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aion-rsa · 3 years

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The Star Trek: The Original Series Episodes That Best Define the Franchise

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By the time my generation got to watch Star Trek: The Original Series, the episodes often were being presented in top-ten marathons. When I was ten-years-old, for the 25th Anniversary of Star Trek, I tape-recorded a marathon of ten episodes that had all been voted by fans as the best-ever installments of The Original Series. Later, I got lucky and found Trek stickers at the grocery store and was able to label my VHS tapes correctly. But do I think all the episodes that were in that marathon back in 1991 were really the best episodes of all of the classic Star Trek? The short answer: no. Although I love nearly every episode of the first 79 installments of Star Trek, I do think that certain lists have been created by what we think should be on the list rather than what episodes really best represent the classic show.

This is a long-winded way of saying, no, I didn’t include “Amok Time” or “The Menagerie” on this list because, as great as they are, I don’t think they really represent the greatest hits of the series. Also, if you’ve never watched TOS, I think those two episodes will throw you off cause you’ll assume Spock is always losing his mind or trying to steal the ship. If you’ve never watched TOS, or you feel like rewatching it with fresh eyes, I feel pretty strong that these 10 episodes are not only wonderful, but that they best represent what the entire series is really about. Given this metric, my choice for the best episode of TOS may surprise you…

10. “The Man Trap”

The first Star Trek ever episode aired should not be the first episode you watch. And yet, you should watch it at some point. The goofy premise concerns an alien with shaggy dog fur, suckers on its hand, and a face like a terrifying deep-sea fish. This alien is also a salt vampire that uses telepathy that effectively also makes it a shapeshifter. It’s all so specifically bonkers that trying to rip-off this trope would be nuts. Written by science fiction legend George Clayton Johnson (one half of Logan’s Run authorship) “The Man Trap” still slaps, and not because Spock (Leonard Nimoy) tries to slap the alien. Back in the early Season 1 episodes of Star Trek, the “supporting” players like Uhura and Sulu are actually doing stuff in the episode. We all talk about Kirk crying out in pain when the M-113 creature puts those suckers on his face, but the real scene to watch is when Uhura starts speaking Swahili. The casual way Uhura and Sulu are just their lovable selves in this episode is part of why we just can’t quit the classic Star Trek to this day. Plus, the fact that the story is technically centered on Bones gives the episode some gravitas and oomph. You will believe an old country doctor thinks that salt vampire is Nancy! (Spoiler alert: It’s not Nancy.)

9. “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield”

There are two episodes everyone always likes to bring up when discussing the ways in which Star Trek changed the game for the better in pop culture’s discourse on racism: “Plato’s Stepchildren” and this episode, “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield.” The former episode is famous because Kirk and Uhura kiss, which is sometimes considered the first interracial kiss on an American TV show. (British TV shows had a few of those before Star Trek, though.) But “Plato’s Stepchildren” is not a great episode, and Kirk and Uhura were also manipulated to kiss by telepaths. So, no, I’m not crazy about “Plato’s Stepchildren.” Uhura being forced to kiss a white dude isn’t great.

But “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield,” oddly holds up. Yep. This is the one about space racism where the Riddler from the ‘60s Batman (Frank Gorshin) looks like a black-and-white cookie. Is this episode cheesy? Is it hard to take most of it seriously? Is it weird that Bele (Frank Gorshin) didn’t have a spaceship because the budget was so low at that time? Yes. Is the entire episode dated, and sometimes borderline offensive even though its heart is in the right place? Yes. Does the ending of the episode still work? You bet it does. If you’re going to watch OG Star Trek and skip this episode, you’re kind of missing out on just how charmingly heavy-handed the series could get. “Let that Be Your Last Battlefield” is like a ‘60s after-school special about racism, but they were high while they were writing it.

8. “Arena”

You’re gonna try to list the best episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series and not list the episode where Kirk fights a lizard wearing gold dress-tunic? The most amazing thing about “Arena” is that it’s a Season 1 episode of The Original Series and somehow everyone involved in making TOS had enough restraint not to ever try to use this Gorn costume again. They didn’t throw it away either! This famous rubber lizard was built by Wah Chang and is currently owned by none other than Ben Stiller.

So, here’s the thing about “Arena” that makes it a great episode of Star Trek, or any TV series with a lizard person. Kirk refuses to kill the Gorn even though he could have, and Star Trek refused to put a lizard costume in a bunch of episodes later, even though they totally could have. Gold stars all around.

7. “Balance of Terror”

The fact that Star Trek managed to introduce a race of aliens that looked exactly like Spock, and not confuse its viewership is amazing. On top of that, the fact that this detail isn’t exactly the entire focus of the episode is equally impressive. The notion that the Romulans look like Vulcans is a great twist in The Original Series, and decades upon decades of seeing Romulans has probably dulled the novelty ever so slightly. But, the idea that there was a brutally cold and efficient version of the Vulcans flying around in invisible ships blowing shit up is not only cool, but smart.

“Balance of Terror” made the Romulans the best villains of Star Trek because their villainy felt personal. Most Romulan stories in TNG, DS9, and Picard are pretty damn good and they all start right here.

6. “Space Seed”

Khaaaan!!!! Although The Wrath of Khan is infinitely more famous than the episode from which it came, “Space Seed” is one of the best episodes of The Original Series even if it hadn’t been the progenitor of that famous film. In this episode, the worst human villain the Enterprise can encounter doesn’t come from the present, but instead, the past. Even though “Space Seed” isn’t considered a very thoughtful episode and Khan is a straight-up gaslighter, the larger point here is that Khan’s evilness is connected to the fact that he lived on a version of Earth closer to our own.

The episode’s coda is also amazing and speaks of just how interesting Captain Kirk really is. After Khan beat the shit out of him and tried to suffocate the entire Enterprise crew, Kirk’s like “Yeah, this guy just needs a long camping trip.”

5. “A Piece of the Action”

A few years back, Saturday Night Live did a Star Trek sketch in which it was revealed that Spock had a relative named “Spocko.” This sketch was tragically unfunny because TOS had already made the “Spocko” joke a million times better in “A Piece of the Action.” When you describe the premise of this episode to someone who has never seen it or even heard of it, it sounds like you’re making it up. Kirk, Spock, and Bones are tasked with cleaning-up a planet full of old-timey mobsters who use phrases like “put the bag on you.” Not only is the episode hilarious, but it also demonstrates the range of what Star Trek can do as an emerging type of pop-art. In “A Piece of the Action,” Star Trek begins asking questions about genres that nobody ever dreamed of before. Such as, “what if we did an old-timey gangster movie, but there’s a spaceship involved?”

4. “Devil in the Dark”

When I was a kid, my sister and I called this episode, “the one with giant pizza.” Today, it’s one of those episodes of Star Trek that people tell you defines the entire franchise. They’re not wrong, particularly because we’re just talking about The Original Series. The legacy of this episode is beyond brilliant and set-up a wonderful tradition within the rest of the franchise; a monster story is almost never a monster story

The ending of this episode is so good, and Leonard Nimoy and Shatner play the final scenes so well that I’m actually not sure it’s cool to reveal what the big twist is. If you somehow don’t know, I’ll just say this. You can’t imagine Chris Pratt’s friendly Velicrapotrs, or Ripper on Discovery without the Horta getting their first.

3. “The Corbomite Maneuver”

If there’s one episode on this list that truly represents what Star Trek is usually all about on a plot level, it’s this one. After the first two pilot episodes —“Where No Man Has Gone Before” and “The Cage”—this was the first regular episode filmed. It’s the first episode with Uhura and, in almost every single way, a great way to actually explain who all these characters are and what the hell they’re doing. The episode begins with Spock saying something is “fascinating” and then, after the opening credits, calling Kirk, who is down in sickbay with his shirt off. Bones gives Kirk shit about not having done his physical in a while, and Kirk wanders through the halls of the episode without his shirt, just kind of holding his boots.

That’s just the first like 5 minutes. It just gets better and better from there. Like a good bottle of tranya, this episode only improves with time. And if you think it’s cheesy and the big reveal bizarre, then I’m going to say, you’re not going to like the rest of Star Trek.

2. “The City on the Edge of Forever”

No more blah blah blah! Sorry, wrong episode. Still, you’ve heard about “The City on the Edge of Forever.” You’ve heard it’s a great time travel episode. You’ve heard Harlan Ellison was pissed about how the script turned out. You heard that Ron Moore really wanted to bring back Edith Keeler for Star Trek Generations. (Okay, maybe you haven’t heard that, but he did.)

Everything you’ve heard about this episode is correct. There’s some stuff that will make any sensible person roll their eyes today, but the overall feeling of this episode is unparalleled. Time travel stories are always popular, but Star Trek has never really done a time travel story this good ever again. The edge of forever will always be just out of reach.

1. “A Taste of Armageddon”

Plot twist! This excellent episode of TOS almost never makes it on top ten lists. Until now! If you blink, “A Taste of Armageddon” could resemble at least a dozen other episodes of TOS. Kirk and Spock are trapped without their communicators. The crew has to overpower some guards to get to some central computer hub and blow it up. Scotty is in command with Kirk on the surface and is just kind of scowling the whole time. Kirk is giving big speeches about how humanity is great because it’s so deeply flawed.

What makes this episode fantastic is that all of these elements come together thanks to a simplistic science fiction premise: What if a society eliminated violence but retained murder? What if hatred was still encouraged, but war was automated? Star Trek’s best moments were often direct allegories about things that were actually happening, but what makes “A Taste of Armageddon” so great is that this metaphor reached for something that could happen. Kirk’s solution to this problem is a non-solution, which makes the episode even better. At its best classic Star Trek wasn’t just presenting a social problem and then telling us how to fix it. Sometimes it was saying something more interesting — what if the problem gets even harder? What do we do then?

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The humor and bombast of “A Taste of Armageddon” is part of the answer to that unspoken question, but there’s also a clever lesson about making smaller philosophical decisions. In Star Wars, people are always trying to rid themselves of the dark side of the Force. In Star Trek, Kirk just teaches us to say, “Hey I won’t be a terrible person, today” and then just see how many days we can go in a row being like that.

What do you think are the most franchise-defining episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series? Let us know in the comments below.

The post The Star Trek: The Original Series Episodes That Best Define the Franchise appeared first on Den of Geek.

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selfproducingfanfictionauthor · 4 years

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to be treated this way - chapter i

pair: shownu x reader

summary: When your alpha - sort-of - found his true mate, you’re stuck dealing with the aftermath and the coming of your next heat. So when your friend suggested a “dating service” to aid you, signing up seemed like a no-brainer. So, you’ve prepared yourself for the dominance, the adrenaline-fueled by fear and arousal and the constant out-of-this-world sex but when you meet Shownu, everything you know about Alphas is challenged. He’s soft - for the lack of better word. He cooks you meals, he takes you out on dates… all of which are not really necessary for an Alpha - Omega relationship… right? Whatever. You’d just really, really, wish he’d touch you now warning: this story may be slow-paced at the start, no other warnings for now - also, boo seungkwan’s appearance! a/b/o dynamics!

Many poets and writers have tried, failed and came close to describing what true heartbreak is. Such fundamental human experience is so universal that many men and women across history have drawn inspiration from it and created amazing works of art - sculptures, plays, books and songs. At the back of your mind, you remember reading something like - “If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life” and although it’s beautiful and you certainly want to be saved, you feel like it’s too dramatic to apply to your own situation.

Even though you certainly feel like dying right now.

Mouth dry and head pounding, you blearily open your eyes to the sight of your blinking alarm clock. The numbers 1:03 pm mocks you in all its inherent cheeriness. Underneath the cocoon of your warm bed, you squirm, sweating and uncomfortable – feeling like you just want to crawl out of your skin just to reach the itch between your skin and bones. Fists closing and unfurling, you try to resist the urge to scratch, knowing that there’s nothing to find beneath, nothing to offer you relief.

Kicking off your sheets, you try to reign in the uneasiness. At the back of your ears, you feel the itch worsen, crawling down your nape burning down its path. Rubbing yourself against the scratchy texture of your bedsheets feels like heaven and hell alternating between five seconds – the brief relief only highlighting the torment of your hormones tenfold.

Time seem to pass too slowly as you try to muster the strength to get up. But your body refuses to cooperate, your limbs heavy and your mind foggy. This is what you hate the most about suppressants, the side-effects feels like punishment for being born an omega. Your head feels like it’s submerged underwater, and you don’t hear your apartment door opening with a bang.

“I’m here!” Seungkwan sings, grocery bags hanging from his arms. His eyes roam your kitchen before landing on you through your open bedroom door. At the sight of you, his mood drops. ”Oh my god, what are you doing!”

Your best friend rushes over to you and grasps your wrists, quickly pulling it away from your arms.

Streaks of scratches marred your neck and arms while you tremble. He notes with a small amount of relief, that at least, you didn’t break skin.

Aish, this girl.

Relief flood you at the familiar smell of your friend and his cool hands, drawing away from the heat marked by your nails. You let him drag you up to your couch. Sitting down, he grasps your wrists with one hand and reaches for one of the grocery bags with his other.

“Next time I see him, I’m gonna kick him in the nuts.” Seungkwan swears, agitated. Between the two of you, there’s only one person he could be referring to. You wince at the thought of Geun-woo, the alpha who had once frequented your bed. Pulling you out of your thoughts, Seungkwan fishes out a sheet of tablets and pops one open for you.

Trusting you to control yourself, he lets go of your wrists and hands you a bottle of water from the same bag.

“It’s not his fault he found his true mate, Seungkwanie.” You sigh, after swallowing the pill. You don’t know if it’s placebo or not, but immediately, the irritating itch and heat under your skin recedes.

The beta rolls his eyes. True mates, bah – people throw it around like a free pass. “True mate or not, it doesn’t mean he gets to drop you like a hot sweet potato – which you are, sweet and you look like a potato, woman, get yourself together! – and ride off into the sunset. Any decent alpha knows that omegas need weaning –”

Seungkwan goes off on a rant that you’ve heard on loop for the past week.

Geun-woo was a friend from the university. As alphas tend to be, he was popular and well-liked by your peers. His designation spurred him to be in the best shape he could be, drove him to win championship after championship for your university football team. After graduation, he went on to train for the national team and was – is – on his way to being a national athlete.

You could talk on and on about who Oh Geun-woo is to many people, but you could summarize what he was to you in three words: not your boyfriend.

The arrangement between the two of you was simple. You were adults, busy people living busy lives interrupted almost monthly by your heats and ruts. It was a logical and practical way to ensure that neither of you spend your vulnerable biological ~events~ alone. It was a good arrangement and after two years of it, you could honestly call Geun-woo a good friend.

However, the downside with spending such time so often with someone you’re not bonded with is you develop what experts call, a quasi-bond. It has all the effects of being bonded but dialed down by almost a hundred. You think it’s an exaggeration but you, an unbonded omega, really isn’t in the position to do so.

So when, Geun-woo found his true mate at some meet abroad, he dropped you faster than you could blink.

You don’t blame him, but man, it sucks.

Seungkwan glanced at you, sighing at your silence. Sending a prayer above, he fishes his wallet and takes out a card. “I have a suggestion.”

With your heat coming at you, barreling in the next two weeks, you’re just about open to any suggestion so, you hum behind your coffee mug, “The floor’s yours.” Well, at least the little of it that’s still visible under your clothes and knick-knacks.

“Before you say anything, know that I am suggesting this out of the goodness of my heart. But why don’t you consider this?” Seungkwan implored, handing you the card.

The black and purple card reads; “SS Matching Services” and under it, their company motto; “We’ve got the match for you.” With their office address and contact number.

“A pimping service?”

“Ya,” Seungkwan protested, red-faced, “Take your 19th century standards out of the gutter.”

His adamant protest startles a laugh out of you. For the guy who used to glare at anyone holding hands in public, your best friend has grown well. “Actually, it was worse in the 19th century but go off, I guess.”

Seungkwan leveled you with a flat look that had you raising your hands in surrender. No good can come from antagonizing the guy who just quite literally saved your life. “I’m listening.”

“Look, it’s just an option and it’s legit. Tough screening process too.” He takes out his phone and shows you the company’s website. Briefly, you glance at it before taking the card. Physically, it weighs like nothing but in your mind, it weighs like something amazing.

“How’d you know that?”

“My sunbaenim, uses this from time to time. It helps with his ruts. Win-win.” Seungkwan shrugs. You wonder which sunbae he’s referring to, given his many hobbies.

The website doesn’t look like it’ll give your laptop a virus, you’ll give it that. It’s classy and clean, and no random photos of just naked torsos. Good sign.

“You’re surprisingly blasé about this.” You laugh, eyes warm and surprised at how maturely Seungkwan delivers, only to laugh out loud at the sight of his burning ears.

You promised Seungkwan that you’ll check out the site but as soon as you got back to work, everything just swept you away.

That’s what happens when you work with kids.

Eyes warm with fondness, you quietly pat the bottom of one of your snoozing students. It’s nap time and your classroom has turned into some sort of sleepover area with all your students wrapped up with their soft blankets, nuzzling into their softer pillows. The early afternoon light filters into the room through the curtains, painting over the children with a soft glow.

Across you, another teacher takes the opportunity to get some of her own sleep in, curling herself protectively around two kids. Your classroom smells like baby powder and sweet treats, littered with small pastel chairs and tables. Its walls decorated with your students artworks and colorful cartoon characters.

This, this is one of the many moments that remind you why you became a pre-school teacher.

Many of your peers assumed it’s because of your designation. Omegas are naturally more inclined to take positions that require caretaking, given the innate desire to give care to others. Just like alphas are more likely to take positions that require leadership.

However, you muse, cooing as the young beta in front of you snuggle closer to your lap, many tend to gloss over the many manifestations of one’s designation. It’s true that by virtue of being an omega, you’re naturally more inclined to take care of your peers. Your so-called softness being the defining quality of your group.

But your omega manifestation is… a bit different. Sometimes, it makes you wonder how you got hired as a preschool teacher in the first place.

“Teach’r, sleepy time?”

Glancing down, you see the young beta pout at you. Waving away your thoughts, you slide down to her side and let the afternoon light lull you to sleep. All thoughts about your heat fading away quietly.

Soon, naptime was over and so is the day. Parents slowly trickle in, one after another, to pick up their children. Most of them harried from work, but still smiling at you and your co-teachers in gratitude.

“See you tomorrow, Rahui!” You call, as the last student leaves.

The little girl in her puffy sweater turns and smiles at you sweetly. “Bye, bye, teacher! Sleepy time!”

You flush at your student’s comment much to her mother’s confusion. After falling asleep earlier, you’d woken up to a clean classroom and several of your students hovering over you. Your pre-heat symptoms felt like they’re coming too fast for your taste.

Waving her off with a smile, you untie your apron and walk to the staff room where the others are. It’s almost 6 pm, and your daily staff meeting’s in session. In front of the room is your superior, an older bonded omega, with deep dimples on her cheek.

“Good job today, everyone.” She starts off, smiling at the soft cheers from everyone. “As you know…”

Your superior continues on to talk about the children’s upcoming activities. Vaguely, you hear her talk about a field trip, or is it a field demo? Shaking your head, you try to clear your thoughts but it seem like everything’s underwater, and no sound is escaping from her lips.

“… right, y/n?”

Blinking, you focus, and sent her a sheepish smile. “Sorry, you were saying?”

Your superior smiles forgivingly, “I was asking about that self-defense class you’ve been wanting to teach. When would you like to schedule it? Of course, pending approval with everyone’s schedule.”

Immediately, a large smile appears on your cheek. It’s approved?? You’ve been proposing that seminar for months. Most of the omega teachers were wary of the thought but warmed up to it recently. Especially when you mentioned how it’ll help them protect their kids – their students – more.

“How about two weeks from now?”

“Anytime!” You offer. The enthusiasm isn’t lost on your co-workers, some of them shaking their heads in amusement.

Your superior looks over your office board and hums at the chart. It contains all your schedules, including leaves, conferences to attend and heat cycles. With one look, your heart drops.

“Actually…” you start off, wincing at the thought of inconveniencing everyone because of your biology. “My heat is coming up in two weeks…”

Surprisingly, or not, omegas are actually quite liberal in discussing things like this. It’s simply part of the biology you live with. So your mortification is unfounded as your co-workers nod in understanding, quickly suggesting different dates.

Your superior nods, and glances at your work log book. “Well, we could schedule maybe four weeks from now to get you time to recover? Don’t forget to file your leave.”

Right.

“I still can’t believe she flew you in for her rut.” Jooheon’s laugh and disbelief reaches Shownu’s ears before he even steps inside. Smiling to himself, he finds his friends lounging in his living room, completely comfortable and completely unexpected.

Jooheon looks up at his arrival, “Hi, hyung! We let ourselves in!”

“I can see that.” Shownu nods in greeting, trying to remember who he gave his spare keys to. He’s pretty sure he didn’t make six copies of his set. Shrugging off his coat, he look on, realizing how his living room looks smaller with a bunch of guys occupying it. Jooheon and Minhyuk are on his couch, Changkyun’s on his stomach on the floor, playing with his phone and, Hyunwoo and Kihyun are by the window drinking a can of beer each.

That’s one, two, three… four, five…

“Hey, you’re home! And – are those protein bars?” The paper bag is snatched from his hand, before Shownu registers, blinking slowly as Wonho disappears once again into the kitchen.

The smell of jajjangmyeon invades his senses. Ah, yes, guys’ night.

Shortly after his arrival, everyone gathers in the dining room. With the two youngest improvising chairs out of the boxes Shownu hasn’t had the chance to unpack, having just moved into his new home a month ago.

To the eldest’s surprise, everyone pitched in with dinner, bringing different dishes and filling the dining table. Assorted cuts of meat are sizzling over the portable electric grill Wonho brought, several small plates of side-dishes and… are those buttered crabs he’s seeing? “What’s this?”

Minhyuk shoots him an amused glance over his beer, “You don’t really think we’ll let you off without a house warming, right?”

Shownu blinks, a small bashful smile forming on his lips, “But I’ve been here a month.”

An arm wraps around his shoulder and a weight shakes him back and forth. Kihyun rolls his eyes, getting into his personal space. “This is the first time we’ve been complete for a month! Just enjoy it!”

Jooheon hums, his cheeks filled with lettuce and meat from the grill. “Yeah, I mean, though it’s only Minhyuk-hyung that hasn’t been around, too busy getting his dick wet.”

“Oi!” their youngest protests, ears burning and nearly spitting out his drink. “We are eating.”

Wonho heartily “taps” Changkyun’s back, laughing. “We’re all adults here. It’s not as if you haven’t heard or said anything worse, Kyunie.”

“Yeah, daddy~” Hyungwon hits, reminding everyone of one very particular incident in college that featured a younger Changkyun and a girl from the bar, and the very thin walls of their shared apartment.

Changkyun flushes before rolling his eyes, “At least I get some. Can’t say the same to you.”

Scoffing, Minhyuk raises his hands, “Excuse me, I have no problem with that.”

Before Minhyuk starts to dive into his sexual exploits, Kihyun saves the day and shoves a piece of meat into his mouth and diverts the conversation to work.

Over food and drinks, Shownu and his friends catch up on their personal lives – not having as much time to get together as before. Not with Wonho’s celebrity coaching taking off, Jooheon and Changkyun’s new artist, Kihyun’s voice academy and Hyungwon’s and Minhyuk’s modelling.

Sometimes, Shownu feels left behind by the big dreams his friends are living but every day, he wakes up and goes home happy as a chef and food blogger. His appetite thanking him for the career path he chose. Besides, as Changkyun said, he could go big time if he wants, it’s just a matter of self-promotion which he’s terrible at given his shy personality.

Dinner passes by with a blur and they find themselves nursing their last beers when Jooheon circles back to Minhyuk’s vacation.

“So, hyung. How does it feel to fulfill your sugar baby dreams?” The young alpha jokes, his dimples appearing on his cheeks as he elbows Minhyuk.

Stars appear in the latter’s eyes and with a dreamy sigh, he responds jokingly, “Just as I’ve always dreamed.”

The one of the only two omegas of their group has never shied away from talking about his exploits, his looks and all the advantages he gets from it. Often, he jokes that’s why he became a model – to be admired and to fulfill his duties to the world and bless them with his godly looks.

“She flew me to her family’s island, and we spent her rut and my heat underneath the blanket of stars.” Minhyuk recounts, all dreamy-eyed, “I felt really spoiled.”

“I bet.” Kihyun remarked, smirking. “Is this the girl you’ve been telling us about?”

Ignoring Hyungwon’s cough of which one, Minhyuk nods, “Yes!” and turns to Shownu, “She’s actually friends with Nayeon – who, by the way, is asking me about you, hyung.”

Shownu blinks, before handing a can of beer to Wonho across him. “Me?”

“Yeah, she asked why you never called her.”

A chorus of ooh’s echoes in the room followed by a few gruff laughter. Shownu ducks his head and nurses his drink. Nayeon’s a nice girl, a model that he met when Minhyuk called in a favor for him to substitute as one of their shoot’s models after the original model called in sick. She gave him his number on a piece of paper before departing with a sultry look and a flying kiss.

Contrary to popular belief, Shownu is not dense – or, more like, he’s not that dense.

“Ah,” Shownu starts, “Um. I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing.”

Wonho pauses and eyes him, before levelling the younger guys with a look that has them catching their teasing remarks and keeping it to themselves. Wonho has known Shownu the longest and knows that though his friend’s an alpha, physically, through and through, his disposition often throws people off.

He’s soft when others are hard. Soft-spoken, patient like a saint and very careful with his actions and words. Wonho doesn’t even remember if he’s ever seen his friend get angry or aggressive in the span of their long friendship.

A romantic at heart, through and through.

“Well,” Kihyun claps, breaking the quiet, “You know, no point in pursuing something that you know’s a dead end, right?”

Minhyuk pouts, sometimes a little bit insensitive in his enthusiasm, “But she’s cute! And she’s an omega too! Besides – wait—how do you even deal with your ruts?”

Shownu’s face lights up like a lantern, the drinks doing nothing about the flush crawling up his neck. It’s not like he’s never spent it with someone, but every time, after the week of his rut, he always feel tired and empty. So for the past ruts, he’s been dealing with it - “Alone, with suppressants.”

“Yah, I thought you’d stopped taking those!”

Constant use of suppressants for an alpha fucks up their cycle and even their moods. Wonho knows this the best because he was on it for several months back in college, before he started becoming confident enough in his newfound muscles and height.

“I did.” Shownu nods, assuring his friends. “I don’t use them anymore. Just when I’m… you know. It’s just easier to deal with.”

All the alphas in the room scoff under their breaths. Yeah, it’s easy if easy felt like walking and dancing on hot coal in the middle of the hottest summer day. It’s not as if their eldest can’t get a woman just by standing by the bar, being his awkward self.

At their little corner, Jooheon and Changkyun glance at each other, years of friendship evident in their wordless communication. Changkyun tilts his head, eyes widening and jaw clenched, “Go”, he mouths.

Jooheon pouts, “Do you know how hard it is to get into their mixers, punk?”

Shrinking at Changkyun’s flat stare, Jooheon rolls his eyes and sends a prayer to the universe asking for good karma.

“Hyung, what do you think about dating services?”

Notes: The stage is set for our two protagonists! I tried to incorporate as much world-building and character backgrounds as I can without it being over the top. Please leave comments and asks! :) I’m trying to stick to weekly updates. Also, support Monsta X’s next comeback!

#shownu x reader #monsta x shownu #monsta x imagines #monsta x fanfiction #abo dynamics #seungkwan cameo appearance #because im a moncarat #seungkwan's a pimp #sort of #alpha shownu #omega reader #quite the lore for abo #monsta x comeback #monsta x x reader #monsta x #son hyunwoo fanfiction

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 7 years

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8 things finishing my 8th book taught me

*I wrote this post on the 16th of October, for the record!*

Hey People of Earth!

So just like in the post I wrote up in January when I finished my seventh novel, this is kind of nuts to say, and I didn't think I’d be writing this for another month, but uh.

I finished my eighth book.

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I’m going to quote past me in that particular post (which you can read HERE) because if this isn't scary accurate, I dunno what is:

So I kind of made a stupid, somewhat fleeting goal this past Friday, as I usually do. And that was to finish this book at all costs.

It doesn't *really* surprise me that that I finished my seventh novel, and then my eighth under the same parameters, lol. (Both were finished on Sunday nights too, I believe?)

I genuinely can’t believe this book is over. It’s been eight months of writing this novel (HA eight months for my eighth book) and I can say I’m genuinely so sad it’s over. I walked around today feeling like I lost an important part of myself which is really dramatic seeming as though I just finished the book, but I hope someone out there relates.

I started this book right after finishing my seventh novel (book four in this series), and I’ll be honest--I was so scared about writing this book. Book seven gave me a really hard time, and I almost thought I’d made a mistake in a) continuing this story and b) taking it in the direction I did. I couldn't evade fear when writing this novel. Starting it took me a while because it was so nerve-wracking to think it could be as much of a struggle as the last. I didn't want to fail because I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to pull myself out of that rut, and then end up with an unfinished series.

Annnnnnd then I started my Doing the Write Thing updates, and all of that worry faded a bit. I started DtWT at a little under 10k words, and reached a little under 160k through that series. It kept me accountable. It excited me, and more than anything, motivated me. I know I mentioned this in DtWT #61, but thank you again for supporting that series so much, and for reading those posts. Genuinely, it means a lot to share my work with you, and to see my work improve as each post passes. I really don't know if I would’ve finished this novel without that series. It really kicked me into the gear of writing again, and gahhhh, thank you again.

FOSTERED #5 houses some of my best work, but most importantly, taught me so, so much, and so, here I bring to you, eight things finishing my eighth novel taught me.

1. I really care about writing.

This is my eighth book, and I can confidently say this is the only one in which I cared about the writing from start to finish. (Sounds strange, but I’ll explain.)While writing is a lot of things, at its core, writing is writing, and it took me eight books to really immerse myself in words and enjoy using them as tools to create something beautiful. I crave beautiful prose—a desire I didn’t really feel until writing this book. Making sentences read and sound like art is what I strive for now.

From books 1-6, writing wasn't my top priority. Telling a story no matter the quality was my priority, and while that isn't wrong, I think working with that mindset for so long wasn't becoming enough for me. I needed to re-evaluate, and really focusing on the craft of writing, rather than storytelling was what I needed. Of course, writing also includes good storytelling, but I feel, looking back on it, that until halfway around book seven, I didn't even think about the writing. I didn't edit it all that much, and most importantly, didn't care about writing. I liked words, yeah, and enjoyed creating the random nice sentence here and there, but I didn't view it as something I could use to create art. Now, good writing means a lot to me, and while I don't think my writing is perfect, and could use improvement, I’m so happy with the improvement I’ve made and the love of actual writing I’ve procured start-to-finish through it. :)

2. Sometimes acceptance takes time.

Book four of this series (my seventh novel) took me a very, very long time to accept, and even after I’d written it, I wasn’t confident in the route I’d taken it. I still had the same worries when writing book five and it took a whole lot of crying to realize that I’m very proud of how these last two books turned out. I’m an emotional person, but don't often show my emotions, so it’s sort of funny looking back how much I cried when writing this book, HA. I had a lot of worries about this novel, and my anxiety was eating me alive every time I wrote it. That was my issue in the beginning, but I found, the more time went on in writing this book, the more I accepted it, and the more I grew to really love it. So, if you’re in a position like me, and you’re seriously not feeling your book, sometimes time is the best remedy.

3. Moments like these are the ones you need to cherish.

When I was writing the last paragraph or so of this book, I got really emotional (lol how do I say that without sounding melodramatic). I didn’t cry or anything, but it felt like I was losing something. It was bittersweet. I’ve never felt this way before when I’ve finished a novel. It’s honestly usually been me moving onto the next book the same day or the next day, or feeling content.

But this… was something else. It was letting go of something I loved so much. I learned through this book that every time you write your book is time you should cherish. It’s something you spend a chunk of your life on. Moments happen around your book, and your book is there with you to experience them. This book in particular holds such a strong place in my heart because it gave me--as cheesy as it sounds lol rip--some new hope.

I learned to love the book I write when I write it even if it’s a pain. To cherish my time with this book, and to take my time. It hurt to finish it, honestly, I guess it’s particularly angsty for me to say I feel this grief for something that hasn't left me. I’m so glad it’s done, but it was like closing the door to a chapter I didn’t want to end. It had to end in that spot, rightfully so, but I wanted to hang onto it for as long as I could. I genuinely appreciate every moment I had to write this book, looking back. And I’m so happy I learned so much through it.

4. Taking your time isn’t a bad thing.

This sort of bounces off that last one, but this is a lesson I learned the hard way. My average drafting time before I wrote my seventh book was 3 months. This book, as I mentioned, took me eight months, and before then, the longest it’d taken me to write a novel was six months, and that was the hardest book I’d ever written. A big issue I had when I was writing book four in this series was that I felt as if taking three months longer than my average to draft was a telling sign that I was struggling with the book. I can pretty much say writing this novel was a bit of a breeze (it had its moments, but overall), and taking my time helped in terms of quality. A disclaimer, the time it takes to write a book varies from writer to writer, so this is completely personal, but I feel like taking a little longer writing this book realllyyyyyyy amped it up in the prose department.

Not to roast past me, but yooooo my older books lacked a lottttttttt of literary merit, like where is the good writing cuz I see none, lol. Not to say this book is amazing and the writing is excellent, but I do see a substantial improvement from my older stuff. So yes, initially when I started writing this book I was keen on finishing it in three months and rushing it so I could just be done and write something else. But as time went on, I realized that there is no rush. Even though I constantly feel at rush in my life (for mental health reasons I don't want to get into now, but if you’re curious, let me know!), I learned to take it slow. Enjoy the writing process, and create something at the end of the day, regardless of how long it takes.

5. I’m growing up.

A common question I posed while writing this book to myself and to my sister was well where did all the fun times go? Books 1-3 in this story are pretty juvenile—more banter between characters, ‘missions’, and so on, but as I aged, I found those things dried up and turned into just straight melancholy? (lol) I don’t have many if any fun times in book five, not in the sense I defined fun times as at least in the past. This series has spanned five books, and three years of my life, so I’ve done a lot of growing up since writing the first one. Its message and morals have gone from super obvious to pretty ambiguous, and the lines of morality have been blurred quite a bit (which I enjoy incorporating into my writing now). Right and wrong aren’t as easily spotted (and tbh this book is totallllyyyyy not suited for a YA audience lol content is hella graphic but), and a lot of it is rooted in the darkest corners of the human mind. I don't know if 13-year-old me would’ve expected these books to wind up in this path, but 16-year-old me is cool with where it is. I left a lot of me in these books, and pretty much grew up with them. It’s strange to have captured so much growth of myself personally in these novels, but this is already something I've learned to cherish.

6. I might actually be a true Pantser (but we’ll see)

So if any of you have been following this blog since the good ol’ 2015 days, it’s common knowledge that I made it clear I was a Pantser. I pantsed everyyyythiiiiingggg. In recent years, I’ve decided to start outlining projects I plan on publishing (for the most part, excluding ALANNIS) just so I can see what I’m getting into before I start. The FOSTERED series, since it’s all personal stuff, isn’t going to be published. I pants these books, but occasionally, and I found this happened a lot more with book five, I’ll write up ‘scene screenplays’ which are basically just the bones of a scene.

OH did I find out that writing with a guideline does noooottttt work for me. I’m not going to say anything here is permanent, but I pretty much realized my writing with my outline VS without one is drastically different... I’m not actually happy about this discovery to be honest, as I've already started outlining a couple projects, and the struggle was so real when writing with an outline for this novel. I really do hope this is not the case, and was just subjective to this book, but yes, this was a major lesson I picked up on when writing this particular book (and I reallllllllyyyyyyyy hope this changes)!

7. I like writing really sad, dark things

This is sorta morbid, I’m sorry, but I’m really into writing all things dark and upsetting and overall, enjoy a darker tone in my writing. I noticed, if I had any ‘happier’ scene, it’d take me a little longer to write/I had more trouble writing it. Don’t know what that says about me, but as someone who is sort of naturally on the darker side (edgy af the edge is real), it makes sense that I do enjoy the not so pleasant sides of the mind, and life. Or, I’m just really angsty, and angst (poetic angst in this book, I’ll say) is all you need. Love is all you need more like angst is all you need.

*angst*

I don't think there’s anything particularly wrong with enjoying writing darker things, and I noted that I often struggle writing joy. Honestly this is just sad, lol. (But I mean look at my boi Edgar, he wrote lots of dark things and I mean that's my dude now speaking of Edgar, the epigraph of this novel [which I’m including, even if the others don’t because epigraphs are aesthetic goals] is an Edgar quote and Edgar is my bro.)

8. I love this book so much, and if I could go back and tell myself I would have when I started it, I would.

I worried a lot when I started this novel. I worried it would fail, that it would get nowhere, that it would end unfinished, that I’d taken it the wrong route, that it would take too long to write, that I wouldn’t enjoy what I was writing, that the plot was dumb, that I focused on the wrong things, that the first chapter wasn’t strong enough, and a whole other laundry list of worries pretty common between writers. I really would go back to my past self and tell her not to worry. To tell her that just because she wrote this book and said she wouldn't, doesn't mean the product would be shitty. I’m genuinely proud of this novel, and I don't know if I’ve said that in a long time. I’m happy I wrote it. Happy I poured eight months of my life into it, and most importantly, am happy it taught me so many valuable lessons. I’m happy I got to connect with you on another level through it, and happy I carried it with me through this stage of my life. It saw my hatred, and my worst moments, my great moments, my worry, and every other emotion I also tried to share on here. Books are books, but this one felt like a friend. I’m sad to lose my friend now, but I’m thankful for the time we spent together. This got all sappy again, but yes. Thank you, book. I will miss writing you, lol.

So that’s it for today’s post. I had a blast writing this. It’s always a nice reflective period to go back in time and really point out what exactly I learned through this journey. I think this novel shaped me a lot as a writer, and I’m happy to move into other projects without it, because I feel like I know a lot more than I did before. Thank you for being on this journey with me, and for reading through everything that happened in these last eight months. I truly appreciate everything you give me, and couldn't express my thanks enough.

Aaaaand before I leave, a mega thanks to my dudes who continuously supported this journey: @sarahkelsiwrites, @sssoto and @shaelinwrites for listening, encouraging, and teaching me so many things about writing.

See you in the next one. :)

--Rachel

#Writing

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asfeedin · 4 years

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Father’s Day Gift Guide | Serious Eats

Le Creuset Cake Stand

If you’ve ever been given a homemade birthday cake, return the favor by buying your favorite baker this iconic cake stand. Its heavy base keeps cakes secure and makes all types of decorating techniques a breeze.

Magnetic Knife Rack

Not only do magnetic knife strips save space, they also look pretty badass hanging on your wall. They’ll keep your knives from rubbing up against other utensils, which can make them dull (and can be dangerous, too).

Egg Cups

Any dad who loves soft-boiled eggs deserves the perfect cup to eat them from. These sturdy stoneware Le Creuset cups come in a range of beautiful colors. They’re totally classic, which is a good thing because they’ll also last for generations to come.

Kitchen-Helper Stool

Daniel’s one-and-a-half-year-old son has a new and urgent interest in whatever’s happening up on the kitchen counter that he can’t see. He begs to be picked up, but that means Daniel can cook with only one hand, which, while kind of, sort of, maybe possible, is extremely difficult. Plus, the kid is heavy. It’s time to add a learning tower to the kitchen so he can stand and watch, sometimes even help, while Daniel continues to get dinner ready. This one is great because it folds up for easy storage.

Taketsuru Pure Malt Japanese Whisky

Anyone who appreciates Scotch (or good spirits in general) will embrace Nikka’s exquisite whiskies. The Taketsuru Pure Malt is named for the company’s founder, who studied in Scotland before bringing whisky distilling back to Japan. This bottling has a slight fruity character, with lingering sherry on the finish.

Meat Cleaver

This meat cleaver has a well-balanced weight, sharp edge, and solid construction—a boon since a lot of more-affordable cleavers like this one feel very cheap and after repeat use get wobbly around the handle.

Smeg Toaster

After years of putting up with a cheap toaster that I picked up at the supermarket, I recently upgraded to this super fancy Italian job in cool mint. It’s sleek design and soothing pastel color transform the kitchen’s most boring appliance into a statement piece, and it really does a good job with the toast itself. Plus, I mean, it’s really dang pretty. If nothing else, you owe it to yourself to read this toaster’s priceless reviews.

Simple Coffee Maker

The Bonavita is one of the faster models we tested, and it earned high scores in nearly all of our tastings. A single switch governs all of its operations, making the brewing process incredibly simple.

Wüsthof Classic Carving Knife

This knife features an extremely sharp edge; a well-balanced, comfortable handle; and plenty of flexibility. It carves through roast turkey like butter, leaving very little meat stuck to the bones. It has a composite handle and a full tang to offer balance and support, with a bolster that is lightly angled and slim enough to make gripping the blade easy.

REC TEC Wood Pellet Grill

REC TEC offers high-quality pellet smokers featuring excellent digital controllers and sturdy construction. With a 40-pound pellet hopper, a 680-square-inch cook surface, and nine inches of headroom, the REC TEC 680 is a large, smartly constructed pellet smoker. It also looks awesome.

12-Inch Stainless-Steel Locking Tongs

Indoors, I prefer the control that a shorter, seven- or nine-inch set of tongs gives me. When flipping a dozen steaks over a blazing-hot fire, though, it’s better to keep your distance. I use these OXO Good Grips Stainless Steel Tongs at home, and their solid construction has lasted for a good six years of heavy (and I mean heavy) use so far.

Culina Stainless Steel Grilling Basket

A good grill basket should be durable, with a tight enough weave to allow very small foods to be cooked without risk of getting lost. Finally, it’s worth hunting down one that’s sizable enough to cook large batches of food in one go. One of our favorites is the simple Culina stainless steel basket. The metal mesh keeps even the smallest food items up on the grill grate where they belong. You can even toast or smoke nuts in it.

Set of Two Rectangular Grill Grates

If you’ve ever used a gas grill and grown frustrated with unfixable hot and cool spots and overall weak performance, this tool is for you. Made from hard anodized aluminum, the GrillGrate system sits directly on your existing grate, amplifying and evening out the heat, which allows for more even cooking, flare-up resistance, and exceptional sear marks.

A Nice Apron

There’s form, and then there’s function. The aprons from Tilit are great on both fronts. Made from waxed cotton, they offer breathability along with water resistance, but they’re also damned handsome. Several NYC restaurants have commissioned custom apron designs from the company for their chefs and cooks, and I’m pretty psyched to wear one of these bad boys at home, too.

My Mexico City Kitchen: Recipes and Convictions

Mexico City is one of Sasha’s favorite cities in the world, and he’s traveled there a fair amount with his family. They always make sure to have lunch at Chef Gabriela Cámara’s restaurant Contramar when they’re in the DF. Her food is bright, light, and absolutely delicious, and her newly published cookbook is everything.

Presto Tilt-N-Fold Griddle

Presto’s Tilt-n-Fold model is very simple to set up and operate, and it has a compact design that makes it easy to store in kitchen cabinets when not in use. It has a large, smooth, nonstick cooking surface that heats mostly evenly, can be set at an angle to drain grease, and is easy to clean. We love the price, too.

KitchenAid Food Grinder Attachment

The great thing about buying a meat grinder attachment is that you already know that the hardest-working part of your grinder—the motor—is going to be a workhorse that can power through even the toughest grinding projects. Stand mixer attachments are a great option if you make a lot of sausage. You can grind the meat directly into the bowl, then attach the bowl to the machine and immediately start mixing it with the paddle to develop protein. It’s a real time-saver.

La Venenosa Sierra de Jalisco Raicilla

If your dad likes to be on the cutting edge of what’s cool, impress him with a whole type of spirits he may not have tried. Raicilla is distilled from agave, like tequila and mezcal, but few people have heard of it, since it only entered American markets in 2014. Sierra de Jalisco has a vibrant acidity, with earthy-fruity-vegetal elements playing around it. If Dad’s a fan of funky mezcals, he’ll enjoy raicilla’s incredible complexity.

Affordable Mandoline Slicer

A great mandoline will rapidly make photo-worthy cuts of your favorite vegetables, whether it’s thin slices of radishes for a salad or potatoes for a gratin. This basic OXO slicer has three thickness settings and perches over a bowl to easily catch the slices as they fall.

Brooklyn Bartender

If your dad has a taste for a well-made cocktail, but isn’t that likely to take off on a bar crawl in Brooklyn, this book is the perfect solution. It features 300 innovative and classic drink recipes from the best bars of the borough; every cocktail I’ve made so far has been killer. The drinks Carey Jones has selected aren’t dumbed down at all, but, for the most part, you’re not looking at mile-long ingredient lists, either.

World’s Fair Barbecue Rub

Ariel discovered this spice mix 11 years ago, and it’s still one of her favorite things to give as a gift. It’s a perfect blend of everyday ingredients (shallots, garlic, paprika, and sea salt), but with unusual flavor notes from grains of paradise. She buys it by the pound to dump on meat, seafood, and even eggs, but you can start by picking it up a reasonably sized jar or bag.

Julep Cups

I don’t often recommend single-function items, but for the cocktail enthusiast, a couple of julep cups really are fun to have. There’s nothing like holding that metal cup frosted with ice on a blisteringly hot summer day—glass just doesn’t pull the effect off in the same way. If the recipient doesn’t have an ice crusher, check out my Lewis bag suggestion as well.

PDT Cocktails App

At drink o’clock, wefind myself turning to this app. Enter all the bottles you have at home when you start, and the app will tell you all of the drinks you can make, with recipes straight from New York’s famous PDT cocktail lounge. You can also search for drinks of a certain type or cocktails created by a favorite bartender, and save favorites for making again. (To give an app as a gift, look for the arrow to the right of the “buy” icon.)

The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science

A New York Times best seller! The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science by J. Kenji López-Alt is his column from this very website, blown up to 900-plus pages (and seven-plus pounds) of concentrated culinary science. Gorgeous color photos, detailed how-tos, and elaborate explainers cover ingredients, technique, gear, and the secrets of the universe underneath it all. May include puns.

Big Ice Cube Tray

If you like your whiskey with a giant ice cube, then you’ll really be into Mammoth Cubes—unlike ice cube trays from current competitor brands, these make eight cubes (not six) and are actually stackable, so they don’t require a section unto themselves in your freezer.

Wooden Pizza Peel for Launching Pizzas

Wooden peels absorb excess moisture and have a rougher surface than metal, which means that your stretched and topped pizza dough will remain loose and easy to launch far longer, saving you from potential pizza-spilled-all-over-the-oven accidents. Though there are cheaper options around, I love my Perfect Peel Baker’s Board, handcrafted to last a lifetime from gorgeous solid cherrywood. They’ll even put your initials or logo on it if you’d like!

Espresso Cups

Espresso cups make a nice gift on their own for coffee fiends. But when they’re Le Creuset, they’re even better—mostly because everything from the French heritage brand is aesthetically pleasing and built to last. Oh, and these cups might be the most affordable Le Creuset pieces on the market. So, if you want in on the trend for a moderate price, they make a good starter item.

Lever Corkscrew

The OXO worked on every bottle and cork we tested it with. The two-step motion—push down, then pull up—yanks the cork out in about two seconds. Repeat the process, and the cork drops free of the opener. The capable foil cutter clips into the body of the tool.

Now & Again: Go-To Recipes, Inspired Menus + Endless Ideas for Reinventing Leftovers

This cookbook by Julia Turshen, author of Small Victories and Feed the Resistance, is full of simple, delicious meals for everyday eating, parties, and holidays. Better yet, each one includes a bunch of suggestions for how to remake it as leftovers. It’s a trove of great, creative ideas, and a must for any bookworm.

Misen Chef’s Knife

This is the holy grail of inexpensive chef’s knives: incredible quality and design, high-end materials, perfect balance, and a razor-sharp edge.

Uuni 2S Pizza Oven

There are a lot of custom-designed pizza ovens out there in various price ranges. I reviewed a bunch of them, and one of my favorites was the Uuni 3. It consists of a small stainless steel box with a pizza stone set inside it. You load up a hopper on the rear of the unit with wood pellets, light it up with a torch or lighter fluid, and let it preheat. About 15 minutes later, you’re ready to cook. This little powerhouse hits temperatures in excess of 900°F and bakes up Neapolitan-sized pizzas in just 60 to 90 seconds.

Serving bowl

There’s no such thing as too many serving bowls, and this simple two-tone piece goes with virtually everything. At 11.5 inches across, it’s the perfect size for dad’s favorite side dishes; in my house, it’s go-to for salads, roasted vegetables, mashed potatoes, and pasta.

AeroGarden Harvest

Cooking with fresh herbs makes every recipe better. Cooking with fresh herbs that you grew all by yourself makes life better. The AeroGarden takes the guesswork out of growing herbs inside, with an automated light to keep your parsley and thyme thriving and weekly reminders for water and nutrients. Just prepare yourself for epic amounts of basil.

Welding Gloves for Grilling

After countless failed grilling mitts, we got ourselves a pair of welding gloves to use when grilling or smoking and never looked back. With great heat protection, dexterity, and construction, these are a necessity for every backyard cook.

Chocolate-Hazelnut Spread

Marco Colzani is a great Italian bean-to-bar chocolate maker, with a number of excellent products under his brand, Amaro. But it’s his spreads that have Ed addicted, particularly the Cacao Nocciole, or hazelnut-and-chocolate variety. Imagine a Nutella-like substance, but made with the freshest roasted hazelnuts and extra-chocolaty high-quality cocoa powder.

Zojirushi Rice Cooker

A couple years ago, I managed to convince my wife of the necessity of buying a rice cooker. Not just any rice cooker: a Zojirushi. The only concession I was willing to make had to do with the size, since she wisely noted that we didn’t have the counter space for any rice cooker at all, let alone the kind of rice cooker that I had in mind. So I bought a little guy that fits, max, three cups of rice, but really is only usable for about two and a half. She’s since come around to the indisputable excellence of the cooker, and she loves everything about it, from the wonderful rice it makes to the “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” it plays when you turn it on.

Small Baking Steel Griddle

These days, I keep this solid slab of steel permanently atop one of the burners of my stove. One side has a pebbled surface—ideal for getting extra-crisp, better-than-a-baking-stone crust on homemade pizzas. And, unlike a baking stone, this thing is going to last forever. The griddle arrives as shiny steel, but with just a few uses, it seasons up into a dark, slick nonstick surface that Dad can use for pancakes, eggs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, and more.

KitchenAid Pasta Attachment

This is hands down the KitchenAid attachment I use most often. It takes all of the frustration and fussiness out of making fresh pasta, and, unlike the manual alternatives out there, it’s incredibly easy and efficient to operate on your own. Hello, homemade ravioli!

Mediterranean Power Snacks Gift Box

There’s nothing worse than a hangry family member. Make sure Dad always has a snack on hand with this Mediterranean-themed gift box, brimming with Spanish snacks like chorizo, crunchy almonds, crackers, and fig cake.

Charcuterie

Ruhlman and Polcyn do a great job of demystifying one of the more abstruse cooking arts, and, while charcuterie may seem daunting, it can be gratifyingly easy. Start simple, with the pancetta, confit, rillettes, and duck prosciutto, and you’ll find yourself with a mold-inoculated curing chamber in no time.

The One True Barbecue

Race relations, religion, the New South versus the Old: These are just a smattering of the heavy issues Rien Fertel writes about through the lens of—well—smoked meat in this new book. And, while you might be thinking, “Oh, man, another book about barbecue?”, this one stands out from the crowd thanks to Fertel’s superb writing and storytelling skills. In a book that’s part culinary history, part personal narrative, and part tale of an American road trip, Fertel travels throughout the South, documenting the men who have long stood behind the fires practicing the time-consuming pursuit of whole hog barbecue—the ones who have been keeping alive the embers of what once seemed like a dying art, and the ones who are inspiring a new generation of pitmasters today.

Mastering Pasta: The Art and Practice of Handmade Pasta, Gnocchi, and Risotto

If you’re looking for one definitive primer on pasta-making in its myriad forms, this is it: Superlative step-by-step photographs take the guesswork out of potentially intimidating fundamentals, like mixing and kneading dough, as well as more intricate tasks, like pleating teardrops of corn- and cheese-stuffed culurgiònes. Better yet, author Marc Vetri arms you with the tools and knowledge that allow for controlled, intelligent experimentation and exploration before sending you into the fray.

Ice Cream Maker

Homemade ice cream tastes better than almost anything you can buy in a store, and it’s a snap to make. This ice cream maker, from Cuisinart, is all the gear you need: an easy-to-use workhorse that makes delicious ice cream every time. The simple construction means that there are few moving parts to break, and the wide mouth at the top makes it simple to add mix-ins and scoop out your ice cream when it’s at its fresh, creamy best.

Salt Cellar

Proper seasoning is one of the most important parts of cooking, and if you’re still using plain table salt from (heaven forbid!) a saltshaker, you’re shooting yourself in the food. Using kosher salt from a salt cellar lets you feel exactly how much salt is getting into your food, whether it’s a tiny pinch or a big ol’ wallop.

Lewis Bag

If you’re following my advice to buy someone julep cups, you might as well go all the way and grab a canvas Lewis bag, too: It’s used to smash ice into a fine powder with a mallet. Unless, of course, the person you’re buying for already has an ice crusher.

Vacuum Sealer

Know someone who’s interested in sous vide cooking? They’re gonna want this. And it’s handy for way more than just sous vide cooking. A vacuum sealer makes it really easy to save meats or other foods in the freezer, and it keeps air (read: freezer burn) off it all. The Oliso sealer uses a unique resealable-bag system, which means far less wasted plastic than a conventional cut-and-seal vacuum sealer.

Electric Countertop Pressure Cooker

A pressure cooker is a cooking vessel that just keeps on giving: Once you discover the time-saving feats it’s capable of, you’ll never look back. The good ones aren’t cheap, but man, is it ever worth having one. A countertop electric model gives you set-it-and-forget-it convenience. With the Breville Fast Slow Pro Cooker, not only do you have complete control over your pressure cooking (including any pressure level from 1.5 to 12 psi), you also have a slow cooker and a rice cooker built right in. It’ll even sear meat for stews.

Wusthof Classic Chef’s Knife

If you’re dead set on a traditional German knife profile—characterized by a more curved blade that’s bigger and heavier than the Japanese options—the Wüsthof Classic continues to be a stalwart. It weighs more than most of the other knives tested, giving it a solid and sturdy feel, but it still handles well and has a sharp edge.

Introduction to Japanese Cuisine: Nature, History and Culture

The Japanese Culinary Academy has released a series of textbooks about Japanese cuisine and technique, and every one of them is gorgeous. It’s the ideal gift for a dad with an interest in Japanese cooking.

Cynar 70

Cynar (pronounced chee-NAHR) is often identified by the artichoke on the label, but that’s just one of the many flavors you’ll find in this complex liqueur. And, while we’re fans of the rich, sweet, and vegetal 1950s original, we’re really excited about the new Cynar on the block. Cynar 70 is 35% alcohol instead of 16.5%, and the extra booze makes a marked difference, rendering the liqueur a bit less sweet and accentuating its bold, spicy flavors. If Dad likes Negronis or other bitter drinks, this is a great choice for a gift.

Dyson Handheld Vacuum

Dad keeps his kitchen spotless because even just one crumb will summon all those Florida critters. This handheld vacuum (which I have, use, and swear by myself) ensures zero crumbs left behind, whether it’s hanging in that small space under the dishwasher or the crevice between the stove and the cabinets.

Anova Precision Cooker

Sous vide cooking—cooking foods in vacuum-sealed pouches in precisely controlled water baths—is no longer relegated to fancy restaurant kitchens. The Anova Precision Cooker is the best home water-bath controller on the market, with an easy-to-use interface, Bluetooth support, rock-solid construction, a sleek look, and an affordable price tag to boot.

Anson Mills Grits

It may sound nuts to mail-order cornmeal and grits, given that they’re found on any supermarket shelf. But I’d argue that you haven’t experienced the best cornbread, grits, or other classic Southern dishes until you’ve had them made with the kind of high-quality stuff Anson Mills is selling. It’ll change how you understand those foods and what they can be.

ThermoWorks Thermapen

The Cadillac of kitchen thermometers is indispensable when roasting meat, cooking steaks, making candy, deep-frying, or at any other time precise temperature control is needed. With a big display and a blazing-fast measuring time of under two seconds, you won’t find a better, easier-to-use thermometer out there.

Baratza Virtuoso Coffee Grinder

It’s not exactly cheap, but this burr grinder does an admirable job of grinding coffee for espresso, pourover, or drip, all at a significantly lower price point than similarly performing competitors.

Craighill Trophy Bottle Opener

We wouldn’t normally spend $9 on a bottle opener, let alone $95. But this beautiful creation from Craighill, made by Niki’s good friend from college, is both sculptural and functional, just as the website proclaims. When it’s not opening bottles, use it to decorate your coffee or dining table, or even as a paperweight on your desk.

Weber Spirit E330 Liquid Propane Gas Grill

The Spirit E330 was introduced last year to replace the E320. The two models are identical except that the 330 adds a 7,500-BTU sear burner between the left and middle main burners. Sear burners are one of our favorite extras for gas grills. You’ll love turning this baby up to 11 when searing steaks and burgers.

Miracle-Gro Twelve Indoor Growing System

After previously lauding Aerogardens for how easy they make it to grow herbs at home (and how having a constant supply of fresh herbs has changed her cooking), Ariel’s upgraded to this larger system from Miracle-Gro. The increased size—it’s about as big as a side table—and bright lights allow you to grow a bounty of lettuces, herbs, and other greens, and you can program the app to turn the lights off and on according to your schedule. An expensive but excellent gift for anyone who loves fresh produce and fears their own black thumbs.

Leave-In Dual-Probe Thermometer

The Smoke is designed for grillers and barbecuers, but it’s a precise two-probe thermometer that can be calibrated and is just as handy indoors. Use the meat probe to gauge the temperature inside a roast and the ambient probe to track the smoker or grill’s temperature.

Tiffin

I’m a sucker for bentos, tiffins, and other tidy ways to carry lunch to the office, and the fact that I don’t technically have an office to carry lunch to anymore has only slightly dampened my enthusiasm. This two-layer tiffin is neat and attractive without being too cutesy, and it’s small enough that it won’t occupy too much space in a shared fridge. In the warmer months, it’ll do just as well for packing sandwiches and individual portions of salad or fresh fruit for a picnic.

Beefeater Burrough’s Reserve Gin

Burrough’s Reserve is a rare thing indeed: a gin you can enjoy neat. It’s distilled in founder James Burrough’s original copper pot still, then rested in barrels that once held the aromatic aperitif wine Lillet, picking up a light straw color and a touch of oak. The barrel-aging mellows the familiar juniper-citrus character of Beefeater just a bit, for a spirit that’s smooth and satisfying. It makes a superior Martini or Vesper, but it may be at its most appealing served solo in a chilled glass.

Pistachio Spread

Since first getting his hands on a jar of this pistachio spread, Sasha hasn’t shut up about it. Made from Sicilian pistachios, olive oil, sugar, and sea salt, it’s sweet, slightly salty, incredibly creamy, and just flat-out delicious. While it’s not cheap, this is one of those specialty products that are actually worth the price tag, and it makes a great gift. Spread it on bread, drizzle it over ice cream, or just eat it by the spoonful straight from the jar.

Stainless Steel Food Scale With Pull-Out Display

A good digital scale is an essential tool for bakers or home charcuterie makers. The OXO Food Scale comes with an easy-to-clean removable stainless steel weighing surface, great accuracy and precision, and a pullout backlit display to make measuring simple, even for large or unwieldy items.

Mixing Glass

This hand-blown and -etched mixing glass from Japan looks stunning on a bar cart and even better in action, whether you’re stirring a Negroni, a Martini, or a Manhattan. Mixing glasses made from two parts joined together sometimes split at the seam, but this version, made in one piece with a beaker-like spout, can stand up to heavy use.

Stovetop Pressure Cooker

I tested dozens of stovetop pressure cookers before settling on Kuhn Rikon’s Duromatic. It has a heavy sandwiched-aluminum-and-steel base that gives you even heat and a pressure gauge that makes telling exactly how much pressure has built up inside visual and intuitive.

Tojiro Fujitora Honesuki

Over the course of his career, Daniel has slowly built up a decent collection of both traditional and Western-style Japanese knives. Next on his list is a honesuki—a small, triangular butchery knife that tapers to a fine point. It’s designed for breaking down chickens and other small pieces of meat. The blade isn’t meant to cut through bone, but instead to deftly slide through meat and connective tissue, and carve its way between joints.

Best Poultry Shears

Oxo’s poultry shears include an easy to engage and disengage locking mechanism, a looped handle that won’t allow greasy hands to slip when squeezing hard, and a take-apart hinge for thorough cleaning. But what really makes it our top pick is that it’s one of the only pairs of shears we tested that can both snip through squirmy skin and cleave through bone. If poultry shears can’t do that, you might as well not own a pair.

Sant’Eustachio Whole Coffee Beans

Sant’Eustachio is a coffee-bar institution in the center of Rome, and it’s where Sasha’s life as a coffee drinker began when he was a kid. The baristi at Sant’Eustachio perform coffee alchemy at espresso machines outfitted with custom-made metal partitions that keep their methods secret from curious onlooking customers. He always tries to bring back a bag of Sant’Eustachio coffee for his father every time he visits the Eternal City, but now he can just order some online. How convenient!

Rice, Noodle, Fish

Warning: Reading this book might lead to the purchase of some very expensive plane tickets. The Roads & Kingdoms crew will get you hungry for a journey to Japan: for onigiri basted with chicken fat, juicy one-bite gyoza, milky-white tonkotsu ramen broth, and briny sea urchin. Is Japan the best place on earth to eat? This book will convince you that it is.

Buttery Popcorn Seasoning

Ariel’s dad has long been a movie-theater-popcorn fanatic—he’s been known to go into the theater just to get popcorn, then leave. This popcorn seasoning will cut out the middleman, allowing her dad to make his very own cinema-worthy popcorn right at home.

Dark-Chocolate Sea Salt Almonds

You can find dark chocolate and almonds combined in any number of candy bars. What distinguishes these delicious nuggets from Nuts.com is the generous sprinkling of sea salt embedded in the thick chocolate shell. Just be sure not to open them for a taste—once you’ve had one, the rest will never make it to Dad.

Insulated Beverage Bottle

The Hydro Flask is designed to keep water cold for hours on end, but its vacuum-insulated walls don’t discriminate between beverages: The 32-ounce flask can also accommodate a full bottle of wine, or a big batch of margaritas. It’s ideal for picnics and trips to the beach, no matter what you’re drinking.

Cast Iron Skillet

Old cast iron has a perfectly smooth nonstick surface that’s surprisingly easy to maintain. You can sear, bake, roast, braise, stew, and deep-fry in it, and there’s nothing more thoughtful than a gift that you have to expend a bit of effort to find (check out eBay, yard sales, and flea markets). Of course, these modern Lodge pans will do in a pinch if vintage isn’t in the cards.

Frankies 457 Olive Oil

Fancy olive oil always makes a good gift, but there’s a difference between fancy olive oil and good fancy olive oil. The house oil from Frankies 457 Sputino in Brooklyn is delicious (i.e. great on fresh bread and in dishes), is DOC cerified, and comes in a nice tin that prevents the light from spoiling the product.

Metal Pizza Peel for Retrieving Pizzas

Wooden pizza peels are too thick to easily slide under a pie once it’s hit the oven; for that, you’ll want a thin-bladed metal peel. A thin-gauge aluminum peel is just fine for the occasional baker, but it’ll bend and warp eventually. If you’re going to be making pizza multiple times a year for many years to come, you might want to spring for something heavy-duty. I use the KettlePizza Pro Peel, which has a thick-gauge aluminum body that extends fully past the solid teakwood handle.

Whiskey Set

For the last few years, I’ve taken to buying my dad a nice bottle of whiskey for most special occassions. This year, I’ll be staying on theme, but changing things up by giving him something a bit longer lasting. This whiskey set from Snowe is durable and elegant, and I know it’ll get serious use in the years to come.

Cuisinart Blender

The Cuisinart is an easy-to-use, powerful blender that aced many of our tests. This model’s dashboard is intuitive, and it features a built-in timer that counts down for you or can be programmed to stop after a certain number of seconds.

Diaspora Co. Turmeric

This turmeric is as bright as a bar of gold, with a lovely, sleek label to match. Apart from the high-quality turmeric and nice packaging, the spice comes with a feel-good story: Diaspora Co. is run by queer women of color, and each jar purchased puts a much-higher-than-average amount of money back into the turmeric farmer’s hands.

Food Dehydrator

Elazar’s dad has always been into gardening, but recently he found a way to actually use all of the produce he grows. Since he got an Excalibur dehydrator a few years ago, he’s put more or less everything he grows through it. That means Elazar gets sent bags of dehydrated tomatoes, apple and pear slices, and more. This is a great gift for any dads who love to garden—or make jerky! Plus, if you’re lucky, you’ll start getting gift baskets from them.

Wine Fridge

Take it from us: Living in hot urban apartments makes storing age-worthy wines nearly impossible, unless you don’t mind risking the life of a pricey Burgundy by putting it through years of extreme temperature swings. Anyone with an interest in building even a modest collection of special-occasion bottles should get a wine fridge. It’s a small investment that protects your real investment.

Le Creuset Wooden Scraping Spoon

I have a problem with wooden spoons. I collect them like nobody’s business. But there are a few I always turn back to, and this one, from Le Creuset, is one of them. It’s gorgeous to look at; it has a flat front, which makes it great for scraping up fond or stirring vegetables; and it’s got a smooth, ergonomic grip that makes using it a joy.

Roccbox Outdoor Pizza Oven

The Roccbox is an incredible little oven with simple, reliable operation, whether you’re using gas, wood, or charcoal to fire it. It consistently hits wood-fired-oven temperatures and maintains them for as long as you are cooking, with no fussing or babysitting, which means Dad can spend more time enjoying pizza with his friends and family and less time coddling a temperamental flame.

Island Creek Oysters by Mail

Few things get me as excited as a good raw bar, but most of the time, I eat far fewer than I want because, after the first couple dozen oysters or so, it just gets to be too expensive. That’s even truer when the oysters are top-notch, like the briny little suckers from Island Creek up in Massachusetts. But here’s the good news: You can order Island Creek’s oysters online by the 50- or 100-count for much less than they cost at most restaurants and have them in your hands the next day for an at-home shucking extravaganza. (Obviously, it helps to learn to shuck first.)

High-Output Torch

Forget those puny kitchen torches designed to make crème brûlée for ants. If you want some serious torching power in the kitchen, for putting the final touch on fancy desserts or for finishing off a sous vide steak, you want a high-output torch like this one. You’ll get a deeper char than you’ll ever be able to get from using a skillet alone.

Fixed-Cup Spice Grinder

The sleek and minimalist design of the Krups means it’s easy to hold, handle, and store—perfect for anyone tight on space. Even without a removable bowl, cleanup is a cinch because spices never get trapped beneath the blade, and there are no unnecessary ridges or notches to clog with spices. The one-touch operation makes it easy to use, and it quickly yields a fine and consistent grind in both large, tough spices and smaller seeds.

Belgian Waffle Maker

Waffles are a pretty big deal in my family, and my dad knows full well that when I gift him kitchen equipment, I plan to use it whenever I come to visit (whether that’s buttermilk waffles on a whim, or a well-timed batch of yeast raised waffles on Christmas morning). Plus, my dad’s no stranger to the kitchen, so that iron will see plenty of use through the years.

Breville Smoking Gun

At home, my mom usually does all the cooking, so when my dad takes a crack at dinner it’s really an event. Without the burden of having cook every night, he’s like a kid at an amusment park, gleefully breaking out the pressure cooker and dusting off the blow torch. The smoking gun will make the perfect addition to his rowdy dive into the culinary world. It allows you to easily smoke anything indoors with just the flip of a switch. Equipped with an assorment of wood chips, the smoking gun offers instant dad-fun right out of the box. I can see it now—there’s probably going to be smoked dal along with smoked chana masala and smoked raitha at the next “dad” dinner.

Pizza Wheel

When it comes to portioning pizza, a knife simply won’t cut it. At least, not if you don’t want to drag cheese and toppings all over the place. For my money, nothing beats a traditional pizza wheel.

Tacos: Recipes and Provocations

My good friend Jordana Rothman cowrote this thoughtful ode to tacos with chef Alex Stupak, and it’s a must-have for anyone ready to take a deep dive into corn, masa, tortillas, and everything—modern and traditional—you can stuff into them.

Meathead: The Science of Great Barbecue and Grilling

In this book, Meathead Goldwyn, the founder of AmazingRibs.com, distills decades of research on the art and science of barbecue and grilling into a single volume that shows not just the best ways to take food to live fire, but why the techniques work. Far more than a recipe book alone (though there are tons of bulletproof recipes), this text will teach Dad the hard-tested fundamentals of outdoor cooking, giving him the confidence to cook anything, even without a recipe. The myth-busting and equipment tips alone were enough to get me hooked.

R. Murphy Duxbury Oyster Knife

I’ve used many, many oyster knives in my life, and the R. Murphy Duxbury knife is my hands-down favorite. It has a fat, grippy handle that’s easy to wield, and a short blade that tapers to a point and always manages to find the sweet spot on an oyster’s hinge. Pop! The slightly sharpened blade edges make slicing through the muscle and removing the top shell as smooth as butter.

The Chili Cookbook

This isn’t just a chili cookbook. Robb Walsh digs deep into the beloved dish’s ancestry, tracing threads through Mexico City, San Antonio, and Santa Fe—as you might expect—but also Hungary, Greece, and the Canary Islands (off the coast of North Africa). Walsh is one of food writing’s best storytellers, so the book is satisfying even if you never whip out your Dutch oven and get cooking. You should, though: The fascinating tale is best enjoyed with a big bowl of chili con carne. (Walsh’s recipe from El Real in Houston is killer.)

Snow Leopard Vodka

Snow Leopard stands out among vodkas for its texture—distilled from spelt, it’s fuller-bodied and richer-tasting than most vodkas. It makes for a pleasantly weighty martini.

Marble and Acacia Wood Cake Stand

Like a pretty Bundt pan, a beautiful cake stand has an aesthetic value of its own, even without a cake—but present it with your giftee’s favorite cake on top, and it will also be a nice reminder of the day.

Misono UX10 Chef’s Knife

A deft and nimble blade, Misono’s UX10 is one of the lightest-weight knives we tested. It’s razor-sharp right out of the box and handled every task we threw at it with ease, dicing an onion as if it were as soft as a blob of Jell-O and making paper-thin slices of smoked salmon as if the knife were a true slicer.

Fancy Glass Pitcher

I actually received this classic Waterford pitcher as a wedding gift, and it’s become a workhorse in my home. When I’m not using it to decant wine, it’s hard at work serving cocktails, ice water, and juices. And in between any special occasion, you can drop in some fresh flowers and use it as a vase.

Beyond Curry Indian Cookbook: A Culinary Journey Through India

Indian food has a reputation for being difficult and time-consuming, with hard-to-find ingredients and new techniques. I get it. It’s intimidating. But in this book, Serious Eater Denise D’silva Sankhé breaks Indian cooking down into simple techniques that any home cook can master to produce amazingly flavorful dishes with minimal effort. Over the course of more than 100 recipes, Denise introduces us to simple cooking from every region of India, focusing on home-style dishes that move well beyond the world of curries. I’m also super stoked that she includes notes with every recipe on whether it’s vegan, vegetarian, and/or allergy-friendly.

Zahav: A World of Israeli Cooking

I’ve never been to Zahav, the Philadelphia restaurant where Michael Solomonov serves his Israeli cuisine, but its namesake book has nevertheless changed the way I cook. If Dad still cooks the occasional meal for you, you might point him toward the hummus tahini recipe, which includes a novel technique for incorporating garlic and lemon that alone is worth the price of admission. I’ve loved the Yemenite beef soup (and the accompanying hot sauce), his wide focus on vegetarian-friendly dishes, and a host of homemade condiments that will elevate almost any meal, even if you don’t follow the full recipes from the book.

Pralus

I don’t mind baking with supermarket chocolate bars, but when it comes to snacking I’d rather spring for the good stuff—especially when it comes to my dad. He’s decidedly a “bite of dark chocolate after dinner” kinda guy, which means every bite needs to count, and that’s where this stack of single origin chocolates comes in. It’s a fun way to explore the world of chocolate, and learn how different beans and countries of origin can impact its taste. Plus, I can steal some when he’s not looking.

Green Mountain Grills Davy Crockett Pellet Grill (Wifi Enabled)

Surprisingly, many of the portable pellet smokers out there still have an antiquated LMH controller, while Davy Crockett employs Green Mountain’s advanced digital touch-pad controller, with an integrated meat thermometer that lets you check internal meat temp with the flick of a switch.

Breville Crispy Pizza Oven

If our rice cooker got it on with a Roomba, we imagine their offspring might look a bit like the new Breville Crispy Crust countertop pizza oven. It’s a new plug-and-go appliance that promises “professional brick-oven results right in your own kitchen,” for about $150.

Glass Tumblers

My dad lives in Florida and never drinks enough water. These little tumblers seem like the perfect compromise to get him to drink just enough to not get totally dehydrated every day. And if he refuses to fill them with water, at least he can use them for alcoholic beverages. The final plus: They stack, so they won’t take up too much space in his cabinets.

Gin Mare

Friends have toted bottles of this fantastic gin back from Barcelona, but now you can buy it in the US. Macerated with Arbequina olives, thyme, rosemary, and basil, along with cardamom and coriander, it’s remarkably creamy, savory, and spicy. It makes for a wonderfully aromatic Martini and a super-complex, earthy G&T.

GelPro Floor Mat

If you love to cook and host parties, you’ll know that a lot of prep time is spent on your feet. Why not make at least the cooking part a bit more comfortable with one of these gel mats? It’ll provide some nice cushion under your feet, so when it’s time to put on your party shoes, you’ll be ready.

The Glenrothes Triple Pack Gift Set

Why give your dad one Scotch when you can give him three? This gift set includes three 100-milliliter bottles. A combination of 10 vintages from 1989 through 2007, the Vintage Reserve is mellow and fruity, the range of young and older whiskies contributing both bright, fresh citrus on the one hand and rich, oaky elements on the other. Sherry Cask (aged, as the name might suggest, in used sherry butts) leans toward dried fruit, and the Bourbon Cask (aged in bourbon barrels) toward creamy vanilla.

The Cocktail Chronicles

Having The Cocktail Chronicles at your side is like having a friend who always knows a good drink recipe for whatever you’ve got on hand. It doesn’t talk your ear off or suggest something with a dozen ingredients. Instead, it shares classics, recent spins on classics, and drinks you’ve never heard of but can easily mix up and enjoy, and the introductions are never preachy or boring. This book will appeal to full-on cocktail fanatics and newbies alike; there’s something delicious on every page.

Portable Kitchen Timer

I can’t tell you how many times I burn bread crumbs or forget about the nuts I’m toasting in the oven. At least, I used to. That was all before I got myself a couple of these easy-to-use, loud kitchen timers that I can hang around my neck, so I never forget about something in the kitchen, even if I leave the room.

Cooking Coat

Aprons get all the attention, but they don’t protect your clothes nearly well enough, leaving large swaths of sleeves and shoulders exposed to spatters and stains. You could always put on a shirt you don’t care too much about before donning an apron, but a protective work coat like this keeps your clothes safe without requiring a complete costume change.

Cuisinart ICE-21 Ice Cream Machine

The value-to-cost ratio on this lightweight model can’t be beat. It uses a pre-frozen, coolant-lined canister to chill down the ice cream base, eliminating the need for salt and ice or an expensive compressor. When properly frozen, the canister churns up in less time than any other model we tested, for creamy and smooth ice creams and other frozen desserts. This undemanding model has one button, a lid that easily snaps into place, and a small footprint for tight spaces.

Carbon Steel Omelette Pan

A good carbon steel has many of the qualities that make cast iron great—it’s durable, it forms a completely nonstick surface if cared for properly, and it’s inexpensive—but it’s lighter and easier to maneuver than cast iron, making it great for sautéing and searing everyday foods.

Espro Press P5

Thanks to a few simple innovations in the filter and beaker design, this French press fixes a few of the brewing device’s biggest drawbacks. The result is a cleaner batch of coffee that won’t accidentally over-steep.

Good Kitchen Shears

A good pair of kitchen shears is one of those things that are hard to appreciate until you have them. Sure, there are all the obvious uses, like opening food packages with a snip and cutting up poultry, but that’s just the start. Take another look at those things. Yes, that’s right, they’re also a nutcracker. Aha, yup, and a bottle opener. Did you see the flathead screwdriver built into them? Handy, right? Oh, they can also be used to unscrew stubborn jar tops. They’re way more than just a pair of scissors. Plus, the two blades come fully apart, so you can wash them really well—no icky chicken juice hiding in the recesses. Isn’t avoiding salmonella poisoning a gift worth giving?

6-Quart Instant Pot

The Instant Pot Duo60 is a fantastic value and performed almost as well as the top pick among countertop pressure cookers we tested. It’s easy to use, the company has a reputation for great customer service, and there’s an avid and helpful community of users online to boot.

Unicorn Magnum Pepper Mill

I’ll admit it: I’m a pepper mill snob. I need my mill to produce a shower of evenly crushed peppercorns. I want to be able to control the size of those grains, from a rough crush to a fine powder. Not only that, I want my pepper mill to last. With a solid metal burr and a unique, easy-to-load design, this is my favorite pepper mill of all time.

Cast Iron Combo Cooker

A combo cooker is the key to getting a gorgeous, shattering crust on homemade bread. It acts as its own little steam chamber, like what you’d find in a professional bread oven, and it costs way less than a kitchen renovation.

OXO Good Grips Two-Piece Grilling Set

A quality spatula and tongs are essential for good grilling. Seek out ones with long handles, such as OXO’s two-piece grilling set, to keep your fingers as far from the heat as possible. The nearly flat, scalloped edge on the OXO tongs is especially appealing—it’s extra easy to slide the tongs under meat, vegetables, and other ingredients on the grill.

Redbreast 15 Year Irish Whiskey

If Dad finds Scotch too smoky, bourbon too sweet, and rye too spicy, Irish whiskey is the ideal gift. Redbreast emerges from the barrels complex and substantial; some of the whiskey is aged in sherry casks, lending it a weight and dark hue, while some is aged in bourbon casks, imparting characteristic vanilla flavors. There’s a hint of fruit up front and spice on the finish.

Countertop Seltzer Maker

Make your own seltzer water at home with this easy-to-use unit. It comes equipped with LED indicators displaying three levels of carbonation and a BPA-free bottle that locks into the unit with no twisting, and it requires no batteries or electricity to operate. This model fits 14.5-ounce and three-ounce CO2 cylinders, which can be traded in for just the cost of the gas at your local hardware or home-goods store.

All-Clad Two-Quart Saucepan

This small 2-quart saucepan is perfect for making and warming sauces, cooking small portions of grain, and heating liquids.

Japanese Nakiri Vegetable Knife

A good gift for dads who are knife-curious, a nakiri is a double-beveled knife typically used just for slicing vegetables. This one is all carbon steel, so it’s easy to sharpen on a whetstone and holds its edge well. On the other hand, it’s susceptible to rust, so it needs to be dried after each use and periodically wiped down with mineral oil. Given its price point, this nakiri is perfect for a cook who wants to experiment with specialty Japanese knives or with caring for a non–stainless steel blade.

Precision Coffee Maker

While you can get it brewing with just the push of a button, the Breville offers layer upon layer of fine-tuned control for the coffee geek who wants to tweak brew variables. Finishing near the top of our taste tests, this spendy machine allows you to control brew-water temperature and time and the blooming phase. It can also make cold brew, and it’s compatible with popular pourover devices like the Hario V60 and Kalita Wave.

Terra Cotta Cazuela

Daniel’s owned these terra cotta dishes in several sizes for many years now. They’re attractive enough to go straight from the oven to the table, and versatile enough to be used as baking dishes for cooked foods or as serving dishes for snacks when you’re hosting guests.

Smuggler’s Cove

This remarkable book, from Martin and Rebecca Cate of San Francisco’s Smuggler’s Cove, traces the birth and evolution of exotic drinks and tiki bars—bars that embodied an American escapist fantasy. A lively exploration of our country’s drinking history (and the current tiki scene), it’s essential reading for rum lovers, offering the best categorization of the headspinning-ly diverse spirit that I’ve encountered. The Mai Tai recipe is great, too.

Liquid Intelligence

Dave Arnold (you might know of his bar, Booker and Dax in NYC) won’t just accept the common assumptions about cocktail technique—his mission in this excellent book is to dig into the science of how the very best drinks are made. If your dad is the inquisitive type, and likes to host cocktail hour at home, this is a must-read for him.

Chimney Starter

Lighter fluid is fun to play with, but it can impart an off flavor to your food. A chimney starter is faster, cleaner, more efficient, and better for the environment. It’s a tall metal cylinder with holes punched in it and a grate at the bottom for holding the charcoal. It works with the power of convection: When a lit newspaper is placed at the bottom, igniting the lowest coals, the hot air rises up, pulling fresh oxygen in through the vent holes and through the bottom. This constant supply of fresh oxygen, coupled with the fact that the metal efficiently reflects heat back toward the coals, means you require nothing more than a single piece of newspaper and a match to turn a full six quarts of coals into a roaring inferno within 20 minutes.

ThermoWorks ThermoPop

In the inexpensive-thermometer department, the ThermoPop is the new kid on the block, but he comes in an impressive package. An easy-to-read display rotates at the touch of a button, so you don’t have to twist your head to read it. It takes a few seconds longer to read temperatures than its big brother, the Thermapen, but it’s every bit as accurate.

Char-Griller Kamado Smoker

The Akorn is a double-walled, insulated steel egg that is much lighter and in some ways more durable than the popular Big Green Egg. It performs fairly close to traditional kamados at a fraction of the cost, so you can spend your saved bucks on getting some great meat.

Hands-Free Soap Dispenser

Messy cooks—or germaphobes—will love this easy-to-use soap dispenser. Unlike some other models that have finicky settings, this Simple Human dispenser changes how much soap you get based on where your hands are: Keep them up high for just the right amount to wash your hands, or move them lower for enough to clean a few dinner plates.

High West Barreled Manhattan

A premixed 2:1 rye-vermouth Manhattan with a few dashes of bitters, this stuff spends three months aging in used rye barrels, which integrates the flavors and adds a touch of woody character to the drink. Give it a quick stir over ice for chill and dilution, spray an orange twist on top, and you’ve got a drink worthy of any cocktail bar—no barrel required.

Joule Sous Vide Circulator

The ChefSteps Joule is the smallest circulator on the market. It’s sleek, compact design fits in a drawer and it heats quickly and accurately. It has the advantage of the ChefSteps community and legacy content built into its app, though its one downside is that it requires a smartphone or tablet along with a registered account to operate.

Ceramic Sangria Pitcher

This pitcher arrives sangria-ready. The pinched spout is a genius detail that keeps all the fruit and ice from splashing into your glass, and when it’s not filled with sangria, it can be used as a vase. We love a two-fer!

Magimix 14-Cup Food Processor

The Magimix impressed us with each slicing, chopping, grating, and puréeing test we tossed at it, especially with pizza dough, which it combined so well that no additional kneading was required.

Blackstone Pizza Oven

The Blackstone is the oven of choice for high-output, rapid cooking, as it takes very little time to preheat and recover, pumping out pie after pie at a nonstop clip. Users who are comfortable making frequent mechanical repairs and adjustments, and who care more about speed than about versatility and aesthetics, will be happy with this one.

MAC Professional Santoku Knife

This santoku from MAC’s professional line is an absolute pleasure to use, no matter the task. It’s lightweight, well balanced, sharp as can be, and comfortable to hold. It made perfect carrot cuts, broke down a chicken with ease, and filleted a whole fish as if it were a fish-shaped block of butter.

Granite Mortar and Pestle

With both parts made of rock-solid granite, the Thai mortar and pestle is (literally) a heavy hitter, and arguably the most versatile type of large mortar and pestle you can own. Its heft and weight, especially when combined with the stone-on-stone action that the all-granite build provides, make it ideal for one of its intended uses: making a Thai curry paste.

Iittala Essence Glasses

No matter what your father likes to drink, it’ll look good in these universal glasses from Iittala. They’re big enough to accommodate a 12-ounce beer, his favorite cocktail, or a monster pour of wine…because it’s Father’s Day, and he deserves it.

Pourover Coffee Brewer

There are enough coffee-brewing devices on the market to drive a person crazy, but it’s hard to beat a quality pourover brewer like this Japanese one. It’s compact and solid, making it ideal for home or the office, and it brews a mean cup of coffee. It claims to make two to four servings, but we find it’s perfect for a full 12-ounce single cup, too (note that you need these filters for it).

Digital Electric Gooseneck Kettle

This is the electric kettle of my coffee-delayed dreams. It has an elegant gooseneck spout that makes pouring a thin, controlled stream easy (very helpful for Chemex and other pourover coffee methods) and a base with controls that allow you to set a specific temperature and hold it there.

Recipe Journal

Trying to get your dad to finally write down all those family recipes? This sleek Moleskin journal will get him organized and become a precious family heirloom in the process.

Rancho Gordo Beans

A bean is a bean is a bean. Or is it? Once you go down the rabbit hole of eating quality dried beans (after they’re cooked, of course—raw dried beans aren’t so great), you’ll fall in love with their variety of flavors, textures, and colors. Some are starchy, some are nutty, some are earthy, and some are slightly sweet. Rancho Gordo is one company that sells some really cool ones to try. You won’t look at dried beans the same way again.

American Waffle Maker

The Breville produces crispy brown waffles the fastest and with the most consistent color of all the batches we tested, making it the best option if you prefer thinner waffles. Although it only makes one waffle at a time, it reheats and cooks rapidly, so you can crank out waffle after waffle with ease. The built in drip tray, non stick surface, and minimal design keeps clean up effortless.

Bamboo Steamer

Since I am now the best dad in the world, according to the bib I definitely did not buy my daughter, I get to pick something that I want for our Father’s Day gift guide, and I want several bamboo steamers for my wok. They are useful for steaming, particularly large-ish things, like a whole (if small) fish, like a porgy or a diminutive sea bass. They are super useful! Easy to clean! I want it! Buy me it!

Half Moon Orchard Gin

The New York–made gin is distilled from wheat and apples, resulting in a faint but perceptible dried-apple character alongside prominent juniper and cardamom—an exciting dimension that works especially well in cocktails.

Spaghetti con la Colatura Gift Box

One of our favorite recipes from the year thus far is Sasha’s spaghetti con la colatura di alici. Conveniently, Gustiamo is selling a gift box based on the building blocks of the dish: a bottle of colatura, a bottle of high-quality extra-virgin olive oil, and a box of pasta, for a tasty gift indeed.

All-Clad Immersion Blender

A high-speed hand blender is great for whipping up silky soups and purées, making emulsions like mayonnaise and Hollandaise, or smoothing out sauces, all right in the pot. No need to dirty up an extra blender jar!

Rice, Noodle, Fish

Warning: Reading this book might lead to the purchase of some very expensive plane tickets. The Roads & Kingdoms crew will get you hungry for a journey to Japan, for onigiri basted with chicken fat, juicy one-bite gyoza, milky-white tonkotsu ramen broth, and briny sea urchin. Is Japan the best place on earth to eat? This book will convince you that it is.

Louie Mueller’s Brisket

Brisket is Texas’s best-known contribution to barbecue culture, and though you can now get slow-smoked brisket in just about every major American city, you still need to go to the source to get brisket so good it will make you cry. But if you can’t make it to Texas, ordering Louie Mueller’s is the next best thing. The Muellers have been smoking the stuff since 1949. The key here? They ship the whole brisket, which means you get plenty of the critically important fatty half. Why is it critically important? Because we all know that fat IS flavor. Phone orders only: (512) 352-6206.

Pasta by Hand: A Collection of Italy’s Regional Hand-Shaped Pasta

No pasta machine? No problem. This book is devoted to the art of handcrafted Italian dumplings, from yeasty, spindle-shaped cecamariti to classic gnocchi to golden-brown parallelograms of deep-fried crescentine. If the adage “practice makes perfect” fills you with excitement rather than dread, this is the kind of book that will make you utterly determined to prevail.

Staub Heritage Baking Dish

It can be easy to brush off appearances as unimportant, but tableside presentation is a big part of a baking dish’s appeal. If you want excellent performance combined with a handsome and classic design that will look great on your holiday table (or on your Instagram account), Staub is your best bet. This heavyweight dish heats evenly in the oven at temperatures up to 575°F (300°C) and has great heat retention, keeping food hotter longer when you’re serving. The generous four-quart capacity is ideal for large roasts and extra-deep casseroles.

The Original Bear Paws Shredder Claws

In addition to making you look like Wolverine, shredder claws make quick work of pork butts (hello, pulled pork!), smoked chicken, smoked chuck roasts, and other meats, allowing you to tear the meat into shreds in no time. Sure, you could try doing it with forks, but you’d better have a lot of time on your hands.

Inexpensive Wire Grill Brush

Grill brushes come in all shapes, sizes, and styles, but for a tool that sees so much use, I find it hard to justify spending a huge amount of money. This simple, heavy-duty wire-style grill brush has served me well for years, and if it ever wears out, well, it’s cheap enough to replace.

George Dickel Barrel Select Tennessee Whiskey

Made from whiskeys averaging 10 to 12 years in age, this bottling is all vanilla and toffee in the aroma but spice and char on the finish. It’s sophisticated and eminently drinkable.

[Header photograph: Shutterstock]

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motherfuckerplease · 7 years

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Bottle of Time 2

A new series about Peter and his best friend. (For all races, especially POC)

summery

(Y/N) and Peter where best friends, they literally spent every waking moment with each other. They were extremely close and didn’t help that they bonded over each others mutations.

It was the 70s and high school couldn’t get any worse, it sucked cause of the shit you had to put up with. You new they were just jealous cause Peter was hot and seemed to only pay attention to you, but that didn’t excuse their horrible behavior. But one day like every other you were chilling in Peter’s basement (you were there literally everyday except Sunday’s, your mom wanted family time) when three guys came down the basement asking for your help in doing something highly illegal.

Peter was all for it but it did take some convincing to get you on board. And you were off.

Warnings: This whole story is a bit NSFW read at your own risk. Mentions of sex.

“And Peter, drive slow,” Charles said tossing the keys to your best friend. After you guys broke in to get Erik you used your power to pulsate energy through the air and knock out the guards in the hallway. Peter used his power to control the situation in the kitchen. And now here you were parting ways, “(Y/N),” Logan said motioning you to come closer. “Look, in the future I’ve known you for a long time and this magazine is the start of some very dangerous habits that completely ruin a relationship with someone you love,” He whispered. “Thats someone is everything you have, please don’t give up and hold on,” He pleaded.

You nod at the cryptic information. You step down the stairs heading towards the car you both just received. “What did he say?” Peter asked. “Just some stuff,” You replied. “Does it have to do with the book he handed you earlier?” He continued sliding into the car. “It wasn’t a book,” You replied.

The car ride was silent and full of tension, you and Peter always made it a point to communicate when you had issues. But this was something you couldn’t talk to your guy best friend about, hence why you had your girlfriends in the first place. Plus you didn’t want Peter to see the picture, you would never be able to live it down.

When you parked outside his house Peter had had enough, he had time to think and it was killing him. What was so insane about a stupid little book that you had to shut down. He knew you were going through something right now that you didn’t want him to know about. That also made his bones grind, the fact that you thought you couldn’t talk to him. So he did something completely out of impulse hoping to see what you were hiding, he stole the magazine from your bag and sped to the house.

Completely off guard is what happened, one minute you were about to exit the car the next your best friend violates your wishes. You ran as fast as you could, but you knew Peter had probably seen it, read it, probably had time to make copies by the time you would reach him.

There he was, face was red and in more shock than you. His mouth tried to form words but it couldn’t. Then his eyes lifted off the glossy paper to look up at you then back to the magazine. “Pete-” You tried before his finger shot up telling you not to say a word.

He swallowed hard then placed a hand on his hip. “So a Playboy model? Huh,” He said. “Always pegged you to be a business mogul, definitely not a model,” He said trying to bring a little light to the situation instead hitting your insecurity. “Why? I don’t seem like I could ever be a Playboy model?” You asked crossing your arms. Peter didn’t see the simple sign and kept talking not hearing his own words. “I mean yeah, you scare guys away not invite them in. I mean this picture, its sooo” “So what Peter? Scary?” You asked anger building inside you.

You could be brash sometimes when it came to boys, but they were so stupid sometimes. “No, its just its-its hot like really hot. Like I can’t even focus on my words cause of how good it looks,” He explained. “Tell me, do you have a twin sister I don’t know about? Cause this-” “Cause what Peter? Cause I so unattractive? Cause Im so hideous that that picture could never be me? Im sorry Im so scary, I’m sorry that nobody wants me. Not even my extra horny best friend believes that I could be even remotely attractive,” You screamed with a voice crack at the end. You felt a tear stream down your face and you wiped it away as fast as possible.

“Is that whats been going on?” He whispered. You closed your eyes trying to gain composure. “You think your not good enough?” He asked. “Pete-” “Babe, I didn’t mean it like that,” He said walking closer, you liked it when he called you that. “Then what did you mean?” You asked. “I meant that I could never see you in a place like that, not that your not attractive no. Your fucking gorgeous, you just have a strong personality that always seemed to have a path for success,” He explained. “But thats just it, I’m not strong Peter. Did you know I’m the last virgin in my friend group? Also I miss out on all the group activities because everyone brings there boyfriends and I end up being left out,” You explained.

Peter never thought you of all people could suffer from low self esteem. It literally baffled him, he wasn’t honest about his ‘friends’ talk he heard at school. What really happened is that he tried to ignore all the disgusting questions being thrown at him about what is was like to fuck you. Somehow those dim wits thought that you guys being friends equated you both having sex on the daily. That wasn’t the story, much to their demise. He finally had to nip it in the bud eventually when they started asking things like, what you sounded like when you screamed his name or how good you tasted in his mouth. They all thought you must’ve tasted like cinnamon but Peter thought it was more of a cherry flavor.

Now when he saw the picture, it confirmed everything he had ever thought about your body. That is was absolutely stunning, more then he could ever imagine. He almost came at that moment when he saw you. He was trying his best to play it off but that clearly turned to a completely new direction.

Another thing that picture did was make him think. Think about you, he already thought about you, a lot. He new he had emotions for you but he was not the type to deal with emotions. So he let them sit there, on the inside, growing. Until he could barely breath just by your existence. You occupied his every thought, he was even buying Playboy’s with girls that looked like you. He often stared at the pages wondering what you would look like in those skimpy outfits. Today he found out, what you didn’t know was that he had slowed time when he took the magazine. So it felt like seconds for you, but he had a good hour to process the information.

In that hour he had grown completely flustered and straight up horny. I mean, shit there you were, his best friend on the cover. You looked better than anything his imagination could conjure up, thats for sure. He almost licked the paper, what made it even worse was your expression. You were in mid moan fingers draped lazily around your mouth. Eyes staring back at him and back arched perfectly. It was driving him nuts, his mind started flooding with thoughts, and not the good kind.

He wondered back to the ‘friends’ talk, questions he often asked himself too. What did you taste like? He asked him self. Yeah, definitely cherries. He reassured. His mind dived deeper, thinking about how amazing it would be to hold you down as you came in his mouth. Shit-he could feel the pre-cum lacing his already throbbing dick.

He needed to cool down quick, sure he could slow time but that doesn’t mean it stops moving.

So here he was holding your head in his chest muffling your sobs, you were the most attractive person Peter knew. The fact that you had these insecurities showed that nobody was safe.

You sat down and explained to him about Amanda and how you had been comparing your self to her and the rest of the girls. How you wanted a guy to not only date you, but give you the sexual satisfaction you desperately needed. “Your the most amazing girl ever, don’t compare your self to others like that. And don’t change yourself to please people, your perfect the way you are and if they can’t see that fuck em’,” He finished.

Peter was so sweet sometimes. He would make a good boyfriend You thought. Would you ever date him? Of course you would. Peter was the best guy you knew, but your were just friends. That was all you could ever be, you were sure he didn’t have any feelings for you. That was until you felt his hot lips on yours. Yup, He leaned down interrupting your thoughts and planted one on you

Fuck.

PART ONE PART TWO

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#peter maximoff smut #peter maximoff #peter maximoff imagine #xmen smut #x men smut #xmen imagine #x men imagine #quicksilver smut #quicksilver imagine #bottle of time

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perspectivepodcast · 5 years

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[Transcript] Side A: Climate Change

This episode was inspired by a conversation with a dear friend, Ajla. Because sometimes the best thoughts are only found thanks to the help of someone who’ll have enough love to rummage through the garbage in your mind and believe they’ll find something meaningful much more than you ever will.

In 1973, Dr. William Rathje, archaeologist and professor of anthropology at the University of Arizona, instituted the Tucson Garbage Project, also referred to as the ‘garbology project’. This was an archaeological and sociological study, carried on in the city of Tucson, Arizona, with the aim of examining the contents of Tucson residents' waste to examine patterns of consumption.

The funny thing was that although many residents volunteered to contribute to the project by sharing their consumption habits, the study made clear that the information shared by the participants were oftentimes not consistent with the quantitative data analyzed from the waste bins. For example, when asked about the number of beers they usually drank, participants tended to self-report more restrained alcohol consumption habits than their actual behavior. That is, if they had declared they drank two beers per week, it wasn’t rare that ten beers were found in the garbage every week.

Is it possible that throwing our waste away can be more similar to hiding what we ourselves don’t want to see about ourselves?

When I first found out about this project, it reminded me of a passage of Don DeLillo’s novel White Noise.

‘No one was around. I walked across the kitchen, opened the compactor drawer and looked inside the trash bag. An oozing cube of semi-mingled cans, clothes hangers, animal bones and other refuse. The bottles were broken, the cartons flat. Product colors were undiminished in brightness and intensity. Fats, juices and heavy sludges seeped through layers of pressed vegetable matter. I felt like an archaeologist about to sift through a finding of tool fragments and assorted cave trash. It was about ten days since Denise had compacted the Dylar. That particular round of garbage had almost certainly been taken outside and collected by now. Even if it hadn’t, the tablets had surely been demolished by the compactor ram.

These facts were helpful in my efforts to believe that I was merely passing time, casually thumbing through the garbage.

I unfolded the bag cuffs, released the latch and lifted out the bag. The full stench hit me with shocking force. Was this ours? Did it belong to us? Had we created it? I took the bag out to the garage and emptied it. The compressed bulk sat there like an ironic modern sculpture, massive, squat, mocking. I jabbed at it with the butt end of a rake and then spread the material over the concrete floor. I picked through it item by item, mass by shapeless mass, wondering why I felt guilty, a violator of privacy, uncovering intimate and perhaps shameful secrets. It was hard not to be distracted by some of the things they’d chosen to submit to the Juggernaut appliance. But why did I feel like a household spy? Is garbage so private? Does it glow at the core with personal heat, with signs of one’s deepest nature, clues to secret yearnings, humiliating flaws? What habits, fetishes, addictions, inclinations? What solitary acts, behavioral ruts? I found crayon drawings of a figure with full breasts and male genitals. There was a long piece of twine that contained a series of knots and loops. It seemed at first a random construction. Looking more closely I thought I detected a complex relationship between the size of the loops, the degree of the knots (single or double) and the intervals between knots with loops and freestanding knots. Some kind of occult geometry or symbolic festoon of obsessions. I found a banana skin with a tampon inside. Was this the dark underside of consumer consciousness?’

Sometimes I wonder: we are a consumer society, therefore our social ambition is to produce only with the aim of consuming what we produce. Does this mean that one day, when our consumer society will thankfully be over and done with, there will be no remnant of our time, of our society, apart from the waste we left behind? Will we be the ones who created nothing but refuse, who couldn’t create anything for the sake of creating something that would outlive us, and maybe speak about us and what we wanted to be remembered for?

One of the reasons why garbology in general, and the Tucson Garbage Project specifically, are a major source of information on the nature and changing patterns of human society, is because for those populations that did not leave any buildings, or writing, or tombs, or trade goods, or pottery, refuse and trash are likely to be the only possible sources of information.

Is it possible that waste, our symbolic festoon of obsessions, be they more or less toxic, will be the only contribution, the only sign of our existence that we will leave for the future? Do we really care in the least about what we leave as a sign of our passage on this planet?

It’s tempting to believe that death could be something spectacular. Funeral pyres, ship burials, fireworks. But that’s rarely how it is. Most often, it’s just a slow, gradual, unpleasant and unremarkable gnawing of all that is life. An unobtrusive agony. A forgetting, piece after piece after piece. A consumption. (The irony.)

I went out the other day and it was mid-February, in the Northern hemisphere. It was almost 20°C. It was beautiful. It was disturbing.

In another passage of White Noise, after a deadly toxic gas had leaked over the town the main character lives in, the sunsets became unnaturally spectacular.

‘We stopped on the parkway overpass and got out to look at the sunset. Ever since the airborne toxic event, the sunsets had become almost unbearably beautiful. Not that there was a measurable connection. If the special character of Nyodene Derivative (added to the everyday drift of effluents, pollutants, contaminants and deliriants) had caused this aesthetic leap from already brilliant sunsets to broad towering ruddled visionary skyscapes, tinged with dread, no one had been able to prove it.’

Later in the novel, the main character describes how gathering on the overpass to watch these newly dramatic sunsets had become a sort of ritual for the people of the town.

‘We go to the overpass all the time. Babette, Wilder and I. We take a thermos of iced tea, park the car, watch the setting sun. Clouds are no deterrent. Clouds intensify the drama, trap and shape the light. Heavy overcasts have little effect. Light bursts through, tracers and smoky arcs. Overcasts enhance the mood. We find little to say to each other. More cars arrive, parking in a line that extends down to the residential zone. People walk up the incline and onto the overpass, carrying fruit and nuts, cool drinks, mainly the middle-aged, the elderly, some with webbed beach chairs which they set out on the sidewalk, but younger couples also, arm in arm at the rail, looking west. The sky takes on content, feeling, and exalted narrative life. The bands of color reach so high, seem at times to separate into their constituent parts. There are turreted skies, light storms, softly falling streamers. It is hard to know how we should feel about this. Some people are scared by the sunsets, some determined to be elated, but most of us don’t know how to feel, are ready to go either way. Rain is no deterrent. Rain brings on graded displays, wonderful running hues. More cars arrive, people come trudging up the incline. The spirit of these warm evenings is hard to describe. There is anticipation in the air but it is not the expectant midsummer hum of a shirtsleeve crowd, a sandlot game, with coherent precedents, a history of secure response. This waiting is introverted, uneven, almost backward and shy, tending toward silence. What else do we feel? Certainly there is awe, it is all awe, it transcends previous categories of awe, but we don’t know whether we are watching in wonder or dread, we don’t know what we are watching or what it means, we don’t know whether it is permanent, a level of experience to which we will gradually adjust, into which our uncertainty will eventually be absorbed, or just some atmospheric weirdness, soon to pass. The collapsible chairs are yanked open, the old people sit. What is there to say? The sunsets linger and so do we. The sky is under a spell, powerful and storied. Now and then a car actually crosses the overpass, moving slowly, deferentially. People keep coming up the incline, some in wheelchairs, twisted by disease, those who attend them bending low to push against the grade. I didn’t know how many handicapped and helpless people there were in town until the warm nights brought crowds to the overpass. Cars speed beneath us, coming from the west, from out of the towering light, and we watch them as if for a sign, as if they carry on their painted surfaces some residue of the sunset, a barely detectable luster or film of telltale dust. No one plays a radio or speaks in a voice that is much above a whisper. Something golden falls, a softness delivered to the air. There are people walking dogs, there are kids on bikes, a man with a camera and long lens, waiting for his moment. It is not until some time after dark has fallen, the insects screaming in the heat, that we slowly begin to disperse, shyly, politely, car after car, restored to our separate and defensible selves.’

Perhaps, when the archaeologists of the future will rummage in the garbage we will have left behind to give some sign of what it was to live the way we lived, what they’ll find is that we were just too overwhelmed to do or know or feel anything. Too lost to understand, or even just to listen.

A couple of years ago, I saw this work from the Japanese artist Shimabuku. The title was The Snow Monkeys of Texas, and this was the artist’s statement:

‘When I visited the monkey mountain in Kyoto in 1992, I heard an interesting story. In 1972, a group of Japanese snow monkeys were brought from the mountains of Kyoto to a Texas desert. The first year, their numbers reduced dramatically. They didn’t know how to live in the desert with cactus, cougars or rattlesnakes. But in the second year, their population grew. Do monkeys adapt to new environments faster than people do? I wanted to go and meet them someday. In 2016, I finally visited them in Texas. I saw that they looked a bit Americanized, somehow. They are a bit bigger, and started to eat cactus. Now they know how to deal with the cougars and rattlesnakes. They have a new language to alert each other. When I spent few days with them under the Texan sun, I decided to make a mountain with ice for them. I filled a car full of ice bags. And I wondered, do they remember snow mountains?’

The video installation showed this group of snow monkeys observing and smelling and touching and playing and sitting on the ice for the first time. I believe it is important to note that the snow monkeys had been sent to Texas in 1972 due to habitat loss around Kyoto, that is when the monkeys became pests to businesses and residents of Kyoto, perforating the barrier between wild and urban spaces.

‘They come one by one. Some monkeys wanted to keep the ice to themselves, then they got bored,’ Shimabuku observed of the 22-minute video. ‘Some shared. Some were bossy […] like people.’ The snow became a forbidden fruit with many monkeys grabbing a handful and running off. But most of them nervously nibbled nearby with a shifting gaze. ‘I didn’t expect them to eat it. [In Japan] they eat flowers, trees and insects. But it is new for them to eat rattlesnake and cactus.’ When asked why it was important to test if monkeys remembered their place of origin, Shimabuku laughed and said, ‘maybe it is not important. Memory is a bridge between animals and people. […] Memory can be at a cellular level. The monkeys looked at the ice and they grabbed it. Some hadn’t seen ice for generations, and still they reacted spontaneously,’ noted Shimabuku.

I wonder if we already are Shumabuku’s snow monkeys, struggling to remember how we were supposed to live after alienating ourselves from ourselves, not knowing what to do, what to know, what to feel in the face of our own nature, a nature we only reluctantly admit to belong to.

Perhaps, the answers already are in the festoon of obsessions we are so careful to hide away in the dumps. If we were brave enough, if we had love enough to go and rummage in the garbage of our civilization believing we could find something meaningful in there, something deserving to be saved, perhaps we could find one good thought to build a future on.

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