#like my grandmother w/ schizophrenia *was* actually violent

[jatamansi-arc]

So, the movie Split. Let’s talk about that. And before I dump my spoiler-laden commentary about it beneath the cut, let me say this: about 60% of the problems I have with this movie were about how the clips they used manipulated the previews into a ‘Villain with DID Kidnaps Some Kids!!! CRAZY STUFF HAPPENS YEEHAW!’

Completely ignoring all my critiques for a second, what Split is actually about, is an allegorical tale on how complicated the nature of trauma is on the human psyche. But, with that, I’m gonna cut the rest.

Fair warning, talk of sexual abuse and violence and mental illness below. 

The trick with the trailer, is that what it shows you are exclusively things that happen within the first 20 minutes of the film. This doesn’t absolve it of any of its actual problematic elements, which trust me, there are still a lot of them. Like... I don’t even know where to start levels of ‘a lot of them.’ But I think if it had been more honest about the content of the film, people would have had a much better idea of what to expect going in. It plays on the stigma to get you in. That’s gross as fuck. But at least it’s not like... two hours of torture porn, either?

Like I said, I wanted to watch it without giving any money, because I’m trained as a historian and it’s like... they really push that whole ‘come to your own conclusions with what the source gives you’ thing. Which, while we’re on that subject?

What this film is actually about, is trauma, triggers, and respect (or that lack thereof.) The writing of the DID is ridiculous and grossly problematic, and I won’t sit and sing praises of M. Night for it. You’re not gonna find that here. There were a lot of things that could have been done differently -- much better -- so that we didn’t have to rely on an already stigmatized population to tell the message the story is getting at. Because while this film exists as an allegory, and a metaphor in and of itself, most people are too oblivious to read between the cracks to see any of that. Just ‘PERSON WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES IS TOTS CRAY AND KIDNAPPING WHEEE!’

So, I’m gonna just lay out what the trailer doesn’t as bluntly as possible. 

The actual breakdown of the character of Kevin is this: beginning in late toddlerhood, Kevin begins to be viciously abused and beaten by his mother. This trauma eventually results in a split, to which Dennis is the first, who studies and learns what behaviours will keep Kevin’s mother at bay and develops characteristics in line with several anxiety disorders. As they grow older, Dennis, despite protecting Kevin from his mother’s abuse, begins to show problematic paraphilias. How the rest of his “alters” come about is not said in film, but what is later implied is that, once Kevin learns what are healthy coping mechanisms are from his therapist (before the professional portion of the relationship goes belly up, but I’ll get to that later), that his “healthier minded” alters do not allow Dennis to front for this reason. Nor do they allow Patricia to either, who is another alter, because of her manipulative and aggressive behaviour.

The alters (which I’m not going to put in quotes beyond the above, because it’s 3am, but assume they are there) you see in the trailers? Those are Dennis, Patricia, and Hedwig (who is apparently nine and easily impressionable.) Who they don’t show, but you see in the film, are a few other alters in diary entries that last about 30 seconds to a minute a piece:

Jade: Shown that this alter has diabetes and has to take insulin. Their journal entry is complaining about how hard it is to obtain insulin, because doctors refuse to take their condition seriously at all. Barry: Enjoys fashion and “has control” of the system. Or used to. Seems to be extroverted and is the one that their therapist seems to have most contact with. Is coded as being a gay, overly feminine guy very overtly, which ughhhhhh. Orwell: You see this alter twice and literally, speaking as an autistic person, if Orwell is not meant to be read as autistic, I will eat my own shoe. Obsessed with history and Islam, from what I gathered.

That said? Here’s some other relevant... idk. Relevant something:

#1) The girls Dennis kidnap, outside of Casey, are the very same girls that ended up triggering Kevin into this downward spiral. Doesn’t make what happens to them okay, and it certainly doesn’t explain the behaviour of a grown ass man, but there you go. They ‘prank’ Kevin, triggering him and forcing him to confront his traumas without prior warning. This fractures the system he has in place and allows for Dennis to take control, and sick of being mistreated, him and Patricia set about unleashing ‘The Beast.’

The Beast, by the way, is literally the personification of the anger and resentment Kevin feels at being abandoned by his father, because I imagine it meant many more years of abuse that could have been perhaps been avoided. He exists not in the ‘room with the chairs’ where all the alters seem to metaphorically sit, but in Kevin’s memories of the train station his father left him at. Basically, I don’t think he’s meant to be an “alter” insomuch as just a feral combination of trauma and rage that wasn’t properly treated or healed because the therapist was too busy preening over her own career.  

( Which, well, I was abandoned with my stepfather by my mother and abused sexually/physically/mentally/etc. repeatedly for years by him -- which lead to partial fragmenting of my personality -- and honestly, I think that’s the hardest part of my trauma/PTSD component to reconcile with? So maybe that’s why I’m reading it that way. )

#2) Casey is a survivor of sexual abuse and the talk of being ‘pure’ and ‘impure’ has less to do with what those words mean and more to do with the fact that The Beast is relating that she understands what trauma is capable of doing to someone. Literally, he spares her because ‘oh, you get it.’ Then he walks away, laughing. Alrighty. If you say so. 

The good thing that comes about from this, is that by tearing her clothes in the climax (which you think is kind of pedo-y fanservice at first)  exposes the scars she has from years of dealing with her own abusive guardian. They are noticed by the medical staff in the ambulance, and through her reluctance to go with her uncle, it is implied that they take her somewhere safe for her to recover. Which may be the only positive of this entire fucking movie, and even then it’s like jesus christ. 

#3) The therapist in this is hella flawed. Like she sits and glorifies her patients as showing us what the mind/body connection is capable of and at first you think maybe there is going to be a decent rebuttal to the fuckery of how it’s portrayed in Kevin at some point. Nope. She projects her own problems and desire to be recognized for greatness onto her patients and Dennis in particular misreads this as cues about the Beast. 

( I actually liked the therapist character for all the wrong reasons because I recently had a fucking psychologist who started projecting her feelings about her daughter onto me as a patient and how confusing and frustrating it was for me to navigate as someone who had been recently diagnosed with PTSD and had literally just survived almost being strangled to death a few months prior. )

So, that said? Is it a good movie? The story is weak and problematic as fuck but also not as literal as the trailer implies but also like worse in other ways? The upsides are that the acting is actually good and so is the cinematography. Literally probably the entire reason I sat through the whole thing and didn’t get bored at the 45 minute marker. That and I literally was confused for two hours by how well James pulls off a South Philadelphian accent (I lived in Camden for awhile, so.)

Basically? I’ve seen worse film-wise, and the acting is definitely like 10 Beefy James McAvoy Arms, but the marketing relied on the whole ‘mentally ill people are always violent’ thing to bait you, but then gives you a bunch of other problematic shit to irritate you with until you, too, develop Beefy James McAvoy arms and an urge to smash shitty portrayal of mental illness in 2017. I would see it to draw your own conclusions, because I’m a big one about doing that sort of thing, but I would further suggest not paying for it if that’s possible. 

Side note: Wasn’t Taylor-Joy in The VVitch? I swore I recognized her terrified face from some other movie I’d seen recently. Idk. Speaking of movies that are basically torture porn. D:

#ooc #pls don't kill me #i wanted to write something critical about this #i'm sorry people w/ did #i'm bipolar w/ ptsd #and schizophrenia runs in my family #i hear you trust me #like how do films like this get greenlighted in this day in age #like my grandmother w/ schizophrenia *was* actually violent #and even still? #like pls stop #can you do a film about these subjects without exploiting and demonizing us further maybe

[realyoungdarius]

Trying to Find Common Ground With Different Groups. I also Briefly Talk about Marketing at the End.

I grew up in a city w/ mostly white, avg people, in a fam that didn't operate normal, w/ Schizophrenia & fluctuating & evolving sexuality, w/ a lot of talents (some sports, art, rapping, & playing the trumpet), w/ troubled, yet nice, demeanor, & w/ fairly bright mind.  I need to say that I am not a white Juicy J. I was wrong when I said that before. I do have a plan to get involved in hip hop & rap. I plan on taking the Kanye West route and not be a gangster, a drug dealer, a pimp, a prostitute, or even a thug. 50 Cent said he's not gang gang.  

When it comes to what I have in common with the hip hop community, it’s probably mostly a love for the art form and, with some people, wanting to make society a better place for all. The older people have different perceptions of things that can be a bit old fashioned. Although, I’d roll with both the old heads and the new heads in hip hop, because there’s bound to be a way that both can agree upon ways to deal with certain realities in the industry (some will hopefully just agree to disagree). I do listen to everyone and try to come up with reasonable perspectives. It’s already written in stone, though; especially after encountering political support against hip hop and police interaction on the issue of things spoken about in music or talked about in the discourse of talking about life inside and outside of the industry.

But, I should be able to come out with a rap album about my sex life and how it’s different. It’s not just the money that’d make me cautious as to who I choose to have a relationship with; it’s also my sexuality and other things I want to have common ground on. Keep in mind, that I’m not talking about coming out with a hip hop album about this topic, even if I’m mostly into the opposite sex as a male (being a straight male is what is accepted in traditional hip hop). I’m talking about coming out with a rap album with all of this in mind. There are definitely other artists coming out with music that isn’t for straight males. Hip hop and rap is becoming widely dispersed as a genre and sub genres of music that can impact people (from superficial ways to deep ways).

Keep in mind, that I didn’t grow up with parents and grandparents who were totally broke and in the ghetto with the gangs. But, I am broke now compared to most people making big money in the music industry and at other hustles they have chosen to pursue, even though I haven’t had to pursue hustles that could cost me my freedom (because of the laws on the books in many places people live). I just got out of undergrad, so I would only be hurting for money if I didn’t have family close who can help me out and if I couldn’t attain the other skills I need for a job working in a field closely related to my major and minors. I’m fortunate in that respect. A lot of people don’t have that. My family doesn’t have much, either. They are just sharing it with me, because I’d be forced to be less creative in my job hunt without the $400 a month they give me to live on, plus the thousands they spent on college tuition and books each semester and on the $40 of money I get for entertainment every weekend (which I spend on music related things; I’d rather not spend it on getting into bars and drinking). 

My childhood was spent traveling around the country during the times I didn’t have school. That, and my hobbies and hustles kept me going throughout my youth. I got lucky on that front, too. I had a lot I could offer as far as artistic pursuits and sports. Now, I can’t really do many sports anymore, but I could still pursue artistic ventures. Those are what keep me going often times. My grandfather could take me on trips, because he was a retired officer in the military and also was a professor at Ball State University. My mother had some money, because she was employed as an architect. She didn’t make that much, and neither did my grandfather, but they made enough to keep my immediate family afloat and entertained. 

For a while, I didn’t do well in school, because I was too focused on wanting to debate everything that was said in my classes and also because of Schizophrenia (when I wasn’t on a medication and after I turned about 14 or 15). While it was partly a good thing that I was wanting to debate things for truth (because it was fun) and it taught me a lot, it caused my grades to not be so hot. It took a while for me to realize that most of what I was learning was actually something I could use in the real world. I wish it would have taught me more about how to think. That would have helped me significantly. That’s one of the things I hope to learn in my graduate school program in Information and Communication Science. Of course, I’d also like to go into behavioral economics and do data science analysis. Anyway, I don’t quite relate with people who aren’t really that good at school, because I have a lot of ability in that area and I’m always challenging myself in that area; even though I can’t always quite remember everything I’m learning. Am I a geek, too? I don’t think so. What I’m learning and keeping track of is all real world knowledge. Maybe, eventually, I'll move on to being geeky, because I could get sick of the real world. That's just a part of how my mind works. I have a long way to go before then, though. I was a geek in high school. I played Civilization 3 and 4 all of the time. I sacrificed my efforts in school to get better at playing that game till five in the morning on school nights. I would go to school the next day looking and acting like a zombie. I was so tired.

Keep in mind, I did get in trouble all throughout my growing up years. I was bullied, though, so I kept away from doing things that were violent in nature. I did things that were non-violent, though, like be a peeping tom and make comments at a basketball game that I shouldn’t have (toward dancers and the players). I was a problem, that’s for sure. I also skipped a lot of school in high school and talked so much in elementary school that I was constantly sent out to the hallway and in trouble. I would also talk about the time I tried to have sex with my ex while she was trying to sleep (thinking she was going to wake up and want to have sex), but I won’t even mention that because it’s not even relevant anymore (I never meant to do harm to her and I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing at the time, because I was drinking and I was having thought disorders) I got over all of that, though, because I recognized what the problem was and I did something to change my ways. I’d never do any of that again. \

Keep in mind, I was 16 when I was a peeping tom. I was too young to be charged with the crime. I went back to the scene and fessed up, because I felt guilty. I would never be a peeping tom again. Thinking "what if I wanted to be a politician?" caused me to turn my life around, at one point. I didn’t come to that realization until after I had also made the comments at the basketball games, which I eventually got kicked out of (along with the Ball State University campus, entirely, at one point; which wasn’t entirely my fault, because the dancers had stalkers at the time and the police thought I was one of them until they heard my story of picking up my girlfriend from her dorm so we could go out to dinner and a movie with her. My girlfriend, at the time, could confirm that story was accurate), for a while while in college. I was eventually let back on campus and my record was expunged. And even after that, I had sex with random people at one point. I’d never do that again, either. I ended up with Gonorrhea and Chlamydia once, because I had sex with random people. That pretty much ended me getting involved with random people. Just think of the trouble I could have gotten into!   

When it comes to religion, I started with a basic Christian background. However, I quickly became more focused on other things and wanted to expand my horizons and challenge the faiths with my inquisitions. Christianity was something that my mother was brought up with. My dad is an atheist or agnostic or something. My brother and I are both heathens, because neither of us agree with the main religions of the Western and Middle Eastern world. I do realize those religions are growing, but I have chosen to study and believe in the Buddhist religion and my brother wants to believe in some pagan religion. My grandmother and her family are still Catholic. My mom doesn’t go to church anymore, like her sisters do. They both go to Christian services. One of them is Catholic and the other one is a part of a Christian church. I respect them and their religion, but I’ll never believe it. I don’t really want to talk politics or religion much, except where I can find common ground. I don’t even question people’s beliefs anymore, unless there’s a legal problem when it comes to what they are doing. Anyway, that’s just a part of the way I feel and a little more about my background.

Before I quit talking about my background, I’d like to briefly talk about my medical history. I grew up fairly normally, until I was about 14 to 15 years old. That’s when I started really noticing Schizophrenic symptoms. I did lose over 40 pounds by running cross country and playing basketball, while in high school. That was probably one of my biggest achievements while in high school, aside from graduating. Graduating was tough, though, because of Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia, without being on medication or knowing that I had it, was something that caused me to not always be with it in school. I’m fortunate that I kept a good attitude about it, because I would have otherwise messed up a lot more stuff in my life. It still messed up everything from my social life to my academic life. I could barely figure out how to pursue a social life or how to succeed in school. For a long time, people thought I had Asperger’s Syndrome, because of the way I was acting out (I forgot how to act for a while). It was later clear that I didn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome, because I outgrew the symptoms and people don’t just outgrow the symptoms. I could barely focus in school, though, for the longest time, because I was so caught up with the feelings I was experiencing. 

Those were both real challenges that I had to get over (both the social life issues and the academic career issues); even into my college years (before I was put on a medication with dosages that worked). I even remember being kicked out of the library and the student center (on Ball State’s campus), for yelling out to people I thought were talking about me (at the library, that included breaking a chair, which I would never do again, because I’ve never been much of the violent type). I was eventually let back into those areas after suffering my punishment. I didn’t know what the problem was at that point. It wasn’t until later that I found out that I was hearing voices over the television and radio, and sometimes during other times, having thought disorders, had paranoid thoughts, at times, and was, at times, seeing things. I found out I was Schizophrenic. After I received a medication and dosages that worked, I was fine. The paranoid thoughts went away, too, after I realized that it was all in my head. After I was put on a medication, I started losing my coordination, too; which means I quit being able to throw a baseball. Although, I haven’t practiced sports in years. So it comes as no surprise that I’ve had this happen. Maybe I could gain my coordination back, at some point. 

So, if nothing else, what I have in common with most in hop hop and other genres of music is a passion for the arts; struggling in school (which is common for many people in the hip hop community, but for different reasons than other people); struggling with doing things that are evil (even though not everyone feels that way and some entirely reject it, because they have struggled with police harassment); a passion for trying to make the community a better place for all (which means fixing the political system for all and includes legalizing some hustles that are currently illegal, because they aren’t regulated correctly currently; I stay out of most economic politics and climate change politics, because I don’t know as much about them); a passion for some hustles that are legal; sports; and etc. I do have some things in common with some other groups, but they aren’t really typical fans of hip hop, such as kink, LGBTQ, sports, political, other music, middle income families trying to attain better situations, and other communities (which is fine with me, because I want to give them someone they could follow in the hip hop industry). This all goes to show why I typically try and stay away from demographic segmentation and focus on lifestyles, which is less mainstream, occasions, benefits, and attitudes, when marketing myself.