#liolog

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[Lio] Auuuuggghhhhh our intro post can’t fit all of us with little intros anymore. Dammit

What are good places to post system and headmate intros. Carrd?? I kind of hate trying to navigate making a Carrd though

Preferrably able to have an overview and then a quick intro if you click on someone + whatever they want in their page. Tbh this is probably a ‘do it yourself on neocities or something’ but auuugh. Web dev. My weakness

If anyone has any suggestions you are our hero

#liolog

[liotus-the-immortal]

ADRIAN LIKED MY INSTAGRAM COMMENT *WHEEZE* SENPAI HA S NOTICED M E

#adrian bouchet #FYUVkk #FIST ME SE NPAI #liolog #titus drautos

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[Lio] Ok. Question for my fellow plurals out here: do you ever get like... I’m not sure what to call it. “External” phantom shift/sensations/dysphoria/etc that aren’t yours and you’re like hmm is this anything

I’m getting some strong “my mental( psychic? phantom? whatever you want to call the like mental-energy-version of yourself that you feel especially in phantom shifts) body is Not matching who I am/who is fronting internally right now” and I’ve felt this before in various cases but I never really paid a lot of attention to it, is this a thing others have experienced and if so did it tend to coincide with anything? I’m trying to figure this one out

#liolog #syslog #xrdslog

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[Lio]

>Goes into tags to see if people have posted resources

>Sees a post by an exclusionist saying certain types of systems are fake

>Goes to their blog to block them

>Notices while waiting for my ancient phone to register that I blocked them that their most recent post is about how frustrated they are about people fakeclaiming them

>Stares directly into the camera like I’m on the office

#liolog #=sighs. like buddy I am genuinely sorry you’re dealing with that but have you looked in a mirror recently

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[Lio] Hello beautiful plurals in my phone. How the fuck do I stop being a) front stuck and b) completely unable to hear or see or feel not only other people but also just freakin headspace. I’m really frazzled and frustrated and tired like ok I do front for long periods usually but almost always I can still evacuate from being super present in the body to a space in the inner world if I need to and I can usually talk to anyone nearby but recently this shit has been locked the hell down and I am not enjoying it at all

#liolog #pluralgang #plurality #=idk what people tag stuff these days Waugh

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[Lio] Not gonna reply directly bc I would rather not be dragged into it but c’mon.. if someone posts a poorly worded vent post about how they feel unsafe I really don’t think replying to them with a long post about how they have a ‘bad take’ is the way to go like yes their point is a bit misguided but idk man like who among us traumatized internet users hasn’t posted something in a moment of feeling triggered that looking back wasn’t the kindest or most sensical thing to say. ESP when their point is ‘I feel unsafe constantly seeing discourse about people’s existence within my own community’ like.. Maybe don’t pile on them telling them to get over feeling unsafe about it. Make your point if you must but can we have some tact and understanding here

#liolog #=sorry this is I guess a vague about shit I’m seeing on my dash. like c’mon guys #=trauma sucks let’s not exacerbate it #=might delete this later I’m just a bit annoyed seeing this lol

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[Lio] man every time there’s some annoying loud syscourser with bad logic I go to their page to block them and they’re always like 14-16

I could be like “LOL idiot kids don’t know shit” but it’s just kind of sad, like... obviously you’re hurting if you’re not only dealing with really difficult dissociation and identity issues and trauma but also with all the horrid trappings of being a teenager. It’s a bad combo - we know, we were there. And like, we still block them, because we can’t be bothered otherwise, but like.. it’s just sad if the only thing they feel they have control over is, like, their opinions on the validity of their own psychological conditions when compared to other people’s daily lives.

It must feel like ass to be surrounded by people repeating the belief that there is a calculable level of validity when it comes to personal experience and if someone falls beyond it they are nothing but a faker and a liar. It would worsen our mental health immensely to have that pressure. That sort of thing -DID- worsen our mental health, as an adult, and we don’t even agree with it. I really do hope these younger people can surround themselves with support and understanding rather than with judgment and scrutiny for their paths to healing. Trying to get your mental health better when you feel your every move is being watched must be so fucking bad

#liolog #=we don’t have the update that lets you turn off rbs but whatever I’ll private this if it gets too much attention #<- guy with absolutely no paranoia at all of course

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[Lio] I keep thinking of some way to subtly imply plurality on more public profiles without outright saying it and I’m thinking of like 1+ or 1< or >1 to imply “more than one”. Not something easy to google the meaning of but which if someone’s plural hopefully they can figure out?

ETA: as others have pointed out there’s the & symbol, which works, but I feel may be too ‘general/broad’. Maybe that’s just me though, I’m not sure.

#liolog #xrdslog #plurality #plural #plural system #=idk #=thoughts gamers???

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[lio] shoutout to the time I was like “ughh I’m so tired of masking I don’t want to go to this stupid event where I have to mask all night” and my partner was like “....I mean I guess you don’t have to” and I was like “no I can’t stop masking I just really hate it” and they were like “Idk like a lot of people have stopped you probably could take yours off if you really want to”

And I was like

WAIT

NO

I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT FACE MASKS IM TALKING ABOUT AUTISM I’M FINE WITH A FACE MASK LOL

And they were like “OHHHH I was wondering why the hell you were so upset about it”

#liolog

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[Lio] Been thinking of the Sonic series esp. the bits that we were into as a kid (SA:DX up to around Riders/we didn’t play 06 but around then) and especially about Shadow who was our favorite character. And like nowadays it’s easy to be like oh haha it’s kind of campy and it clearly has that shounen anime thing going on and the fandom was really wild at that point. We were a big fan

And it’s not like it’s necessarily deep by any real means but looking back and paying attention it makes perfect sense. Especially Shadow as a character. An amnesiac who has identity issues and childhood trauma ??? Who spends a large portion of his character arc trying to find out who he is and what parts of his memories are real or not?? Who is prickly and solitary and defensive and who can be aggressive when cornered or faced with things that remind him of his past?? Who has a number of family members/authority figures in his life who are trying to constantly control him or manipulate him, but he’s allowed to beat them up when he realizes they suck? Who sacrifices himself for people and has some level of guilt about his circumstance that he couldn’t control? They really made this character for exactly us as a child.

Also one of his dads turns into a massive flying lizard and he gets to kill him. In his first appearance he vows to kill everyone on earth but also he can take time out of his schedule of killing everyone to raise a weird little magic baby and feed it fruit and teach it karate. He is a loner but he has a surprising number of besties. He’s sir Lancelot also by the way like canonically but I did not play that game to be fair bc the wii controlled like garbage for these games

#liolog #back in my shadow stan era !! #this is one of those times where my memory and identity is kind of weirdly split #because at the time I was an only slightly separate protector facet and Rayne was the Sonic liker #but now that we are separate we both remember liking the games and both liked shadow but #where Rayne had a crush on him I thought he was cool and wanted to be him #when we were 10 I remember being confused by these conflicting emotions bd depending on who was fronting #we would flip #so I remember thinking like #‘why do I sometimes want to be him? that’s weird #I’m not him I’m (self)’ #‘why did I have a crush on him? that’s weird I want to be him’ #anyways. the plurality of it all.... #not even mentioning the waking up sometimes as a kid feeling confused that I WASNT him #I’m not going to look directly at that right now bc im not sure what to do with the information if I retrieve it #but anyways!!!!!!!

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[Lio] Hi I can’t sleep bc my tummy horts. Here’s a ramble about the f naf movie bc I watched it. Spoilers if anyone cares lol

The movie was not bad. Honestly it was pretty enjoyable! The practical effects were great and beautiful and it had a lot of fun visuals.

But the plot - well. I wouldn’t say it was bad but it wasn’t a masterpiece by any means. But that’s not what has my mind on it. I think the plot really just honed in on something that made me less interested in the series as it continued: it stopped being as nonhuman as I wanted it to be

The lore evolved and changed over time as happens a lot in things that start out simple and catch popularity and then explode. The current lore (or at least the movie/books) focuses a lot on the humans, how they’re connected, what they’re doing. Which makes sense, for a horror story written by humans.

But the appeal of the early F NAF world was that it was simple, and it was a story about victims of a horrible crime who had perished and through their deaths been transformed into vengeful, and to some level powerful, creatures. They can run, they can move about in silence, they can maybe even teleport, they can bite, they can interfere with electronics and they can hunt. They can sense the presence of an adult human, which was the source of their pain, and they can corner that human and destroy them. Though the game is about trying to avoid that fate, the reason the guard has to fight to survive in the first place is that these creatures are unnaturally powerful and smart and fast and will enact vengeance upon you if they catch you.

And there was a lot of room for interpretation of course - were the children the driving consciousness, or were the robots made conscious by the children’s pain and seeking vengeance? Or were the children’s consciousnesses changed and evolved through the time they spent contained in a machine to where, combined, they were something greater than either? It was speculation, but it was what I liked about it. The idea of a creature that was innocent, hurt, and through the device of their demise grew powerful and dangerous.

But as the story was written over time, it started to focus on the alive humans. The murderer, his family, the guard. And some of that was interesting, sure - but it started to overtake the danger and presence of the possessed machines. And in the movie (though I admit I know things have to be made into an interesting story for a movie, so I guess it’s fair, but still) the story meets its climax in revealing that, no, see, the robots are nice, they’re possessed by sad children yes, but all the murders were them being influenced and controlled by their killer! Of course! They are just children, after all! Not vengeful machines. They get their revenge in the end but then they live peacefully. The surviving humans go home and live peacefully.

And like yeah, it’s a movie, it’s a horror series, its audience is humans who like seeing humans. But I was interested in the vengeful no-longer-human creatures, and they got edited down to something palatable for human consumption. Or maybe I was just reading it wrong from the start, who knows. I still like the first three games especially, but after that my interest really started to wane. (And all that not even to say anything about the creator’s political inclinations which.. yeah. But that’s not the point I’m making here)

There’s things I still like about it but damn.... the movie made me really think, “well, I guess I am not the target audience, I’m not human enough for this”

#liolog #=anyways stream jaws by aviators #and mechanical instinct #top songs that I’m normal about in this context

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[Lio] “getting a diagnosis can’t ever hurt you because it’s illegal for anyone you don’t want to know about it to know about it”

Oh ok good to know no one will ever break the law. Also that literally applies to the US only. Like. That is not true at all in some other countries. There is no fuckin HIPAA in Japan lmfao

Getting diagnoses can be good if that’s what you want and you can find treatment through it. But let’s not call it fearmongering to be aware of the reality that some people are negatively affected by it lol

#liolog #=sorry I saw a post on this and I was like ok wtf #=anyways I sleep now goodnight if people are weird about this post we will delete it

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[Lio] headspace convos are always like

(12am) time to flirt with my wife! Hehe 😊

(1am) what happened to (celebrity) was fucked up thank god my original self who was obsessed with him as a child splintered in half before he died or else we’d probably have even worse problems

(2am) do we smell like garlic or am I specifically hallucinating this

#liolog

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[Lio] Guys I forgot how good Pendulum is

#liolog #=(pendulum comes up on shuffle) 'oh this used to be my favorite band heh' #(I listen to the song) (its fucking good) who could have guessed this!!!

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[Lio] hey guys I figured out why I’m not hearing from any of my headmates recently! It’s all because of a sultry lil binch named coronavirus (TWO!!!)

#liolog

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[Lio] Woops I forgot to reply aaa

@anendoandfriendo

In the past we’ve been pretty good with ‘pinging’ each other and communicate in this way yeah - it’s a good idea! Although we do maybe need to maybe build those pathways for some of the newer people who don’t really know how to do that.

My problem right now is that it feels like I’m locked out of headspace. I can’t really ‘get in’ to do even basic visualization stuff that’s usually extremely easy for us. So it’s a cause for some concern :/

@witch-crip-is-this

I’ve tried a bit of positive triggers but it feels almost like something is blocking them, or blocking me from even wanting to try them. Which is extra weird. I guess I should try again and see if I can get through whatever is blocking me. Thank you for the advice, I’ll keep trying.

#liolog #replies #also re: friendo from your reply to my other post yes u can reblog :) if it gets annoying I’ll turn comments off sometime on my pc but #hopefully it won’t come to that #also sorry everyone for the busted @s. my phone can’t use the standard reply function bc it’s ancient and can’t update tumblr anymore 😔