#let me just say that when she died rahadin swooped in. brought her body to ravenloft with her paladin friend

[moogle-mafia]

so.... i am officially done with the curse of strahd campaign... i did NOT expect all that. i think our dm chose violence on day one and he never stopped. he was merciful maybe... once? the npcs were great, i wanted to study them like bugs... but damn was that campaign difficult difficult lemon difficult.

got me emotional far too many times. the guilt for what we all messed up was always there in the back of my head. we were basically put through a wringer every week. i want to do it again.

and here's the problem i have. i don't know what to think, because i wanted her to get her own happy end. instead, she ended up:

it was kinda sad that we didn't get the Good Ending™, basically everyone in the party lost. only my character survived the endgame after being revivified, but i can safely say that she wishes she stayed dead.

1) objectified (decided to sell herself in hopes of getting out of the whole mess and fixing things)

2) a traitor (because she killed her friend who protected her this whole time she was dying and after that he stood guard over her dead body)

3) as someone even worse than she was before the whole adventure (came back to being opportunistic, but with an addition of crippling guilt and shame)

yes, in that order. didn't save anyone she ever cared for, sold the rest of her agency for scraps, ended up as an accessory to the count. sure, she did lift the curse, but the cost was... ehhh. and the consequences of that were also... ehhhh... her turning evil i think. because the epilogue i got didn't give me much hope for her keeping the rest of her humanity.

now i am unsure. paradoxically, i think that if i actually got the good ending, i would not be this involved in the story. this whole thing we did was a mess. i don't think there were any quests we did correctly. the dice were also ruthless. so i don't know, maybe it was meant to be, and our dm just cranked up the tragedy levels.

i made this character as an experiment, just to see whether i could play someone morally dubious. it was fun. more fun that i expected it to be. i don't like the fact that throughout 6 months of playing, she made approximately... one step towards the good. and in the endgame, she took at least two steps back.

but then again, isn't this what i wanted? i wanted terrible choices with terrible outcomes and i got them. maybe i just feel bad for being satisfied with a tragic ending, even though i shouldn't, because not everything has to end with rainbows and unicorns. and i agreed to the possibility of an absolute fuck-up.

i don't know where i was going with all that, i guess i needed some space to vent and figure my feelings out. the campaign was good. very fucking good. gave me brainrot. inspired me to write a diary. in character. in polish. almost 60 pages of writing. i haven't written anything in polish since high school.

slay, my fucked-up arcane trickster with a stolen name, you were the best. give my regards to dracula, since you are on earth already. and bring me some english biscuits when you're done with your conquest. aaand maybe stab the count with the sunsword, if you ever find it.

so... no more venting, i'm done. accepted the fuckery i did and its consequences.

#curse of strahd #cos spoilers #but not really i think #let me just say that when she died rahadin swooped in. brought her body to ravenloft with her paladin friend #dropped the news that he sent her mother away from barovia to save her during the massacre #and that now her only purpose was to become a bride #all she needed to do was to kill the paladin #i don't think I'll ever be able to stop telling his player that i am so fucking sorry #she did what she was asked to do in hopes of surviving and getting everyone back alive #and as you can see from this post #all that moral dilemma was for nothing bc she ended up worse #so like... you can fix her... you SURE can make her worse... but then you'll have to deal with a moral hangover