#ive been so aimless for the past 2 years having no idea what i want to do with my life and not really WANTING to do ANYTHING | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dukedelaine · 5 years

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Getting serious

Ive been hearing this phrase a lot from people who are obviously grieving their lost ambitions towards chasing their dreams. They use the term to easen the frustration and aimlessness they feel emerging from leaving all that behind. To soften the blow of or even negate the idea of feeling regret, let alone having to face the possibility of being the parent of a life wrongly spent.

They believe that there are two worlds, one of which is wrong and the other one is "as it should be" or "as you should live". The serious world is as succesful people have been living for the past 50-60 years. Tradition dictates that thats what you should be doing, as thats how people wound up with clean white supreme picket fences, 2 expensive cars, 3-5 miserable children and an important life.

With this phrase they brand the 'not serious' life as childish, and by nature irresponsible, aimless, close-minded, unaware and hopeless without guidance. They believe (or want to convince themselves) that its just natural to have a progression in life which goes towards a breaking point, where you suddenly realise that you should be doing a (cum) white collar job and suck the dicks of 'important people', so that one day maybe your dick will be sucked too. where you suddenly realise that you are inherently unfit for the world and you are not 'as you should be'. After that world changing, holy revelation they start to deny everything that constituted them in their 20s. Hopes, beliefs, ambition to make a difference, soul, and the naive bravery to play in the dark. Then one day they suddenly wake up and realise they were someone once. Maybe the 3-5 miserable children still sleeping in their rooms will have it better. Maybe. But a life’s gone by. This is all but a grieving persons reality, filtered through someones whos terribly afraid of it. "...that was always a big dream of mine", "i wish i could have done that", i cant do that, cause i have to feed the dog, take care of the kids and then be with the missus" (priorities!), "he is an artist too, but then he had to get serious...:shruggingemoji:" are all sentences I hear almost on a daily basis. Besides the whining about not having money, not wanting to be here, how much more the boss earns and fucks away at a casino, in a blink of an eye. Well, I’m here to fucking tell you, even a child has more clarity and self-drive than you do. Whining on smoke breaks aimlessly, laughing and smirking patronizingly does the great and wise grown up, when I talk about my dreams ambitions and the fifteen hour work schedule for it. My ideas and beliefs about how a humane and fulfilling life would look like for me in the future. You shake your head and start explaining why all these are wrong and hopelessly in vain. But you see, you wish you were me. You wish you didnt have to carry the grief of wasted and dieing time, to drag it out of bed in the morning and then fuck it every night. You wish you never saw the world 'as it is'. You wish you had the courage to stand up for yourself, when that inner child needed it the most. You wish you were not an alien in your own body. You wish, that only for a moment, you could do something about your petty and small life that produces nothing but grief for you, your dog, your kids, your ‘missus’, me and everyone else in honorary mention. But you'd rather explain why I am wrong. Take your time you shing champion of seriousness. But be careful, its ticking.

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