#its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life

[magical-girl-04]

Am I aroace or have I just been awake too long?

#rav speaks #its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life #anyway do people actually feel the way they describe in romance songs?? #like idk ive had like 3 crushes in my life but like i dont think i could actually see myself in a relationship? #so either im aro or like I just have trouble imagining a relationship becuase ive been single my whole life #its like how sex is pretty interesting to me and id be down for it in theory but i cant see myself actually doing it #interesting in a im curious if its really all that people make it out to be #cuz it seems prettyyyy boring to me lol #specially since lesbo sex apparently takes agessss and i know for a fact i would not let a dick get anywhere close to me #anyway off topic #im trying to figure out if the way i feel about romantic relationships is the same way i feel about sex #like in theory id love to have a gf and like do datey things but like it seems like so much effort to get to that stage #got a dating app and im barely on it because ive realised i dont really want to actually talk to anyone #and like i was meant to meet up with someone today who when i first started talking to on said app i was like kicking my feet and blushing #but i noticed that im starting all the convos and decided i was just like fed up of that whats the point of trying to get to know someone #if they arent interested yknow. like they were meant to get a bus to my city and i was hoping they would just like tell me a bus time #and we'd go from there but nothing. so im just like. over it #and i feel like thsts probably not really how crushes really work? #its like i had a bit of a crush on a girl in my classes but once exam season hot and i stopped seeing her so regaually i just kinda forgot #i think she might be in 1 or w of my classes this term so maybe talking to her again will relight that but im prettyyyy sure shes staight #so prpbs better to loose the feels anyway #this is just a rambling mess now i really need to sleep #Maybe I'll figure myself out eventually but for now im gonna stick with grey aro cuz i think thst makes the most sense? #unless there are other micro aro lables i dont knoe of (very likely) #at least i know I'll always be an asexual lesbian even if i dont know if ill ever actually date girls #honestly life would be so much easier if i jsut loved my bestfriend it wojld be so cool if we could be in romantic feeling together but #alas we tried dating for lkke a week and i avoided her the whole time cuz i felt a deep deep sence of wrongness lol #its like again in theory i could see us as a great gf duo like if i was watching our lives as a show id be shipping us #but in practice its njst wrong #if anyone actually reads all of this you get a reward of uhh 🦎 goodnight!!