#lifes been lifing and keeping me kinda inactive on here lately :c

[yutikyis]

Honest Q&A: Round 6! Table

Hello all! It’s been a while since we were all together. I’m glad everyone was able to join our roundtable today. Hmm… looking over the questions submitted they seem to be… ahh, yes, this were all omitted from the previous questionnaires due to their… darker theme. Well, it seems my editor is looking to expand our readership. Very well, if anyone feels uncomfortable answering these VERY hypotheticals… feel free to pass.

First, a question for myself. Where have you all been? It’s been really hard to track you all down for another sit down lately.

Yuti:  “Ah... I’ve been b-busy w-with this and that.

Reri: “Same as I ever been. Huntin’ and screwin’. Ya ain’t seen me then ya either are blessed or cursed I guess.”

Rahya: “Um, same ol’, same ol’. I ain’t been that different. I been goin’ on walks with Grape an’ I found a nice pond! It’s got all kinda fishers in it an’ I saw a frogtoad once!”

Sayo: “My life has passed as normal. I have been exploring the land under the guard of Lord Vachir. I fear he is not overly excited about some of our exploration but he is kind about it.”

Tsukiko: “Ah, Lady Kususha. I am certain he is very kind about it. After all he is not a stupid man, nor a blind one. I have been waiting for new orders from my Master and aiding Kitakage in his missions.” Meichi’a: “Moi? I, of course, have been a shameless louse! Exploring the lands, drinking the finest wine, and just yesterday I spent a night with the most CHA-rming... ah and I’m getting glares again. Ahem. I’ve kept myself occupied.”

Alright, on to our… readers’ questions. <cough> Uh-hmm… let’s get this over with, shall we?

“If you had to kill one person you cared about to save the rest of the world, who would you pick?”

Yuti: “... P-probably myself? I k-know there are arguments to b-be made about t-the needs of the many a-and as a h-healer you n-need to decide these things but... I d-don’t think I could kill someone I c-cared about.”

Reri: “Haw! Like anyone’s surprised at that answer Snowflake. Me? Sure. It ain’t really a choice, is it? They’re gonna die if the world explodes or whatever. I’d just take whoever’s closest. Ain’t a big deal.”

Rahya: “Um... I... I ain’t... I ain’t gonna kill nobody, not even ta save the world. I’d keep on hopin’ an’ prayin’ that things’d work out. Aasifa’s got me belivin’ in luck so... I figure I’d just hold off an’ hope somethin’ good happens!

Sayo: “I... I suppose it would be my duty. I can not say I would... This is really a very unfair question. I... if I had to pick I suppose it would be Lord Vachir or perhaps Lord Benedict. Only because I believe the two of them would most willingly sacrifice themselves to save others! Not because I value them less!”

Tsukiko:  “If I was commanded to, of course. My highest priority is satisfying my Master and I can only imagine he would be... displeased.. if the world was destroyed due to inaction. One life is not worth more than many, especially weighed against the feelings of a mere servant.” Meichi’a: “I? I would sacrifice nobody. I have already sacrificed one person I cared about and the world is not worth more than that. Let it burn if it comes to that. Selfish perhaps but I never claimed to be anything but.”

“What is the worst thing you can imagine someone doing?”

Yuti: “Ah... t-that’s a difficult answer. I-if I had to say... it w-would be harming someone’s soul or mind. A b-body is a body a-and can be healed b-but to hurt their mind or their spirit i-is unacceptable.”

Reri: “Hah. Ya really want my answer ta this? Because I got some ideas. So, ya start with some fish hooks... now this works best if the bastard’s a guy... and ya start insertin... ya look kinda green there, fella. Ya want me to stop? Hah! Knew it.

Rahya: “Um... the worst thin’? I ain’t sure. I figure like... blowin’ up the whole world! Like in yer last question! That seems like the worst thin’ cuz everyone lives here, yah? So... where’d ya even live after ya do it? On rocks an’ stuff floatin’ around? Cuz... that seems awful inconvenient. How ya gonna make roads? I ain’t sure chocobirds can fly that far without gettin’ tired and seems kinda mean to ‘em.”

Sayo: “Ah. The worst thing I can imagine is someone shaming another. Shame is a terrible thing indeed. Many would rather endure pain and misery than face shame and dishonor... at least that is what Sire says.”

Tsukiko: “The worst thing one can do is take another. That... is all I can say.”

Meichi’a: “The worst thing one can do? To give up on life. I am afraid I must disagree with the charming silver-haired crumpet. No shame is too great, no pain is unendurable. To live is the greatest gift and to toss it away is far worse than any other. ”

“Do you think death is the worst fate there is?”

Yuti: “No. N-not at all. D-death is sad, true, but it isn’t the end of life, m-merely a transformation. T-to live in eternal a-agony or have your aether d-devoured o-or to be trapped for eternity... t-those all sound much worse.”

Reri: “Gettin’ creative there, Snowflake. I like it. Ya oughta go a bit further. Well, for once, me and the girl agree. Death ain’t so bad. Probably hurts a shiteload but I see things a lot worse than death. Ya don’t hear of folks prayin’ for the sweet relief of death for no reason, yeah?

Rahya: “I... no, it ain’t the worst thing. I’m sure hopin’ not. If’n I gotta be true... I figure death ain’t so bad for the folks who be dyin’. It’s worse for the folks who ain’t dead cuz they ain’t got the person they like ‘round much, yeah? I mean I ain’t wanna be dyin’... but I’m more scareda bein’ hurt awful bad an’ bein’ all alone...”

Sayo: “I must go with the consensus here I am afraid. Death is to be feared but it is not the worst one can imagine. The ancestors have after-lives of peace and comfort after a life of hard work. It does not sound like something to fear if you’ve lived a worthy live.”

Tsukiko:

“Death is certainly by no means the worst thing! Why, I can think of several things quite worse. Enslavement, torture, suffering... many of which some would consider death a release from!”

Meichi’a:

“Alas, once again I must disagree with these charming ladies. All this talk of afterlives and mortal suffering is fine and good, but a life is a life and death is a great mystery. Even if one should survive in some form, it isn’t *life.* No drinking, no dancing and most certainly no carnal nights spent in the comforting embrace of a lover. Life is the greatest gift we have.

“Would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?”

Yuti: “A-ah... t-that’s tough. Probably the d-date. The c-cause might make me tempted to t-try to avoid it but if I know anything from stories t-that would make me c-cause it! P-plus if I knew the date I’d h-have time to set my affairs in order a-and make sure I’m not leaving anything undone..”

Reri: “Hells below Snowflake can’t you even die in an interestin’ way? I agree on the Date though... but not for the reasons ya think. If I know when I’m gonna die then I’m godsdamn sure I ain’t gonna die BEFORE that. Gives me more freedom ta do shite.”

Rahya: “Um... I figure I’d wanna know the date cuz... if I know I’m gonna die because a rock falls on my head or somethin’ then I’m gonna spend all day bein’ scareda rocks? An’ that doesn’t sound real fun. But if I know I’m gonna go poof then I can just not be afraida stuff until then, yeah? Cuz... Aasifa’s already like than an’ he seems happy.”

Sayo: “I must disagree. Knowing the date of one’s demise is... not what I would want. It feels... restrictive. The cause would be better I think. I do not fear the day I meet my ancestors but I do not want it lingering over my head.”

Tsukiko: “ Ah! But Mistress Kususha! What if you are told that you would tortured to death over a period of many days! That would hang over your head far worse! Or if you were told you would be blinded and starve to death on a desert island or...” Rahya: “Um could ya maybe please stop? I ain’t wantin’ ta hear alla that...”

Tsukiko: “Oh, a thousand pardons, Mistress Miqo’te. I meant to no offense, none at all! I certainly wasn’t *intending* to frighten you with your ignorance and shortsightedness.” Rahya: “Aw shucks, thank ya!” Tsukiko: “You are most welcome. Myself? I pick neither. I apologize if it does not answer your question but I do not wish to know the time nor the means of my death.”

Meichi’a: “I must agree with the ravishing raven-haired delight. Date or cause, it would hang over my head. Unless I was told that I would die from exhaustion after a night with several del- .. oh please don’t glare, my beret-bearing beauty! I was merely joking, merely joking!”

“If you were trapped on an island, would you rather resort to cannibalism or die of starvation?”

Yuti: “N-neither! I-if I was trapped on an island a-and had to r-resort to cannibalism, t-that would mean there are others there. W-we could work together to b-build a raft... t-then I can use conjury t-to help propel it a-and get off the island!”

Reri: “Ya ain’t stupid enough to think that’s the actual question, Snowflake.”

Yuti: “N-no! B-but... I mean...I s-suppose I w-would fish?”

Reri: “Still ain’t the question, Snowflake. Why don’t ya answer it?”

Yuti: “F-fine. I’d s-starve. It w-would f-feel... w-wrong...” Reri: “Knew it! Hah. Lookin’ Miss Prissy over here, thinkin’ she’s too good ta eat. Me? ‘course I’d do what it took to survive. Ain’t no difference between Miqo and Marlboro at the end of the day, ‘cept Miqo flesh probably ain’t gonna poison ya.”

Rahya: “I ain’t gonna do not cannyballism! Them things is big and explosive an’ madea metal! I couldn’t eat it even if I tried real real ha... what?”

Sayo: *whispers quietly*

Rahya: “WHAAA?! What kinda question is that?! I ain’t gonna eat nobody!!”

Sayo: “I must agree. To eat the flesh of a fellow Spoken is shameful and dishonorable. It would taint your bloodline and your legacy for generations. Starving is a kinder fate than that.”

Tsukiko: “It is true that such an act taints your bloodline. As I am already an *unworthy* servant of a tained line however it would not be shameful to eat the flesh of another... assuming they were already dead of course. Otherwise I would be honor-bound to offer myself first. Assuming one would like to eat *my* tainted flesh.

Meichi’a: “ Well, as much as I do enjoy eating a scrumptious beauty, it would not be in THAT way. I may consider life to be important but I am a gentleman first and foremost and there are some things a gentleman never does.”

“Would you rather have an arm hacked off or a leg?”

Yuti: “... I w-wish this wasn’t a question. A-ah... I m-mean... N-Nate seems to be doing okay... I g-guess... I d-don’t... A-arm? Yes.” Reri: “Easy. Arm. Ya can get by one one arm. It takes some work ta relearn to fight but ya can do it. Leg though? Shite, yer gonna be hobblin’ along. Lookit the Flames general. He ain’t havin’ a bad time.”

Rahya: “Um... I like havin’ arms. I can draw an’ move stuff.... an’ hug! I ain’t able ta hug nobody if I only got one arm... I mean I guess I kinda can but it’d be all.. *awkward one-armed hugging motions* so.. leg. Leg ain’t so bad. Plus ya could still ride on a chocobird or somethin’!”

Sayo: “I would choose to lose a leg. One can be far more productive with two functioning hands than two functioning legs. Honored Uncle has but a single leg and has little trouble getting by.”

Tsukiko: “I would choose an arm. My job is to go where my Master orders. It would be far more difficult to do with a single leg.”

Meichi’a: “Why, not even a question. The things you can do with two hands are FAR more fun. I make my coin from music and playing a harp with a single hand would be... well, not impossible but challenging! And as for dancing, I knew a gentleman in Limsa who could dance better than most two-legged gentleman with nary but a single flesh and single wooden limb! The sound of his peg-leg against the dance floor was a music all its own!”

“If you murdered someone, how would you get rid of the body?”

Yuti: “...I... t-that is... I w-wouldn’t...” Reri: “It’s a QUESTION Snowflake, not a confession a’ guilt.”

Yuti: “I am aware, Mother. Ugh. F-fine. I w-would... I m-mean... I s-suppose f-fire?”

Reri: “(In a whiny stuttering voice) I s-suppose f-fire. Aww, isn’t that cute. Fire ain’t bad but the best way ta hide a body is ta give it to the sea. Minimal fuss, hard as hell ta look for it, the fish do mosta the cleanin’ for you. You oughta weight it down so it ain’t washin’ up on shore or somethin’ but if ya wanna be smart about it ya lure ‘em onto a boat first. Less mess an’ trouble.” Rahya: I... i ain’t gonna murder nobody none but if I was gonna I ain’t gonna hide nuffin’ because I did a bad thin an’ I ain’t should be pretendin’ I ain’t.

Sayo: “I would never murder someone. Even in the unfortunate situation where I was forced to do so in self-defense, I would not deny my crime. I would be judged fairly by the administrators of the land so that no stain would come upon my family’s honor.”

Tsukiko: “Oh, MIstress Kususha. It is so very noble that you believe so firmly in the laws of the land and their fairness! You are a very fortunate woman indeed to never have had to hide a body by melting it into a easily washed away sludge using a careful mixture of alchemic and natural chemicals!”

Meichi’a: “... I am uncomfortable with that answer! Ah... me? I suppose I would bury it. I’m not really the murdering type but it at least feels respectful.”

“Would you rather hear the voices of dead people or see their ghosts?”

Yuti: “Ah... t-that’s tough. H-hear I suppose. T-that way I’d b-be able to help them i-if they needed it.”

Reri: “*snort* The last thing I need is some clingy dead folk cloggin’ up my hearing with moans and wails. I’d rather see the bastards. Maybe I can get some clue about what killed ‘em and if there’s danger about and I don’t gotta hear them whimperin’ and cryin’ because they were too stupid ta not get killed.” Rahya: “... I’d like ta hear folks ta be honest... be kinda nice. Like havin’ a buncha friends around. An’ if Aasifa... I mean... it’d be nice ta know I could still hear Aasifa, yah?”

Sayo: “Ah... to see, I suppose. The Kami and ancestors already speak in their own ways, but it would be... comforting to see my deceased family again. To see their smiles.”

Tsukiko: “Ah, what an unusual question. I would choose to hear. The words of the dead are wise more oft than not and not all of us are blessed enough to have worthy ancestors to whisper in our ears.”

Meichi’a: “I too would choose to hear. It is the least painful choice. To see a lost love and her smile and her beautiful eyes, knowing again I would never be able to hold her? That is a torture, my good sir, a torture. But to hear her voice, to speak to her again? That would be a blessing, if a small one.”

“If someone you loved committed a gruesome murder, would you help them cover it up?”

Yuti: “I-it would depend... I m-mean on why it happened.”

Reri: “Eh. Maybe. Depends on if it’s worth the trouble. Someone went an’ killed someone for no reason, nah. Ya can’t control yerself enough to not be stupid, I’m doin’ the world a favor lettin’ yer stupid arse get caught.” Rahya: “... I ain’t... n-no, prob’ly not I mean... I ain’t... gruesome is a real nasty word, it means all violent an’ bloody an’ stuff, right?”

Sayo: “No. Even if I loved them dearly, murder is a dishonorable act even if it isn’t violent and gruesome. They would need to stand judgement for their actions. If I was caught it would bring great shame to my family,”

Tsukiko: “If my Master commanded it.”

Meichi’a: “Absolutely. Love is love after all. Though I would dearly hope I do not fall in love with a serial killer. There is some spice in danger but ah... you’d have to be rather mad to be aroused by death.”

“Would you rather be kidnapped for six months and survive or die without any psychological damage?”

Yuti: “I w-would rather survive. I... I’ve h-had bad encounters before.”

Reri: “What the Hells ‘psychological damage’ mean anyway? Ya mean I’d be more fucked up after? Who the Hells cares. Survival is survial.” Rahya: “I’m kinda wonderin’ what psycho logic is too. I mean if yer logical then ya ain’t psycho right? It don’t make a lotta sense ta..”

Sayo: *whispering*

Rahya: “Oooooooh. Um... I ain’t... I mean... I ain’t wanna die but I ain’t wanna be hurt a bunch either... If I gotta pick one I guess I’d pick survivin’ so I ain’t... y’know.. dyin’.”

Sayo: “I would choose death. I do not know what would cause psychological damage but it would most likely involved great shame and leave me incapable of fulfilling my role as a second daughter. Death is the more honorable choice.”

Tsukiko: “I would survive, of course. I have no other choice.”

Meichi’a: “Survival, of course. Life is life and even the kindest days of life can damage our minds in some way or another. Why choose to die over something like that?”

“You can only save one… your worst enemy’s infant child, or your best friend’s true love. Who do you pick?”

Yuti: "I... w-would pick the child. N-no matter what, a child is n-not their parent. T-they are innocent and h-have their own life ahead of them.”

Reri: “Pfft. Easy. The kid. If yer too dumb ta avoid whatever danger is puttin’ a baby at risk, ya probably are gonna die when ya eat somethin’ poison cuz you thought it was candy. The kid ain’t trained enough ta stand on their own an’ frankly if it’s my worst enemy’s kid then they’ll probably grow up ta be a fun challenge.” Rahya: “Um... This is an awful weird question? I’m figurin’... um... I ain’t gonna let a baby die. I ain’t got no worst enemies but even if I did I ain’t gonna let a baby die. It ain’t right.”

Sayo: “... I... that is a difficult question. Sire would say that saving a respectable adult is more important unless the child is a Firstborn. I suppose that should be my answer...”

Tsukiko: “Why, whichever my master commanded. Truly it takes a cold individual to leave a child to a cruel and merciless fate but ah.. that may be what is ordered and I must obey.”

Meichi’a: “I am afraid I must say the true love. The child is innocent... but true love is the rarest thing of all. I would do my utmost to avenge the child but one who murders love is the cruelest beast of all.”

“Would you rather marry your most recent ex or spend five years in jail?”

Yuti: "T-that one is easy. My ex. S-she is a wonderful person. I-it would be by no m-means a bad fate.”

Reri: “Easy. Marry ‘em. Then I just ditch ‘em. Like what kinda question is this? Marriage ain’t important.” Rahya: “I ain’t really ever had an... ex-anythin’ so... um.. I guess imma get locked up.”

Sayo: “I have not had an ‘ex’ in any meaningful term... but it would depend on the circumstances. If it was marriage to someone my sire approved of then it would be my duty. If it was some sort of... tawdy kidnapping then I would choose imprisonment. I am certain Lord Vachir would come rescue me!”

Tsukiko: “*smile* Marriage, of course. Marriage is much easier to escape than prison.”

Meichi’a: “... Ah, what a question! How does one qualify an ex? The last woman I slept with? The last I took for a night on the town? I suppose she was rather charming but marriage? I’m not sure. It is a sacred bond and not easily broken. I suppose if I found love then yes. Otherwise.. well, jail it is!”

Thank you all for taking the time to answer these… ahem… questions. I appreciate your candor and I’m sure our readers do as well.  One last question of my own before we break. What’s next for you?

Yuti: "A-ah, I suppose I w-will continue my r-regular healing duties. I d-do have some e-exploration to do, m-maybe Lain will come along...”

Reri: “Same as ever. The four Fs. I hear there’s some kinda big arse monster bein’ spotted around recently, lookin’ forward ta tryin’ it out.” Rahya: “Um, I ain’t sure. Whatever happens ta me, I guess. i ain’t really plannin’...”

Sayo: “I intend to keep exploring Eorzea until I complete my mission.”

Tsukiko: “Whatever my Master commands. Until then, I suppose I will keep Kitakage out of trouble.”

Meichi’a: “Well, I saw this absolutely *beautiful* Elezen woman the other day, I am hoping perhaps to run into her again... ”

Tagged by: @peacekeeper-xiv

Tagging: @voidfirenate @anataerindottir @eyesseeingbeyondtheveil @onidephor @claihn Anyone else I missed!

#yuti kyis #reri kyis #rahya dovana #sayo kususha #tsukiko mumei #meichi'a rouw

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 5 - “i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat” - Maynor

Stephen

Ahahaha by the grace of the inactivity gods im still here. This is my karma for suffering through the preseason of Erinsborough. Now, I may not have actually gone home, but who knows I had an gut feeling and those are usually right.

Stephen

*laughing about surviving* Jay: Music Videos! *stops laughing*

Dylan C

me: [volunteers to edit for this challenge] me: [regrets this 5 min later]

John

ok i have a LOT of tea that needs spilled so sit back, relax, and enjoy this feature presentation:

-first things first, cormac. why couldn’t you have just voted. i would have one more ally and stephen would be out. so thanks.

-second, zoe told me about her advantage and how she has connections to the other side so that we should have a group of 5 at the merge. so that’s mind blowing. i’m just like in shock because in a way, cormac getting pulled allowed me to be zoe’s number 1. and that’s amazing. we stan.

-third, sierra is driving me insane. constant overdrive from her, and she’s starting to cross the divide between helpful and micromanaging. she can micromanage herself out of the game for all i care.

-fourth, timmy is ADORABLE. i’m definitely trying to get a cross tribal alliance with him bc wow. he cute. like really. he’s cute.

Keith John

Well if episodes are named here, This title of this episode would be "How you get screwed When tribal council gets Cancelled."

From being in a safe position last night to waking up and realizing that I am screwed in this game.

First of all, THANK YOU CORMAC for going out at the worst time possible. Last night my name was thrown out by Stephen. So obviously people entertained the idea.I do feel that I would have stayed but Cormac's evac has changed alot.

I had a planned final three with Cormac and Zoe, with Cormac gone. I'm down one alliance member.

Stephen is still in the game. And I know he is targeting me.

Maynor never spoke to me about the vote much. Inspite of me approaching him before tribal to see if he wanted to work together

John. who said he would have my back and would tell me if anyone would throw my name out. Never told me about Stephen's plan. I am sure he knew about it.

Sierra and I haven't bonded much personally. A little my fault there.

And Lastly Zoe. I know for now she definitely has my back. And I have hers but it feels like my game is extremely dependent on her. I feel alot of people want to work with her. And how long will she want to work with me? That I don't know.

Honourary mention: JAY thanks for throwing a challenge that I would suck at the most. I hate being on camera, Hate singing unless I wanna punish someone. 

Raffy

Cormac being gone kind of relieves me since he has been giving me bad vibes ever since day 1 of this game. Now that's just one more person that I do not talk to out of the way. I figure that merge is happening at 11 because Jay said there was a twist which can only mean that it is merge or that someone is coming back into the game. Maybe both. I'm just going to focus on winning this challenge for my tribe by providing the lip sync of my life. This shit is about to be so FIRE.

Raffy

I think I am fully in crackhead behavior. I just messaged 6 people at the same time trying to have conversations with them. This one world has made a mess of me, and I do not like it. Also, I am pretty much giving up on the idol because I don't want to go through the effort of hunting for it. So, instead, I'll just pray that it isn't used against me.

Maynor

Well. Now im not sure if Stephen vote was true or not but i have to rely on that my allies were gunna be with me. Its sad seeing cormac go since he was someone i connected with. But im glad it was done before tribal and not after tribal. Im hoping we could win immunity this round since im still feeling a little nervousish. 

Maynor

Catch me voting out John for calling Timmy cute.

Omg. Like i want to see a live reaction to this in the reunion chat. Them finding out we are dating. 😂😂

Raffy

I kind of put my neck out there in this challenge by suggesting the song. While I am not editing the video, I did make the song suggestion which is almost as important. Perhaps this could lead to my downfall. Furthermore, I talked to Dylan and they said that only themselves, Ellie, Justin, and I submitted videos which means we are missing Timmy's and Joseph's. Plus, editing takes a long time, so Dylan might not even use their videos if they are late. I just hope what people managed to film is enough. I've never won a music video challenge, and I am hoping this game can change that. I'm not that confident though. 

Raffy

I think I have made some strong connections in this tribe and the other. The people who I have talked about staying strong and working together include Justin, John, Dylan, Ellie, Timmy, and Keith. This seems like a diverse group of people that I can fall back on if one ends up turning their back on me. I always have to have back-up allies, otherwise I am liable to get voted out early in merge which I suspect is soon. I just want to establish myself in another alliance, but that seems hard in this game. I don't know who would be in that new alliance, but it would be some combination of the people I mentioned and others who I get good vibes from. Let's pray for me!

John

if rupaul was judging this music video challenge, she’d be telling us to sashay away. we are literally on the level of valentina with her mask on bad.

Ellie

Let’s hope that this damn video comes togather 

Stephen

We’re losing this challenge. Theres only about 4/5 of us in the video, a lot of the video is from the original music video and the rest is... ok, but not great. Dylan CI wanna say we have a better video but I'm gonna be the most biased on the tribe since I edited the damned thing for about four hours. I had to sacrifice some synchronicity a little bit towards the beginning to get Ellie in for the 10 seconds for the extra points. I had originally trimmed her clip to what I could match up the best, but then I double checked the post lol. Hope the judges don't care too much there.

Dylan C

I'm not even gonna go feral. I'm just gonna lay face down on my kitchen floor for a while.

Stephen

I.... okay, im not complaining. But yeah judges thanks but the fuck?

Dylan C

I'm like, actually upset right now? Like not so much that we lost, but that I spent all that time editing, when I've been worried about getting all my homework done this weekend but I volunteered to edit and wasn't about to back out cos that'd be shitty!!, only to lose by 20 motherfucking points. And also? I worked with what my tribe gave me bitch!!! Raffy was the only one who recorded the whole song, Justin did like half, Ellie and Joseph only gave me short clips, and Timmy was sick so he didn't film anything? I just wasted my entire afternoon and evening on this when I have real life shit I should've taken care of, but I made a commitment to my tribe, and for what? Tribal that's going to be happening while I'm at one of my Thanksgiving events! Granted, that was going to occur regardless upon losing since I'll be busy both Thanksgiving and the day after. But fucking still. Kinda just wanna ghost the world atm.

John

i’m kinda torn that we won. on one hand, we’re safe. on the other hand, i wanted to vote out stephen. so like, i’m feeling mixed emotions. these people will be dangerous to take to the merge. i hope it’s not next.

Dylan C

Kinda funny how I was so zazzed to be strategic at the start of this but I really haven’t been since. Strategy? I don’t know her. Also I’ve been ass about socializing one on one with ppl on the other tribe so I have a feeling that’ll bite me in mine. 

Sierra

By some miracle, we’re safe! I’m so glad that we don’t have to vote anyone out right now... especially because I don’t have my vote right now. Maybe I can make it to the merge and hide for the first vote there without having to vote. 

Joseph Collins

I am confusion. Dylan did such a good job editing. Our tribe and group is such a great mix of personalities and stories. And they came together to blend and make an amazing video. I actually got emotional watching it. I was very surprised to find out we lost. And now, we have to vote someone off our tribe. I hate it so much. I feel like it’s gonna be Timmy. He was absent in the time-crunch immunity challenge. Even Justin showed up and showed out which I thought was awesome. I like Timmy. And I feel like this is a hard vote for others so now I have to go be cutthroat Jo

Justin

Alright, so another tribal for us. I feel better than last time, but I'm still not 100% confident I won't be targeted again. Before the results for the challenge came in though, Raffy approached me and started talking to me some more about working together which makes me feel better keeping him around. Especially since I realized that he talks to me more than Ellie, so honestly I want her out now cuz whenever I talk about working together she leaves me on read. So, in conclusion I don't want you in the game lol. At least Raffy talks to me and says he wants to work with me, even if it might be fake. I told Joseph that I would like Ellie out, but he says Timmy cuz he doesn't talk to him and he feels Ellie could be our shield. I don't want him to go yet because I feel like he would vote with me, but I'm not jeopardizing my game to save him since he barely talks to me too. Although Joseph makes a good point that Ellie can make a good shield, I feel like we have other shields to hide behind in Raffy and Dylan. Plus, I feel like she has more connections than Timmy could get if he keeps playing the way he is.

Maynor

Im so happy that we were able to pull of the win in immunity. Im making it to the final 11. I really want to make it far in this game. I am really hoping Timmy stays alive. Like i know its bias cuz we are together. But we normally dont play the game together. Im just hoping we can make it far together this time. Plus ❤️ Jay. It would be amazing if i won this game. Me winning my first and last game would be pretty awesome. So im going to try my hardest.

Timmy

So apparently Justin is going around saying my name. Does this idiot not realize that I’m the reason he stayed last tribal we went to. Like seriously, and apparently he’s telling everyone the same thing that he’ll be with them always. And he calls me inactive, like sorry you message me at 9am when I’m walking into work and j can’t answer you until like 5pm when I get out. He better leave this tribal. I wish it was happening tonight just to also move things forward.

Dylan C

Me? Lying by omission to Ellie? It’s more likely than you’d think. Justin gave me her name earlier, and I tried to talk him out of it. He made a comment about keeping it between us. Now Ellie’s told me that Justin through her name out. “Between us.” Sure, Jan. And hey, I never mentioned it to Ellie or Raffy in our alliance chat (which exists as of last night). So I did keep it between us unlike him. Didn’t mention it because he had a decent point about Ellie’s strong social game, but now isn’t the time to try to get her out, IMO. Especially since I’ve just allied with her. Granted, I’ve turned on allies shortly after making alliances before but that’s not happening in this game. No way. So, I just acted like I didn’t know when Ellie told me and I’ll keep on that. That’s how I’ve been doing a lot: acting like some information people has given me is new to me (usually with Joseph tbh) when it isn’t new at all. Just kinda agree, maybe say I was already thinking about that, but not imply that I’d been Discussing it, depending on how I’m talking to.  

Ellie

So Justin is scrambling like HARDCORE, He threw Timmy’s name out and hen my name out right after saying that we were tight, and he’s so paranoid and it’s driving all of us crazy. Like we have until tomorrow night, chill out. And Jospeh really wants Timmy out but I’m like IF WE TAKE JUSTIN TO MERGE HE WILL FLIP WITHIN FIVE MINUTES!! Timmy might not be the most active but at least he’s fucking loyal. Raffy, Timmy, and I want Justin out so badly. Dylan is trying to listen before making a concrete decision, and Joseph and Justin want Timmy out. Justin even wants me out apparently.

RaffyA lot happened today, so I am going to break it down. Last night, Timmy, Ellie, and I (Just Go With It) discussed the vote early. Timmy suggested that we might want to get rid of Joseph or Dylan since he thought he would be able to sway Justin, since he considers Justin a close ally to him. That's when we all compared notes that Justin had claimed his apparent closeness to everyone on the tribe. This immediately put him on my radar as it could be a sign a double-crosser later down the road. As was not going to push anything since tribal was two days away, however I did talk with Ellie a little bit and she seemed down to vote Justin since she had a close relationship with Joseph and Dylan. While this was happening, Dylan created the Hypothetical Alliance with Ellie and I. This is great news since that means Ellie and I have control over two other votes (Timmy and Dylan) based solely on votes. In this way, whoever I wanted gone would go. Justin messaged me early in the morning asking about the vote. He heavily suggested that we vote for Timmy because he is inactive and bad at challenges, but those are the things that I want in an ally going into a merge. Besides that, Justin was asking incessant, paranoia-filled questions regarding the vote and would not let up. It is safe to say that he doesn't get that he's being incredibly messy and scramble-y when he doesn't have to be. The vote isn't until tomorrow, yet he's acting like it's in thirty minutes! The King of Crack right here! Anyways, so I told Ellie and then she was experiencing the same thing, so we then told Timmy. Timmy instantly wanted him gone which meant what I wanted from the beginning was going to happen. Furthermore, I learned from Ellie that Justin does not trust me and that he thinks I am vague and noncommittal. Not only that, apparently Ellie heard him say her name from someone. This dude is incredibly dangerous for my alliance! So, I was determined to see him go and to get everyone to go after him. Joseph was a tough nut to crack. He was very adamant today about voting out Timmy and keeping Justin. Apparently, Ellie got through to him, but I do not know how well that worked out for her. I have a feeling that Justin also said that he was tight with Joseph to the latter as he did with everyone. And Joseph thinks it is serious which means they'll be a powerful duo going into merge. I have to keep my eye on Joseph and make sure he doesn't slip from my grasp. Other than that, I managed to get Dylan on board with the vote as they thought Justin's paranoia and overall messiness was also a danger going into merge. Finally, Zoe approached me today asking who I felt good with. I knew she was sniffing for an alliance so I said Ellie, Dylan, and Timmy. She suggested that, since a merge was coming soon, that we create an alliance with Dylan, Timmy, and John making us a strong 5. I immediately agreed of course. A strong alliance helps me navigate the merge more comfortably and easily. Plus, in that alliance, I have Dylan and Timmy to have a majority over the decisions. So, if it came down to us 5, I would be good. Not only that, but this means that Dylan and Timmy will vote together in this tribal along with Ellie and I, ensuring that Justin goes to EoE. This is all working out for me. I do not know whether to tell Ellie about this alliance eventually, but I am planning on keeping it pretty tight-lipped for the most part. What doesn't kill her makes her stronger. And that's what you missed on Glee Johndamn. who knew i’d align myself with the perfect ride or die. she has an advantage and NOW she has an idol?! she is STACKED, and now i gotta protect her at all costs.

Maynor

Ive been talking to Keith a lot more now but heard from Timmy that people have been saying that he has been doing that with everyone so idk what to think of our bonding. Like i would like to think he would be on my side but who knows. We been talking about pokemon cards and the funko pops that i have. Its been fun. Im really glad talking to him more. 

Keith John

Due to thanksgiving. Tribal was moved a day ahead and everyone was busy celebrating. So things have been slow.

I decided to take the opportunity to complete the fox portion of the idol hunt. which turned out to nothing, As Zoe already informed me and Cormac that she got the advantage. after informing her I told her I will give the other path on the idol hunt a try. didn't want to go behind her back and do it. especially we are expecting a swap. this is my first time playing so I'm not sure that its a sure swap or another twist. 

Also finally I messaged Timmy again. After he didn't reply to me the first time. which was like 10 days ago. I know since I felt that I wasn't in the best position possible during the last tribal. I should have made an attempt before to talk to him as I need people, any people who want to work with me. But since I have had previous instances when I worked abroad, when people immediately snubbed or ignored me or changed their attitudes towards me when they found out that I am a Pakistani. N for a moment I felt like Timmy had decided that he didn't want to work with me. And me being a Pakistani was the reason. Which I guess is stupid on my part, I saw he added other people from the game to his skype. But didn't even reply to me. So When Zoe brought up the possibility of working with him. I decided to approach him again. This time he did reply. he seems nice but reserved. hopefully, we swap on the same tribe since we might have mutual friends who want to work together. But I would also like to make a genuine friendship with him and whether that becomes an alliance or not. that's to be seen.

OK Signing off for the night.

Timmy

People are quiet today in PMs but i hope that’s since we talked about tribal yesterday. Justin better be going bc he’s a snake ass bitch and I can’t deal with that shit.

Zoe

I got an idol, folks!!!!!!

I'm incredibly surprised at the rest of the tribe's laziness, considering I now have an advantage and an idol. The downside of the idol is that I have lost my vote next tribal, so now I really have to have trust in my tribe members and alliances cross tribal to keep me going through the twist, unknown as of five minutes before tribal. I predict a swap, but (not) knowing Jay makes me doubt that as well.

I'm still really sad about Cormac, but it's my game, not his game. As long as I can still count on my other connections, I'll just have to go on strong and know that it wasn't his time.

[spoopercorp]

Supercorp Fic 2/4

Summary: Kara leaves for a mission and when she returns, she is not entirely herself - Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El are gone. All that is left is Supergirl, last child of Krypton and now Rao’s successor.

Chapter Summary: Lena struggles, the ordeal hitting her harder than she will ever admit. She tries to convince herself that the Kara she knew is gone forever, that Supergirl is all that remains, that any trace of their friendship is nonexistent.

But Supergirl keeps coming back to her balcony, and it often leaves Lena wondering why.

Based on this: “plastic-pipes.tumblr.com/post/161320253433/plastic-pipes-i-can-c-basically-its-kinda-i” by @plastic-pipes.

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"What am I supposed to do?"

Lena could feel Alex fume from the other line.

"Something!" she cried out, desperate, "Anything!"

"I'm not..." Lena trailed off, took a deep breath, "I'm not you. I'm not James. I'm not Winn. I'm just..."

She faltered again.

"Kara and I, we've only shared a few lunches together, we've only traded some light banter, we've only known each other for a few months. Agent Danvers, I probably don't mean that much to her. I'm not going to be enough."

"Listen here, Luthor, time doesn't always dictate the strength of a friendship. But I know Kara, she cares about you. A lot. So if you don't get your fucking ass out and help, if she doesn't come back home, then I'm blaming you for doing absolutely nothing while everyone else tried."

"Okay, okay."

Then Lena slumped against her desk and she finally shed a tear, "I'm sorry..."

Her apology was hoarse, but sincere.

There was a long stretch of silence.

"Don't be a coward, Lena."

She flinched at the words.

"But you've actually saved her before," she whispered solemnly.

There was a small pause.

"But you've saved the entire alien population on Earth. You can save Kara."

There was a flat, droning beep once Alex hung up.

And Lena was left alone in her office.

She sighed shakily before sliding her phone onto her desk, before moving to her cabinet and pouring herself a cup of lukewarm bourbon.

She tossed some ice into the whiskey, then moved to her balcony.

Lena was three cups into her liquor, her thoughts foggy, when she arrived.

It startled her and she jumped, the glass slipped from her hand - it was pulled by gravity, headed towards the ground many stories below and awaiting its shattering fate.

But Supergirl caught it with her almighty hand.

Lena examined the Kryptonian floating in front of her, on the other side of the railing.

Supergirl adorned the stars - the deep space of the universe wrapped fittingly around her body. Her cape was long, it passed her bare feet by a yard with a pointed end; the red of the otherworldly cloth was deeper, darker than her original suit.

The emblem on her chest was a bright gold, as if a blazing, fiery star was actually encased within the symbol - the seams that lined around the fabric were just as radiant.

She was the descendant of the sun.

She was hallowed, but hollow.

Her eyes were equally shining, though almost blank.

But Lena averted her gaze, before she lingered and thought there was a reason for the 'almost'.

That was when she realized Supergirl was still, her arm stretched out to return the glass of bourbon.

Lena took it back, made sure that she very carefully avoided making any physical contact.

"Thanks, Supergirl."

It was easy to call her that.

It's not her.

It's not.

Her tone was terse and rude, the alcohol loosening her tongue more and more, and she bit the muscle in the hopes of preventing herself from saying something stupid.

The woman in front of her simply tilted her head.

"What?" Lena snapped again.

"You do not address me as Kara, like everyone else," Supergirl stated, and she seemed unaffected by the Luthor's instability.

"'Cause you aren't," she bit out, and it sounded a little menacing.

Lena was most certainly not prepared for this visit. She did not have any other background information other than it was a mission that had gone awry. She thought, with bitter humor, that Supergirl was 'promoted' in a way.

"You are intoxicated," the Kryptonian stated.

Lena scoffed, rolled her eyes, "Please. Tell me something I don't know."

Supergirl did not speak.

She left.

And Lena was unsure whether or not she was thankful for that.

She fell asleep that night in tears, her heart aching for Kara as she wallowed in drunken agony.

Again.

She missed her.

She missed her so much it felt like she was being torn apart inside.

Lena woke up in her bed and routinely - robotically - entered her luxurious and oversized bathroom, ornate with marble and unnecessarily extravagant pillars.

All for one lonely occupant.

She grimaced from the hangover, and when she faced the mirror she noted that in her exhaustion she left her makeup on the night before, and she was still in her dress clothes.

Lena stared at herself, lipstick and mascara smudged from wiping away her tears and tossing and turning in her restless sleep.

Her dull green eyes were drained of life, they were barren and desolate, and there was perhaps just as much nothingness in them as Supergirl's.

Almost.

The grief in Lena's eyes had always been unmatched.

Unrivalled until she met her.

Kara Danvers, totally awkward and totally normal, totally human, junior reporter from CatCo.

It did not take long for Lena to fall in love, it was difficult not to be completely entranced by the blonde's love for food and curious fascination that drove her journalism.

Out of seven billion people on planet Earth, Lena's heart just had to stop for her, even though she knew that she herself would never be chosen.

Kara chose James, and though the relationship was temporary, he was everything that Lena was not - could not be.

The majority of the time she was a businesswoman, acting C.E.O. of L-Corp, so she had to be callous, cold, ruthless, with a brutal demeanor of indifference. She had to be cruel and strict and a Luthor. She was not outgoing, not terribly amicable, not quite in tune with even herself.

She was constantly lost.

Then Kara chose Mon-El, another temporary relationship, but yet another person that Lena could not be.

Her sarcastic quips were not lighthearted, they were bitter and wry and often had unintentional dark implications.

She was human - fragile - and being with a Kryptonian as a feeble being proved challenging enough without Lena being a part of an anti-alien family.

But she told herself that James was a human too, that he was an exception for Kara, and that gave her the tiniest of hopes before her mind over-thought; James was strong and passionate, but Lena was too.

She was strong on the outside, much stronger than him. It acted as a shield for how weak she was inside, and if that calculating shell was broken, then the rest of her shattered.

James did not have an impressive defense like Lena's, who gave her all on her heartless exterior. He was steadfast all around, he had a support system, he grew up with all types of love and he knew them and could reciprocate them, he could take hits from all angles, and he did not have an Achilles heel.

Lena did, and it took one well-measured strike to collapse her, to impair her so thoroughly to the point all that was left was a wreckage of fractured ruins.

Kara knew what love was, her heart was full of it and she received just as much or more in return.

Lena did not; no matter how much love she gave others, which had been exactly two people, it had never gone well.

She had to kill Jack.

And Lex was dead to her.

Maybe because she was so inept at love, because she was so disconnected and detached and unable to really fathom such an abstract concept.

So why did she give her heart to Kara? What made her different? She had already deceived her once, a liar just like everyone else when Lena had been completely open in their friendship.

She knew though, that Supergirl was Kara's secret to tell, that she was the sole person that could choose whether or not to disclose it and who to give that information to.

And Lena was never going to be one of them, and the thought really did not come to her as a shock - it was expected, but it still hurt.

The revelation left their bond in tatters, but time managed to patch it back together, even if there were still cracks, and Lena told herself that they would heal eventually, but the pain was still too recent.

Then she told herself that most of all, she was simply not enough.

By now, Lena was aware that almost all of her heart belonged to Kara; it was not consciously given, but it was still given willingly, just little bits and pieces after each of their lunches to the point Lena was unaware that it was even happening.

By the time she realized, it was too late - there was almost nothing left to give.

But Supergirl was the enemy, the cousin of Superman, the hero of Metropolis who locked her beloved brother up and further tore apart her already dysfunctional family.

And Lena ended up blaming herself anyway.

She still did.

She stood by, did nothing, as she watched her brother descend into insanity, despite the signs. Maybe it was because she was afraid of him, maybe it was because she understood the method to his barbaric madness.

If she refused to just sit by maybe Lex would not have killed thousands upon thousands of people. Maybe he would still be here with her, playing chess and showing her the ropes of being the C.E.O. of a multibillion dollar company. Maybe Lillian would have been less...inhumane and wicked.

Sometimes she wondered if she herself would soon follow.

But Lena would be damned if she stood by again, if the consequences of her inactions caused her another loss.

Lena would be damned if she just sat on the moon and watched as the flaring beauty of the sun flickered out.

And a selfish part of her did not want to try to bring Kara back, because if she tried and if she failed, that meant she was not enough.

Her conscience already had an abundance of burdens on her, weighing down her shoulders while she was already bleeding inside, crushing her chest until she was breathless and gasping for air.

But a sudden bout of dread filled Lena, spontaneously hitting her as she sat in her office chair, at the realization that Supergirl might not return due to her unforgivably inebriated state yesterday.

As night came and her employees trickled out of her building, Lena believed that she might never come back.

But she did, when everything in National City was so silent in its sleep that it might as well have been dead.

They were on the balcony again and this time Supergirl was hovering next to Lena, who was nursing yet another cup of liquor - rum this time.

They did not speak to one another, simply basked in the presence of the moon above them.

Then...

"You should rest."

Lena shrugged, elbows rested on the rails with her beverage in hand, "I don't need it. I'll sleep when pigs fly."

Supergirl gave a confused look for a second, but her mouth opened to state something instead of ask something, "Scientifically, humans-"

Lena took a sip of her drink, more sober than she was before, "I just mean I've always been a nighthawk."

"What is that?" Supergirl questioned after a moment.

"What's what?" Lena repeated, asking for clarification.

"A nighthawk," came the answer, simple.

Lena finally glanced to the side.

Of course. Gods don't really have any concept of...earthly things.

For a moment she wondered if Supergirl was gradually losing her more human memories, or if they were gone in the first place.

"I'm nocturnal to simply put it," she looked to the faint light in the cloudless sky, "I sleep once in a blue moon."

It was blunt, straight to the point.

Then it was silent again.

Then it was broken by Supergirl. Again.

"What does that mean? Once in a blue moon, that is. And what you said earlier about when pigs fly - pigs cannot fly."

And Lena found it baffling that the Kryptonian was trying to engage in a conversation; everyone else informed that holding one with her was taxing, because she never initiateed, because she preferred to be silent unless it was Alex.

And maybe Lena hated it a little bit because she was not one for small talk, never was, no one was willing to speak to her during her childhood up to when she met Jack Spheer, then Kara Danvers. Luckily for her, the blonde's mouth ran faster than her brain sometimes, so Lena was thankful that her rambling prevented her the option to speak.

Casual socializing was always pretty unnerving if she cared about the person.

Her thoughts were so harrowingly pensive she wanted to sedate herself - a coma was better than fighting for a lost cause.

"They're idioms," Lena explained slowly, cautiously, "They're phrases with meanings that aren't...inferable from the individual words themselves."

Supergirl nodded, "So?"

Lena scoffed, "Well, 'once in a blue moon' basically means 'rarely', and 'when pigs fly' basically means 'never' because, as you intelligently pointed out, pigs can't fly."

"You are amused by my lack of knowledge of these phrases."

"You hit the nail on the head," Lena answered with another idiom, maybe because she was slightly entertained by how Supergirl's eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

Then she realized that the crinkle was still there and her heart skipped a beat before she gulped the painful lump in her throat down with a swig of rum.

"And that means..."

"That you're correct in your assumption," Lena finished.

"You are speaking to me in idioms, hoping to entertain yourself with my confusion," Supergirl stated, "You do not seem to be much of one that enjoys creating jokes."

"Well, you can't judge a book by its cover," Lena smirked.

Supergirl took a moment to herself before replying, "And that means that one cannot judge something or someone based on appearance?"

"That's right," Lena smiled halfheartedly, "See? Piece of cake."

"I thought you were informed that I do not eat."

The Luthor sighed, "'Piece of cake' is actually another idiom. And here I thought gods were supposed to be omniscient."

Supergirl shook her head at the tease, "Idioms are...perplexing."

Lena only now noticed that they were both completely facing one another, entranced in their trivial banter, but she still forced distance - at least three feet apart from the goddess.

"Idioms are a part of everyday life," she explained, "Humans often speak metaphorically. We're based on emotions, and sometimes figurative statements work better than literal ones."

"I see."

Lena hummed, "I guess it's time for you to start hitting the books, just don't bite off more than you can chew."

The Kryptonian was quiet again.

"What, Supergirl? Can't wrap your head around idioms?" she joked, and a chuckle bubbled its way up her throat.

"I..." the heroine pressed her lips shut, then her ears twitched and she looked out into the distance.

"Go," Lena whispered, "They need you more."

Her own eyes widened a fraction at what she was implying with the last word.

They need you more than I do.

But Supergirl did not seem to contemplate the underlying meaning within the sentence and bolted off at sonic speed.

Her departure was excruciating, but Lena belatedly noticed that, and she was thankful that the delayed realization hit when she was in bed.

A week later, Supergirl visited again. At night. It seemed to always be at night, when everyone was gone and she was the only one present, and another thought dawned on Lena.

That she grew more and more angry every time they met. At Supergirl. At herself.

Though she did not analyze where it came from, she already vaguely knew its roots, there was no need to open more cans of worms for herself.

But when Supergirl landed, well, floated on her balcony...this time she looked a little...troubled.

But Lena did not pry and drank the alcohol in her hand instead, hoping the stupor was not so bad this time around.

And they were next to each other again, looking up at the stars, the very ones that anointed Lena's best friend.

Then finally, finally, she uttered something.

"Alexandra Danvers has taken me to many places, hoping to spark my memory."

Lena side-eyed her, saw that Supergirl was staring intently at her own hands.

She swallowed the bile in her throat, already knew that she would not like the answer.

"And you..." her voice wavered with her quivering lips, "Have you remembered something?"

"No."

The answer was succinct, decisive, and it hurt.

But the expression on Supergirl's face was almost...guilty.

"Oh," Lena said, clenching her hands so they stopped trembling, "I see. Are you okay?"

Her gaze returned to the night lights of the city, and the green in her eyes was glum.

"There is still almost nothing," Supergirl breathed, somewhat lamenting, "Yet...I find myself drawn here. To you. I think to you. It is...familiar. Were we..." she pauses, "We were something to each other, were we not? Something important?"

Lena's shoulders dropped, "Friends."

The word - the truth - tasted bitter on her tongue, more so than the liquor, but she continued, "You were - are - the closest person I have to a family. You're very important to me."

"I see..."

The tone was almost disappointed, but before Lena could determine what it meant, the voice went on.

"And what exactly determines a being's...importance?"

The Luthor shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine. As far as I know, it's a subjective matter," she finally turned to Supergirl, eye to eye, human to entity, "Every being is important to you - you're a god, you're objective, utilitarian. That's your duty," she shook her head, "But to humans, there are countless variables. A life can be traded for many things, abstract or material..."

She sighed, ran her fingers through her hair, "There are some days where I'm to be murdered for nothing, and there are some days where I'm to be murdered for billions - or maybe even a promise, empty or not. It depends on the person, their conscience, their pride. And a lot of the times, they can be wavered. But human decisions fluctuate. With the right words of course."

Supergirl looked as if she did not particularly like the answer with how her body tensed slightly.

Her spine straightened up farther, her shoulders broadened up more.

"And your survival thus far is an example of your persuasive and dissuasive abilities I presume?"

Lena shrugged, downed her entire drink into her mouth and relished in the burn, refusing to cough when her eyes watered with how powerful it was, "Some of the time."

Now Supergirl was a little intrigued, "And other times?"

"Close calls," Lena chuckled, though it was empty, "You usually end up saving me the last possible second. You've always had impeccable timing."

Her face morphed into a scowl at how familiar she sounded, and she reminded herself for perhaps the millionth time...

It's not her.

The next time Lena saw Supergirl was around three days later.

She watched the news on her television with a glass of tequila and an appalled expression as the heroine managed to save the hostages from a bank heist.

Six died in the crossfire. Ten others sustained injuries.

Once it hit near midnight, two hours after the event, she arrived.

Lena walked out onto the balcony, to achieve a clearer view of the goddess floating before her.

And for the first time since Supergirl transcended, she looked tired and worn out.

Not noticeably though, since the exhaustion only pulled her glowing eyes down by a measly fraction.

Supergirl hovered next to her now, and they resumed their routine of looking out to National City.

Lena, at this point, was a little bit frustrated with everything; with all the meaningless conversations, with her board members, with the world, with her.

Supergirl kept coming back, and from Lena's understanding, it was usually the rest of the super gang that had to chase after her.

And she did not know why Supergirl kept coming back.

A sharp intake of breath snapped Lena out of her thoughts, she took a sip then turned her head to the side, brows scrunched together in concern.

Then Supergirl sighed.

"I cannot deliver humanity from such evil - from themselves."

Lena scoffed inside her own head.

Tell me about it.

"Humanity does not deserve salvation. They are not worthy."

And then Lena froze, her muscles pulled taut, her spine stiffened, her grip on the glass was like iron.

"How can you say that?" she whispered harshly.

"They are foolish," Supergirl stated simply, and Lena did concur with that, "They continue to repeat mistakes after being told not to do so, after being proven wrong," she shook her head, "They are cruel to one another for the most trivial of things."

Again. Agreeable.

And then Supergirl said it again, rephrased.

"Humans are unworthy of deliverance."

Something inside Lena crumbled and she lashed out, mind addled with anger.

"Kara Zor-El, Kara Danvers...Kara wouldn't have said that, in any persona of hers. Ever," she reprimanded, "She's not her cousin; he believes humans need to be protected and saved 'cause we're feeble and fragile beings; he simplifies us into needy creatures and thinks of justice in black and white."

Lena turned her gaze back onto National City, and her voice wavered, "Kara believes humans, however light or dark, should have second chances - maybe even three 'cause she's too nice for her own good. She, more than most, understands the complexities of humanity and every other being - she sees everything in shades of gray because there's more to everyone."

Lena choked down a sob, but her voice still came out a little strangled and cracked, "And I know better than anyone else how awful we are, how unnecessarily cruel we are to each other, how war is waged over the pettiest things, how fear of the unknown drives us to make abhorrent decisions..."

Supergirl's lips parted, as if to speak, but no, Lena was not done yet.

"Trust me," she rebuked, and it was dripping with disapproval, "I didn't think humanity could be saved for the longest time, especially by some..." she gestured to Supergirl's figure, "...deity such as yourself. Then Kara showed up," and her voice broke again and this time it sounded pleading, "For her, it's about helping, about supporting, about encouraging others to grow, to teach them and to learn from them. To be better than who we were."

Once the speech of reproach was over, Lena's chest heaved with every furious breath she took, and her grip on her drink was so tight her knuckles whitened.

For the longest time, Lena did not receive a reply, and she was left waiting like a fool. Then she formulated a retort, she was quick, but not quick enough because Supergirl finally spoke.

The goddess echoed her words from before, remained firm in her stance, but the cadence in her voice had a mysteriously gentle lilt to it, "Humans do not deserve to be saved."

There was silence.

Then Supergirl connected their eyes, the divine glow so soft and sincere that Lena's breath hitched.

"But you do."

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

#supercorp #karlena #superluthor #luvers #kara x lena #lena x kara #lena x supergirl #supergirl x lena #eclipse

[deafeningdespair]

Manic Depressive Disorder.

DISCLAIMER, this article contains profanity and graphic content. Reader discretion is advised.

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~ Help me, it's like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't - it isn't in my blood. Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing. I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something I could take to ease my mind slowly. "Just have a drink and you'll feel better." "Just take her home and you'll feel better." Keep telling me that it gets better. Does it ever? Help me, it's like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up - no medicine is strong enough. Someone help me, I'm crawling in my skin. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't - it isn't in my blood. I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious. Afraid to be alone again, I hate this. I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh. Is there somebody who could help me? It's like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up - no medicine is strong enough. Someone help me. I'm crawling in my skin. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't - it isn't in my blood. I need somebody now, someone to help me out. I need somebody now. Help me, it's like the walls are caving in. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't - it isn't in my blood.

- Shawn Mendes, In My Blood.

*

Okay, y'all, here goes.

Lately, I've been feeling down, kinda lost. I've felt like my heart is quite literally breaking inside of my fucking chest and those stupid little shards are getting lost in my blood stream, slowly making their way through my veins. It's painful and nauseating. They're slicing me open from the inside and eventually, I'll just be lying on the bathroom floor, bleeding out, and the worst part of it all is that I can't even cry out in pain or call for help because there's these massive hands gripping my throat. They're choking me, shaking me, bruising me as the voices in my head scream at me that I'm too weak to fight off the hands or the pain or even the fear. The voices tell me that I deserve what I'm getting and that I'll be getting this exact treatment for the rest of my life.... which, by the way, will only be a few more seconds - because, well, don't forget about the shards tearing me apart from the inside.

It feels like I am dying.

But I'm not.

I suffer from M A N I C depression - which is just a fancy way of saying that I am B I P O L A R ..... only, there's more to it than that, right? Well, yeah, there's more to it than that.

A major misconception about bipolar disorder is that one can go from feeling happy to mad or sad, and so on and so forth..... but that's not true. That's a mood swing, and I don't have mood swings. I have manic depression, remember?

Sometimes, I have highs, and let me tell you something - when I have those highs, I fucking /have/ those highs. I'm on top the world! I feel so free and H A P P Y. I could cry these big, whopping alligator tears full of joy and excitement. Whenever I have these epic highs, it's like I'm a goddamn princess with this flashy gold tiara that's lined with the most beautiful and precious diamonds and rubies, and there's thousands of people throwing white roses and orange tulips at my feet while they bow down to me and.... well, I'm sure you get the picture.

^ THAT is the "mania" part.

Mania (noun) | ma·nia \ ˈmā-nē-ə , -nyə \ - - excitement manifested by mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood • excessive or unreasonable enthusiasm. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Think on that for a second.

Now, when I have my lows, I'm nothing short of a natural disaster. Miley Cyrus says it perfectly, I come in like a wrecking ball. I'm destructive with no regard to anything or /anyone/ else. I'm like a hurricane - no, a tsunami. I crash in unexpectedly and drown everyone, I leave debris scattered about recklessly, and do you have any idea what the best but worst part about that is? It's the fact that I don't even care. I couldn't give two whole shits about the people standing in my path that I'm destroying, and that just makes it all worse. As much as I want to care about them and save them, I physically and mentally C A N N O T.

^ THAT is the "depression" part (in case you have no idea what depression is, see below).

Depression (noun) | de·pres·sion \ di-ˈpre-shən , dē- \ - - a state of feeling sad : dejection • anger, anxiety, and depression : a mood disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

If you're feeling frisky and you wanna do some reading on what bipolar disorder is, I'll help you out. Click this guy > here < and it'll tell you all you need to know.

But if you'd rather hear the short version, keep on reading my mess.

Basically, I can go weeks feeling the mania. I can be nothing but happy for days on end, for months even. I'm that happy, peppy, silly (and let's face it, obnoxious) Alex you all know and love.... but then, suddenly, almost like literally flipping a switch, I'm broken. I'm surrounded in darkness and it's eating me up. I don't know how long it will last, and there's really no way to pull me back to the light, just like there was no reason for my demons to even surface in the first place.

When I get in these moods, I like to joke about it because it's the only way I know how to cope. When you ask what's wrong, I simply say with a weak giggle, "I'm just emotional today." but we all know that it's more than that.

So, what I'm getting at here is this - please stop making me feel like I'm this stupid little girl that just thinks she's sad for a minute. Don't tell me to smile or get over it - I'm fucking TRYING and it's not working. Don't ask me a million questions because truthfully, I can't even remember what my name is half the time. Don't even tell me that it's going to be okay because I know that's just what people say when they've run out of nice things to say, and I also know that things w i l l n o t be o k a y. I'll feel better eventually, I'll have a high again - but you know what they say? What goes up, must come down.

What can you do to help? Just accept me for who I am, love me through my chaos, and hold my hand when I ask.

I'll leave you all with this final quote...

"Depression is a painfully slow, crashing death. Mania is the other extreme, a wild roller coaster run off its tracks, an eight ball of coke cut with speed. It's fun and it's frightening as hell. Some patients - bipolar type I - experience both extremes; other - bipolar type II - suffer depression almost exclusively. But the "mixed state," the mercurial churning of both high and low, is the most dangerous, the most deadly. Suicide too often results from the impulsive nature and physical speed of psychotic mania coupled with depression's paranoid self-loathing."

David Lovelace, Scattershot: My Bipolar Family *