#leigh dissects ya
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Ruin and Rising Chapter 10
Hey y’all. How’s everyone doing after that trailer? Personally, I am deceased and writing to you as a ghost. But I must complete my liveblogs so, here we go.
There are a few highlights from this chapter: Baghra backstory and Nikolai x Alina stuff. I’ll start with the Nikolai x Alina stuff even though it comes later cause I’ve got one bone to pick with the Baghra backstory (or at least Alina’s reaction to it).
Nikolai and Alina is cute. I love him immediately hearing about the Darkling connection and strategizing. That was great. But then also his conversation with Alina watching the meteor shower (romantic). I know she doesn’t feel the same flash of feelings for him as she does for the Darkling or for Mal. But there is a genuine friendship and affection between them. They talk very easily. They could be happy together. Maybe I’m just a sucker for the political marriage grows into something more trope.
Then the almost kiss with the “when you’re ready” attached to it. CONSENT! Sexiest thing a man can do. And what character growth. I love Nikolai very much.
Loved getting backstory about Baghra and her being the daughter of Morozova. Brutal that she just...murdered her sister with shadows and then her father brought her back to life and they were drowned (but maybe not).
And then there’s the bits of young Aleksander we get.
“I’ll tell you a story--one I used to tell a little boy with dark hair, a silent boy who rarely laughed, who listened more closely than I realized. A boy who had a name and not a title.”
Bby Darkling!!! A child!!
Seriously, the explanation of Baghra teaching him to embrace his powers and that he had no equal makes a lot of sense given her background. She wanted him to have what she didn’t and then it all very much went to his head. That and all the years he’s been alive. She had good intentions wanting him to harden his heart because of experience but that had its own pit falls.
Now, can we talk about the CONCLUSIONS that Alina jumps to? She leaves the story with Baghra...and this is her thought process--what if her sister didn’t die and DID have powers and THOSE powers were LIGHT powers instead of SHADOW powers but she hadn’t SHOWN them yet but she did show them LATER and then SHE had children and that eventually led to ME, several generations beyond???
First of all. That’s a slippery slope if I’ve ever seen one, and nothing in Baghra’s story really hints at that. And Second of all, the conclusion she takes away from it? Like ‘could the Darkling and I be COUSINS????’
And the answer is no. You couldn’t be. Because like...ten generations have passed. Ten generations of more genetic material getting mixed in. You’re like...seventh cousins five times removed at worst. That’s really not a problem.
It feels like Leigh is just trying to add onto the ‘reasons not to date the Darkling’ pile and I’m like......You don’t need to do that. he’s done plenty of other things to make Alina hesitate to date him. Like the murder and torture. Hell, even the age gap. We don’t need to add in an incest scare. Especially when its not even a real incest scare (we know this is a red herring for a later reveal). Besides, I just came off the Game of Thrones fandom so if you thought this was going to squick me out, you are sorely mistaken.
I also have more of a...genre bone to pick with this book. And I say genre bone because Leigh is not the only one in a fantasy series who has done this so I’m not just calling her out here. But it’s the ‘villain is a leader of an oppressed group who was trying to make a space for said oppressed group trope’.
Baghra confirms (as does the short story from the Darkling’s POV) that his goal was to make a space for Grisha who were deeply persecuted at the time--murdered for gifts they were born with and could not control. And then eventually his power hunger took over and he ‘wanted too much’ and his ‘methods are bad’.
That’s the theme with a lot of novels like this. Like, yes, the oppressed group is trying to get rights. But like...too many rights. Look at their methods. Their methods are bad. Their leader is eeeevil.
This creates a sort of mixed message in the narrative. One) it lends credence to the people who are oppressing them. Like yeah, the other countries murder them/perform horrible experiments on them/drink their blood, but the Grisha are kinda scary too you guys. Look at their leader!!
It’s not that one can’t investigate the moral grey areas of this trope. I think there are a lot of X men stories for instance that do a really good job with Magneto and not just casting him off as an irredeemable villain (some do not but it depends on the writer). But this book seems to mostly lean on the Darkling being irredeemable, so I can’t say the same for him.
I think there was a lot more potential to dive into this. To the Darkling’s motives and goals. To the importance of his cause even if his methods sometimes cross the line. But I don’t think that’s dissected enough (nor is the plight of the Grisha dissected enough) so it kind of leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
It’s not made any better by the insistence that too much power makes Grisha baaaad. The idea that if Alina has all the amplifiers, she will turn power hungry and evil, not because of a choice but because that’s just what power does to Grisha I guess. What if her non-grisha companions have REASON to fear her???
Anyway, I don’t want to go two deep on this YA book. But it’s just a genre problem I see in which they want to make an oppressed group but then make the leader of the oppressed group just straight up evil. I think that trope can do with a lot of reworking.
See you guys in the next chapter!
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Questions: 2, 14, 15, 16, 39, 50 :)
2: What are you currently reading?
we are okay by nina lacour, a beautiful and painful book about grief that doesn’t shy away from those hollow feelings or the awkwardness of it
14: Name a book where the movie/tv adaption actually was better than the original
hmm, i love the lotr movies more than the books, at least back when i read/watched them in middle school
15: What book changed your life?
ok so there are many books that have changed my life in some way or another and i’m sure i’m forgetting some big ones, and i know i’m forgetting a relatively recent one, but here are just a couple:
harry potter which sank down deep into my bones when i was a kid and has never gotten out. it was exciting to read as each new book came out, and re-read before each new release. i remember falling in love with the world and the characters, the absolute magic of it all, the fight to do good and stand up against injustice. this series probably laid the groundwork in my head for many of my favorite tropes
the waves by virginia woolf was influential because it changed the way i thought about writing and what you could do with it and how you could play around with language
also i think eragon deserves a mention, not because it was very good or core-shaking, but because it’s a book i read as a kid and went hey i want to write books, maybe i want to be a writer instead of a scientist (aka the closest i’ve been to pursuing another career path outside of when i considered being a vet because of the animal ark books) and basically my first stab at a novel hit many of the beats eragon (and every other ya fantasy) did. except most of the characters were women and the main focus was a relationship between sisters. also the main character could turn into a dragon
16: If you could bring three books to a deserted island which would you bring and why?
for the sake of the question, i’m assuming it’s three books only and not three series because that would be a different matter. in which case: six of crows by leigh bardugo (and i would be very sad not to have the second one but if i could only bring one, it would be this one. love a good heist story with excellent characters), the blind assassin by margaret atwood (so many layers to dissect, a gorgeous novel, gives me a lot of feelings), and devotions by mary oliver (i feel like it would take a long time to get tired of poetry and she’s my favorite so here we are)
39: Name one of your favorite childhood books
since i mentioned hp earlier, i wanted to highlight other books, namely guardians of ga’hoole (the sheer number of times i read those books) and for a single book, hatchet (i wanted to learn wilderness survival because of this book and maybe i should have brought it with me to the island)
50: Why do you love to read?
this is so hard to articulate because i just do??? it’s the stories, the worlds, the characters that populate them, the sheer creativity that you can find in books, the excitement of plot and character development. it’s the way they make me feel, the way they open me up to other experiences and also feel connected, because yes, i feel that too. it’s the way language flows, words tripping over on to one another into this delicious melody, metaphors and imagery and beautiful phrases that make me stop for a moment because yes. i love reading
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ELLA’S TOP THREE TUESDAY: UNEXPECTED GOOD READS
There are just some books that take you by surprise--whether it’s something you’d never find yourself reading, or something you thought was a little too below your age range; we often find ourselves loving these books at the end of the day and can’t stop raving about it.
I have so many unexpected good reads, most of them books that I’ve only read this year--and regrets that I never bothered to read them until now. Here’s just a few that’s rattled me to my very core.
𝓣𝓸𝓹 𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮
Stalking Jack The Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco
I dislike science. I get war flashbacks every time the thought of Chemistry or Physics or Biology comes to mind because I am most certain science was one of my weakest subjects as a student. You would think that for someone who doesn’t like science, I wouldn’t have even bothered to pick up Stalking Jack The Ripper. And I almost never did, until that very synopsis tells me it’s more than just science--it’s pretty much a crime/mystery book.
And I do love crime and mystery stories. The moment I read the first chapter of this book, I was mostly intrigued despite not knowing half the terms that the author presented during that dissection. But the more I got into it, the more I learned much about the body’s anatomy better than I ever learned it in a classroom. I have Kerri Maniscalco to thank for that.
Like I said, it isn’t all science. The main character, Audrey Rose, is an impressive scientist on her own and uses that skill to trace the identity of who Jack The Ripper is here. The series is a retelling of some of the most prominent legends, and some more. This was definitely an unexpected good read, and to top that, one of my favorite YA series up on the top 5.
𝓣𝓸𝓹 𝓣𝔀𝓸
Six of Crows Duology by Leigh Bardugo
This duology was highly recommended by a friend of mine in college that was raving about it. Every single YA blogger has probably already read it. It was hyped in so many ways, and I tend to stay away from hyped books because I’ve been down the road where a hyped book highly disappointed me. But I gave it my best shot this year, because, well, why not?
And I don’t regret giving this book a fraction of my time. It started off very slow, though mostly it’s because I haven’t read the Grisha trilogy which, though not as fully connected, is in the same universe as this duology. But as I read more into it, I found myself hooked and never looking back.
The characterizations here were spectacular. Not many people can pull off a mulit-POV book because at times, some characters tend to shine brighter than all the others. But Leigh did an equal balance of developing every single main character in her duology. Each character had their own story, had their own personalities, had their own shining moments. And although most people claim Kaz to be the very shining character in this book--I personally believe all six of our favorite dregs shines every single time. It’s definitely a series that has made 2018 one of my best reading years of all time (next to the year I read Harry Potter, of course).
𝓣𝓸𝓹 𝓞𝓷𝓮
A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas
I’m gonna be honest. I hated this book three years ago. I hated how slow it was, how Maas dragged her words around in the mud, how I had the worst book slump in the world because of any Maas book that I’ve ever attempted to read (including Throne of Glass). In short, I wasn’t a big fan of the Maas franchise for many years. But things have changed this year.
I like to think 2018 was the year I gave myself more risks than I could possibly imagine when it comes to reading books. Counting Stalking Jack The Ripper and Six of Crows into that because these top three are books I’ve only just read this year. It’s one hell of a good reading year, especially when I finally had a reason to give myself a chance to try to read A Court of Thorns and Roses.
And you know what? It’s bloody brilliant. I told myself I could never find myself reading high fantasy books like Maas ones. All that world-building and the crazy maps that are hard to follow tends to make me stray far from such books. But when I managed to receive ACOTAR from Twitter’s #BookishWish from Ate Bianca (@UltmtFangirl), I couldn’t put it down upon reading. The books in this series were so beautifully written. The characters and the way they shape the entire series makes it so engaging. I always do love a good book about power couples, like Feyre and Rhysand were here. And some minor characters that are dear to my heart, like Elain and Lucien.
I am glad I picked up the ACOTAR series this year, because I have never been more extremely invested in a fandom other than Harry Potter until this one. Heck, I even bought magnetic bookmarks of Elain and Lucien from designsbytheia. If I buy merch for a specific fandom, you know my love for that fandom is absolutely real. Hence why ACOTAR is my Top One unexpected good reads--and is well-deserving of it!
What are your Top 3 Unexpected Good Reads?
Sound off in the comments below!
See you all next week. 💕
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Thirty-five - Chapter Thirty-nine)
IT’S THE END OH MY GOD
Chapter 35 - Paelsia
His sister, Eirene, had left the Sanctuary more than fifty mortal years ago.
Great, so now we get to have a pedophilic romance between Ioannes and Lucia. Can’t have YA fantasy without one of those.
Fucking hell I do not care about this chapter. Next!
Chapter 36 - Auranos
The thought of a bride so young made [Magnuts] utterly nauseous.
But sexually assaulting Lucia (she still thought they were related) doesn’t? Cool.
The chief nodded, his eyes lighting with greed. “We could become gods. Yes, this is good. We will find [the crystals] together, and we will split them down the middle - fifty-fifty.”
You expect me to believe this ruler of a whole kingdom is this gullible.
“And which two elements do you wish to possess?”
“Two? I wish to possess all four.”
“All four? How is that splitting things fifty-fifty?”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know. And that’s just… sad.”
Tbh, I don’t feel bad about the chief being betrayed. Not when he’s THIS clueless.
“We are like brothers after the blood sacrifice of your bastard.”
Lmao what
Blah blah he kills the chief, it’s a plot twist
Chapter 37 - Auranos
Together, Brion and Jonas had found other boys they recognized as from their country, those who refused to surrender to this madness. There was now a group of six of them, all gathered in the protection of the forest.
Give them a spin-off, I don’t want to deal with this main series anymore.
[Ceo] was a queen now. A queen in exile.
She hasn’t been exiled, she’s HIDING.
And he had to find her. The future, both Paelsia’s and Auranos’s, now depended completely on her survival.
Or Magnuts - killing his father and becoming king, and freeing Paelsia and Auranos. Or Lucia - using her powers to kill the king for Magnuts to take over. Or you - using your smarts as a commoner to start a rebellion. Why is the narrative acting like this basic white girl is the only powerful character?
Chapter 38 - Auranos
[...] the reputation that he was the Prince of Blood had grown [..]
Lmao nope
We learn that the king actually wants Ceo in the castle, alive, because the citizens will feel more at ease with her there. I’d say this is smart for him to do but we all know it’s only so Ceo and Magnuts can get closer and Basic Caucasian Splooge all over each other.
Chapter 39 - Auranos
“Says who? A Paelsian savage [?]”
She really hasn’t learned her lesson about the racism thing. At all. You can’t have her be all “oh yeah I’m gonna help Paelsia” and then turn around spewing out racist shit again.
Some dumb shit happens with Ceo internally splooging over herself and I’m just glad this mess is finished.
If it seems the final chapters have like, no content, it’s because they’re all short chapters that are split apart for??? Aesthetic? The final 4-5 chapters could be an epilogue but I guess if the author doesn’t know the right way to do a prologue, she doesn’t know the right way to do an epilogue, either.
This book, in a summary, was underwhelming.
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Twenty-seven - Chapter Thirty)
Chapter 27 - Auranos
“Love is stronger than anger. Love is stronger than hate - stronger than anything. Remember that.”
CRINGE.
[..] she was plagued by nightmares. One after another and each of them staring a different dark-haired boy. One, Paelsian and savage, dragging her along a dusty road [.]
HAJI HAJIMA HAJI HAJIMA
“If I hadn’t run away, he wouldn’t have had to come after me. He would still be alive.”
“It was his job to protect you.”
But… she still ran away and got him killed? Job or not, she still did it.
“Why do [Paelsians] hate us so much?”
“Envy. They see that we have so much here. And they’re right. We do.”
Does this author think PoC hating white people is because of ENVY? It’s because of INJUSTICE and RACISM.
Theon had promised he would go. Now she would have to find another to take his place.
It took two people having this plan to send anyone other than CEO to Paelsia to find the Watcher for CEO to finally say “oh I have to send someone in my place.”
This is y’all’s heroine??
Chapter 28 - Limeros
Magnus: “Even though she’s not your daughter by blood.”
The king: “How did you learn of this.”
Magnus: “Your mistress told me before Lucia turned her to ash. Then I confirmed it with Mother.”
Magnuts really does not know when to shut up, does he?
He was the son of the King of Blood.
Lmao
“I know you hate it here. I know you despise your father. He’s an evil, cruel, heartless man.” Her chin raised as if she’d said something she was proud of. “[Magnuts sploogefest]. Come with me and we could start a new life together. I could make you happy.”
I love Amia. Someone give her a spin-off where she, Lucia, and Jonas can live together away from these abusive, annoying Caucasians.
“Your birth was heralded in the stars.”
How the fuck does star magic even work? Stars are static? They can’t move to tell a story or what will happen in the future??
“My own mother was a cruel and… cold woman.”
Of course she was because all YA moms are either dead, dying, or evil.
Without her adoptive family, she had nothing. Without the Damora name, she was a Paelsian peasant.
Then why is she WHITE? Everyone in Paelsia has dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair, but she’s got light eyes and pale white skin? Even if this is leading up to her being CEO’s half-sister, she’d still have a Paelsian mother and some of the features. If the author wanted a powerful Paelsian heroine why did she have to whitewash her?? Does she not realize PoC can be more than savage props to splooge over the whites?
Chapter 29 - Auranos
Brion: “Maybe [CEO’s] worth obsessing over. Gorgeous blonde, right?”
Literally… splooged about… by every young male character.
He had no intention of marrying Laelia Basilius.
Why not? It could do no harm and could give you money and power??
King Gaius was not to be trusted.
Yeah no shit
What if King Gaius changed his mind? What if he wanted all of Auranos to himself. If King Gaius played things the right way, he could conquer not one land… but two.
Everything would be his.
dundunDUUUUUUUN
You know something good about GoT? The surprise betrayals. Having a character guess exactly what a bad guy is going to do waaaay before he does it ruins the fun. Saying he’s untrustworthy is enough. You don’t have to literally spell out his betrayal for the reader.
[...] why wouldn’t he have simply taken Paelsia first if that was his plan? Why bother teaming up with a weaker land?
Because no matter one’s army size, taking another kingdom will help is always easier than taking it alone. Jonas, don’t say or think such dumb things.
Chapter 30 - Auranos
Aron tucked his flash into his pocket and grabbed Nic by the front of his shirt. “Don’t mess with me.”
There’s some modern middle school bully in your YA fantasy.
“My daughters are more important to me than anything else in this kingdom.”
“Then you should have sent them away before this escalated. Somewhere safe.”
This random background character has more sense than half the main characters.
“Do as your father suggests and go learn to paint. Or embroider. Or whatever it is that little girls do. Let us men deal with nasty things like this.”
We get it SEXISM is BAD, their society is MISOGYNISTIC despite worshiping female deities. WE UNDERSTAND!
Why is it meant to seem bad that this dude basically tells CEO to shut up and go away when he’s right? If she had any knowledge of battle strategy or any sense of responsibility, sure, it’d make sense for her to be upset at his words because she could be useful. But as a reckless dumbass, why does she think she can be involved in keeping the castle safe?
Blah blah blah the “war” the entire book has been leading up to has finally started. Not by taking out military bases, dwindling the numbers down so when they take over Auranos, there will be less resistance, but by going straight to the castle. Even when the bad guys take over, there’s still a big ass military who has sworn to be loyal to Corvin. I mean, sure you can just kill them or “convert” them but who wants to take over a country and then keep fighting the citizens for control of that country? Why are these characters so bad at everything?
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Three - Chapter Six)
CHAPTER THREE - Limeros
And now we get our introduction to Magnus. I’ve heard much of Magnus and Cleo being the anti-Rataelin (some people have even compared them to the iconic Doraelin) but I guess we’ll have to see.
“Mmm. My son, Bernado.”
So is fantasy!Spain everywhere? There was someone named Pedro in Paelsia, but Cleo’s surname is Spanish despite her living in the southern country? If they’re all influenced by Spain, why is Paelsia the only country of PoC rather than Spanish people? I’m normally not picky about world-building but this makes no sense.
Her husband, Lord Lenardo [.]
This dude’s named Lenardo and his son’s named Bernado lmao
Magnus, the white hero of the story: “The Paelsians are a savage race, quick to violence. I’ve heard they’ll happily eat their meat raw if their fires take too long to build.”
Does this author not realize she can’t hide her casual racism behind “well it’s just what the character has heard through rumors”???
His father was a bully [.]
Let’s play “which YA series is it where the cute prince with dark hair has an evil father so the prince and his super special blonde gf have to team up to kill him?”
Only traces of elementia had been left when the rival goddesses Cleiona and Valoria destroyed each other, centuries ago.
Eyeroll.
Magnus privately thought those who relied on their belief in the supernatural, in any form it took, showed an inner weakness.
This is the hero y’all be splooging about? Someone who looks down upon religious people?
Magnus then splooges himself to a boner about his “sister” and I don’t know why I expected anything better than a faux-incest plot line. Why do people like this guy?
His mind flashing briefly to Tobias, his father’s… “right-hand man.”
Keep this part in mind for later. It’s even worse than whatshisface’s dad being thrown from a horse.
“Fine, my sister, the healer. I’ll let you patch me up.”
You know what’s worse than poorly timed exposition? Poorly timed exposition in the form of dialogue.
How he felt for Lucia was only the love a brother felt for his sister. That lie did fel smooth. Even when he told it to himself.
Book!Jace is unemployed.
Magnus then emos about being in love with his sister, although the reader knows she’s the kidnapped baby and they aren’t related by blood. However, we’re supposed to feel sorry for him because “poor baby doesn’t know she’s adopted :(( Magnus so sad for no real reason :((((“ but like??? They were still raised together? They’re still siblings?????
What awakening did they speak of? Was it just a silly joke they’d made up to amuse themselves on the event of [Lucia’s] birthday?
Why… would they?? Magnus, shut up.
CHAPTER FOUR - the Sanctuary
Nothing much happens in this chapter. We find out this bird dude has been flying around, spying on our teen protags, and anyone who has ever read a book knows he’s going to fall in love with Lucia because she’s the only other girl in the story and we can’t have him be with Jonas (gay couples? In MY fantasy novel?)
CHAPTER FIVE - Auranos
“If you say so. You’re the expert on religion and myth in our family.”
Stop with the dialogue expo.
“I have better things to do with my time than read.”
I LOVE heroines who hate books. This isn’t sarcasm. It annoys me that ever female protagonist is a book nerd to make her more relatable to the reader. This is often accompanied by the girl using her book smarts to solve a problem later but people can be smart and resourceful in other ways!!
Emilia had been having some difficulty with headaches and dizziness the last couple of weeks.
Welp, she’s dead.
Cleo despised politics mainly because she didn’t understand them.
It’s not that complicated though?
There was no way that Cleo could deal with the endless council meetings and being cordial and polite to those who hadn’t earned it.
People don’t have to earn being nice to. What the fuck, Cleo?
“Your trip to Paelsia last week is a topic of contention, Cleo. A growing one, I’m afraid.”
Fear and guilt immediately crashed over her. Until today, she didn’t realize he’d even known about it.
Why wouldn’t the king know his daughter was a witness to a murder? People in the north know about this so why is it supposed to be surprising to Cleo??
She rushed away from the council room, through the courtyard, up a flight of stairs, and down a hall into an open corridor [...]
And over the river and through the woods.
Cleo gazed up into his familiar face with a grin. “Stop being silly. As if you’d even have me. We’re too good friends to consider each other anything else.”
I’d leap in joy about a platonic male-female friendship but given that this is YA and Cleo is a Super Special Magical White Girl, I know where this is going.
But the look in his eyes--that challenging glare… She liked it more than a little bit.
So… a lot?
Angry and fierce and vastly unfriendly… but there was something else there. As if Cleo was the only girl in the entire world and now he owned a part of her.
Yes because having the heroine swoon over a boy who apparently looks at her like he wants to kill her while “owning a part of her” is what readers need to see.
“Perhaps you’d like me to leave the two of you alone so you can continue to stare at each other all day long?”
Lol can Nic and Jonas get a spin-off and leave the boring people behind?
CHAPTER SIX - Paelsia
JONAS MY LOVE
Paelsia had become less fertile, less able to sustain life. It all began to die, leaving behind brown grass, gray rock, and death.
People die if they are killed. So do kingdoms.
Many believed that their leader, Chief Basilius [...]
Okay, so Basilius means king in either Greek or Roman, but even ignoring how his name basically boils down to “ruler ruler,” why does he have a European name if he’s meant to be Chief of Paelsia - the only kingdom full of PoC?? I suppose we could learn later that he’s a foreigner but even if that happened, we can’t even let PoC rule their own country? We gotta outsource our governments now??
Jonas glared at his best friend. Brion Radenos.
Again, I’m not picky with world-building and names, but it’s just so obvious that this wasn’t planned well. What north African or Asian person in a historical setting would be named Brion Radenos?
I don’t have many more complaints for this chapter because Jonas is a precious legend who we stan.
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Nineteen- Chapter Twenty-two)
Chapter 19 - Limeros
“I think you have the potential for greatness, even if you don’t believe it yourself.”
The fact that Magnus literally means “great” in Latin makes this mini-splooge even more annoying.
“Are you sure? [...] I think you’re lying.”
“I’m not. What I am sure about is that I’d like you to leave my chambers.”
The way this is worded makes it seem like Magnus could be answering her question of “are you sure” when he’s actually saying he’s not lying. I feel like the editor should’ve caught this.
“I grow lonely.” Again she walked slowly around him. Her gaze felt weighted and uncomfortable. “And I know that you’re also lonely.”
What the fuck is up with this family?
“The same thing that I suggested to your father when he was not much older than you. I’m offering myself to you as a lover.”
White people.
“You’re old enough to be my mother.”
“Age can be an asset, Magnus. With age comes experience. You are young and, apart from that maid and perhaps a handful of other meaningless girls, you have no experience.”
“You have no idea how much experience I have.”
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
“Sharing a mistress with my father doesn’t sound like a very good way to help strengthen our father-son bond.
I’m……
She kissed him until she realized that he wasn’t kissing her in return. She stepped back and looked up at him with confusion. “Is there a problem?”
Uh, you’re boning his dad????????
“I suppose for someone already lusting after his own sister, I’m not all that surprised.”
Drag him.
Here comes a rather long quote.
“My younger sister Jana was gifted with sight - a rare thing for a common witch. Within herself, she held the ability to read the tales the stars can tell. She believed in the prophecy, passed down from generation to generation, that one day a child would be born who would hold elementia within her greater than anyone since the original sorceress, Eva - she whom my kind worship as you worship your goddess [...] Sixteen years ago, Jana saw the birth heralded in the stars. Lucia’s birth. Together, my sister and I combined our magic to increase its power tenfold in order to locate her, knowing she would need our guidance one day when her magic finally awakened within her. My sister perished in the quest, but I brought Lucia here to Limeros to be raised as a princess… and as your sister.”
In ONE paragraph, we erased the need for the prologue so WHY is the prologue in this book still? The only difference between the prologue and this paragraph is that the prologue shows us Sabina killing Jana, whereas here, Sabina just saying Jana died. Given that Jana’s death only raises more questions that I know won’t be answered (why would Sabina kill the person who could teach Lucia the other two elements?), this whole thing is a jumbled mess of choosing tropes, cliches, and aesthetics over good writing.
“She’s not your sister.”
Cool motive, still incest.
[Sabina] lashed out and hit Magnus again. He snarled at her; his fist was so tight that Lucia was certain he would strike back. If Sabina was not a woman, she was certain he wouldn’t have hesitated.
Fellas, if a woman has hit you TWICE, you have the right to knock her ass out.
[Sabina’s] skull shattered against the hard surface [...] “Your… air magic… it’s even stronger than I thought.”
HOW IS SHE STILL ALIVE WITH A SHATTERED SKULL??
Her brother’s attention was on the door - now fully open. Standing there was her father.
With all this commotion and fighting, NOBODY heard anything until their father showed up? You were SLAMMING people around??
Chapter 20 - the sanctuary
In recent months, he’d despaired that he was wrong and had been following a girl who held no magic within her.
But before today, wouldn’t he know she was at least a witch, even if he didn’t know she’s a sorceress? He’s known she has magic for a while now.
It was another elder, Danaus. While all Watchers held the same eternal youth, the same level of beauty, Ioannes had always felt that there was something dark and sinister about Danaus lurking just beneath the surface. Danaus had never done anything that went beyond the unspoken rules of the Sancturary. But there was still… something. Something that Ioannes didn’t trust.
Perhaps it’s the fact that he’s named for a figure in Egyptian mythology and we can’t have the one explicitly black character be anything but sinister, dark, and shady.
What he’d discovered had to be protected. At any cost.
So he’s not going to tell his bosses that Lucia is an awakened sorceress because of SUBCONFLICT!
Chapter 21 - Paelsia
[...] to prove to himself that it couldn’t be Princess Cleiona.
How does Jonas know her full name? I get Magnus knowing it because they’re both heirs but Jonas is a peasant so what reason could he have for knowing the proper name for a foreign princess.
“A sixteen-year-old spy? Who is also a princess? Please.”
ToG is scared.
How bold and disrespectful she was - this princess who saw no harm in coming to the same place where she’d caused such pain and suffering.
Again, Jonas proves he’s the only relevant character in this story.
“What better than to have the king’s own daughter if the negotiations go awry?” Jonas said.
DEADASS THE ONLY SMART CHARACTER HERE. I know the author won’t put CEO in actual danger that she lowkey deserves to be in but if someone a bit more daring wrote this book, CEO being a hostage is exactly how this book would play out.
Chapter 22 - Paelsia
Time for hands down the WORST chapter in the book, where CEO finally is confronted by my angel son Jonas.
She would make sure that the old woman would be sent money and gifts for coming to their aid last night.
So a random old white lady gives you dinner and tells you some boring exposition and you’re going to shower her with riches but you’ll do nothing about the countless impoverished PoC you’ve seen? Cool.
“I’ll stay for a while. And I’ll do whatever I can to find information on this Watcher you’re convinced is hiding out somewhere in this land.”
LITERALLY, Nic just said what I suggested chapters ago, which SHOULD HAVE been the first plan. The only reason he didn’t figure this out earlier is because the author needed CEO to be there for the exposplooge ugh
“Very well. Have it your way. You can be the hero.”
Because we’ve got to let the man be the hero and think of this obvious solution. We couldn’t have CEO decide to send him to Paelsia when they were still in Auranos because then we’d have to acknowledge that men and women can be heroes in different ways and well, this book can’t have such nice things.
“Are you saying that you care for him? That his death might cause you pain?”
“Let him go right now!”
“Why should I?”
YES JONAS DRAG THAT BITCH
She had to remain calm so she could negotiate with this heathen.
You let his brother be murdered so you could keep your clean reputation.
“I can give you plenty of money if you spare his life.”
His expression turned to ice. “Money? How about fourteen Auranian centimos for each case of wine? Sounds fair, doesn’t it?”
BODIED
“You won’t get far, but you can try. It would be a moment of bravery for such a cowardly girl.”
She glared at him. “If you think I’m cowardly, you know nothing about me.”
YOU LET HIS BROTHER DIE BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO MUCH OF A PUNK ASS BITCH TO STOP YOUR DUDEBRO
“And I was wrong not to stop [the murder] when I had the chance.”
Yes, hello, that’s called being a coward.
“Shocking,” he said. “Maybe there’s more to you than beauty and a shallow personality.”
There’s really… not.
“I’ve heard what happens to girls who are kidnapped by savages.”
This book is literally so racist.
“Is that really what you think of me? A savage? How Auranian of you. I could just kill him, you know. I’m bargaining with you because I’m no savage. Unlike you and your friend who killed my brother.”
Mortal Kombat voice: finish her!!!
“Now take that blade away from his throat or you’ll be very, very sorry, you scum-sucking son of a pig.”
Again with the racism.
Also, very, VERY.
What she despaired about wasn’t that she’d fallen into the clutches of a savage boy who was willing to kill without a second thought.
BUT HE JUST HESITATED TO KILL YOU
“I’m surprised you’d even bother to use my royal title. It’s obvious you don’t respect it.”
You’re not his queen, he has no reason to respect you, you helped KILL his brother.
“That term [savage] seemed to bother you. Why? Are you afraid it’s true? Or do you consider yourself more refined than that?”
He literally just told you that he’s above being a savage, you racist clump of white garbage.
“I’d think someone like you would relish any chance to spill blood.”
This entire chapter is one racist line after another.
Here’s another long passage.
A brown rabbit darted in front of them and into a meadow with tall grass - surprisingly green for this otherwise faded, dreary landscape. She didn’t ask any more questions. She knew he wouldn’t answer them. And she didn’t want to risk losing her tongue.
Finally, fooled by her suddenly calm demeanor, Jonas let go of her arm long enough to wipe the back of his hand across his forehead.
Without a moment’s hesitation, she bolted away from him, feet quick as the rabbit’s as she left the path and burst into wide, grassy meadows.
Yes that entire section just metaphor-splooged all over this book, comparing CEO to a rabbit in a ~faded, dreary landscape~ running off to a grassy, green place. It wouldn’t be so bad if the author hadn’t LITERALLY compared her to the rabbit. We get it. You read a sparksnotes on metaphors and decided to put one in your book, even if it doesn’t serve any purpose.
[...] she stumbled, fell, and slammed her head against a chunk of stone protruding from the earth.
Yeah, no she’s dead. What’s up with these characters and surviving blunt force trauma so easily?
This girl was a snake.
Every time Jonas drags CEO, I just wanna smile.
He couldn’t deny that she was lovely… maybe even the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.
Jonas honey I’m so sorry this author wants you to be a splooge victim too.
Long passage alert
Then he felt her throat for a pulse. There was one.
“Too bad,” he breathed, although part of him was deeply relieved. He studied her face, pushing the silky hair back from it. She was tiny, a foot shorter than him and at least seventy pounds lighter. Her pale lavender dress was made from the finest silk - he’d never seen anything like it before. She wore tiny blue sapphires in her pierced ears and a green stone ring on her finger, but that was the sum total of her jewelry. Smart, since any flashier jewelry to go along with her fine clothes would have undoubtedly made her more of a target for thieves. Her face was free of the paint Laelia wore, but her cheeks were still bright and sun-kissed and her lips the color of roses. Unconscious, she didn’t seem nearly the cold, manipulative, rich bitch he’d fully decided she was.
My poor baby, my innocent sunflower angel, my sweet Jonas just spent a long ass paragraph having to splooge over CEO because we can’t have one man in this story not splooge over her. Someone save Jonas from this white hetero trash fire.
Just as he’d begun to think she was harmless and vulnerable, the beautiful snake had managed to sharpen her fangs.
Stop this.
She got up awkwardly, keeping the dagger trained on him, and retreated to the other side of the stone wheel that she’d fallen over.
HOW is she only walking awkwardly after hitting her head on a STONE????? She should be DEAD.
“But I’m planning to cut you if you come any closer.”
The girl’s tongue was a thousand times more dangerous than any weapon in her possession.
Because she said she’d cut him? EDGY!!!!!
He increased the pressure on her throat and stared down into the face of the girl who’d stood by her fiance’s side as his brother bled to death.
So he’s choking her to death, which she deserves, but we know she’s not going to die. However, if this turns into a romance later on, I’m giving up on YA books.
“All you look at me is something evil. But I’m not evil.”
Wow CEO it’s almost like you call him a savage every chance you get. So that’s cool but him LOOKING at you wrong is a problem? Cool.
At first glance, she appeared so small and fragile - but the princess possessed a fierce and fiery core that could burn anyone who got too close.
All she’s done since Jonas met her is whine, be a racist, hit her head, and threaten to cut him.
She was lucky she was only dealing with a bit of dizziness after knocking herself out. It could have been much worse.
She was unconscious after hitting her head on a stone and the author thinks the only problem she’ll have is being dizzy. If this comes back later on as a problem for CEO, I’ll give it a pass but it currently feels like bad writing.
“You are a horrible savage for keeping me here. My father will have your head for this.”
WHAT the FUCK
Jonas took hold of her throat again and pressed her up against the wall.
Stop teasing me and just KILL her already.
“And I’m not an evil bitch who rejoices in the deaths of others.”
You let an innocent man die so people wouldn’t know you’re not a virgin.
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Seven- Chapter Ten)
Chapter Seven - Auranos
Sigh… I thought we’d at least get a break from Cleo by heading back to Magnus but I guess that was foolish of me to hope.
No one knew why, but Cleo guessed her sister had fallen in love with someone else.
The gender-neutral “someone” makes me hope for a single lesbian in this story. It’s another foolish hope.
Emilia had never so much as cast a flirtatious glance at any of the men in the palace [...]
LET EMILIA BE GAY 2K18
His parents didn’t approve of smoking inside the house. Aron might be arrogant and confident, but he was still seventeen and had to abide by his parents' rules until his next birthday-unless he wanted to move out ahead of schedule. And Cleo knew without a doubt that he didn’t want that sort of responsibility, financial or otherwise.
I’m sorry when did I leave this YA high fantasy and enter a teen drama on the CW? This entire part is a mess of modern-ness and should have been cut.
Aron: [I’m not sorry for killing him lol I kind of liked it too]
Cleo: How can you sound so calm about this?
Aron: Would you rather I lie and say I have nightmares too? Would that ease your own guilt?
Cleo: I want the truth.
Aron: And that’s what I’ve given you.
I get that Aron is a horrible creepy killer, but he has a point. He IS honest. When the villain makes more sense than your heroine, there’s an issue.
When he smiled, the look was equally menacing and enticing. “I will find you.”
YA authors stop writing scary love interests challenge.
Chapter Eight - Limeros
“Naughty girl.”
She ignored the flush that immediately heated her cheeks.She wasn’t being naughty; she was being inquisitive.
And I’m being disgusted. So not only does Magnus have the hots for his adoptive sister, Lucia blushes when he calls her “naughty.” Clace are BOTH unemployed.
“Cleiona’s also the name of the youngest Auranian princess,” Magnus mused. “Never really thought about it before. Same age as you are, right? Nearly to the day?”
I have… questions. First, how does he know Cleo’s exact birthday? Two, it’s likely going to come into play later that they are at most a few days apart but how does that work with Lucia? How does Magnus know her day of birth? We find out later Sabina (the lady from the prologue) brought Lucia to the palace as an infant but it wasn’t the day she was born so how would Sabina know her birthday? Even if she had a vision on the baby’s day of birth or something like that, how did Lucia survive without being breastfed? I need answers.
Magnus: One of grace and beauty, my sister, with a multitude of suitors at her beck and call. Forced to be siblings with a scarred monster like me.
Lucia: As if that scar makes you a monster. You can’t be blind to how girls look at you-I even see maids here in the castle wistfully watch you pass, even if you never notice them. They all think you’re devastatingly handsome. And your scar only makes you more… intriguing.
If you think plain hetero splooging is bad, just wait until you see plain hetero incest splooging!
“[Tomas] was cut down as a spoiled lord tried to show off in front of a princess - Princess Cleiona [...] The two watched Tomas Agallon’s young life bleed from him in front of his own family.They didn’t feel sorry for the pain they caused that family and all Paelsia.”
I mean… it’s true. Too bad the evil king is saying this and therefore the reader is supposed to disagree with him and know that Cleo the Super Special White Girl can’t do anything wrong ever but still. He’s right.
The words were acid on his tongue as jealousy flashed through him like a bolt of lightning. “But [Lucia] isn’t interested in walks around the palace grounds. Not with, well… not with you.”
The boy’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
Magnus forced a tense look on his face as if he’d said too much and now felt guilty. “It’s really none of my business.”
[...]
“It’s just that she’s mentioned you to me [...] And she made it clear that if you ever stopped by, you should not be encouraged any further. She means no offense, of course. But… her interests in a potential suitor lie elsewhere.”
In case incest splooging wasn’t enough to make me hate this character, he’s entered Rowboat’s, well, boat. Territorial pricks are not cute @ YA authors.
Magnus had no patience for anyone who would be manipulated so easily. If the boy was truly interested in Lucia, he should be able to stand up to any adversity, including an overprotective older brother.
But you literally just told this kid Lucia SAID she doesn’t want him. If he’s taking your word as truth, that’s not him being manipulated, it’s him believing you because why would a prince lie to him about this? He’s not doing anything wrong by respecting what he believes are Lucia’s wishes??? He has more respect for her than you do?? Why do people like Magnus??
“I wouldn’t hesitate to say you were lying.” He took her arm in his and squeezed it until she flinched. A flicker of fear went through her pale eyes. “Who do you think the king would believe? His son and heir? Or a kitchen maid?”
Amia swallowed hard. “I apologize, my prince. I would never say such a thing.”
“Smart girl.”
So… Magnus is literally physically abusing and threatening his casual hookup and people stan??
There was no Limerian law that stated that pure royal blood was necessary for the position. Even the son of a whore could become king.
Magnus is being all emo over the fact that Tobias could be king someday, a problem which is easily solved by Magnus killing Tobias. This doesn’t happen, but I think I’ve found the problem with all these series that try so hard to be the YA version of Game of Thrones/ASOIAF: nobody has the balls to write how these conflicts would actually play out in a real political setting. YA does have to be toned down in comparison to adult fiction but when you tone things down so much that they make no sense, it doesn’t work at all.
Blood sacrifice? How deeply savage.
Can’t tell if I’m tired of the word savage being used in this book (it’s used at least 20 times in reference to Paelsia) or if I’m tired of it in general (thanks stan twitter).
The king swiftly moved behind the boy, pulled his head back, and slashed the blade across his throat. Tobias’s eyes went wide and his hands came up automatically to his neck. Blood squirted out from between his fingers. He collapsed to the ground.
I’m DONE. We got half a page about Tobias being a threat to the throne for Magnus and instead of seeing them battle it out, or Tobias team up with an enemy later on, or anything that might give some payoff to the fact that Magnus has a secret half-brother, he’s sacrificed a few pages after his main introduction. Do you see what I mean now about YA fantasy writers holding back?
Chapter Nine - Auranos
I DON’T CARE, WHERE IS JONAS
“It’s unfortunate about Princess Emilia, though. So, so sad she isn’t well enough to attend.”
We get it. She’s dying. You’ve reminded us like four times already.
[...] Emilia’s most recently finished painting, a study of the night sky.
Subtle foreshadowing isn’t subtle enough for me.
That [her marriage] was solely a political choice sounded so cold, so analytical.
Does Cleo… not know what politics are? Does she not understand that royal arranged marriages happen all the time? Does she not realize she’s a princess? Why is she so dumb??
“You do know [Nic] is madly in love with you, right?”
Dammit. We came so close to having that platonic relationship but we can’t have a young man in this series not want to splooge over Cleo. It’s the first book and Cleo already has three love interests for this series. Alien Trashryver is worried.
Emilia: “I fell in love with someone else [...] I’ve never felt such love as I felt for him.”
DOUBLE DAMMIT.
Despite being named for the goddess, Cleo wasn’t invested in religion [.]
Isn’t being named after a religious deity frowned upon? I know in some religions you can be named after a minor figure - such as Christians with the archangels. But you can’t name your child God. Cleo being named after the primary person in the religion seems wrong.
But how else would we know she’s a Super Special Magical White Girl if she didn’t have a name far beyond what she deserves?
Her sister had been in love with a guard who’d died two months ago. “It was Theon’s father, wasn’t it?”
Isn’t he like… old??
Her sister had been in love with the king’s bodyguard who’d been thrown from his horse to his death. A tragedy.
That is verbatim from the book and I can’t stop laughing. This bitch said “a tragedy,” I’m CRYING.
Emilia was always the rock - comforting Cleo when she was upset over [some petty stuff] or the loss of her innocence to Aron.
“You’re the same as you were yesterday and the day before,” she’d soothed. “Nothing has changed. Not really. Forget what troubles you. Regret nothing, but learn from any mistakes you make. Tomorrow will be a brighter day, I promise.”
If you think things are cool because HEY we’ve got a YA heroine who isn’t a virgin, we later find out Cleo was drunk when this happened and therefore is an assault victim. The book never acknowledges the later, but instead has Emilia tell Cleo to learn from her mistakes and that nothing has changed. Feminist YA at its peak, y’all.
“You can’t. You’re to be the queen one day. If you die, that means it’ll be me. Trust me, Emilia, that would be a very bad thing. I would make a terrible queen.”
I mean, yeah I agree that Cleo would be a shitty queen but I’m more annoyed at how these five sentences are written.
Emilia: “There’s no one out there spying on us through the eyes of birds, hoping for clues of where to find the Kindred.”
Cleo: “I’ve never believed in such nonsense.”
Btw, Cleo said earlier she thought the birds were watching her. Consistency is hard, I guess.
[Theon] shook his head. “I knew my father cared about someone, but he wouldn’t say who it was. I figured he was involved with a married woman. Now I know.”
So Cleo’s boyfriend is her sister’s dead husband’s son… Cleo’s love interest is her nephew. He’s her step-nephew, but her nephew nonetheless.
Chapter Ten - Limeros (this time with the bird dude)
[...] to see his bird friend, Phaedra, perched on the branch next to him.
Now, I could give this book points if the whole point was that the western world was meant to be Greece, while Mystica is a mix of Italy and Spain. But the existence of Paelsia with its North African/Asian/Roman setting messes it all up.
All [Lucia] would see when she looked at him was a golden hawk. For some reason, this realization pained him.
So we can’t have lgbt+ romances or poc romances but Cleo the Super Special Magical White Girl can get three+ love interests and Lucia can get two love interests - her adoptive brother and a dude who can turn into a bird. White authors, man. White authors…
One thing I do like about this Ioannes dude is that his chapters are short, leaving little room for bullshit. However, they make me go back to Magnus and Cleo sooner than I want.
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Leigh Dissects YA Fiction: They All Fall Down (Chapters 13 - 14)
Chapter Thirteen
He slides the coffee across the table when I sit down. “It’s really hot.”
It’s coffee.
I don’t like Josh. Does that mean I do like…
We’ve been over this, Dora.
“I don’t know what my mother looks like anymore. I haven’t seen her since I was about eight (...) She’s a lunatic.”
Generic Bad Boy has a mentally ill absentee mother? Cliche check!
“My mom’s nuts, too.”
Because we can’t let GBB talk about something that clearly hurts him without Dora making it about herself somehow.
I look like Natalie Portman to him?
I thought Dora was supposed to be average.
I blink at the rapid subject volley, trying to keep up with him. “Do you have ADD or something?”
What kind of rude ass-
“Held back a few times,” he admits with no shame. “I’ll be eighteen in four months.”
If they’re juniors and he’s been held back at least twice, and he’ll be eighteen in January (this takes place in October), this doesn’t add up. I was also born in January, and I turned seventeen in eleventh grade. For him to be turning eighteen, he’s only been held back once. Or, he’s actually turning at least nineteen but the author didn’t want to have that big of an age gap and said to herself “math, whom?”
And this boy couldn’t possibly be more different from my positive, gregarious, universally adored brother.
Let me guess: this is foreshadowing her brother being involved in whatever cult or other bullshit is going on here?
Also, splooging over a dead guy. Cool.
Probation. Juvenile detention. Mental institutions. A paralyzed passenger in a stolen car. Jeez, this guy is trouble(...)
Honey, he wasn’t in the institution. And for the love of NCT Dream, stop writing mental institutions and illnesses as being trouble for anyone other than those with the illnesses.
“If you just want to… to… share coffee? Then…”
….. They’re still on every... page.
Whoa, he’s good. Electrical, magnetic, combustible. Levi is a human physics class full of energy.
I SWEAR THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE BOOK SO FAR WHAT IS THIS BILL NYE IS HAVING A FIT ASKFLDHALDJ
“It’s Kenzie. Or Mackenzie. Not Mack.”
“Really? Mack fits you. It’s unaffected and straightforward and not quite what you’d expect.”
Incorrect splooging is the worst. Someone who trails off half her sentences is not straightforward.
“Trust me, Levi, you have more than one superpower.”
Does he? Does he even have one?
The toe-curling, breath-stealing, tum-my-fluttering sensations of… attraction.
Good writing? She doesn’t go here.
I’m scared of this kid, and so, so drawn to him.
He’s not a kid, he’s older than you because if he wasn’t, how else would he have any authority over you?
Google Translate is mentally challenged.
I have never wanted to send an angry email to an author before. Not through all the racist, abusive, misogynistic shit I’ve read over the years. Not through all the demonizing of mental illnesses. But developmental disorders are where I draw the line. I completely dropped a series years ago because I personally witnessed an author using the R-word as casually as you’d ask someone what the weather was like. Using this as a joke is disgusting and this author should be ashamed of herself. Don’t ever let me meet her at a writing convention or book festival. She’s going to get dragged to the ends of the earth and left there to rot like she deserves.
I guess I liked Mack after all. It’s… unaffected and straightforward and not quite what you’d expect.
My eyes got stuck in the back of my head after rolling them so hard.
Chloe Batista is bragging about how she makes a cool fifty bucks for watering somebody’s houseplants while they’re on vacation, which is just a tacky thing to post to the world.
How? How is that tacky?
Person: I have a side gig :)
Dora: tacky preppy garbage I’M A NERD
Chapter Fourteen
But I still feel as if telling anyone about these bizarre, unrelated, possibly not even real events gives them credence they don’t deserve, so I stay quiet.
I thought Dora was supposed to be smart.
“I…” I see the truck, I think. “I get it.”
Missing: one editor. If found, please return to the seventh grade writing class she disappeared from.
“I want you to understand how much this new social status means to me. It doesn’t mean I’m using you or anything.”
Except… you are??
“Well, she wants you in her Sisters of the List club.” There might be a hair of jealousy in Molly’s voice, but I totally get that.
Um… where did Molly learn this awful name? Consistency nugu?
I should be preparing for State and winning the top prize. Instead, I’m flirting with bad boys and kissing rich ones.
Because it’s not like she’d be able to satisfy both wants with some good time management. But we can’t have that. Then we’d have to pretend women are capable of wanting academic success and romance!
“What’s wrong?”
“Another… one.”
“Another what?”
“Another… girl.”
I just blink at her, a slow, cold agony already clawing at my heart.
“Another girl what?”
“This…”
“This what?”
“This isn’t…”
“This isn’t what?”
“This isn’t how to write… ”
“This isn’t how to write what?”
The reader paused, growing increasingly annoyed with L’s antics.
“This isn’t how to write tension.”
The truck… the truck… the truck that made Levi Sterling run.
I think the editor was drunk while reading this book. I wish I could be the same way.
“I just got a call from Barbara Gains, whose daughter is married to a paramedic who was in the ambulance. She knows you go to Vienna and wanted to see if you knew her.”
I’ve seen some exposition dumps but this is… something else.
“Who? Who died, Mom?” I demand.
“Someone named Chloe.”
“Chloe Batista.” I croak her name.
“Do you know her?”
“Shes…” Oh, God. Second.
And I’m fifth.
I have no comments. I just wanted you all to read this mess.
The book is split into either two or three parts so instead of posting four chapters today, I’m stopping here at the end of part one.
This is a really shitty book though.
Using my irritation as free entertainment? Enjoy my writing as free entertainment, too. I’ve got a freebie book called Epic here.
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Leigh Dissects YA Fiction: They All Fall Down (Chapters 9 - 12)
Chapter Nine
Levi certainly wasn’t grieving Olivia’s death…
Of course not. Why would he be grieving his ex-girlfriend? That would imply that he cares about anyone other than you and with this being a YA book, it’s unlikely that a romantic lead would be so complex.
[...] his open varsity jacket making his shoulders look even broader.
A specific sport isn’t named. Does the author think all varsity athletes get the same jacket? There are emblems, symbols, and other things that are specific to certain sports. This is what happens when you base your YA book on your own nerdy high school experiences and don’t do basic research: you get things wrong.
“Why is everyone so certain Levi Sterling is going to jail?” I demand.
You can’t demand a question that has to be answered by multiple people when you’re only with one person. Also, didn’t you, like recently, say he might’ve been a murderer or rapist?
I nod sympathetically, supposing that’s a legit enough connection for a guy like Josh to shed a few tears.
Because for a masculine boy to cry, it has to be legitimized.
Was he kidding? Girls like Olivia and the rest of them on that list didn’t hang out with nerds like me. But guys don’t always know that.
Okay, even if we’re going with the ridiculous idea that people don’t have friends in different circles, the same would be true for boys. Geeky boys and jocks wouldn’t hang out. Why wouldn’t he know this?
“I missed you last night,” he says right into my ear, with a secret, sexy voice that should have every cell in my body jumping up and down.
You’ve spoken for a total of three minutes.
“I had…” Movie night with mom. “Something else to do.”
Why can’t she just tell him the truth? I get it’s geeky but it’s not like you were committing a crime.
A flicker of distaste crosses his expression as he conciders what could possibly have been more important than his game, and his gaze shifts in the direction where Levi had been. “Out with your parolee?”
Dora doesn’t tell him the truth about her whereabouts as a way for the author to throw in cheap tension. If she had a legit reason or given an explanation (like how I said spending time with her mom is ~geeky~), then it would’ve worked. Without that, this is just lazy writing.
“Good thing, ‘cause they're saying he was there and was having a deep and heated conversation with Olivia before she died.”
Did this book have an editor?
“Good thing you weren’t with him.”
He’s said good thing twice in the past quarter page. Either the author discovered a new phrase while writing this chapter, or someone stans NCT.
“Listen, I know it’s not going to be really fun under the circumstances and all, but a bunch of kids are getting together at my house tonight. Will you come?”
Y’all really about to have a party when someone just died. I get the popular kids are supposed to somewhat suck but there’s sucking then there’s being horrible people.
“We’re changing clothes, you freakazoid!”
Outdated reference is outdated. Most of this author’s demographic does not know that song. Has she ever spoken with an actual teenager? In this century?
“His parents passed away many years ago.”
Please be related to the cult I’m probably totally wrong about.
“I never got into the house but I’ve heard it’s amazing, with an indoor swimming pool and a ten-car garage adjacent to some of the prettiest parts of Nacht Woods.”
Good Lord. First, it annoys me when characters who are loaded go to public school with a bunch of people who are nowhere near as rich. School zoning doesn’t work like that, with only one megarich kid and everyone else being middle class. Second, why are we getting this awkward splooge from Generic BFF’s mom instead of having this description when Dora gets to the party later????? Why is this writing so bad? Where is the editor?
“The grandfather, who’s retired, of course, made a killing on Wall Street, as I understand it.”
What is this SENTENCE?! I suck at grammar and sentence structure and all those technical things but damn, I know I could do a better job at this editor who works for an actual publishing house.
“Really hit it huge in the go-go eighties.”
“Where’d they go-go?” Kayla asks, making everyone laugh.
Not me.
“It’s the idiots who can’t handle the peer pressure. But, okay, you girls use common sense.”
Fucking hell. If they’re pressured into drinking then they’re not idiots. That’s why it’s called PRESSURE. And why are we acting like people with common sense don’t drink? They’re not mutually exclusive.
“(...) I’d love to just sit around that table for house with a family that is so whole and happy. But I only have myself to blame for that.”
Shut your melodramatic ass up.
Chapter Ten
God save me.
(..) what feels like a half-mile-long driveway (...) At least fifty cars are in the drive and along the street.
Driveway. It’s called a driveway. You just used it in the last sentence.
She’s cute - and has to be freezing - but, really, nothing extraordinary to look at.
What a fucking bitch. Honestly, Dora, please die.
“We’re going into the woods.”
Yes, now it’s the point in the book where a Native American burial ground is invaded by drunk suburban white teens who literally have no respect for the land. This includes our protagonist. And if you’re thinking she’s going to mention how wrong and disrespectful this is, bring your expectations of this author down. No, further. FURTHER. Yes, that low.
“We’re at Meesha mound.” She leans closer and lowers her voice. “Indian burial ground, you know. Cool, huh?”
“Very.”
To be fair, Dora says her “very” is sarcasm but like?? Nothing is done or said about how horrible it is that they’re doing this. Or even the improper and offensive usage of “Indian.”
She misses my sarcasm and takes me down a dark path.
Obviously bad metaphor is obviously bad.
“I like Sisters of the List,” Kylie Leff says, leaning into Amanda. “We’ve been blood sisters since kindergarten.”
Can I return this book and get cult lesbians instead? Side note, if you want to watch something about a cult lesbian, AHS: Cult was AMAZING and its best season since Coven.
She holds up a single knuckle and Amanda meets it with one of her own in the most feminine and lackluster knuckle tap in history.
We get it. Fem = bad, hot fem = bad, weak fem = bad.
Why was Dora expecting some epic knuckle punch when Kylie only used one knuckle? Does she think she has super-strength?
It’s Candace Yardley, number ten, who up to this point has been virtually silent. Once again, I take a second to admire her dark good looks; she is runway perfect.
Why is this book so racist?!! Having the Asian character be silent until Dora is ready to comment on her ~dark good looks~?? And she has to be at the bottom of the list? What IS THIS?!
She smiles at her best friend.
How many times must we be reminded that Kylie and Amanda are gal pals, heteros, and that this book has no room for lesbians? Petition to save Kylie and Amanda from this hetero dumpster fire.
I take the vodka bottle and let a few drops touch my lips, the flavor like bitter grape cough medicine.
One, you can’t taste much with your lips. Two, that’s not what vodka tastes like.
“You bitches cray.” She sings the last word on a laugh. “But I need to get fried.”
Let’s play “spot the Token black character.” I think the usage of the word cray is a testament to how old this book is. Back when white authors thought it was fun to use cringe aave. You gon finna catch me is SHAKING.
“Thank god that chapter is over” - me after every chapter.
Chapter Eleven
“YOLO, baby girl. Which translates into ‘have some fun.’
Petition to have white authors never write black characters again.
I can smell beer, and the sound of rap is barely drowned out by loud boys and girls laughing. Really? On the night after the girl they all planned to vote for class president next year has died? They either don’t care or… they don’t understand death.
You fucking asshole, Dora. Some people have different coping methods. And, how would you know they don’t care or understand death? Do you think you’re the only person in your whole school who has lost someone?
They don’t know how permanent death is. But I do.
Earlier, we learned that Generic Good Boy is a fucking orphan. He lost BOTH parents. You lost ONE brother. Shut up.
“Like I said… YOLO.”
Stop. I’m begging.
“You know what I remember about you in middle school?” (...) “You were hydrogen in our Dress Like an Element Day in science.”
Listen, I like the fact that Dora and GGB have natural chemistry as characters whereas Dora and GBB are forced like hell. But could the author not think of a more interesting element? Why would GGB remember this in particular? Even if he thought Dora was cute, it would make sense for the element to be something less common and therefore more easy for the reader to see why it was so memorable.
“You’re the Latin expert.”
She’s a junior in high school.
“(...) he lives to meet pretty girls.” The way he says it makes me feel like I really am one of those pretty girls.
Because he just told you his grandfather likes pretty girls? An old man? That makes you feel pretty? Really? That?
“Wait--I want to kill her, er, say hi.”
Ignoring this horrible attempt at humor, Dora is upset with her friend for drinking at a party. I’ll point you to Dora’s weird grape cough medicine vodka from her cult meeting in the woods.
“I play on two travel teams--hey, Ryan--and lots of these kids are from all over this side of the state.”
They came all the way out here for one party? Are there no parties in their own neighborhoods?
“Kenzie.” The older man nods in approval. “Of course.” Flashing an easy, wide smile, he looks down--way down--at me. Instantly, I can see where Josh gets his gifts--his height, the build, the sort of raw masculinity mixed with charm that rolls off him. That’s hereditary, I suppose.
I just threw up.
This man is at least sixty, given that his grandson is a high school junior. And Dora just spent a paragraph lowkey lusting after him. I haven’t witnessed something so grossly uncomfortable since Throne of Trash the series we don’t acknowledge.
“You were absolutely correct, Josh. She is a refreshing change.”
Get it? Because she’s not like those other girls.
“You’ve taught me everything, Josh says, a respectful note in his voice. “Including how to pick quality girls.”
Women aren’t avocados.
He pats my hand and shifts in his seat. “Let’s change the subject. I understand you’re on that list that does nothing but objectify lovely teenage girls.”
You can’t call out the list for objectifying them when 1) you’ve done that since you met Dora, 2) you act like a fucking pedophile while you’re touching her, and 3) you follow up the fact that the list is objectifying the girls by calling the girls “lovely.”
“But his legacy lives on, right back in Nacht Woods.” He angles his head toward the back of the house. “He’s buried there, too.”
So not only has this author disrespected Native Americans with using their burial ground for horror aesthetic reasons, but she’s also allowed a white character to be buried there.
“Not him, per se,(...) but the things that mattered to him. I made a place to honor him.”
I know we need exposition but it makes no sense here. They’ve spent half a page talking about this dead dude, rather than the scholarship Dora wants.
“How do I apply?”
“No application necessary, dear. You just have to finish the ropes course Jarvis built in Nacht Woods (...) You look fairly athletic.”
Oh my god. How many ways can this author metaphorically shit on this burial ground?
“Quit hittin’ on my chick, Rex.”
Dora’s next thought is her freaking out about Josh calling her his girl, which okay, I get. But… shouldn’t she be a tad bit concerned about this creepy pedo man who just offered her a scholarship as long as she completes The Hunger Games?
“She’s a total brainiac (...) I think that’s hot.”
“Quite,” his grandfather agrees.
I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP
Chapter Twelve
I haven’t had anything to drink since my one sip of grape vodka, but Molly’s borderline tipsy(.)
We’ve got clarification that her vodka was grape flavored (ew) but what the hell is “borderline tipsy”??? Either she’s tipsy or she’s sober. Tipsy is the full in between of sober and drunk.
“But the weirdest thing of all was the texts disappeared about ten minutes after I got it. I can’t find it in my deleted texts, nothing.”
SHE TRIED TO SEARCH DELETED TEXTS AND WAS SURPRISED WHEN SHE COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING ASHJLDFASHLJL
(...) ready for dark looks from my list sisters(...)
We’re really using this name?
But I won’t tell these girls that. They’re wack.
I love 2001 slang.
Also, you guys don’t know how hard it is for me to not make a Malibu’s Most Wanted reference right now.
Having to post all my notes/opinions means I’m having to read over some of the book again and if you can believe it, these are considered the good chapters compared to what comes later.
Using my irritation as free entertainment? Enjoy my writing as free entertainment, too. I’ve got a freebie book called Epic here.
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Thirty-One - Chapter Thirty-Four)
Chapter 31 - Auranos
While he waited for the order to attack, Jonas stood shoulder to shoulder [...]
Jonas is going to marry into power back in Paelsia. He doesn’t want to, but that’s what the Chief is planning so why on earth is he in battle? Plus, he’s the Chief’s advisor. I know the Paelsian army is small and they need all the help they can get but they would never put Jonas in harm’s way like this.
King Gaius rode his sleek black stallion along the line of waiting soldiers [...]
Okay, I doubt he’s going to be in battle so I can give him a pass for the showboat horse, but why is he here in the first place? Half of this book is people being in places they shouldn’t be for sake of the plot.
“King of Blood! King of Blood! KING OF BLOOD!”
No matter how many times you call him that, it’ll never be intimidating.
“Bring me King Corvin’s head and I will give you treasure unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Spare no one. Show me a river of blood! Take it all. Kill them all. Attack!”
War speeches peaked with Braveheart.
Or Pacific Rim.
A hawk soared in circles above the battle as if observing it from a disinterested distance.
Why is he here??
But another sword swung first, taking the Auranian down hard. A figure slipped off his mount [...] “Are you going to just like there like a rock?” a voice snapped. “Get up. You’re missing all the fun.”
A gloved hand appeared before his face. Jonas shook his head and forced himself to sit up before Prince Magnus helped yank him to his feet.
This one section of Magnuts saving Jonas has somehow created the best ship in the book. Unfortunately, one of the people is Magnuts.
[Magnuts] got back on his horse and rode farther into the battle, bloody sword in hand.
HE’S THE SOLE HEIR TO THE THRONE WHY THE FUCK ARE HE AND HIS FATHER IN BATTLE WHERE THEY COULD BOTH DIE. I could give a pass for one of them being here, but BOTH of them?? I have a headache.
[Jonas had] traded his battle-ax for a pair of short curved swords [..] They felt right in his hands and allowed him to slash through anything that opposed him.
You gave a character who is likely what we today would think of as Middle Eastern (I’m doubting he’s black at this point, description and name-wise, M.E. sounds most likely).... curved swords…
Jonas: “While I want to see Auranos fall, I don’t want our victory to be painted with the blood of children.”
Dude, you literally knew before the battle started that kids were going to die. Why didn’t you say something then??
“This will not end until it’s over.”
I… what?
Chapter 32 - Auranos
“You mean [Aron] isn’t out waving a sword around and trying to protect his future wife?”
So why does Aron sit out the fight while being betrothed, but Jonas is betrothed and has to fight and Magnuts is a damn PRINCE and has to fight?????? I get different places have different rules but this is ridiculous.
“At least it’s a quiet siege.”
Battles… aren’t quiet.
The old lady in Paelsia gave CEO and envelope which CEO is just now opening. Days later.
There are pebbles in the envelope yet CEO never thought to see what they were and what a surprise - they’re magic healing beans.
Gotta love plot convenience.
Eirene was the exiled Watcher herself.
WOW I never would’ve guessed.
Nic: “Where’s the witch [who warded the castle]?”
Guard: “King Gaius sent her head to the king three days ago.”
So Corvin has known about the impending attack for THREE DAYS and did zero evacuation. Can’t tell if the character is irresponsible or if the author wanted to write things the easy, dumb way.
“That was brilliant, Cleo,” Nic said. “You defeated him with words.”
Stop splooging already.
“Then when all is calm again, we can focus on helping those in Paelsia [...]”
You’ve been nothing but a racist asshole for the entire book and now you wanna help them because the Watcher proved to be real?? You’ll help them because some old white lady made you feel inspired? Bye.
Chapter 33 - Auranos
“He is close to death.”
“You are speaking about the heir to the throne of Limeros.”
It’s science, dumbass. Science doesn’t discriminate based on royal status
And maybe if you didn’t want him to die, you shouldn’t have put him in battle.
“I’m not crying over you. I’m crying over this stupid war. I want it over.”
One battle isn’t a war.
Nothing much happens for the rest of the chapter, I just want this book to be finished.
Chapter 34 - Auranos
“You’re drunk!”
“Maybe a little.”
“It’s barely daybreak and you’re already drunk.”
Ceo, maybe it’s because y’all are about to die. Some people don’t wanna die sober.
Ceo, to Nic: “Go find Mira. Meet us in the corridor by the stairs to the upper level in fifteen minutes. If we’re not there, continue on and hide where you can. There are plenty of rooms up there. Find one and be as quiet as you can. This is a very large castle, and this siege can’t last forever.”
It took until the last three chapters for Ceo to do something that isn’t stupid, keeps people safe, and shows responsibility. Damn.
“You dare invade my home, and now you treat me like an ignorant child?”
That’s… how… you… behave??
Aron: “If we want to live through this, we need to do as he says. We need to surrender.”
Ceo: “You are so incredibly pathetic, you make me want to vomit.”
Because… he wants to survive??????????
“They’re going to win, Cleo. They’re going to take it all. But you must find a way to take it back.”
Too bad she’s a fucking dummy.
“[The ring] was passed down through her family line from a man who was said to have been involved with a sorceress.”
GOODBYE
“You need help. You need a medic. A healer!”
“It’s too late for that.”
I went back and swept through everything from Ceo getting the seeds to her father dying and literally it never says where she lost them so WHERE did they go?? I know her dad needs to die for her to be motivated but she has an actual magic seed that can save him, but she doesn’t use it? Lazy writing.
If this ring had the power to help her find the Kindred, it also gave her the power to wield the Kindred’s magic without becoming corrupted by it. She could use that magic to take back her kingdom [..]
She has ALL of her power given to her. She’s born into royalty, her father and sister die, leaving the throne open, and now her magic comes from a ring. She’s done nothing heroic in the whole book, and I don’t get what’s appealing about a heroine who has all her wins handed to her.
We are so, so close to the end
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Twenty-Three - Chapter Twenty-six)
Chapter Twenty-three - Limeros
Never thought I’d be glad to have a Magnus chapter but after that last chapter, I need a long break from CEO.
His mother had long since stopped telling him such amusing stories. Along with Limeros’s climate, her personality had steadily grown colder over the years.
Not a YA fantasy without an ice queen mother.
“She is your sister in all ways but blood. As she is my daughter.”
Still a cool motive. Still, still incest.
“I wonder sometimes, Mother, if you also fear the king’s wrath. Or if you were one of the few that managed to escape it.” [...] she sat back and allowed the king to heap abuse upon him - both physical and verbal [..]
She’s… an abuse victim too??? And you’re abusing your girlfriend?? Shut up Magnuts.
“No, the girl you raised as my sister may not share my blood, but she is a Damora.”
This is still so gross.
The king instructed Magnus to take two men with him to retrieve the princess and escort her back to Limeros.
TWO MEN!! The CROWN PRINCE is traveling with only TWO men to take a foreign princess HOSTAGE, I really don’t think this author understands how common sense works when it comes to royals making plans.
The trip to and from Paelsia, to the location noted at the bottom of the message, would take four days.
By carriage? By horse? Walking? Only two days’ distance?? How small is this continent?
It’s math time because I don’t get this worldbuilding.
I don’t know much about horses so I’ll say a horse can run at 60mph. They have to have time to stop and rest so they’ll be running about 15 hours per day. 900 miles per day puts the locations are 1,800 miles apart. The map at the beginning of the book labels damn near nothing. We don’t know where the palaces are or any other locations besides country names and a few irrelevant landmarks. Sigh. Worldbuilding??
Chapter Twenty-four - Auranos
Since they wore the dark red uniforms of Limerian palace guards, it was obvious to all that they were the king’s bodyguards.
They wear red because the king is referred to as “the king of blood” (I’m not making that up, unfortunately), so at least it makes sense in context of the story, but once again, the author chooses not to think logically about the fact that red is the easiest color to spot. If the king is in danger and they have to hide him, the enemy will spot them easily because they’re wearing RED.
“What’s your real goal here? And why now, Gaius? After all this time?”
If you didn’t know Magnuts had an evil dad who wants to take over Mystica, perhaps this actual verbal questioning will help you out.
“We have your daughter.”
“I don’t think I heard you right.”
WHERE did he think CEO was??????? She’s been gone for how long??
Cleo claimed to have journeyed into Paelsia chasing after the legend of an exiled Watcher who might be able to save her sister’s life. She’d been telling him the truth. The truth when he’d only expected more lies.
We know… we’ve read the splooge.
“Whether you realize it or not, your grief and desire for vengeance has caused you to align yourself with scorpions,” King Corvin said.
Your solution to his brother being murdered was to arrange a marriage. Shut up.
Chapter Twenty-five- Paelsia
Theon was surprised to learn that they said they were traveling as sister and brother… from Limeros. Clever.
It’s not that clever.
“Had a lucky break yesterday. Been asking around, trying to find out more about Jonas and his family. Learned where his sister lives. They have a storm shed, which is where I think she’s being held.”
I’m so done. You think im’ma believe the Paelsians told some random ginger white boy where this woman lives AND that she has a storm shed?? And he somehow concludes this is where she’s at???? He thought “Jonas’s sister has a storm shed, that has to be the only place she could be.” I can’t.
Theon and Nic come to the rescue because after CEO got herself in this mess, god forbid she show some sort of agency and get herself out of it.
“Did that savage touch you?”
Does the author not have access to a thesaurus?
She looked up at him just as he captured her mouth with his and kissed her deeply.
This was not a chaste kiss of friendship. This was a kiss of true passion, such as she’d only dreamed of before. Her heart leapt in her chest and she wrapped her arms around him to pull him closer.
You guys are in immediate danger what the HELL ARE YOU DOING???? I get we need to have this final romantic moment before he bites it but one) they’re in DANGER and two) nobody cares about this poorly written insta-love plot device
“You’ve come to mean more to me than the daughter of a king. Such a short time and… you’ve come to mean everything to me.”
Cleo’s breath caught. “Everything?”
Theon raised his gaze to lock with hers. “Everything.”
Theon, you could do better. You deserved better. You seemed like a chill guy.
“I-I was meant to be with you.”
“But I’m only a guard.”
“I don’t care!”
I don’t care either, get to killing him.
He was quiet for a moment as he searched her expression. “So you do feel something for me.”
Theon I just complimented you, don’t start acting like a moron right before you die.
“You saved me. And even before that… well, I just knew, without knowing.” Her heart felt lighter with each word she spoke.
Theon shook his head. “I didn’t save you. Nic figured out where you were. I just knocked out the guards and broke down the door.”
Meanwhile, CEO did nothing.
“Well, I’m not in love with Nic, so I guess we’ll just have to figure it out.”
Gag.
“Give it a week,” Theon said. “And I’ll return here myself. I’ll find out if this legend you believe in so completely is true. Let me do that for you.”
Again, characters act like they have good sense when it’s too late.
“I’ll also find Jonas Agallon when I return.” His expression darkened. “He needs to answer with blood for what he’s done.”
She was locked up for like three minutes, dude.
She reached her arms around his neck and kissed him again, softly at first and then harder.
Again, DANGER.
The one in the middle didn’t look very old at all, eighteen or nineteen at the most. He had dark hair and dark eyes and was dressed in all black.
We get it, Magnus is a dark emo child.
But why the hell is he wearing all black in a place he knows is going to be hot? He’s been traveling by horse for two days, and probably doesn’t carry much water for weight purposes. Even if he’d stop in a village for water, risking dehydration for the aesthetic is stupid.
“So you managed to escape your captors. Clever girl.”
“I can thank the goddess that I managed to get away. With Theon’s help.”
You did NOTHING. You didn’t “manage to get away” you were RESCUED.
Cleo staggered back from him as he clashed with the two, their swords clanging and sparking as they fought.
Um… run??
The blond guard slashed Theon’s arm and blood welled, streaking down the sleeve of his blue uniform.
Why does he not have proper armor?? And we get it - Auranos is light and blue and springtime-y, Limeros is dark and red and winter-y. They’re opposites. WE GET IT.
But Cleo was confident that Theon was going to win. He was her hero. He’d saved her once. He would save her again.
The first sentence is okay in the irony sense but the rest makes it so cringe-worthy that the irony’s effect is lost in the awkward writing.
Blah blah, Theon’s stabbed and killed.
This horrible creature before her was no better than the most evil beast. He’d done this to Theon. Theon had come here to rescue her, and now he was…
THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR RUNNING OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE OH MY GOD
Chapter Twenty-six - Paelsia
I still have 13 to go… I’m ⅔ through the book. I can do this.
Stabbing the guard in the back to save his own life was something that King Gaius would have done.
No… I think anyone would stab someone in the back in order to survive. Cheap angst is not needed here.
“You could never do anything horrible.”
Except abuse his girlfriend and kill his future love interest’s boyfriend.
He stared into her blue eyes, willing himself not to pull back from her as the heat grew and sank into his skin.
Stop.
He pulled back from her and looked into her eyes, holding her beautiful face between his hands. Could this be real?
[...]
And then, heart swelling, he crushed his mouth to hers, kissing her as deeply and passionately as he’d always dreamed. Her lips were so soft and sweet, and they filled him to overflowing with hope and love.
Lucia, bby, I’m so sorry you’re being treated like this.
He hadn’t meant to tell Lucia like this, not so bluntly.
“Ease your mind,” he soothed.
Uh… Lucia was just kissed by her brother, found out she’s adopted and had been kidnapped by an evil witch. Don’t tell her to ~ease~ her mind??
“But to consider you only my sister now that I know the truth… I can’t. You’re so much more to me than that.”
“Please don’t say these things to me.”
THIS is where the conversation should end, with a NO from Lucia but Magnuts just can’t help himself and we get this bullshit next:
This part is long so I’ll cut it down to the most important parts.
“I love you, Lucia. I love you to the very depths of my soul. You said that you loved me. More than anyone else.”
“As my brother [.]”
“Only as a brother.”
“You can’t ever do that again. You can’t touch me like that. It’s wrong, Magnus.”
He clenched his fists at his sides. “It’s not wrong.”
“I don’t feel the same way toward you.”
“But someday you might-”
“No. I will never feel that way. Please, let us never talk of this again.”
“Please don’t leave me.”
So not only does Magnuts not want to take NO as an answer, he also resorts to emotional manipulation and getting angry with her for not wanting to bone her adoptive brother. Again, why do people like this asshole??
Then his heart, now broken into a thousand pieces, slowly began to turn to ice.
Am I supposed to feel bad for that bitch? Because I don’t.
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Fifteen - Chapter Eighteen)
Chapter Fifteen - Auranos
*Cleo runs away*
The king @ Theon: “You were supposed to keep her safe. You failed me.”
Theon could argue that he couldn’t be by Cleo’s side all the hours of the day or night apart from sleeping in the princess’s bed [.]
Do it Theon. Drag him. Drag him for blaming you because his idiot daughter decided to run away. It’s what he deserves.
“The witch was but a momentary dalliance of a youth who enjoyed the attentions of pretty girls before his wedding to the woman who would become the true love of his life.”
Let me guess: we’re leading up to Lucia being Cleo’s half-sister, or worse, Sabina having slept with Cleo’s dad. Everyone knows random backstory must always come back into play later on. Giving characters backstory for the sake of developing them better? Not in my book.
And if something happened to Cleo… he’d want to die. The thought of her bright eyes extinguished, her merry laugh silenced… he broke into a cold sweat and had to lead his forehead against the marble wall of the hallway.
I’m falling in love with her.
This is why you don’t write insta-love, because things like this have NO EMOTIONAL IMPACT on the reader.
The realization his him like a sword plunged through his chest.
Let’s see if Theon’s going to die from a sword plunging through his chest while protecting Cleo.
Chapter Sixteen - Limeros
“The prophecy said she’d have endless magic - drawn from all four elements.”
All four. Magnus had only seen evidence of two so far - air and fire.
So we get clarification that Lucia floated the flower with air magic earlier, not earth magic. That’s cool. However, I’m rolling my eyes at how obvious it is that she has these two and Cleo’s going to get earth and water - easily the lamest powers.
“And I see a brother who cares deeply - very deeply - for his beautiful younger sister.”
The word of the day is VERY.
I love how we’re supposed to feel kind of bad that Magnuts is being called out but like… he’s an abusive incestuous territorial creep so I’ve gotta take the king’s side on this one.
“But if you do everything I ask of you, I can promise you one thing. No man will ever touch her. If nothing else, you’ll be able to take solace in that.”
I’m glad Magnuts is cool with accepting his sister’s virginity as a bribe. Gotta love feminism.
Chapter Seventeen - Paelsia
Me, *sees the chapter is set in Paelsia*: Oh, thank the heavens I’m back with my son Jonas
Me: *sees the first line is from CEO’s pov*: My safe zone is gone
Finding an exiled Watcher in Paelsia was not proving to be as simple a task as Cleo had hoped.
Yeah no shit, CEO. That’s probably one of the reasons everyone was telling you to stay your ass at home.
As much as she adored Nic, the thought of having Theon’s arms around her to keep her warm made her heart begin to race.
You’re starving, stranded, broke, and on a river bank and your mind is on which boy you’d rather be with. This book’s feminism meter is already broken. Its “girls with common sense” meter is on life support.
It was so unfair. Just as Cleo had begun to look on Paelsians as kind and hardworking people, they’d been mugged, renewing her previous assumption that they were all desperate savages.
They’re desperate because they have nothing. While I have nothing.
I’ll give a point for the author having CEO point out the systemic inequality (briefly). It would be a nice point of showing how racist white people can be when they come from privilege. But the one point I’m giving is immediately taken away by the following lines:
It was a chilling thought. Perhaps Cleo would become more savage if she had to live in this dingy land for more than a week.
And we’re back to square one with the racism.
Cleo stopped and turned to see a small woman with gray hair and a deeply lined face regarding her with black, sparkling eyes.
And we’ve found the wise old witch.
The witch lady invites CEO and Nic in for some exposition explaining like, everything about this world, lore, and magic system. It’s boring.
“A millennium ago, the Western Realm, now divided into three lands, was united as one [.]”
Why is no name given for it? The main continent in this book is Mystica so why do they not have an actual name for the west? And it’s not a realm, it’s a continent.
[...] united as one, and everyone lived prosperously and in harmony.”
But then everything changed when the fire nation attacked? I really wouldn’t be surprised if this book started as an A:TLA fanfic.
[...] that Limeros, Paelsia, and Auranos were once one large land with no borders. It had been hard for her to believe. The people from the different kingdoms were so different now, but once they had been united.
Okay but that still doesn’t explain the names and races which are currently all European except Jonas who is either Asian or African but has a white family and a dude named Pedro in a place that’s meant to be either Asia or Africa and why people have German and Celtic names when 50% of the world-building has been Spain and Italy based and 40% has been Latin/Greek/Roman none of this MAKES SENSE.
“I like the part about Eva and the hunter,” Sera said. “It’s my favorite.”
Nobody cares your cheap tactic to pretend this isn’t an expodump.
“However, one day she found out that she was pregnant [.]”
HOW DO YOU “FIND OUT” YOU’RE PREGNANT IN ANCIENT TIMES??? There aren’t doctors and ultrasounds and tests??!!!! You miss periods, your stomach grows, you get sick, and so on. You REALIZE you’re pregnant.
So two witches threatened Eva’s baby if she didn’t basically turn them into goddesses.
“It turned them into goddesses,” Cleo said, barely breathing. “The sisters were Valoria and Cleiona.”
So the people worship two would-be baby killers and now the two female protags are meant to be them? Cool.
“He took the ring from Eva’s finger to remember her by…”
Or to provide a mcguffin for this series.
“The Sancturary is closed off from the rest of the world. It exists on a different plane from this one.”
This explains why it’s called the Western Realm. Book: 1, Leigh: 0
“I just like the love story part,” Sera said.
It’s barely in the expodump and it’s not even interesting.
“I never said she was evil. Nor was she good. Even in the darkest and most cruel person, there is still a kernel of good. And within the most perfect champion, there is also darkness. The question is, will one give in to the dark or the light? It’s something we decided with every choice we make, every day that we exist. What might not be evil to you could be evil to someone else. Knowing this makes us powerful even without magic.”
I cringed so hard. First, this could’ve been half the final length. Second, this is so fake deep and the message is so overplayed. Good vs evil isn’t black and white. We get it. Every hero vs villain story gives us this same exact message. Third, having the wise old character spew out a speech of your series’s theme is just lazy. Don’t tell us the overarching message, show us beforehand!!! LEAD UP TO THE SPEECH so the reader can look back and be like “oh yeah maybe X character isn’t as evil as I thought.”
And though her thoughts first turned unbidden to Theon and what he might be doing, when she fell asleep, she dreamed of sorceresses and goddesses and magic seeds.
WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT HIM YOU’RE ON A JOURNEY TO SAVE YOUR SISTER AND JUST LEARNED ALL THIS SUPER IMPORTANT INFORMATION WHY CAN’T YA HEROINES SHUT UP ABOUT THEIR BOYFRIENDS WHEN MORE IMPORTANT SHIT IS HAPPENING
Chapter Eighteen - Paelsia
He’d dreamed of tearing [Cleo’s] hair out a piece at a time while she begged for mercy.
Please do it
He grabbed her wrist and she flinched.
“Tell me now.”
“You’re hurting me.”
“No, I’m not. Don’t exaggerate.”
Lmao how are you going to tell someone you’re not hurting them? To be fair, she does pretty much admit she’s faking the pain but still????
Jonas decides not to rush out and kill Cleo because it’s smarter to sit back and think about things first. On one hand, I’m glad someone in this book isn’t a reckless moron but on the other, it means I won’t be put out of my misery having to read about Cleo.
And this chapter is too short. I don’t wanna go back to the whites. Please don’t make me do it.
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Leigh Dissects YA fiction: Fallen Kingdoms (Chapter Eleven- Chapter Fourteen)
Chapter Eleven - Limeros
I do not CARE WHERE IS JONAS??!!! This is a Lucia chapter and of the five POV’s, hers is my second favorite because she doesn’t totally suck. Too bad she’s boring as hell.
To her far left, she caught a glimpse of a boy she knew - Michol Trichas. She raised her hand to wave at him, but he didn’t seem to notice and hurried away.
Lucia, sweetie, I’m so sorry you have to deal with your asshole of a brother.
“And you never should have believed him without speaking with me. My brother does not control who I see and when I see them. I do.”
Finally, a decent girl power moment.
“This isn’t the first time this has happened.”
Magnus had developed a bit of a habit of deciding who was deserving of his younger sister’s attention.
So… she’s let this shit slide before, which is why it keeps happening? This book’s feminist meter is back to zero.
It was too bad that he’d been born missing a backbone.
This just in ladies: if a boy thinks you don’t want him and he distances himself from you because he’s under the impression that this is what you want, be upset because he’s not fighting for you. Boys who think “no means no” have no spine and are not worth your time!
Any praise she received had been from her tutors. From Magnus. And occasionally, from her father. She didn’t go out of her way to seek her mother’s approval, nor would she ever.
Wow, what a surprise: Lucia can only have approval and validation from male characters
Also, that Sabina Mallius was evil incarnate.
Because the only strong powerful women we have room for are Super Special Protagonists. Any other women must be evil or dead.
She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding [.]
Take a shot when you see this sentence in a book.
Chapter Twelve - Auranos
How many times do I have to ask for Jonas before he comes back?
Her gaze flicked to the royal coat of arms on the wall, which bore two hawks, one golden, one black, beneath a single golden crown. It was as familiar to her as her own name and she knew it had to mean something.
It means your author doesn’t know how to be subtle with her clues.
The king: “I’m making you marry Aron so you can start learning how to be responsible.”
Cleo: “How is this helping? By reminding me that I have no control over my own destiny?”
I hate when characters who act like children get mad about their parents making them do things they don’t want to do. You can’t act like a five-year-old then get mad when they make your choices for you. Stop being irresponsible and this won’t be an issue??
“I must do this. There’s no other choice.”
No other choice besides you traveling to the country that hates you to get help for your sister? Wouldn’t logic tell her to send someone in her place and have them pretend to be from the north? Half the conflicts in this story could be fixed by characters not being so dramatic and actually using their brains to get out of trouble. But then we wouldn’t have a book so I guess plot will forever trump logic.
“I’m not going alone. Theon is coming with me.”
“No, I’m not,” Theon said quietly.
LMAOOOOOOOO
“[The king] only wants to keep you safe.”
“I will be safe. Besides, you’ll be there to protect me.”
Girl what part of “he ain’t going” do you not get??
“If I have to order you t come with me, I will. Don’t make me.”
“You can order me all you like, but the answer will still be no [...] I answer to the king, not to you.”
Hello, 911? I just witnessed a murder.
“I like you, Theon. So much. Despite any harsh words thrown between us, I know your heart is true.”
He swallowed hard. “I feel the same way toward you.”
We’ve had no development, no chemistry, no intrigue or banter between these two, yet they’re speaking as if they’re soulmates. It’s pretty obvious that Theon is a goner but the complete lack of emotional investment for the reader will make his death an afterthought.
Chapter Thirteen - Paelsia
FINALLY MY BABY JONAS
“She’s dancing with snakes.”
Britney sunbaenim, I’m so sorry this book would rip you off like that.
Jonas makes nice with the dancer - the Chief’s daughter, and gets brought to the Chief, and now he’s ready to talk politics so he can go kick Auranos’s asses.
“You two are valuable to me. You see what others do not. I want you to help me in what is to come.”
Jonas has done all the talking up to this point, while Brion has said nothing so how exactly is Brion valuable? You can’t join the Chief’s inner circle just because your best friend is the idea guy.
King Gaius is a very smart man. Very smart.
VERY SMART.
This chapter is over quicker than I’d like.
Chapter Fourteen - Limeros
Andreas Psellos was his complete opposite [.]
WHY DOES HE HAVE A GREEK NAME I JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND THIS WORLDBUILDING
Magnus grasped the girl’s chin and looked down into her eyes.
Here we go with this abusive shit again.
Suddenly, the bright pink bloom rose from her hand and floated in the air as if suspended by invisible strings.
So does Lucia control air or earth? Which is being used for this spell??
“Don’t be afraid.”
If I ever see this in a book and don’t respond with “love is the way,” I’ve been replaced by an imposter.
Magnus: “Can you lift anything heavier than a flower?”
Lucia: “I don’t know. Please, Magnus, tell me what to do. Don’t hate me for keeping this secret for so long. You can’t turn your back on me now.”
LMAOOO he asked ONE simple question wtf?? And how did she jump from asking for help, to asking forgiveness, to begging him not to turn his back on her? She went through three emotions - confusion, guilt, and fear - within three short sentences.
Magnus: “I’ll help you practice.”
Lucia: “I don’t know if I can.”
Magnus: “Then don’t do it for yourself. Do it for me.”
Uh, even if she did want to ~do it for you~ there’s still the problem of her not knowing what she can physically do???? This has nothing to do with motivation, Magnuts.
It was dangerous information for a sixteen-year-old girl to know.
I get this is supposed to reflect sexist history but they worship goddesses and goddesses only so why isn’t this a matriarchal society? Or at the very least, one more accepting of giving women power? This thinly coded sexism is mostly bad in the book because it makes no sense when you think about it.
He stroked the long, silky dark fair off her face.
Magnuts stop being a creep challenge.
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