#literally everyone else flew to ohare

[nowthatswhaticalllosing]

Now That’s What I Call Music! 4

Preface: Hi internet! I belong to a fantasy football league with my friends from college, and I lost this season! I received my punishment for placing last of the 12 teams, and I am required to listen to all of the Now That’s What I Call Music! compilations that currently exist (70 as of May 2019), review them (by rating each song on a scale of 1-10/10), and (at the end of this descent into madness) create my definitive power ranking of each album.

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Album: Now That’s What I Call Music! 4

Release Date: July 18, 2000

Track Listing and Awarded Scores:

Average Score: 7.72/10

The Good: I checked the math three times. I re-listened to Joe and Savage Garden - are those really deserving of scores of 7/10? They really are. This album is really that good, and it’s not fair.

This album is the Harlem Globetrotters pitted against 69 different iterations of the Washington Generals in its competition against the other Now compilations. This album is that kid who hit his growth spurt really fast in elementary school and just posterizes the other kids in the fifth grade on those 7 foot hoops. 

The album’s first 6 songs average to a composite score of 8.5, and it basically holds up from there. You start off with peak BSB, going into peak (pre-2009 still, we’re 10 years away) Britney Spears, then segue into Mandy Moore’s best song with a quick jump to Italy to remember the time Eiffel 65 earned squatters’ rights on the radio with its release of a catchy song that made absolutely no sense. America briefly became a mere extension of Europop. 

I don’t care for listicles. I know I’m shaping up to make a very, very long one over the course of this blog, but it’s certainly against my will. The below link is an exception, and it’s from Buzzfeed. Since this album came out in 2000, a lot of the songs are from 1999, which was a damn formidable year in music that for all intents and purposes has not been matched since. Take a look. It was a time.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/why-1999-was-the-greatest-year-in-music-history

Anyway, the album continues with Sonique, who I honestly write a few paragraphs on alone. She’s a dance club and LGBTQ icon who landed on Now 4 with her most commercially successful hit, in a song/video that has aged so very well.

The album continues on, playing the late Aaliyah’s “Try Again,” and then going into the third perfect 10/10 song I’ve given so far in this endeavor. No introduction necessary.

And the hits keep coming. 

Full disclosure: I bought this album when it came out in July 2000, and then in November 2000 when Now 5 (which oddly sold 2 million more copies than Now 4) came out, I put Now 4 away for about 11 years. It resurfaced on a bus trip from Chicago to South Bend, Indiana, supplemented by a challenge for my friends and me to kill a handle of Jack Daniels before crossing state lines. If some form of a blackout weren’t concurrently existing with said experience, I would say that there was some sort of nostalgia score boost for Now 4 when I rated these songs, but there was and there isn’t, so there. 

Now 4 wraps up with Train, Macy Gray, the second best Hanson song (gun to my head I can only name this and MMMbop - but give it a listen, it’s totally fine!), and Blink 182. Tell me this album isn’t fantastic. I dare you. I double dare you motherfucker. 

And here’s Macy Gray. I wrote far more than I ever want to write about a Now album at this point, and she can sing me out. Fucking legend. 

The Bad: Things can only get worse from here. I used some positive analogies in The Good, but quite frankly, I don’t know if this album is going to be topped by any of the next 66 I have to listen to. I turn 30 in 4 months, and in the distant future when I look back on my life, my child sitting on my knee while I laze in a rocking chair, he’ll/she’ll ask “Jordan, what did you do during the final months of your 20s?” And even though I still won’t be totally unfazed by the fact that my Labrador learned English, I’ll have to tell the poor dog that I reached the musical mountain top of 1999, only to listen to 20 more years of fucking mediocrity. I’m at the zenith of a rollercoaster. If Now were a guy, he would have peaked in preschool. Sure he’ll keep friends through his teens and maybe into his twenties based on nostalgia alone, but he’ll surely die alone LISTENING TO FUCKING POST MALONE (featured as the opening track on Now That’s What I Call Music! Volume 68). This can’t end well, and I’m sad that the best has come and gone so soon. 

Potpourri: The Montell Jordan song isn’t that great so there’s that. 

Takeaways: I play it off but I’m dreaming of you, I’ll keep my cool, but I’m feeling - I try to say goodbye and I choke, try to walk away and I stumble, though I try to hide it, it’s clear, my world crumbles when you are not near. These are original words that I wrote after listening to this album. Don’t ask me where I got them from, I’m inspired. 

Next up is Now 5. The world is a cruel dark place.  

Current Power Rankings:

Now 4 (7.72/10)

Now 2 (6.67/10)

Now 1 (6.65/10)

Now 3 (6.22/10)

#macy gray #now that's what i call music #fantasy football #now4 #jennifer lopez #hanson #sonique #feels so good #jack daniels #laura flies southwest #who lands at midway #seriously who flies southwest to chicago #literally everyone else flew to ohare #mehmehmehmehmeh