#look ! lucretia is just so fun to write sdlkfsd and so is magnus

[barry-j-blupjeans]

"A few people are becoming concerned about you." is not the way you want a conversation with your boss to go. But, if Magnus was being completely honest, Lucretia wasn't the most normal boss in the world. And he couldn't blame her, of course, what with the weapons of mass destruction and the memory-erasing jellyfish, and the— the everything. But still, it was not a conversation he was particularly jazzed about. Especially right now.

It was the middle of the night and he was in the quad, shirtless. He had been running, because he had too much going on in his head. The whole dying eleven times in Refuge thing was— Magnus didn't enjoy it. He didn't enjoy what the Red Robe said about the scroll he was given, or what was on the scroll when Magnus opened it, or that the Red Robe was actually looking out for them, and that the missions kept getting harder, or—

"I'm fine," Magnus said. Ooh, nat one on that bluff check. The Director— Lucretia— Lucretia gave him a look of deep and utter doubt. Magnus… had no defense.

"Wanna reroll?" she asked.

"No," Magnus said. "No, I mean— who's concerned?"

Lucretia had been quite the shock to see mid-run. Mid-run at midnight, nonetheless. And if Magnus had tried to punch her after being startled and she had whacked him on the head really bad with her staff— well, Magnus wouldn't tell if she didn't tell. And by the fact that he saw her physically sneaking past the HR office the other day, he had a pretty good feeling she wouldn't.

Maybe the hit had actually done a bit of damage, though, with the way this conversation was heading. Magnus felt a little light-headed. Not a good mid-run feeling.

"A few people," she said again, as if that helped any.

"Well, uh, tell 'em I'm— I'm doing great." Lucretia grimaced, as if she was embarrassed by his lie. "Okay, Luce, sure! What do you want out of me? I'm not— I'm not doing fantastic but I'm holding up pretty well. Comparatively."

Comparatively to other years, maybe? Minus all the death-related anxieties.

"One," Lucretia said. Her grimace hadn't faded just yet, but now it held a twist of something closer to discomfort. "Don't call me Luce, it's— it's the Director, or Madam Director—"

"You know I'm not gonna use those."

"I know," Lucretia sighed. "Two— it's just… well…" she paused. "I know talking about… past events can be— can be difficult, sometimes. But I…" she tapped her fingers against her staff. "I want to offer you my condolences. For Julia."

Magnus felt his stomach drop. Not— not in a bad way? Maybe? Maybe, actually, in a bad way, he didn't— he didn't know.

It had been six years. And last year had been bad but this year was— was—

Julia would have loved to be part of something like this. It was Magnus who was ready to settle down and live a little private life— what's the point of fighting for a life you'll never get to live, right? But Julia had been so full of life, so excited for whatever they'd do next, what would come after the Continental Craftsmen Showcase, how much prize money that she was sure he was going to bring home— and even then, they agreed on some peace. Neither of them were homebodies, but they needed a home for a little while.

And, for a little while, they had it. Until they didn't— until he didn't.

"Thank you," Magnus whispered, unable to get his voice any louder.

"It's hard," the Director said, leaning against her staff. "Having the people that you love just— just gone like that. Knowing you could have done something… Even though nothing you tried to do would be enough."

She trailed off, looking into the distance. She looked very much like the Director role in this moment. A woman who had truly seen too much. He was sure that the power dynamic between them was not the only reason why the Director kept a tight seal on her past.

"I—" Magnus paused, twisting his fingers up in his pockets. "You too?"

"Hm?" Lucretia blinked, as if she had forgotten he was there for a moment. "In— in a way, yes, I suppose. Not— not to compare our issues, of course, it's just— I get it, Magnus. It's— it's hard to lose everyone you love in one swoop. And we both know there's no way to change the past—"

"Except the Chalice," Magnus said.

"Except— yes, I suppose the Chalice is an exception, though it's not one worth the try. But for what it's worth, Magnus? I think Julia would be proud of you."

The weight in his chest lifted a bit in the way his run had not had the chance to do. Magnus sniffed.

"Thank you," he said. "I— you too."

Lucretia let out a shaky exhale.

"Thank you," she said, her voice a little watery. She cleared her throat. "I think it is time for both of us to get some rest. I'm sure I'll see you around some other regular, normal time." Magnus grinned. "Good night, Magnus."

"Night, Luce," he said, and she winced, but didn't correct him. He turned back toward the dorms, and she turned back toward her office. After a few paces, he heard he say,

"And Magnus?"

He turned to face her again.

"Yeah?"

"Don't—"

"Don't tell anyone about you hitting me in the head," Magnus said. "Yeah, I know."

"I was going to say "don't be a stranger" but that— that one, too, yes."

#magnus burnsides #lucretia #taz #taz balance #look ! lucretia is just so fun to write sdlkfsd and so is magnus #ise cube writing