.” Annie almost whined.

“Don’t worry. I’ll finish up here, come back, and we’ll find someone and give notice.” Ben said, suddenly rushing. “Annie, I’m late for something. We’ll talk later, alright?”

“Yeah.” Annie sounded a bit off. “Sure.”

“Annie, I love you and we’re going to do this even if we have to pay people to pretend to know us so they could act as witnesses.” Ben paused. “We’ll find someone. I promise.”

“I love you, too.”

###

Shooting for season three was the hardest work Annie had ever done. Not only were her personal life in constant whirlwinds, her character’s life was just as chaotic. After failing to produce a male heir for the king and losing her grasp on him - it was time for Anne Boleyn to meet her new lady in waiting and the king’s new crush, Jane Seymour.

Annie was quarantined on set for the entire day along with Mike and Clara to keep her company. There was no structured script for the meeting - Annie just needed to channel her inner Anne and react. Then, finally, it was time.

Annie sat at a cards table with Clara and Mike. They were playing Go-Fish for hours on end now as they waited. The director’s assistant showed up and started briefing them about camera locations and lighting directions. All Annie wanted to do was get this over with so Anne Boleyn could start falling from grace and lose her head.

While everyone fiddled about on set, the three Boleyn siblings felt like they were a bit stir-crazy. Annie started to dance a little jig, while Clara hooted ‘yee-haw!’ and Mike pretended not to have any association with the two lunatics.

“Places!” the director called and Annie and Clara both heaved a sigh of relief. Finally. One take. Just this one take and the day is done.

“Roll film!” the director called and put on his headset. “Action!”

The three siblings chatted idly when the door to Anne’s apartments flew open. 

“The lady Jane Seymour!” the herald called out. Anne’s entourage parted and created a hallway for Jane to walk through. A plump blonde young lady walked over to where Anne was standing, her eyes locked on the carpets under her. She curtsied deeply.

Anne looked down in disdain at the newcomer and scoffed. George, her brother, sneered at the timid creature at his sister’s feet. Mary seemed preoccupied with her own dress.

“Your majesty.” Jane squeaked out, eyes cast down.

Anne side-eyed her brother with a smug smirk on her face and gestured at the girl to rise.

“Welcome to court.” Anne greeted her dryly, a snarl curling up her upper lip. “Milksop.”

“His majesty the king!” the herald announced and the entire room bowed down. All except for Anne.

“Ah!” King Henry waltzed in and stood between his queen and her new lady, his eyes fixed on the blonde. “I see you’ve met your new lady in waiting.”

“Cut!”

The cast members exchanged knowing looks. This scene marked the beginning of the end. Annie felt tears pricking at her eyes and blinked quickly, holding them back.

###

“What in the bloody hell?!” Annie barged into Jamie’s trailer, yet again, after she changed out of her costume. “What kind of fuckery is this, James?!”

Jamie tilted his head curiously.

“Sources close to the two castmates say that the ice-cold silent treatment has finally been broken. They reported the two Greensleeves stars are sharing meals, spending time together off-set and looking very snuggly on location?!” Annie roared as she read from the article on her phone. “I know this is your doing.”

“You know me so well.” Jamie shrugged.

“What on earth is wrong with you?!” Annie shrieked.

“Unbunch your knickers, Annie.” Jamie said, his jaw clenched. “Or if you can yell louder, that would be best. That means I won’t be the one to leak our lover’s tiff.”

“Fuck off!” Annie hissed. “Do you even know the colossal clusterfuck you’re about to unleash with Ben’s mates?!”

“Yes.”

“Yes?” Annie repeated.

“Yes.”

“What the fuck, Jamie?!”

“You wanted to distract the world from what’s really going on, right?” Jamie asked, his voice calm and rational. “Stirring the pot is the perfect way to do that.”

“Does Ben know of this?”

“Sent him the link myself.” Jamie shrugged. “He sent me an audio note of himself, laughing hysterically.” Jamie smiled. “We’re all good.”

###

“She’s not bad looking.” Mike mused the next morning as he and Annie walked to set together after getting into costume and getting their hair and make-up done. “She’s just… plain.”

“See? Milksop.” Annie smiled proudly. “Best insult I could come up with, on the spot.”

“My God, woman,” Mike snickered, “you’re actually turning into Anne Boleyn.”

“Just calling it like it is.” Annie shrugged. “I’m sure Milksop won’t mind her nickname.”

“You’re evil.” Mike chuckled.

“Well, well!” Jamie rounded the corner and joined them. “If it isn’t my soon-to-be-headless wife and her incestuous brother!”

“Jamie, it’s too early for that.” Mike groaned.

“Mind if I steal her away for a bit?” Jamie asked with a wink.

“I… sure?” Mike frowned as Jamie took Annie’s hand and led her away with him.

###

“We should call Ben.” Joe was determined. “It doesn’t matter what the time is, he’s our friend and he needs us.”

“You’re overreacting, mate.” Gwilym yawned and sipped his coffee. “It’s probably just some bullshit article. He and Annie are just fine.” 

“How would you know?” Joe asked.

“I asked her.”

Joe blinked at Gwilym, his face blank of any expression.

“What are you giving me the stink-eye for?” Gwilym rolled his eyes.

“She’s cheating on him. Why would she tell you, one of his best friends, that she’s doing it?!” Joe’s hands waved about as he spoke. “Seriously. Come on!”

“You know what?” Gwilym huffed. “Fine. Call him.”

Gwilym and Joe sat and waited for Ben to pick up the phone, bouncing their knees anxiously.

“M’lo?” Ben’s sleepy voice came through.

“Hey, mate!” Gwilym looked at Joe for guidance.

“Hey. What’s going on?”

“We just, uh,” Joe started, “we just wanted to check up on you. See how you were doing.”

“I’m fine?” Ben rubbed at his eyes.

“Was that a question or a statement?” Gwilym rubbed his stubbly chin.

“I meant, I’m fine.” Ben blinked into dark. “Are you?”

“Yeah, we just wanted to let you know we’re here for you.” Joe intervened. “If you need to talk about it and stuff.”

“Talk about what?”

“Uhm, Annie…” Joe looked at Gwilym, confusion splattered on his face. “We saw the article.”

“Article?” Ben mumbled to himself, “what...? Oh. Oh!”

“Yeah, we, uh, we know.”

“That’s just a bullshit article, guys.” Ben sighed. “I talked to her about it. She promised it’s just tabloids looking for trouble. Relax.”

“Yeah?” Gwilym quipped.

“Mhm. It’s fine.” Ben yawned.

“That’s not what Clara’s been telling me, mate.” Gwilym pursed his lips.  

“Sorry?”

“Clara thinks there might be some truth to that so-called bullshit article.” Gwil added. “She says Jamie and Annie are very, very close and handsy lately. Not just during scenes.”

“Well, I trust her.” Ben rolled his eyes. “She’d never cheat.”

“Well, that’s true.” Joe agreed. “But just because she didn’t do anything with me doesn’t mean -”

“Look, I appreciate the concern and all,” Ben was more than done with the conversation, “but nothing’s going on between them. I know Annie. I can tell when she’s lying. If she said nothing is happening - I believe her.”

“So Clara’s imagining things?” Gwilym scoffed. “Really, Ben.”

“Maybe she’s jealous Annie started hanging out with Jamie again, I really don’t know what to tell you.” Ben yawned again. “Anyways, I have a super early morning. I’m going back to sleep. Miss you guys!”

“Miss you too, buddy.” Joe said. “Good night.”

“Night.” Ben hung up the call and fell asleep with the phone in his hand.

###

“What, you’re carpooling now?” Clara scoffed when Jamie and Annie got out of Annie’s car. “Are you joking?”

“My wheels broke down.” Jamie shrugged. “I live pretty close to Annie. She offered to help.”

Clara looked from Jamie to Annie and back again.

“Thanks for telling Gwil I’m cheating on Ben, by the way.” Annie locked her car and walked past Clara, nonchalant. “I really appreciate that.”

“I… Well it’s... “ Clara stammered.

“No, really.” Annie turned around, grinning happily. “Gave us a good laugh.”

“First of all,” Clara stalked behind Annie, “he asked me what I thought of that gossip site article thingy.” 

“Clearly you thought they hit the nail on the head.” Annie noted.

“Well, no, but you two are acting very…”

“Friendly?” Annie suggested.

“Nice?” Jamie offered.

“Snuggly.” Clara corrected them both. “And I know both of you for years now. When you two get snuggly, it usually means your genitals are snuggly too.”

“I’m engaged, Clara.” Jamie took off his sunglasses and placed them on top of his head. “You’ve got it wrong.”

“Why are you so defensive, then?” Clara raised an eyebrow. Jamie opened and closed his mouth, seemingly at a loss. “Whatever it is you two are up to,” Clara chastised them as if they were schoolchildren, “it’s wrong and it’s going to hurt those you supposedly love so much.”

Annie scoffed and rolled her eyes.

###

“I’ve missed you.” Ben kissed the top of Annie’s head in the airport arrivals hall. Home. For good. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“You’re home now.” Annie mumbled, one hand on the luggage cart. “I’ve missed you so bloody much.”

It was still dark outside. The cold air hit Ben. The familiar, faint smell of rain made him feel at instant ease. He was home, for good this time.

“Rors?” he asked while yawning.

“At your parents’.” Annie led the way to the car. “I have work tomorrow but I already told them I’m coming in late.”

They idly chatted as they walked through the parking lot towards Annie’s car. When Ben collapsed in the passenger seat, he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes.

“M’so tired.” Ben mumbled and placed a hand on the back of Annie’s headrest. “How’s Jamie?”

“Good, good.” Annie started the car. “Always alert. Clara’s mad at me.”

“How come?”

“She feels like I’m hiding something and I’m pretty sure she’s ninety-three-point-eight-percent convinced I’m cheating on you.” Annie sighed. “And I’m not confirming nor denying it.”

“Gotta stick to the plan.” Ben smiled lazily. “I’ll keep her occupied. Don’t worry.”

“Oh, yeah?” Annie glared at Ben through the corners of her eyes. “What’s that mean?”

“Oh, relax.” Ben chuckled.

###

Award season was not a fun time for Annie.

At first it was fine. Late nights with Clara, rooting for their men while watching the live broadcasts. Shrieks of joy whenever Rami won. Waking Rory up with said shrieks and then having to bounce-bounce-tap her to sleep again.

Then, Ben started asking Annie to join him on award nights. While she tried to weasel her way out of it, he insisted and she complied. She didn’t mind the pretty gowns and spending time with her soon-to-be husband; what bothered her was how utterly boring these award shows were.

Annie’s stomach growled loudly. Loud enough for Gwilym and Clara to look at her with raised eyebrows. Loud enough to make the people in the table next to them giggle quietly. Loud enough to hurt.

“Hungry?” Ben leaned over and whispered to her.

“What gave it away?”

“The dinosaur noise coming out of your body.” Ben smirked.

“Was it that loud?” Annie blushed.

“I think the people on stage might have heard it too.” Clara interjected, making Annie slump down in her chair.

“I brought candy.” Ben whispered in Annie’s ear and kissed her cheek, whipping out a Snickers bar from his slacks. “There’s more where that came from.”

###

This wasn’t Annie’s first time attending the BAFTA awards. She’s been here before with Jamie for their rendition of Hamlet (and lost), but the excitement still consumed her. Ben and Annie matched. He wore a glittery black dress-shirt; she wore a glittery black evening gown with a plunging neckline.

“You two make a stunning couple!” the interviewer on the red carpet said. Annie and Ben exchanged smitten looks. “Will you two ever tie the knot?”

“Sooner than you might expect!” Annie giggled as Ben pulled her closer by wrapping an arm around her waist. “Who said we’re not already married?”

“You’re certainly acting the newlywed part!” the interviewer laughed with a confused look. “Yet, there are no rings…”

“Ben! You’re holding everyone back!” Joe called from a distance.

“Sorry to cut this short. Lovely talking to you!” Ben winked at the interviewer and tugged Annie along by the hand.

Once they were out of earshot, Ben turned around and stood still. Annie almost crashed right into him.

“What the fuck?” Ben asked, his palms open and facing upwards, jaw clenched. “Have you lost it completely?”

“What?” Annie giggled nervously.

“Either you want people to know or you don’t,” Ben glared at his girlfriend. “Pull a stunt like that again and I’m sending out invitations to everybody we know, you hear me?”

###

After-parties were Annie’s favourite part of award shows, and the BAFTA after party was fun. Open bar, great music and great company. The BoRhap group hung out on the balcony. Drinks were flowing, conversation was great and Joe pulled out all the stops with his dance moves. It was only natural for Ben to whip out his phone and film it.

Doing a simple two step, Joe slid from right to left and snapped his fingers. He shuffled his feet and popped the button on his tux jacket open and started moving backwards, waving one hand to the beat. Moving forward, he did a little turn and bounced his shoulders, his body swaying in perfect sync with the beat, lip-synching to Drop it Like it’s Hot as he danced. Shuffling backwards, he then step-touched once to the front, once to the back. Flicking his coat-tails back, he danced his way over to a very amused looking Ben.

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Clara’s eyes glinted playfully.

“My parents own a dance studio.” Joe shrugged once the camera was off. “It’s in my blood.”

“Amazing.” Clara laughed. “Truly.”

“Thank you!”

###

“Ooooh, don’t we look good together? There’s a reason why they watch all night long…” Clara and Annie sang, as they danced with each other. To appease Ben, who was still clearly pissed off at Annie for the interview slip-up, she knew how to make him forget all about it. The dance got frisky and handsy pretty quick.

“Yeah, know we'll turn heads forever; So tonight I'm gonna show you off!” the girls sang, stepping away from each other. Annie ran her hands down the length of Clara’s arms and held onto her hands. “When I'm walkin' with you; I watch the whole room change..” Clara pulled Annie closer in a spin and wrapped her arms around her. “Baby, that's what you do; No, my baby, don't play!” they swayed their hips together to the beat. “Blame it on my confidence; Oh, blame it on your measurements…” they rolled their bodies together, Clara’s hands running down Annie’s sides. “Shut that shit down on sight - That's right!”

“We out here drippin' in finesse; It don't make no sense! Out here drippin' in finesse; You know it, you know it!” Their bodies snaked and writhed together to the music, each girl throwing seductive looks at her man while Rami filmed them on Clara’s phone. Clara’s flowy red dress was a stark contrast to Annie’s glittery black gown.

###

“Finally!” Annie sighed when Ben unlocked the front door after four failed attempts due to being absolutely blitzed and the fact that it was dark outside. “Jesus!”

“Get in there, brat.” Ben muttered and nudged Annie forward before smacking her bum playfully. “You are a menace.”

“Me?” Annie wore the most innocent expression, batting her eyelashes and pouting her lips. “A menace?”

“Mhm.” Ben took off his jacket and undid his bow-tie, slurring his words. “Dancing like that. In public.”

“I have no idea what you’re referring to.” Annie giggled and yelped when Ben pulled her close. “Sounds to me like you were jealous.”

“Jealous?” Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Yup.” Annie placed her hands on his shoulders. “Super jell.”

“You think this is a game, huh?” Ben’s deep voice sent electric currents in Annie’s intoxicated brain, almost hypnotising her. “You think you’re so cute…”

“I know I am…” Annie purred, eyes closed.

“Yeah?” Ben smirked slyly. “You think I’m your little toy?” he bit his bottom lip. “I think you’ve got it all wonky.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You’re my toy to play with.” Ben bent down and threw Annie over his shoulders. “And I’m just getting started. This is going to be a long, long game.”

###

“Ah, the dynamic duo!” Mike grinned when the girls practically stumbled together onto set the next day, hungover and frazzled. “Nice moves!”

“Ugh.” Annie shut her eyes tight. “Not doing this right now.”

“Out here drippin’ in finesse…” Mike sang teasingly.

“Children, are we ready to listen, now?” the director and scriptwriter approached the trio. “Girls, I don’t care how much you’ve had to drink, get it together for Christ’s sake.”

“Lights. Too bright.” Clara mumbled, fighting the urge to rub her eyes. “So tired.”

“Annabelle, we want you furious for this scene. Your husband gave your lady in waiting trinkets and she has the nerve to wear them in your presence. Go insane on her.”

“Not a problem.” Annie stretched her neck.

“Take your places, then. Let’s get started.”

Once the director called ‘Action!’, hungover Annie was gone and fierce, jealous Anne arrived. They shot the scene in ten takes, only because of changing camera angles.

###

“We have a second witness. And a third one, in case Jamie nopes out.” Ben beamed when Annie came home later that night. “Trustworthy, they know both of us, would never tell a soul. You love them.”

Annie pondered over Ben’s declaration for a minute, trying to figure out who these mystery witnesses might be.

“Annie, my love, do you need a clue?” Ben chuckled and warmed up Annie’s dinner in the microwave.

“It hurts to think today.” Annie admitted.

“Does it hurt to walk, as well?” Ben smiled cheekily. “Feeling a bit exerted, hm?”

“Yes.” Annie blushed. “I have bruises everywhere.”

“Good.”

“So, who are these mystery witnesses?”

“Rock legends and honorary grandpas to Rory.” Ben tried to hide his smile. “Also known as -”

“No!” Annie’s smile lit up the room. “No!”

“Yes!”

“Ben! I’m… I’m…” Annie blinked quickly, indicating she was close to tears.

“You’re welcome.”

###

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[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW9

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

LATE AS FUCK LAMBS BECAUSE IT’S A HARD WEEK AND WE BOTH DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOO..... anyway:

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lukaku Eriksen Brady Bavies

IN (for -8 points): Jesus Silva Sterling Dunk

It's time to storm the fucking castle lads. Handbrake is off and I'm going in with my first wild move on the year. The theme here is clear - get all the City. I want to have fun and I'm not having fun. Watching each City goal come in on every matchday will now change from a tortuous feeling to glee. I just want that feeling. Lukaku I have been shitting on for long enough. The timing is bad, with an incredible fixture, but fucking fuck it. If not now, when? It's time to back myself and jump on City before their price continue to rise out of control.

Bavies looks a properly shit shout for cleans and points over the next four, so I want to cash in now. Eriksen I also don't really fancy in tough games although I'm sure he'll steadily trickle but at 9.6 selling there is no value in him with the cheaper City options having emerged. Dunk is a rogue shout and while I have more money to spend on his spot I want to go back to cheap as chips in defense and keep a bit in the bank at an eye towards upgrading my cheap 4th mid to someone half decent.

This move admittedly has an incredible chance to backfire this week, but fuck it. Lukaku and United still look shit so fuck him and them. The City team sheet will be properly sweaty as there is easily a world where Gundo and Kun start and Jesus and Silva are rested. But hopefully not, and their early subs midweek was an indication of being slightly saved for the weekend. I don't buy Burnley as a team that can keep City on lockdown. No one looks like they can, save United, at this point. Let's fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

GK:

Going to start Foster and hope he is the fit one between the sticks for Pulis at St. Fucky's. If not, I will have Bob Elliot aka the worst thing in the world off the bench. I fancy us to score against Newc more than I do Southampton so hopefully it comes off. Or not, and I'll continue to get blank after blank at the GK spot as per usual this season.

DEF:

Ugh. It's not pretty this week. If ever I could use a bit of luck for a random clean sheet it's this week especially being on a bit hit. Besides Jones I will again be relying on some sketchy-ish teams with some mediocre on paper fixtures.

New lad Dunk goes for me today. As I have repeatedly been saying I fancy Brighton defense and I like how defensively they set up each and every game. A clean at West Ham is a big ask but it's not out of the question. Dunk carries his fair bit of attacking threat on set pieces so at least he has that feather in his dick.

I'm running Simon Frannolad out against Stoke. Not great. Stoke are at least shit, but, do typically score at home. Doesn't feel good but who knows. 

Finally, Naughton is up against new manager bounce Leicester. I'm sure Vardy will fuck me. It's not pretty, but, I will now be rotating 4 defenders between 2 spots and the fixtures play pretty well over the near and medium term for points. I'm not spending a lot, so I'm not expecting a ton, but I have not seen lady luck yet this season so here's to hoping. Typing that makes me want to kill myself though. I'm such a knob.

MID:

Two new City friends are in - Razzybaby and Silva. Feels really good spending an extra .6 on Silva after I started the season with him only to have brilliantly fucked him off on my WC. Anyway, going to hold my hands up there and just re-buy. Both will be very long term holds.

Third guy rounding out my group this weekend is Salah. Really one of only three player on my team I have not given a look at removing along with Kane and Jones. He's in for the long term he's a good boy.

FWD:

Sticking with the big boy structure up top. Kane, Morata, and Jesus. Holding Morata last week feels good for the medium term and I'm glad I didn't jump off him as I think he's a player people will begin really bringing into their team as he is priced pretty kindly and the fixtures are fantastic. Little bit rusty midweek but he seemingly emerged the tie unscathed so hopefully he's having some nice rest and recovery. Conte needs him. Jesus is just a fucking brilliant boy.

CAP:

Kane. Here it is. Cometh the fucking man and hour. My gut tells me this will be a tight cagey affair, but, Kane is the best player in the game capable of banging in a hat against anyone. I'm just going to stick with him as I don't really love any alternative options. As mentioned on the pod, any week where you can get Kane as a differential captain has the potential to see huge gains. I will also have the pleasure of looking forward to the late Sunday game with that much more stress. I'm a sadist, but nothing if not consistent. Go clean on.

ALON

TRANSFERS

OUT: Brady

IN: Richarlison

I came so close to just being boring and saving my transfer - as Walsh said it’s never bad to do. But it felt so boring and lame and status quo, and I spent the first ten minutes of last pod just complaining about my rank not really changing and my status quo team so I did a little move. But it’s a move with forward thinking.

Brady is a really bad FPL pick as I also highlighted on the pod. Richarlison and Wilf are the two mid-priced soups, maybe the only two, and Richarlison is price rising tonight which means that I’d’ve been 0.1 short of the swap so it’s time. Got one of the guys in. Ok.

GK:

I’m sat on Speroni right now. Hopefully he can keep his place after Palace’s first points of the season and get me some saves and maybe a clean - he has a higher floor (everyone does) then Bob Elliot because of Bob’s lack of save points and the clean shout is a coin-flip for me. So let’s roll with that.

DEF:

Still on my 4-3-3 setup so hoping for a bundle of cleans and attacking returns here to carry me through.. maybe it’s outdated? I’m not sure yet. Shifting sands, shifting sands.....

Jones nailed on starter every week god of FPL. Someone on twitter pointed out that he only has 4 less points then Rom and Kun this season, 1 less point then Morata, 1 more then Jesus/Kane, like what the fuck. What is he on about. Jones!!! And that’s all with zero attacking returns - just bones and cleans the old fashioned way.

Bavies and butthead ride for me part two. He’s fit and Rose isn’t so he should be good to start these next two albeit bad next two fixtures. Liverpool will look to expose him as they did last season with Mane’s pace (and ensuing brace) so he probably needs an attacking return this weekend to get any points, but United afterwards is actually a pretty good clean shout. So I’m fine to hold for now... I transferred him in ages ago (before intl break) and he has gotten me zero points. I know it’s only been one GW since then but it feels like a long fucking time for zero fucking points. Come on.

Berty... wait no fuck that. Ryan Bertrand that’s his new name. He doesn’t deserve any sort of nickname with the fuckery that he and Soton have been on this season. He sucks and they suck and I hope they do something ok moving on...

Lastly I’m going Simpson over Naughton. Swansea basically have no attack so I think that there’s way more of a shout of Leicester bouncing with new manager and keeping a clean and scoring goals then the reverse of that.

MID:

Daveed and Salah what can be said. At this point, GW9, I’d guess right now that I have both of these guys all season long. Which is mental. But they’re automatic for me.

And new boy Richarrrrrrr bro. It’s annoying having a tough fixture when you bring a guy in but also Chelsea have been a little bit shambolic and there are many doubts on the injury front. Watford have been a good attacking side all season long so let’s go. Let’s tit one. Gazza pulls him down (AKA Richarlison dives) for another penno. Something. I can see it.

FWD:

Big dicks swinging up top. I spent 34.4 million on these fucks. Let’s rain dongs. Except Kane this week fuck Kane this week #LFC #YNWA #COMEONYOUREDS...

But yeah I’m on Rom, Kane, Jesus. Tasty isn’t it? You jealous? You should be. Let’s get down on the ground and start fucking.

CAP:

I’m a bitch. A herd fucking bitch. I’m capping Rom.

Away Huddersfield, fuck the world that’s one of the best fixtures we can ask for in their current form. They imploded vs. Spurs, they imploded vs. Swans, they’re a nightmare right now. Rom will donkey his way into a brace or more this week. It’s the call. Go on you shit-house. And R.I.P. Walsh.

#FMLFPL #FML FPL #FPL #Fantasy Premier League #Lineup Lamentations