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junkcereals · 4 years

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Junk Cereals: Most vital ranking of 19 Cheerios flavors

Cheerios is the biggest, most popular cereal brand. General Mills has marketed four varieties for multiple generations. More recently, more than 15 flavors have been released to give fans almost anything they want. Many are still on shelves, although Peach Cheerios recently left and Cheerios Protein Almond departed last year because General Mills faced a lawsuit because it had less protein than it claimed. Following is a ranking of Cheerios flavors. The large majority are good, which forced some tough choices.

19. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios

I may have eaten Apple Cinnamon Cheerios once as a child and wanting to believe it was good enough to eat again. But my mom knew better. Evidently, this has 12 grams of sugar, which explains that and is a total waste because you wouldn't recognize all that added sugar from a bite of it. All you taste is some apple, a hard it of cinnamon, maybe some more apple. Or maybe not if you've been a smoker for any extended stretch of you're life. I never was and never will be because I satisfy my need for instant gratification with healthy stuff like cereal that has at least three grams of fiber like this stuff. By the way, this cereal has lower vitamin enrichment than some Captain Crunch varieties. Did the captain steal vitamins?

Maybe Apple Cinnamon Cheerios only resembles something I should like because its hearty, woody look and feel appeals to basic masculinity.

18. Regular Cheerios

Cheerios have been around since 1941 when they were called Cheeri Oats, but didn’t become Cheerios until General Mills decided this cereal had earned a better sounding name.

SInce then, Cheerios have been the morning staple of people who just want to get on with their day, as well as those who just want to focus on reading the newspaper rather than whatever ripples or odd spots may appear in their cereal.

Some say vanilla is their favorite ice cream flavor because anything can go in it. Cheerios is the vanilla of cereals. Consumers slice various fruits into Cheerios, such as bananas, strawberries, peaches, blueberries and mango. Avocado? Sure. Other things can go in Cheerios, like chocolate chips, yogurt, peanut butter and M&Ms. No one has yet been bold enough to make an M&M cereal, so put them in Cheerios. Before the explosion of different Cheerios flavors, Danny, who was supposed to be the main character in “Caddyshack,” poured sugar in his Cheerios. He looked like he knew what he was doing, although the plot of the movie suggested otherwise.

17. Multigrain Cheerios

A couple of things stand out about Multigrain Cheerios: its variety of colors, the sound it makes when the O's collide against each other and how it's been around this long. I guess when it came out, it competed with Total because Total was touted as the most healthy cereal ever. But General Mills pointed out that you want 100 percent DV of nine vitamins and minerals in circular form because if you want to be a Lion King, your nutrition is a circle of life.

The name certainly doesn't compel anyone, especially since no one could name the grains in it until recently when it put them on the back of the box (corn, oats, millet, sorghum and rice). Cheerios is too mature to make a game of it. By the way, all those colors in the cereal are real, none artificial. The entire Cheerios brand is consistent about that. Only lower-tier General Mills cereals get food dyes.

16. Toasted Coconut Cheerios

This is the most Whitey McWhite Person cereal to be done. They toasted coconut to put in this. The flavor is totally coconut. Can other fruits be toasted and put into cereal form? What about mango? That would have a more pronounced taste than Toasted Coconut Cheerios. But we don't want our fruit toasted if we really want to eat it. The back of the box features vacation destinations where you may be able to eat real coconuts. But no getaway contest in which to enter. Thanks, General Mills. Please bring on Mango Cheerios and I'll forgive you.

15. Fruity Cheerios

What does Fruity Cheerios give? A general fruity flavor, real nutrition, consistent appearance and taste throughout the bowl. What does Fruity Cheerios not give? An abundance of color, tons of added sugar, a cheerful cartoon character swooping in to slap the well-being out of you. I can’t hold it against Fruity Cheerios that it displays earth tones instead of primary and secondary colors. Product developers obviously deemed Cheerios undeserving of large amounts of food dye and artificial flavors. Besides, there are fruits with earthtones like avocados. People like avocados, so they must be willing to give this a chance.

Fruity Cheerios aims to be a healthy alternative to Froot Loops, and achieves that to a moderate degree.

14. Peach Cheerios

Within this cereal, one finds a fair amount of flavor and peach puree. Like peach crayons, it doesn’t give enough color or anything else you want from peaches.

13. Chocolate Strawberry Cheerios

This limited edition of the great Cheerios franchise, which was released weeks before Valentine's Day 2021, tested how well love could be manufactured in cereal form.

The aroma upon opening the box is so romantic and lovely that a person may want to kiss the nearest person 1,000 times. Hopefully, that person is worthy of the hypnotizing scent.

This cereal possesses a wonderful chocolate flavor. However, since the strawberry aspect is an artificial flavor, it falls short of other Cheerios fruit flavors. Not that you and your partner can't swing your arm around other's in a love bite fashion as if you're eating chocolate strawberries together.

12. Cheerios Oat Crunch Oats 'n' Honey

Did you know there are oats in this cereal? You may also taste honey. The taste is quite juicy and deep, but not as beautiful as the alternative COC flavor.

11. Frosted Cheerios

Cheerios marketers walked into the upper management suite, located the right executive office, pounded the desk (ever so politely) and said they wanted to frost their cereal. So they did with sugar oat bran and corn starch. In order to stay "simply made," as they say, they stuck to that and kept it to nine grams of sugar. The color is solid and frosting complete. Someone ran into the room and said not to let the color fade in milk, so they didn't. See how that works.

No color is lost in milk. A bit of powdered sugar taste hangs in the milk at the end.

10. Pumpkin Spice Cheerios

This is the type when you ask, it says, "I throw straight fastballs."

What else?

"I throw straight curveballs."

This pumpkin spice cereal gives you the pumpkin and the pumpkin spice, coming right at your face with what you want and need. Pumpkin puree coats the stuff while the cinnamon and nutmeg round out the flavor.

As far as pumpkin spice cereals go, it does better than some by working harder.

9. Very Berry Cheerios

This cereal looks and tastes like freckled lemonade. The bar for fruit flavor has been lowered for this in a way it wasn't for most Cheerios products. Instead of various purees, it has powders of blueberry, strawberry, cranberry and raspberry, as well as vegetable and fruit juice. I hope you get all those flavors on your buds. I got two or three. The vitamin content is reasonable because they had to get it in before all the fruit walked away from being powdered.

But they couldn't get acai berry or pomegranate involved, which is too bad.

8. Honey Nut Cheerios Medley Crunch

Let's say I want to have Honey Nut Cheerios and Honey Bunches of Oats in the same bowl, but don't want to put the effort into buying both. Hey, this stuff takes half the shelf space. And it has giant oat blocks. So much variety here. And no lack of honey.

7. Banana Nut Cheerios

At first, when I found this, I thought, Oh, this like if banana Nut bread were cereal, but without the nuts, which I guess is good for some people because having nut in a cereal name is usually a lie, except for people with allergies who have to take everything very seriously because you never can say it wasn't made on the same machinery as something just because of the smell."

Actually, the ingredient list plainly says it has pecan ingredients (not just pecans).

The Cheerios brand is just walking out here informing the world it can beat all the banana-flavored cereals by laying down a bunt. Remember Nilla Banana Pudding Cereal? This stuff doesn't make you gag. Isn't that fun?

Also, it doesn't treat its fruit flavor like a serial killer. There's a reasonable proportion of banana flavor to cinnamon. Meanwhile, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios is not so even.

Apparently, Banana Nut Cheerios appeared before, but it must be better now because of technology, improved weightlifting regimens and other stuff that have generally boosted its athleticism over previous generations.

6. Cheerios Oat Crunch Cinnamon

This cereal is gruff, but not rough. The cinnamon hits you for real, but is balanced with honey, sugar and various grain flavor so that you don't feel overwhelmed. It's also not as hard or thick as other cereals. This justifies having 40 grams of carbohydrates and 14 grams of sugar by boasting four grams of fiber. Oh, and actual flavor, unlike Multigrain Cheerios.

This combines hardiness, taste and adventure in a way matched by few.

5. Maple Cheerios

This was introduced at the peak of fall, just when maple harvesters started thinking about what they probably should be accomplishing (maple season is not when you might expect, as tapping season occurs from February to April). Maple Cheerios slaps your tastebuds hard. No one has ever tasted a fuller, more saturated syrup-flavored cereal. At no point in the bowl does the flavor stop. This is complete, tasty and … healthy.

4. Honey Nut Cheerios

I have probably eaten more than 10,000 bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios in my life. Every single one was honey-smacking and vaguely nutty, leaving behind a respectable honey milk at the end (which the Bible promises in various verses to those who trust in the Lord, ostensibly meaning Honey Nut Cheerios is the cereal sent down from heaven). Honey Nut Cheerios is every bit as healthy and heart-happy as regular Cheerios, but no one ever felt beset by blandness after polishing off a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.

3. Blueberry Cheerios

Like other real fruit flavors of the Cheerios brand, nothing flavors this but real blueberries (and a couple other natural flavors; believe me they're so natural they'll tell you). This comes at your tongue with thick blueberry taste. Blueberry Pancake Crunch was soft on blueberry aura, while this goes hard. Blueberry Cheerios don’t give up until you give up. Also, it’s truly odiferous. If I weren’t so high on the smell, I’d use a softer adjective.

2. Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheerios

Smoothness and fullness of flavor are values to be demonstrated in a peanut butter chocolate cereal. This stuff has that, unlike Peanut Butter Chocolate Corn Pops (which is a lie, as far as any cereal can be). The chocolate flavor in Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheerios is resonant and blends well with the peanut butter flavor. The cereal goes down easy and can be enjoyed endlessly. No question, you will eat it in the bowl in the morning (but don’t detract from the flavor by pouring chocolate milk on it) and scooping handfuls in the afternoon. Both ways are equally pleasant.

1. Chocolate Cheerios

When General Mills introduced chocolate into Cheerios, it brought love into the world. Chocolate brings character to everything it touches, and it blesses this form of Cheerios in the utmost. No shortcoming in taste can be found. Afterwards, the cereal leaves a milk that is almost as fervent as actual chocolate milk. This cereal was so satisfying that I ate three-quarters of a box on a long drive.

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